“So that’s why you think it’s your fault?”
He stared at her. “Of course it’s my fault! I knew every part of what was happening was off, but I was so fucking complacent, I missed it. I missed it all.”
“You made a mistake,” she said.
“A mistake that took a man away from his two-year-old daughter,” he said bitterly. “That’s not a mistake, Jenny. That’s a fucking tragedy.”
She was quiet for a second. “Do you really think telling him to watch out would have changed the outcome at all?”
“What?”
“Do you think shouting at him to back up would have saved him?”
Chris’ chest tightened. “You’re asking me if he’d have died anyway?”
She nodded. “I don’t know anything about bombs, Chris, but I do know they have blast ranges and radiuses. I’m guessing you were out of range, but would Tiegert have had time to get clear, even if you’d called out?”
He closed his eyes. “Dean says no.”
“He does?”
“Yeah. There was an investigation, of course, and I was cleared of any wrongdoing.”
“But?”
He exhaled. “But. If I’d told him to stay on his toes, he’d never have let her get that close to him in the first place.”
“Maybe not. But maybe then she’d have just hidden inside a doorway and detonated the bomb as you and Tiegert passed by. Or maybe she’d have sat in a car and blown it up when you got within range. Or maybe she’d have faked some kind of seizure to get you close, and done it then.” She ran her fingers over his chest. “If someone is determined to hurt someone else, they’ll find a way.”
“Yeah.” His voice was soft. “Yeah, I know that, Jenny. But I still feel like I should have been more vigilant.”
“And if you had been, and she hadn’t managed to hurt you or Tiegert, then she’d have found someone else. If it was a well-planned thing with multiple suicide bombers, then I’m sure she had backup plans for her backup plans.”
He gave her a strange look. “That’s what Jim said, almost word-for-word.”
“But you don’t believe him?”
“No. Or… not yet. Maybe with time.”
“Time.” She sighed. “It’s supposed to heal all wounds, right? But it can also be the enemy.”
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “If enough time passes, you can get used to things being a certain way, even if they aren’t great. Your life takes on a certain shape, and after a while, you just accept it, you think this is all that there is for you. You stop seeing another way to be. And you become your own worst enemy.”
“Did this happen to you?”
“I think so. I just – I got used to not trusting men and I worked around it in every way possible. I hire mostly female kitchen staff, so I won’t brush against a man in the lunch-rush. I make sure to work every Friday and Saturday night, so I have an easy excuse for not going on dates if I’m asked. I organize every part of my life to exclude men, avoid men, make my whole life unwelcoming to men. And so I make sure that I never get the chance to meet good men, or change my mind about men. I – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, really.”
Chris nodded.
“And it sounds like your life has taken the shape of blaming yourself, no matter what anyone else says, or what the investigation showed. You’re used to being the cause of Tiegert’s death and as time passes, instead of getting a new perspective on it, you just accept it more and more. You just… you find ways to live with it.”
Chris felt tears well in his eyes. Horrified, not wanting her to see him weak, he shut them quickly. But she’d seen them in the half-light and her heart tightened at his pain.
Jenny reached for him now, pulling his large body down to her smaller one. For the first time since she’d met Chris, she was able to offer him some comfort, and she was surprised at how good it felt to do that. She stroked his hair gently, and pressed her lips to his forehead.
So this is the other side of all of it, huh? Making the other person feel heard, and understood… and loved.
“It’s OK,” she whispered. “Let me hold you this time, Chris. Just relax on me, just let it all go.”
“Sweetheart,” he said, his throat thick. “You don’t have to…”
“I know.” She held him closer. “I want to.”
Chris shut his eyes tighter and let himself just fall on to Jenny, to sink in to her curves and warmth. He held her, his face buried in her throat. He’d never felt so cared-for by a woman, not ever.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, their breaths coming at the same time. When Chris pulled back to look at her, the heat in her gaze was almost physical. He felt it as sure and strong as he felt the heat from a fire.
He cupped her face in his hand and pulled her up to his mouth for a kiss. She offered no resistance, and he groaned when her lips parted, inviting his tongue. Her hands were all over him, running over his chest and back and scars, moving down his body to his cock. She stroked him through his boxer shorts and smiled when he hardened under her touch.
“Chris,” she breathed. “I want you to touch me, too.”
He raised his head. “Where, baby?”
She took his hands and lay them on her breasts. “Here, for starters.”
“Oh, God.” He fought to keep himself under control. “You sure?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Take this off me. Please.”
His fingers trembling, he carefully undid the top button on her pj top. She arched her back under him, biting her lip. He undid the next button, then the third, watching her eyes the whole time, making sure she was there with him. When he’d undone them all, he gently opened the top, laying her bare to his gaze, to his touch.
“My God, baby.” His voice was reverential. “So beautiful.”
“Touch me, Chris. Kiss me… make me feel good.”
“I’ll go slow, OK? You tell me if you want me to stop.”
She nodded, while thinking that there was no way she was going to ask him to stop anything. Her body was humming with need, and she was barely holding on.
Chris ran his fingers down her body gently, circling her breasts, then her nipples. She moaned and he smiled at the sound. She pushed against his hand, trying to get closer, seeking that heat and contact.
More. More. Chris, please. More.
Jenny gasped when he gave her what she wanted, and lowered his head to her breasts. Slowly, he kissed every inch of her skin – from her throat to the waist of her pj bottoms – worshipping and adoring her, before working his way back up to her nipples. He took one between his lips and sucked, released, pulled it in again. Jenny gave a cry and he paused.
“Jenny?”
“Don’t stop,” she panted. “Please… it feels so good.”
He grinned at her flushed face and hazy eyes, and turned his attention to the other breast. His tongue and his lips licked and tugged her nipple, and she grasped his hair between her fingers, pulling him as close as possible.
When she took his hand and pressed it between her thighs, he froze. Again, he looked at her, checking to make sure she was OK. Her hand was on top of his, her legs spread, her hips making small circles against his palm.
“Baby? Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Jenny.” He took her chin and forced her eyes to meet his. “Completely sure?”
“Yes.” She kissed him, her mouth hot and hungry. “Yes.”
Chris pressed gently on her pussy, felt her incredible heat. With one finger, he found her through the material and she arched under him.
Holy fuck, she’s so wet. So turned on. Oh, God, help me.
Chris ran his finger up and down her slit, watching her face as she gasped. She was totally open to him, flat on her back, her bare breasts rising
and falling with her every breath, and he’d never seen anything so stunning in the whole of his life.
Jenny couldn’t seem to get close enough to Chris. Every touch made her crave more. Harder. Deeper. She felt her pussy open to him, and she knew that his fingers belonged there, between her soaked folds. She needed him to touch her there.
She took his hand in hers and guided it to the top of her pj bottoms. She felt his hesitation and she kissed him.
“I want you to touch me,” she murmured against his mouth. “All of me. Inside and outside. I want you to… to give me pleasure. Make me come.”
He almost came himself at her words; his cock was rock-hard and pulsing. “Jenny…”
“Please, babe.”
The endearment touched him deep inside, on some level and in some place that he didn’t even know he had. He blinked back tears, then he lowered her pyjamas down her hips, over her curved thighs. She sighed in relief and kicked them off her legs. And there she was, all of her, exposed to his hands and eyes.
My God. She is glorious.
He lay down beside her, his one arm extended up and over their heads. He touched her pussy now, and she arched her neck, a moan escaping her. He stroked her lower lips, up and down, loving her movements and sounds. She was writhing under his hand, so open and sexy. She surrendered to him, and it was beautiful.
“I’m going to put a finger inside you now, baby.” He kissed her. “You OK with that?”
“Yes.” She opened her legs wider. “Oh, yes…”
Carefully, slowly, he slipped one finger just inside her slick channel. She sucked in a breath and froze. He stopped, afraid.
“Jenny?”
“I’m OK.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure… it feels so incredible. It feels… right.”
“Here.” He took her hand and wrapped it around his wrist. “You take the lead.”
She gazed up at him. “What?”
“You’re in control. You move my hand, my fingers. You do what feels good.”
Jenny’s stomach clenched in excitement. “Really?”
“Yes.”
She tightened her grip on his wrist and slowly pulled it towards her. His index finger slid in farther and she gasped at how it felt. She paused, pulled again. Deeper. Deeper. Her pussy throbbed and she took him as far in to her body as she could. His hand was flat against her pulsing lips, his palm pressing on her clit.
“Oh!” she said. “Oh, Chris… oh, God.”
“It feels good, baby?”
“Yes… it feels amazing.”
She withdrew his finger slowly, feeling the suction of her body, then pulled him in again, using both her hands this time. He groaned as her pussy muscles tightened on him, and he felt the answering burst of wetness between her lips. Jenny pulled his finger in and out of her, slowly at first, then faster, and Chris felt her body start to tremble.
Christ, she's so tight. So hot and wet. I’m going to come myself if this goes on much longer.
She pulled him out of her heat completely, unfolded his middle finger to join his index one. The she pulled both of them in to her, giving a small cry at the renewed sensation.
“Touch my clit,” she begged. “Use your thumb… Chris, please.”
He did as she asked, swirling around her hard nub every time she pulled his fingers in to her body. She plunged his fingers faster, every pull in going deeper and harder. His thumb pushed down consistently, not breaking the contact, and she closed her eyes as the wave of pleasure rose and rose, became larger and stronger than she’d expected.
She released his hand now. “I trust you,” she breathed. “I want you to do it. I want you to make me come…”
He groaned and kissed her, hard, his fingers moving in and out of her at a steady pace. Her hands gripped the headboard above her, her toes curled, she threw her head back.
“So close, sweetheart,” he said, his voice almost a growl against her mouth. “You’re going to love it. Let go. Let me see you.”
At his words, Jenny responded, helplessly. She stiffened, her whole body tight and taut, and when his thumb lazily circled her bundle of nerves before pressing down on it again, she exploded.
Her cry of release was the most fucking amazing thing that Chris had ever heard. Her orgasm was so strong that he saw her stomach muscles convulsing. Her spasms went on and on, her pussy muscles flexed and released on his fingers, and she shook under him, lost in sensation. Her body relaxed now, almost went limp, and she gave a low moan of pleasure.
Chris pulled out of her carefully and she shuddered as he brushed against her swollen clit. He took her in his arms, pressed her face to his chest. Her trembling was getting stronger now, and he wondered if this was the start of a panic attack.
“Jenny? You doing OK?”
She nodded, tears suddenly running down her cheeks.
“Oh, baby.” He wiped them away. “These good tears or bad ones?”
“G – good,” she managed. “But – I can’t seem to stop them.”
“Hold on to me. I’m right here,” he said. “You’re safe. Just let yourself cry, Jenny, if that’s what you need to do.”
She sobbed then, and he held her, stroking her tumbled hair. He rocked her back and forth, waited for her to calm. It didn’t take as long as he’d thought it would: she came back to herself after just a few moments, and she raised her face to his.
His gray eyes were soft and warm, and she reached up to kiss him. He tasted her tears on her lips, and he licked them tenderly. He felt her smile against his mouth and he held her away from him.
“Better?” he asked, brushing her hair back off her face.
“Much.”
“Come here, then.” He pulled the covers up over her naked body and tucked her in to his side. “Stay close to me, Jenny. Relax.”
They lay together, her breathing slowing and steadying. Then Chris sat up.
“I’ll be right back.”
She nodded, feeling sleepiness start to creep up on her.
He went in to the bathroom and came out with a washcloth. He drew the covers back, and tenderly, carefully, washed her pussy. The warmth was comforting and calming, and his act was so sweet, so intimate, she felt tears start again.
“OK?” he said.
“Yes.”
He took the cloth to the bathroom, came back to her. She nestled in to his body, and sighed deeply.
“Go to sleep, Jenny.” He ran his hands up and down her back. “I’ve got you.”
She closed her eyes. Two minutes later, she was asleep, and her dreams that night were sweet.
Chapter Ten
“But that’s amazing, Jenny.” Emma was stunned. “And when did you guys first do this?”
“Three weeks ago,” Jenny said. “That was the first time that he – he touched me that way. Made me feel good.”
“Three weeks?” Liv said. “And you’re just telling us now?”
Jenny twisted her hands together. “Yeah, well…”
Emma and Liv looked alert.
“Well, what?” Liv said.
“Well, it feels… different now. Like, what’s going on is just between me and Chris. It’d be like you two going in to detail about what you do with Dean and Dallas, and that’s private, right? That stays in your beds, in your relationships.”
Emma cocked her head. “So, you feel that you and Chris are in a relationship?”
“I – I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.”
“Honey, you need to,” Emma said gently. “This is the time to have that conversation, right? The one that I mentioned way back in January, about developing romantic feelings for each other, and what you’re going to do with those feelings. Remember?”
“Uh-huh.” Jenny took a sip of coffee. “But – what if he doesn’t f
eel the same way? What if this was all just…I don’t know. Something he did to help me, because he’s a good guy and I’m a friend?”
“That’s why you need to ask him,” Emma said. “That’s why you need to be honest.”
“I guess so.” Jenny sighed. “But let’s change the subject, OK? Any more interest in your apartment, Em?”
“Yeah. We had the second Open House last weekend, and Meredith said that she’s received three offers.”
“Really?” Liv asked. “Any worth accepting?”
“Yep. I think I’ll have Meredith call the one couple back tomorrow… say yes.”
“Wow,” Jenny said. “And you’ll move to Dean’s?”
“Well, I’ve already mostly moved there,” Emma admitted. “I’ll sell most of my furniture and give lots of my clothes to Liv’s shelter, and that’s it, really. My books can go in to storage, at least until I can get back to work.”
“Actually, Em, I wanted to talk to you about going back to work,” Liv said. “I have kind of a proposal for you.”
“OK,” Emma said. “What’s up?”
“You guys know that I’m basically unemployed now… my modeling days are over, and that’s that.”
They nodded quietly.
“So I’ve spent the past five months just sorting things out, right? Selling that house, and collecting my money from the various clients and agencies because they released me early from my contracts, and seeing Francine twice a week for therapy. And Dallas, too… working on that relationship, getting comfortable with my body again.” She grinned. “And now planning a wedding…”
“Yeah,” Jenny said. “You’ve had your hands full.”
“So, I didn’t say anything about this part, because I wasn’t sure it would all work out, but now I know it has.”
“What part?” Emma asked.
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