Kazo considered defying her, but Haisho was right. Kumko was a better coach, and too many people would only make Majnu more nervous.
Kumko and Majnu rendezvoused with the Umialik five hours later than the others, and when Majnu popped back onto the normal brane he was pale and shaking. As they all walked out of the hold, Gojraan said mockingly, “Kazo! Kazo! I'm dying! Help me, Kazo!” He looked up at her, a smirk on his face.
Kazo marched over to Gojraan and slapped him.
Gojraan looked stunned. His siblings stared at Kazo. Everyone was frozen, except for Haisho, who grabbed Kazo's arm and hauled her to one side, away from the other. Haisho's iron-block face loomed in Kazo's vision, like an eclipsing moon.
"You must apologize immediately!” Haisho said in a low, stern voice.
Kazo squirmed in her mother's grip. “He deserved it."
"Kazo, I say this for your own good. Apologize immediately. Let him receive discipline from his father—not you."
"So what? So what if old Samraatju fires us? Who else will guide them?"
Haisho's black eyes fixed on Kazo. Her voice was cold. “Listen to me. I know Samraatju Rajraan. He will discipline his son for misbehavior. But he will also visit his wrath upon someone who assaults the flesh of his flesh. He is super-rich ... and he can make terrible things happen. Terrible things to your flesh. I would be unable to protect you. The contract, Kazo, I have told you to read the contract. Do not touch the flesh of his flesh, in any way. Now apologize. Before it goes further."
Haisho loosened her grip on Kazo's arm and Kazo shook free. She turned back and looked at the Samraatju siblings, who were all still staring at her, even Majnu.
With a sick lump in her stomach, Kazo walked over to Gojraan, knelt on the floor, and bowed, saying, “I was wrong to strike you. Please accept my apology."
With her forehead resting on the floor, she felt movement nearby, and for a moment thought that Gojraan was going to kick her. But Sundshri's sharp voice cut through: “Gojraan!” And then: “He accepts your apology."
Gojraan bleated, “But she—"
"Gojraan."
He fell silent. Kazo stayed bowed, felt a breeze as Gojraan and the others walked away.
* * * *
Kazo did not leave her cabin for an entire day. Her body and mind were so knotted she could not sleep. The air seemed hot and thick as stew; she lay naked on her bunk in a dreamless daze. She did not answer the comm link, did not respond to knocks on the door. “Apilak!” she shouted. “I know you're listening! Tell them I'm ... I'm not coming out."
Then she did sleep, and when she awoke she sat suddenly upright on her bunk, the salt of her perspiration crusted on her skin, but her body and mind felt cool and alive. She heard a soft tap-tap at her door and she opened it, cursing herself even as she did so (she was naked), and feeling a thrill of terror, for it could be anyone, even Gojraan—and for an instant she thought standing against the bright corridor light was the broad outline of the elder brother. But then the silhouette in her vision shrank.
"Majnu,” she whispered. She took a step back into her dark, cramped cabin, grabbed at a blanket on her bunk. He waited at the threshold to her cabin, saying nothing, not even looking at her nakedness. She gripped the blanket. “Majnu?"
At last his pink tongue licked around his mouth and he said, in a soft croak, “There are so many things I would say, but I can't find the words."
Slowly she put the blanket down on the bunk, went and drew him inside, closing the cabin door behind him. She put her hand on the soft skin beneath Majnu's chin and lifted his head so that his eyes met hers. She told him, “Apilak says the universe began as a word, and of course she so believes, because she is just words."
"Do you believe that?"
"I believe almost everything Apilak says, but I think words are not enough."
"Why?” he whispered.
"Because we can do so much more with our mouths than speak,” she said, adding, “and here is the proof,” and she put her mouth on his, and it tasted like sweet wine, and his breath felt like a hot wind that falls from a high desert, and the darkness swam around them like a warm sea, and they both drowned in each other's bodies, that night, and the next, and the next.
* * * *
He was gentle, much gentler than any of his siblings, even his youngest sister Kushri, which continually surprised Kazo: she expected him to be spoiled and self-indulgent. In her experience even the “kindest” superrich clients were merely polite when they made demands. He was so gentle that when she barked at him during further practice excursions he nearly came to tears, and later, in the dark of her cabin, she kissed away those tears. “We agreed, you know,” she said, and he nodded. They decided to act as if they were enemies, and her humiliating, forced apology to Gojraan gave her good reason to hold a grudge against Majnu. So they kept their affair secret. Even Kumko said at one point, “Go a little easy on him, Kaz, he's trying hard, he's getting better."
Of course Apilak had to know. She knew everything that went on in her ship, her body, saw everything and forgot nothing. But the captain of the Umialik said nothing to Kazo, not even in warning, which Kazo had half expected, and Kazo trusted Apilak to say nothing to anyone else.
In Kazo's cabin, late at night, they pressed their bodies together with a fire and a ferocity they could not explain; and after they would whisper their stories. Majnu asked her about her adventures, took her seriously in a way no one had before.
Majnu had had lovers before, of course, but in all of them he detected the marionette strings of his father. He admitted he at first suspected Kazo was another, which wounded her almost to tears, but he hastily said he knew that could not be the case, from Gojraan's beastly behavior toward her. “If Father had bought you,” he said, “Gojraan would have sniffed it out and would either leer at you or ignore you altogether."
"I don't like this talk of your father buying lovers for you—and that you think I could be bought."
"I know you couldn't. But it would be easy for him to find someone who could be bought, one way or another. I don't think you really imagine the pressure he can bring to bear to get what he wants, both temptations and terrors."
"Does he really care?” Kazo asked. “About your lovers?"
"He doesn't cares about me. He only cares about his control over everything. With me, with all of us. He's picked out several possible consorts for Sundshri, and she hates them all but is too terrified to defy him, to even think about defying him."
"What would he do if he found out about me?” asked Kazo.
"I don't know ... I don't think he'd have you killed, I'm not worth that much to him—"
The back of Kazo's skull suddenly felt ice cold. “That's not a comfort, when you put it that way,” she said with a thick tongue.
"Sorry.” He paused. “I guess he would see us separated."
Kazo's stomach sank. “So we have no hope?"
Majnu kissed her gently. “I have no hope. I don't own my life, my body, and I never will. My father considers it his. He will control my life, no matter what I want. And when he dies, some elder half brother I hardly know will control my life.” He sighed and burrowed his head against Kazo's breast. “Sometimes I think it would be just as well if I died in the supernova."
Kazo stroked his hair. Her heart melted with sadness, listening to him. “I don't want you to die. I won't let you die."
Majnu whispered, “Sometimes you have to let go."
"That sounds like something Apilak would say."
"Do you love me enough to let go?"
Her stomach twisted. “Do you want me to let you go?” She silently wondered, was this just a ploy to get rid of her, when he was finished with her body?
"No, no, of course not."
"We could run away."
Majnu pulled away from her. “No, we couldn't. He would not care if I died, but he would care if I defied him. That would be unforgivable. He would pursue me, and you, to the edge of the galax
y. He has spies everywhere. We couldn't escape."
Hot tears slid from Kazo's eyes. “Then we have no hope, nothing."
"Hush,” Majnu said, kissing her tears. “We have now. That is the only gift I can have. Now. This kiss. This night with you. And if I die at the supernova or if I live ten centuries, this night is greater than anything my father could ever give me.” He kissed her lips. “I'm sorry I can't give you more. Do you want me to go away? If you feel I'm taking advantage of you—"
Kazo, tears still sliding down her face, reached up and put a hand on his mouth. “You hush,” she said. “Hush now. Say nothing more. Remember, we are more than words.” And she kissed him with a kiss meant to last a thousand years.
* * * *
When the training at Kitna finished, the Umialik pulled into a tight orbit around the star, and Apilak let decay a handful of knotted anomalies. The decay burrowed a blister about the whole of the ship, dug not a few nanometers into a Lesser Dimension, like the individual blisters they used for excursions, but several millimeters into attask, one of the Great Dimensions. In the deep, gut-wrenching void of attask they slid from gravity well to gravity well, leaping from star to star across the galaxy to their next practice site: the snapping jaws of Fenris and the wheeling chain of Gleipnir.
* * * *
"It's a strange name, Fenris,” said Kushri. They were taking a meal on the normal brane, in orbit about a star halfway to their destination.
"It's from very old mythology,” said Majnu. “Maybe from Home itself."
"It's a stupid name,” said Gojraan. “Figure Majnu to know all about it.” Majnu's face darkened, and he stared down at his plate of flat bread and salted tomatoes.
Kushri made a face at Gojraan and said to Majnu, “Go on."
"Fenris was a wolf, who threatened to devour the universe, or at least a planet or two. Gleipnir was the chain forged to bind him forever.” He tore off a bite of flatbread. “Here, Fenris is the black hole, and Gleipnir the accretion disk. Right?” He looked at first at Kazo, but then his gaze skidded away and fixed on Haisho.
"Yes,” said Haisho. “This will be considerably more challenging than Kitna. The neutrino flux from the accretion disk is very bright, brighter than a main sequence star. And erratic, very erratic. At the inner edge of Gleipnir, only a few kilometers from the event horizon, the tidal forces are very strong."
With a grin, Gojraan lifted up a piece of flat bread and tore it in two.
"Not quite like that,” said Haisho. “But the tidal forces will be strong enough to affect your inner ear and cause disorientation."
Gojraan shook his head. “Not me. I always keep my wits tight. Unlike some.” He grinned at Majnu, who went back to staring at his breakfast.
"Nonetheless,” Haisho said sternly, “this will be dangerous." She picked up a piece of cucumber and before popping it into her mouth, added, “Your father will be watching carefully from his ship."
"What?” said Gojraan.
Sundshri frowned. “No. Listen, Nagaan, Father is meeting us at Maishaitan, the supernova site. No."
"What?!” repeated Gojraan.
Haisho chewed thoughtfully, swallowed, took a sip of tea. “He apparently changed his mind. His ship is already in the system, awaiting us."
The Samraatju siblings looked at each other. “Will he be going down into Gleipnir with us?” Gojraan asked in his smallest voice.
Haisho shook her head. “As I understand, he will not. He will watch from his ship and will join us after your excursion. He is keen to find out how your training is going.” She bowed her head close to the tabletop. “I hope my efforts will find favor with him."
There was a long silence, broken by the scraping of Kushri's plate on the table as she pushed it away, a sour look on her face. “I'm not hungry anymore,” she announced.
* * * *
Often, on the long freefalls between gravity wells, Kazo talked with Apilak. Kazo liked to think that Apilak felt more affinity with her than with her mother or sister, and imagined Apilak in some distant youth as passionate and impetuous as herself. Certainly, like Kazo, Apilak did not hesitate to speak her mind, although with more skill and cunning than Kazo could manage.
"I can't talk to my mother about Majnu,” Kazo said. She had strapped herself to her bunk, to keep herself from drifting away in freefall. Her cabin she kept dark. “She would just talk to me about duty and all that. She wouldn't understand about love. Do you think she was ever in love? She's too careful and calculating to let herself get swept up in such powerful, so overwhelming feelings...."
You should be careful about Majnu, said Apilak. Especially after his father comes aboard. Old Samraatju will not appreciate you carrying on a love affair with his son under his nose.
"Oh, no one knows but you, and besides, Majnu invited me."
If you had read the contract, as your mother instructed you to, you would find the clause...
"You're just as bad as Amma!” snapped Kazo. “You know nothing about love."
Neither do you, said Apilak. You are too young. You know nothing of love, or of pain, of loss and grief, all of which thread together.
"Well,” said Kazo slowly, “have you every loved anyone? The way I love Majnu?"
Don't be impertinent, Kazo. I have traveled back and forth across the galaxy for almost a thousand years. I know your heart is overflowing, and it makes me smile to watch it. I know your love for the young Samraatju is real, but don't be insulting and think that you are the only one to love like that.
"Then tell me about your lovers."
My life is not a v-novel for your entertainment.
Kazo sniffed. “But you can watch mine. Oh, come on, Apilak. At least share with me some of your wisdom that you so mysteriously acquired on your journeys."
You need to control your sarcasm, Kazo; it has gotten you into trouble before, and will again if you don't.
"Please tell me?"
Apilak said, Loveis no more eternal than the stars. It may burn slow and steady for a long time and then gradually shrink away, or it may burn bright and hot for a brief period, only to end spectacularly.
"Like a supernova?"
Of course!But those are cynical words. We live in the light of ephemeral suns, Kazo. We all need that light.
"Even you?"
Even me.
"Then who..."
Hush now. Not everyone may know the ending of every story.
* * * *
The descent to Gleipnir was long. Because of the violent energies released as the accretion disk ground together matter, the Umialik had to stay tens of millions of kilometers away, avoiding both the accretion disk of Gleipnir and the polar outflows. Apilak piloted her ship in a tight parabola, accelerating straight toward the maw of Fenris. Then, in quick succession, the excursion group was enveloped in brane-shifted blisters. When the last was released, Apilak throttled the engines to skid the Umialik out of the plane of the accretion disk, up and out of the inner system.
Kazo was in blackness. The whalelike bulk of the Umialik had vanished. Inside the blister all she could see was the brightness of the ship's beacon and a faint smudge of flux from the engines. Ahead of her Gleipnir was a curlicue, violet and small, as if she could cup it in her hand.
Kazo sighed. Even at the high initial velocity Apilak gave them, it was a long fall in: more than twelve hours. They would have only six hours to skim along Gleipnir, then ascend for a grueling two days.
As they fell inward, Gleipnir grew larger and larger, a fiery snake writhing as it bit its own tail. When it filled half the sky, Haisho signaled to begin braking. In unison the group spread wide their limbs. Kazo felt the flux bite hard at her blister. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Majnu wobbling a bit. She resisted the impulse to go to him, to call out to him. A moment later Kumko glided close to Majnu, with soothing coaxing. Gojraan's harsh laugh slashed out of the comm link: Ha ha! Hey, Majnu, is Kumko your girlfriend? Better be careful, Father won't like it! Everyon
e ignored his taunts. Gojraan responded by dropping faster.
Sir! said Haisho sharply. You must reduce your velocity.
There's plenty of time to brake, Gojraan called back, but his descent slowed.
Your father entrusted your safety to us, Haisho said, her words ringing clear and cold over the comm link. We cannot allow you to get too far ahead.
Gojraan said nothing, but quietly matched velocities with the rest of the group.
An hour later the outer fog of Gleipnir swallowed them. Here, in the accretion disk, gas torn from the red giant companion was spun into a broad carpet. Gravity compressed and heated the gas. First electrons were boiled off the atoms to make an x-ray soup. Deep down, by the inner edge of the accretion disk, the nuclei themselves of the atoms, banged incessantly against each other, began to scream in gammas and neutrinos.
Beyond that edge was the maw of the black hole Fenris.
As the excursion group entered Gleipnir they angled slightly eastward in the plane of the accretion disk, tacking off the neutrino flux to be captured into orbit. Soon they were skimming along the inner edge of the disk.
This is as deep as we go, called out Haisho. Beyond is too dangerous.
Kumko took the lead, tilting back her legs, so that the axis of the ellipsoid blister formed an angle with the neutrino wind. Kushri followed her, then Gojraan. Kazo reluctantly went next, then Sundshri, Majnu, and Haisho trailing behind, ever watchful.
The flux bucked and snapped at them. Kazo could see matter boiling, roiling, belching. Her blister shuddered and shook as the flux rose and fell. She glanced back at Majnu. She could not make out the phantom outline of his blister, but only saw the bright eye of his beacon drifting up and down. He was having difficulty with his balance, she knew, but she kept her mouth clamped shut. Haisho would be watching him.
They stayed in a tight group for a few hours. Kazo's blister trembled and vibrated as she skimmed forward over and through uneven patches of neutrino flux.
Then Gojraan got into trouble.
Getting more and more bored, Gojraan had been deliberately bobbing up and down in his trajectory. The occasional word from Haisho and he would snap back into line with mathematical precision. Then, predictably, he started ignoring the warnings. He soared up and above the others, then dove back down and pulled up at the last fraction of a second. He threaded his way up over and below streams of dense gas that glowed as nuclei within collided and broke apart. He picked up velocity and soon overtook Kumko.
Analog SFF, December 2007 Page 3