by Melissa Haag
“I want to kiss you goodnight.”
“Okay.”
He didn’t go for my forehead, as expected, but settled his lips against mine. My pulse leapt, and I reached for his bicep. I almost pushed him away but stopped myself. Relax, I thought. Let go. Slowly, I did.
His tongue traced the seam of my lips, and I opened my mouth. He started to shake as he pressed deeper, playing with my tongue. Then, just as quick as the kiss started, it ended. He pulled back, kissed my forehead, and rested his chin on the crown of my head. I stared at the column of his throat. Dark whiskers already started to poke through the skin. I moved closer and rubbed my lips against the rough texture. Lying as we were, curled around each other, felt right...yet so alien.
Sighing, I closed my eyes.
* * * *
I wore Carlos like a blanket. Sweat slicked every inch of exposed skin. Mine and his. At some point during the night, the whole sleeping on top of the blankets thing had disappeared. Along with his shirt. I didn’t mind the missing shirt, though. I loved his corded chest. The sweat I could live without. The air, I couldn’t.
“Too close,” I said against his throat.
He growled at me like a dog defending its chew toy.
“Can’t breathe,” I said.
He gave me an inch. Cool air caressed my face, and I took a large breath. His arms, one over my waist and the other tucked under me, held me prisoner. Somehow, I knew he did not intend to let me go any time soon. That was bad news. I had to pee.
His lips brushed my temple.
“Good morning, Isabelle.”
“Good morning. Uh, can I get up and go to the bathroom?”
His arms loosened around me. I lifted my head and stared at the ebony orbs that had replaced his human eyes.
“Everything all right?”
He nodded. When he blinked, some of the white of his eyes returned.
Unsure what it meant, I chose to pretend I hadn’t noticed and slipped from the bed. I grabbed my bag on the way to the bathroom. I needed a shower badly. It wasn’t until I stood under the hot spray that I realized how relaxed I felt. As if I hadn’t absorbed a thing overnight, which was odd since I’d felt wisps of emotion the night before.
As I shampooed, I tentatively opened myself to what might be around me. I immediately felt the neighbor’s anxiety and closed myself off again. The emotions were still there. Weird.
I conditioned my hair and grabbed the razor I’d set on the ledge of the tub. By the time I finished with the forest on my legs, the blade was dull. How long had it been since I’d shaved? Since before Ethan died. I lifted my arm.
“I am so gross,” I mumbled, lifting the razor.
Why on earth would anyone be attracted to me? Most days I wasn’t even attracted to myself.
Yet, since Carlos had laid eyes on me, he’d made his attraction very clear. What did he see in me? I shook my head, ran the blade under the water, and set it aside to rinse my hair. Whatever it was, I hoped I didn’t lose it. I didn’t like the idea of losing Carlos.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I smelled breakfast. I carried the bag with me to the kitchen. Carlos manned the stove, moving a pan back and forth over the burner. With a quick jerk and toss, he flipped the omelet in the air.
“Hey, do you think this place has a washer and dryer?”
“They’re in the closet right behind the entry door.”
I glanced around the room and saw the double door closet in the living room. And sure enough, a washer and dryer waited inside. On the shelf above them, I saw a bottle of detergent and a box of dryer sheets. I started tossing the dirty items from my bag into the washer.
“Do you have anything you need washed?” I asked over my shoulder.
“I’ll add my clothes when we’re done eating.”
I closed the lid and set the bag on the shelf before I joined him in the kitchen. He had two plates out on the counter along with orange juice and silverware.
“Any word from anyone else?”
“Most everyone is awake. Charlene reached Penny. According to Grey, it was a tense conversation. There’s some kind of history between the two, but Charlene isn’t saying much. Regardless, Penny has agreed to meet with Charlene to hear what she has to say.”
“Just Charlene?” I asked, sitting at the breakfast bar.
“No. We will all go.”
“What time?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
He turned, and I was surprised to note his bruising had completely faded. His skin was once again smooth and unblemished. As I studied him, he eased half the omelet onto my plate and the other half onto his. When he lifted his gaze to mine, I quickly looked at my plate and sniffed appreciatively.
“What’s all in here?”
“Ham, mushrooms, onions, and cheese.” He sat beside me.
I cut into the egg, watched the steam rise, and decided to wait a minute. Carlos took a bite right away.
“So what are the plans for today, then?”
“No plans.”
“Do you still want me to bite you?” I said.
Carlos froze mid-chew.
I was equally shocked. Where in the hell had that come from? Stupid hairy legs and self-doubt. It must have been eating at my subconscious. Hot or not, I forked a large bite of eggs into my mouth and then another bite while I prayed Carlos would move or say something before I choked myself on eggs.
He swallowed—it looked difficult—set his fork aside, then turned to face me.
“Why do you ask?”
I shrugged as I chewed and swallowed my mouthful.
“I just wanted to know if you changed your mind yet.”
“I won’t. Ever. If you’re ready, so am I.” He paused and studied me. “Are you ready?”
“I don’t know. What exactly does being engaged to a werewolf mean? For humans, the guy gives the girl a ring, and if she gets pissed, she can chuck it at his head and tell him to get lost. What’s the point of the bite?”
“Do you want a ring?”
“Gah, no!”
The idea of Carlos getting down on bended knee freaked me out way more than me biting him.
We stared at each other while I waited for him to say something.
“The bite is more permanent than a ring. And when you get angry, there’s nothing for you to throw at my head.”
“Probably a good thing,” I said.
“Probably.”
He sighed, and a hint of frustration showed in his face. Before I could see if it was directed at me, he spoke.
“Grey wants to know if we can join the group.”
I nodded and quickly devoured my eggs. Carlos likewise cleared his plate. I found myself staring at his throat as he tilted his head back to drain his orange juice. He set the glass on the counter and looked at me.
“You don’t need permission,” he said.
“For what?”
“To bite me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
I stood and took his empty plate to the sink with my own.
Sixteen
We worked together to quickly clean up breakfast then left the apartment. Down the hall, to the left and around the right corner, one of the apartment doors gaped open. I felt the familiar emotions and headed toward the opening.
“I don’t like it,” I heard Thomas say before I stepped in.
“Sorry, we’re late,” I said when all eyes turned to us.
“It’s all right, Isabelle,” Winifred said. “We were just discussing Charlene’s conversation with the news lady.”
“Penny,” Charlene said.
“Yes, Penny. The woman was insistent that they meet but then said she wasn’t available until tomorrow.”
Bethi caught my blank look.
“It’s fishy,” she said. “The woman practically screamed yes when Charlene asked if they could meet to talk but then became cagey about a time. She wanted Charlene to give her a number so she could call her back. Charlene ins
isted on a time before they hung up.”
“I expected her reaction,” Charlene said. “And it’s nothing to worry about.”
“It’s everything to worry about,” Thomas said. “The woman knows what you can do.”
Charlene and Thomas shared a look.
“She does,” Charlene said, agreeing with him. “And that’s why she’s willing to meet with us. And why, come tomorrow, there will be cameras ready.”
“She’s in for a bit of a shock, then,” I said. I could only imagine how the woman would react to Winifred changing into a werewolf.
Charlene’s lips curved into a slight, sad smile.
“She is.” She laid her hand on Thomas’ arm. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ll have an idea of what she has planned before we even reach her.”
“How?” I mean, I knew Charlene could control people, but could she read minds, too?
“I can feel the wills of the people around me. When they are consciously focused on something, it’s in their will for me to feel.”
“So you’re reading everyone all the time?” Thoughts instead of feelings. I didn’t envy her.
“No. I have to make an effort to read a person’s will. I usually don’t, respecting their privacy. However, tomorrow, I will be reading everyone.”
“We should go early,” Bethi said. “To keep an eye on things.”
“I agree,” Thomas said. “We’ll go an hour early tomorrow morning, but we also need to check on things today. Isabelle, Carlos, and Grey, I’d like the three of you to go to the station now and see what you can feel and learn.”
“Isn’t that dangerous with Blake’s men out there?” Michelle asked.
“It’s not too bad,” Gabby said. She looked rested for a change. “There don’t seem to be many Urbat in the city.”
“And those who are here would have to be walking right next to us to catch our scents,” Grey said. “There’s too much going on in this city.”
Thomas nodded.
“Right now, I’m more worried about Penny and the humans than I am the Urbat.”
I didn’t relish the idea of going outside or lingering near a busy news center. My skin would be crawling in no time. Bethi seemed to have the same thought.
“It’s not going to work. Isabelle won’t be able to stay out there for very long.”
“Bethi said you’re an emotional siphon. Yet, you pushed out your emotions before,” Thomas said. “Have you ever tried to stay in a constant state of pushing instead of pulling?”
The possibility of what he said exploded inside my head. All I could do was stare at him in shock. If I stayed in a constant state of pushing, there would be no build up and no dangerous release. No need for fighting. No need to hold myself back. An ache began in my chest as I thought of Ethan and the future we could have had if I’d figured out how to push out the emotions years ago. I could have tried to love him like he’d deserved. Oh, Ethan, I thought. I’m so sorry.
Carlos wrapped his arms around me and turned me. As soon as I faced him, I leaned my forehead against his chest and struggled to swallow my grief.
“I apologize for upsetting you,” Thomas said, clearly clueless as to what part of his suggestion had caused my reaction.
I nodded but didn’t turn yet.
“I’ve never tried what you’re suggesting. I need to go for a walk and see if it works.” I lifted my head and slid out of Carlos’ arms without looking back at anyone.
In the hallway, Carlos reached for my hand. The move was too reminiscent of Ethan and made the ache eating through my heart more pronounced.
“Ethan didn’t need for you to love him in return. He loved you freely. No conditions. And he would hate to know you carried any regrets now because of him.”
His eerie ability to read the direction of my thoughts annoyed me.
“I don’t have regrets because of him. I have regrets for him. He deserved so much more.”
Carlos tugged my hand until I stopped walking and turned to face him.
“What could be better than your love?” He pulled me close and brushed a thumb over my cheek as he held my face. “A smart man would welcome it in any form. Ethan was smart and knew what he had.”
I exhaled slowly, knowing Carlos was right.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, Isabelle.”
We resumed walking down the hall and left the building through the parking garage again. Outside, I shivered.
“I need a quiet corner,” I said, setting out at a brisk pace.
As soon as I felt sufficiently warm, I stepped up to a jog. Following last night’s path, I found a discreet place and stopped. Carlos halted beside me. When I glanced his way, he nodded.
I pushed everything out, and instead of relaxing the force to push out, I maintained it. It felt like I’d done a cannonball into a pool. The emotions that surrounded me couldn’t touch me, and I floated in a blissful void. The bliss only lasted for a few seconds.
“This feels weird,” I said.
Siphoning was a part of me. Not pulling in anything started to make me panic. Though I knew I continued to breathe, I felt oxygen starved, like a fish out of water, gasping for air. I wouldn’t be able to maintain a push indefinitely.
I relaxed the effort behind my force to keep emotions out and once again started to feel the emotions around me. Relief flooded me. It was like regaining feeling in a sleeping limb. I immediately pushed out again, then relaxed the push to let a little in before repeating the exercise once more. Like treading water, I kept myself submerged in emotions but afloat.
“I think I can do this.”
We started back toward the apartments. When we neared people, I kept an eye on their reactions. Most of them frowned and looked around. I wondered what they felt from me. But there were no severe reactions. No staggering or nosebleeds.
Everyone was waiting for us in the garage.
“How did it go?” Bethi asked.
“Well, I can’t just keep everything out like Thomas said. If I push, I can’t feel what everyone around me is feeling, which would defeat the purpose of sending me. But if I push and pull, like breathing in and out, there won’t be a buildup to bother me or anything that might hurt someone else. It should work.”
“And there are no adverse effects?” Winifred said, looking at Carlos.
“Nothing adverse,” he said.
“Then, let’s go,” Grey said, motioning us to the car.
“We’ll see you at dinner,” Winifred said. The rest of the group started moving to the stairwell.
“Be careful,” Bethi said before she and Luke followed the others.
“We need to stop and get a coat for Isabelle,” Carlos said as he opened the back door for me.
I slid over, hoping he’d join me in the back. He did. He also reached out and threaded his fingers through mine. The feeling of his thumb brushing over my skin helped ease the lingering ache from Thomas’ comment. Ethan would have been happy I was giving Carlos a chance. And with that realization, my remaining guilt vanished.
Giving Carlos’ hand a slight squeeze, I focused on Grey. I’d continued to exercise my emotional purging but hadn’t notice any reaction so far since he’d started the car and steered us out of the garage. Then again, I didn’t feel much from him, either.
“Do you know where we’re going?” I asked him.
Grey’s eyes twinkled as he glanced at me in the mirror. “Winifred and Michelle are checking for a store, so we can get you a coat. After that, we’ll go to the address Penny provided.”
He maneuvered the traffic well, and once it slowed to a crawl, he turned into a parking garage that charged a ridiculous hourly rate.
“We’ll walk from here,” he said.
People crowded the sidewalks.
Let it in. Push it out. No one twitched or stilled. No one dropped or bled. In and out. I continued to siphon and drain with each inhale and exhale. Carlos stayed right beside me, probably watching me as closely as I
was studying the crowd.
We hadn’t walked far when Grey paused before a boutique. The mannequins in the windows modeled upscale clothes.
“They’re never going to let us through the doors,” I said, glancing at Carlos. He at least didn’t look like a bum. No offense to Grey, but he and I didn’t rise above the bum bar.
“They will,” Grey said.
He pushed his way into the store. A woman looked up from the display she’d been dressing.
“Can I help you?”
“Winifred sent us for a jacket.”
“Of course. Mr. Cole, correct?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The woman’s gaze traveled to me.
“Winifred said you might need more than a coat.” She kept her tone level, but I inhaled her feeling of agreement before I blew it back out again.
“Yeah, maybe something new would be a good idea.” Where we were likely going, I needed to fit in; and my just-from-the-gym look wasn’t what I was seeing on the streets.
I turned to Grey.
“I don’t have a wallet,” I reminded him quietly.
He winked at me.
“Winifred took care of it.”
“If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you a few options. Gentlemen, if you’d care for a drink, we have a waiting area to the left.”
Grey and Carlos stepped away, and the woman and I drifted toward the sparse racks. For a clothing store, they didn’t seem to have much. She led me to a rack with some cool black leather looking pants.
“My butt will never fit in those,” I said bluntly.
She glanced at me, eyeing me up and down, not judging but assessing.
“Would you consider a dress or a skirt?”
I would probably need to kick some serious butt later and didn’t want the world to see my undies. But I couldn’t say that.
“I’m not much of a lady,” I said instead. “I like being able to move my legs.”
“Let’s just take a peek at what we have.”
* * * *
I found Carlos and Grey sipping cider in the waiting area while they watched passersby. Both turned to look at me as I approached. I wore a red-brown leather jacket, a trendy scarf, a comfy long-sleeved shirt, and the most awesome stretchy jeans ever. The woman had tried to get me into a pair of ankle boots with a heel, but I drew the line there and kept my sneakers.