She’d take it.
Every shift of her hips brought her higher, and by the time her clit felt swollen with the need for something deeper, she was riding him faster. Porter never reached for her breasts, not assisting her in any regard. His eyes stayed firmly fixated on hers, his jaw clenching and unclenching, as if it took everything inside him to simply lie there and let her have her way with him.
She didn’t care. She overpowered him. She controlled this moment.
Moving even faster now, she rubbed herself against him, allowing her breasts to give him a show, but even that didn’t draw his attention. His fingers tightened on her thighs, the only telling sign that what she was doing was affecting him. That darkness in his eyes didn’t even show pleasure, it reflected restraint. She slid her fingers over the lines of his chest to his strong shoulders, right down to his six-pack, and then she moved her hands onto his chest, loving the feel of his ripped muscles.
The musky scent of their lovemaking rushed through her nostrils as her muscles tightened, beginning to shake in the building of her release. She shifted, harder, faster, needing just a bit more. His cock grew harder, bigger inside her, as if he’d done the move purposefully, knowing it was all she needed to soar over the edge.
Then she was flying.
Her head fell forward and she lost all sight of him, tumbling into wave after wave of pure blissful pleasure. She quaked and bucked with each blast of euphoria, shivering and shuddering with the full effects of her release.
When she became silent and the rush of pleasure eased, she felt his cock was still hard inside her. Confused, she lifted her head and noted again the tight clenching to his jaw. He remained silent as he wrapped his arms around her. He lifted her off him, then placed her right back into the same position she was in before. That action telling her more than words possibly could have. He might have allowed her to dominate his body for those moments, but she realized now he could’ve stolen that control away as easily as she breathed.
Bewildering tears welled in her eyes as he kissed the back of her neck, still not saying a word. Somehow this silence made the bed drop from under her. For what she thought would make her feel better now made her only feel worse. She went to shift out of his hold, but Porter locked his arms. “Nah, kitten, stay right where you are.”
Chapter Fourteen
When Kenzie woke again the sun was beaming through the window. She lay against her pillow, recalling the sex from last night. Porter had allowed her to dominate him, and she couldn’t figure out why. His actions were so unexpected that she was left reeling in confusion.
She thought she’d wake up feeling refreshed and blazing with power, yet now she sensed the unease and insecurity of not knowing what she wanted to do. As she stared at the sun shining through her window, tightness formed in her throat. The awareness that she controlled nothing left her pinned to the bed. She didn’t like that she’d used Porter for her selfish needs last night. In fact, she realized this person she was being wasn’t her, or at least not anymore, not with Porter. She played games with Doms to get what she needed from them, but she began to realize things had changed.
A clang coming from her kitchen startled her, and Kenzie discovered that Porter wasn’t in the bed. Curious now, she pushed off the covers, put on her nightgown, and followed the aroma of coffee into the kitchen. When she entered her small kitchen just off the living room, she found Porter standing at the stove wearing only his blue jeans. The view belonged on a magazine cover, though along with the flare of arousal she suffered, she fought against the conflict spiraling inside her.
She leaned against the door frame, knowing that last night had nothing to do with Club Sin. It’d all been her desire to have him. Her heart reaching for his. Her need to take him in the manner she had wanted to—an intimate manner that had nothing to do with kink—but when had Kenzie simply wanted a man, not the sexual acts he could deliver?
“I’m confused,” she heard herself saying.
Porter raised a brow. “It’s bacon and eggs.”
She shook her head, not even sure what to say now. All she could do was stand there, so perplexed by what she felt around him. How dangerous a thing that was. For her to say I’m beginning to care for you without truly knowing if Porter felt the same way. Of course, it seemed like he cared, but the Dominant/submissive relationship ran deep and those feelings she was experiencing could be misunderstood in his care.
No D/s relationship had ever been so baffling. Kenzie had always known where she stood with her Doms. She liked that they were more often annoyed than attached, but Porter was giving her no other option than to fall into him. He had been fighting for her heart, and Kenzie knew right then and there he was claiming it.
Porter turned off the stove, placing the spatula down on the countertop. He moved to her with a calculated slowness. Kenzie’s breath became shallow, her body simmering in the presence of her Dom. Using the same gentle movements, he cupped her cheek. “Last night confuses you?”
“Yes.”
“What about it?”
“You allowed me to dominate you?” No Dom had ever given her that right. She thought she’d feel good about it, but she didn’t. She was more spun around than ever. Why couldn’t Porter be the same as everyone else and treat her no differently? Why did he fight for a spot in her heart that she wasn’t sure anyone should ever hold?
“You’re right,” he stated, brushing a thumb over her cheek. “I did allow you to dominate me.”
“Why?”
He tugged her into him. “You have a lot going on right now. You needed to feel some control, so I let you feel that.” His head tilted, as he watched her intently. “Let me guess. You feel pretty shitty about what happened?”
“It doesn’t…feel good,” she whispered, without even thinking. She’d always known she was submissive; she liked that role. For her, there was something beautiful about giving up control to a man and letting him free her mind for a little while. Dominating him hadn’t freed her mind, it overactivated it. “I’m…not sure about any of this.”
His hard eyes pierced her, burning a hole right down into the very depths of her soul. “I’m more to you than a quick fuck and a way to get yourself off, hmm?”
“Perhaps.” She couldn’t lie. Not now. Not when his powerful eyes declared he’d be right there to hold her. Quite possibly, she was simply so damn tired of lying to herself. She needed answers. And she couldn’t wait around for them any longer.
“I’m glad you realize that, kitten.” He leaned forward, placing a sweet kiss upon her lips. “As I have known that from the moment I touched you.” Leaning away, he kept his hand on her face. “Now we can move on from that, yes? Stop fighting me and just appreciate what this is between us.”
Awareness drifted across her. “Were you trying to teach me a lesson last night?”
“Nope.” He moved to the stove, putting some obviously needed distance between them, since that statement tightened her fists.
Had he known exactly what he was doing and known exactly how she would respond?
She realized, spotting his clever smirk, he sure as hell did.
Without looking to her, he said, “I did what you wanted last night. Now we can move past all this where we are both pretending it’s what you need.”
Her mind spun around her. In one night he had taken the fight she loved, the play for power, and completely removed it as a possibility for the future. How could she ever play that power struggle again, when he knew, and so did she, that the game was over?
He picked up the spatula. “Have a seat, kitten. I’ve made you a fine breakfast.”
She nearly glared, but she knew it was worthless. They’d both known she’d listen, because she didn’t want to fight against Porter anymore, but that nagging voice in her head reminded her to be smart about this. Friendship and submission were one thing, and that she could give him. Love was something else entirely. She might trust Porter and care deeply for him—he’d p
roven himself time and time again—but she couldn’t trust his intentions.
Happiness was something she’d trusted once. Happiness had failed her.
She moved to the table and took her seat when he brought over her plate. He placed it down and then dropped a kiss on her forehead. “That’s my girl.”
—
Porter ate his breakfast with tension riding on his shoulders. Last night didn’t have the effect he had hoped for. What he wished was that Kenzie would take some control back in her life, and that it would make her feel more stable. She’d woken to be more of a mess than she’d been when she went to bed.
She sipped her coffee, staying silent, and he wanted to hear the thoughts rummaging through her mind. So lost. So distrustful. Porter stayed in his mind, thinking about all he knew of Kenzie. And it did concern him how fast she was falling apart.
The Kenzie he saw now didn’t resemble the one he knew. She wasn’t strong, holding her head high. She was quiet, drawn into herself, not saying a word. This wasn’t about Adrik, he knew that now. While he had suspected something emotional was going on with her, he could see it now, plain as day. “Have you considered speaking to a therapist?” he asked gently.
Her eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
He pushed on, knowing this topic would be uncomfortable, but sometimes uncomfortable conversations were a must. “If you don’t feel safe enough to discuss whatever is going on with you with Cora or another Club Sin submissive, perhaps speaking with someone you don’t know will help.”
Her features hardened, moving into the stony place she went to sometimes. “I have nothing to say.” She dropped her mug to the table with a clang and then gathered the empty plates, moving to the kitchen sink.
He noted the trembling of her hand, and he wasn’t sure if he could help her, but he wanted to damn well try. She started washing the dishes, and he couldn’t stand the distance between them, so he went to her. He closed his body against hers, running his hands down her arms, and she went still.
“Kenzie,” he whispered.
She remained silent, so he spun her to face him, and he spotted tears in her eyes. Tears that it became apparent she was trying to fight. “Don’t keep whatever this is that is so painful inside you. It’s destroying you.”
Her lips parted. “I…”
“ ‘I need help, Porter,’ ” he offered, sliding his hands up and down her arms, feeling her slight tremors. “ ‘I don’t know how to talk about this, but I don’t want to live like this any longer.’ ”
One tear trailed down her cheek.
He searched her desolate eyes, wishing she’d welcome him into her soul. That is where he could help her. His mind worked quickly to understand her, and a sudden clarity overtook him. He’d given her intimacy, he was helping her with Adrik, but there was one part of Kenzie’s old life that he wasn’t giving her.
Pain.
Seeing her so unstable tore at his heart. Doms liked their submissives well, and Kenzie was far beyond that now. He needed her to get better today, even if it didn’t last for long. The coming days would be tough, he believed that. He wouldn’t leave her in the state she was in now. She might’ve thought she knew how to make herself feel better last night, but it was apparent enough she didn’t have a clue. It just so happened he knew exactly how to pull her emotions back in a little tighter.
He dropped his hand and grabbed the kitchen chair. As he took a seat in the center of the kitchen, he ordered, “Take off your nightgown.”
She hesitated, staring at him blankly.
He narrowed his eyes. “Now.”
Keeping her focus solely on him, she removed her pajamas, revealing puckered nipples. He patted his thighs. “Over my lap.”
Heat blasted through her pretty eyes as she moved toward him and placed herself over his thighs. He shifted her into proper position and then squeezed her round bottom. “Such a pretty little ass,” he murmured. Then he stayed quiet, knowing words didn’t need to be said now.
Kenzie needed a release, a desperate one, and he’d give her that now. Today he’d show her that depending on him could give her exactly what she needed and more. His next plan would only solidify that knowledge.
His hand landed dead center on her right butt cheek, and she moaned. Knowing her limits of needing pleasure before pain, he slid his fingers between her thighs, rubbing her engorged clit. It came as no surprise that Kenzie was already wet with even just the thought of a spanking.
The idea of intensity is what excited this beautiful submissive, and blood rushed into his cock, hardening it to steel. He offered another swat before he went back and forth in between rubbing her clit and swatting her bottom. With each luscious smack, her moans grew louder and her breath began hitching. When she squirmed over him, he no longer touched her clit, now staying focused on her bottom.
His swats were hard and fast, perfectly placed right on top of each other, leaving her bottom bright red. The palm of his hand burned as he took her far past any spanking he’d done before, but Kenzie wasn’t getting a spanking as a punishment. She was getting a spanking to give her what she needed and craved.
An emotional release.
Once her ass was a deep red and she was panting, all but grinding herself over his lap, he slid his fingers into her soaked channel and didn’t bother warming her up. He finger-fucked her with rough intensity, moving hard and fast in up-and-down movements.
Within only five strokes Kenzie was screaming out in blissful pleasure. Though to him her release sounded like an explosion of raw emotion, not physical pain or captivating pleasure but shrieks of sheer heartbreak.
He observed her bright red bottom and soothed his hand over her warm cheeks. That release touched something so deep inside him, a part of his soul that no woman had ever touched. He didn’t want to hear her scream like that, so heartbreaking it was. He wanted desperately to find a way to get her to let go of whatever haunted her so deeply, and for her release to be nothing more than a pure euphoric experience.
Porter wanted Kenzie happy, healthy, and safe.
He knew himself, and knew now he wanted to love her.
She gives you everything.
More than he thought she knew she gave. Maybe even more than she thought she deserved. But Kenzie did something no other submissive did before her: She made Porter work to see her soul, and it was the most beautiful soul he’d ever seen. Not because it was damaged, but because it was so selfless. Kenzie didn’t beg to be saved, but she sassed her way to get what she needed to feel better.
Porter knew a better way.
She could get all she needed if she let him inside her so that he could gauge exactly what that was. He didn’t want to fix Kenzie. He knew something had to give between them, but he wanted to support her.
This spanking, he hoped, would plant that truth in her mind. He realized this was likely the first time that Kenzie received what she needed without being bratty to get it. And it was a much more beautiful exchange. When she was truly submissive, she asked him for nothing, simply waiting for him to control the needs and desires he recognized within her.
That, as a Dom, was what he lived for, and what fulfilled him sexually.
As her breathing became more normal and she stopped moaning, he slid his hand over her back, sensing a truth he hadn’t realized before. Some women needed a guiding hand, but Kenzie wouldn’t want that. She was too strong to allow that. Porter decided then and there he wouldn’t baby her and try to talk about whatever was going on with her. He’d simply show her the life, the trust, the happiness he suspected Kenzie didn’t know existed.
His lips parted to end their scene, when his telephone rang. He cursed the damn thing, knowing he couldn’t ignore the call in case it was important. Keeping his damp hand on Kenzie’s bottom, he used the other hand to reach his phone on the kitchen table. He answered with a resounding “What?”
“Well, hello to you, too,” Chloe said in a disgruntled voice. “I will happily accept
your apologies later when you come into the office. I’ve found the lead we’ve been looking for and I got my hands on the blueprints for the new casino.”
Chapter Fifteen
Porter pulled up beside Chloe’s car in the parking lot and cut the engine, feeling adrenaline coursing into him. Kenzie had insisted on staying at the bookshop today, and a big part of Porter didn’t want to leave her, but he also knew that Chloe’s lead must’ve been good or she wouldn’t have called. And he was looking forward to seeing the new casino’s blueprints to understand what all the fuss was about.
He thought of his small office, located in old Las Vegas. He was drawn to the simpler times, wishing he saw classic cars driving down the street instead of fancy sports cars. He picked up his phone off the passenger seat and dialed Sawyer, who answered on the first ring. “Everything all right?”
“You left ten minutes ago, buddy,” Sawyer said, with humor touching his voice. “Kenzie is just fine.”
Porter was being extra-careful, though this situation had simply sent him into frantic mode. The man who’d attacked Kenzie returned last night, and Porter didn’t want to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t been there. “If anyone suspicious goes into that store, call me.”
“I will.” Sawyer sighed. “As I told you that I would five times before you left. I’ve got this. I can see Kenzie now, walking around the store.” He hesitated, then chuckled. “In fact, she’s glaring at me through the window.”
Porter leaned his head back against the headrest. He cursed leaving Kenzie’s safety in Sawyer’s hands, even if Kenzie had seemed less than thrilled about what she called being babysat. But she had agreed to allow Sawyer to stay outside in his car, apparently knowing that Porter wouldn’t take any chances with her safety. Kenzie had been attacked during the daylight hours, and Porter wouldn’t put it past Adrik that he’d send his goon after her again. “All right, keep me posted.”
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