Black Girls and Bad Boys: Changing his Tune

by Neneh J. Gordon

  He wanted to get down on his knees and beg her to come with him. How would he get through the rest of the tour without her? But she needed to stay. The decision was hard enough for her without him pouring on the guilt. “Will I see you again?” There was so much between them. She must feel it too.

  “Yes. If that’s what you want.”

  “What do you mean, ‘if that’s what I want’? Of course I want to see you. I’m crazy about you.”

  “I just thought, with all the drama and everything...”

  “Angie. I wouldn’t have got this far without you. I wish you were flying back with me tonight. I wish I could drop the rest of the tour and just be with you. But if I have to wait for you, I will.”

  The faintest hint of a smile lit her face. “You don’t know what it means to hear you say that.”

  He kissed her temple. Getting on that plane without her was going to be like leaving his arm behind.

  CHAPTER 14

  John met him at the airport with a look on his face that told Noah to keep his mouth shut.

  “Everyone’s already at the stadium, so I hired a car. Do you know how much money this little stunt has cost?”

  “I’ll cover the cost of the car.”

  “That’s not the point. Do you know how much we would have had to fork out if tonight got cancelled?”

  “I’m sorry, okay?” He raised his voice more than he meant to. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t let her go off on her own.” But John didn’t know the reasons why. It was only natural for him to get angry.

  “So where is she?”

  “She had to take care of some stuff.”

  “That’s all I get? Taking care of stuff?” He puffed up like he was about to start yelling, then just rolled his eyes. “Well, I suppose that’s one less expense. If she’s not working, we won’t have to pay her.”

  But Noah was going to pay for her lawyer. It would take a while for him to see the money for the tour, but John had worked miracles with the album royalties and in the meantime there was always credit. He was good for it. Because of Angie.

  They got in the car and fell into silence. The tightness had gone out of John’s jaw – they were going to be alright. He still gave Noah the silent treatment for the full two hours it took them to get to the venue.

  It felt beyond strange to walk onto the stage knowing Angie wasn’t out there or standing in the wings watching. All the applause and cheering in the world couldn’t make up for that one missing woman in the crowd. When he found himself thinking about what she might be doing, he threw himself into the songs and sang out his frustration. Being away from her was only temporary. And his fans had paid good money to see him – he owed them a night to remember.

  When the encore was done, he was riding the usual adrenaline high, but that night the woman he wanted to share it with wasn’t there. He slipped away before the others took pity on him and tried to get him to go out with them. After a quick shower on the bus, he pulled out his phone and called Angie.

  The phone rang and rang, then went through to voicemail. He hung up without leaving a message. His thumb hovered over her number, ready to redial, but he put the phone away. It was late. Maybe she’d gone to bed already. Or maybe she was out drinking. She’d come close the day before.

  He dialled her up again and got her voicemail for a second time. What if Wesley had paid her a visit? What if she’d got run over crossing the street? Endless scenarios circled round and round in his head. What if she was using the whole Lewis thing as an excuse to get away from him?

  A knock on his bunk door interrupted his rising paranoia.

  “Noah, you coming out for something to eat?” It was John.

  “No, I’m not hungry.” He couldn’t face the idea of eating anything.

  The door slid open and John looked him right in the eye. “You’re not sitting here on your own.”

  He thought about arguing, but he knew what John was worried about – that he’d relapse. Now Angie wasn’t there to chaperone him, John would be taking up the slack. And if Noah stayed behind brooding he was a lot more likely to start thinking about liquid ways to take his mind off things. Now the idea had surfaced, he was already working out which drink he was in the mood for. “Okay. I’ll come.” He could always give her number another try while they were out.

  ***

  Angelique made her way home and let herself into her flat. It looked so strange after she’d been away for the past week. It was like the time she’d spent with Noah was some weird dream and now she was back in her real life. She wasn’t sure how she felt about being there.

  When she tried to picture him sitting on her little brown sofa, it just didn’t work. She was too used to seeing him in his mansion, or on the tour bus. Noah Trent and normal life weren’t a good fit. What did that say for their chances as a couple? And that was before you factored in their various addictions.

  She was bone-tired, but if she sat down she wouldn’t want to get up again, so she dragged herself into the kitchen and pulled a pizza out of the freezer. While it was in the oven, she had a shower and wrapped herself up in her oldest pair of pink flannel pyjamas. The pizza tasted like manna from heaven, but that was mainly because she’d barely eaten all day. Her phone rang while she was turning on the TV in her bedroom. She looked at the screen. Noah. Getting under the covers with the remote control, she let the phone ring.

  She missed him too much to hear his voice just then. She’d call him back tomorrow. After she’d sorted things out at The Cloister. When she’d worked out how she was going to bear the next few weeks without him.

  ***

  The next day meant a new town and yet another concert. Noah hadn’t got through to speak to Angie and as a result he’d had a bad night’s sleep. John kept telling him not to worry, but it wasn’t that easy. He should have been thinking about that night’s show, but his head was full of images of Angie lying dead on the floor somewhere.

  He called a couple more times that morning, but she still didn’t answer. In the end, he gave up and tried to sleep as they drove. It didn’t work.

  When it was almost time to stop for lunch, Noah’s phone started to ring. He snatched it up off his bed, saw Angie’s name and answered before it got to the second bar of his ringtone. “Angie.”

  “Noah. Look, I’m sorry I missed your calls.”

  “That’s okay. How are you?” The strength of his relief was unnerving.

  “I’m fine. I start back at The Cloister tomorrow.”

  “That’s good.” He was struggling to think of things to say. The distance between them was down to more than the number of miles. It was like they were strangers all over again. “I forgot to give you the details of the lawyer I spoke to.”

  “It doesn’t matter, I found someone myself.”

  “Why? I’ve already told this guy the whole story.” He’d said it was in hand, what was she doing?

  “John’s been very generous, I’ve got enough to handle it. I know money’s still tight for you.”

  “Do you think I care about money?” He had to hold on to himself to keep from shouting at her. Why was she being like this? “What’s going on, Angie? First you don’t answer my calls, now you’re cutting me out of the custody case—”

  “I need some space, Noah. Some time to get my head round everything.”

  He knew what that meant – that she was going to dump him. “You want to end things.” He’d been so careful not to guilt-trip her into coming back with him and now she was going to end it.

  “No. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s... It’s just been so intense. Don’t you think so?”

  “Yeah, but I thought that was good.” Things had never moved this fast between him and a woman before. He’d thought it was a positive sign.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to see you.” She trailed off in a way that didn’t give him much confidence in what she was saying. “I just need to concentrate on work and Lewis for a little while.”

&nbs
p; Fine. If she was giving him the brush-off, he wasn’t going to beg. “Okay. Take care of yourself.”

  “Noah—”

  But he hung up before she could say anything else.

  ***

  Angelique stared at her phone, anger building from way down low inside her. The minute she stopped putting him in front of everything else he threw a temper tantrum. She tried to tell herself that it was the addict in him reacting, but that didn’t cut it. He knew what she’d been through – what she was still having to work through – but all he cared about was having her at his beck and call.

  She took a breath and did her best to calm down. They were both upset. He was used to having her to lean on and she’d taken that away from him. But who did she have to lean on?

  Stomping into her bedroom, she threw her gym things into a bag and walked out of the flat before she broke something. Was this the way it would always be with them – him playing the weak, wounded artist while she supported him and pretty much did everything?

  It all proved she was doing the right thing by keeping her distance. She didn’t need all this. Lewis was her priority. Everything else was just an obstacle to get past.

  ***

  The tour bus swung into yet another service station and Noah stormed outside before everyone else. He didn’t realise anyone had come after him until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” John kept a grip on him so he couldn’t stride away.

  “Angie’s decided to dump me.”

  He stared, open-mouthed. “What did she say?”

  “That she needs some space for a while. Some other clichés. I don’t know.” His chest hurt and his stomach seethed with acid.

  “If she said it’s for a while, that doesn’t sound like she’s dumped you.”

  “It does to me.” Why couldn’t she just come out and say it? He shrugged John off his arm and sat down on the grass.

  “Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” John sat beside him. “She might have a point.”

  “Fine. Whatever.”

  “For god’s sake, Noah. Give her a break. Or is there something else going on that I don’t know about?” He looked at him, trying to do that fatherly x-ray eyes thing.

  “There isn’t anything.” Nothing that would explain the way he felt, anyway. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he realised he was being unfair. All the things he’d kept from John just made him look more unreasonable. Angie had been through hell. Somehow, she’d managed to pull herself out the other side and now he was throwing a fit because she wanted to take some time out. “You’re right. I’m an idiot.”

  John sighed. “I don’t think you’re an idiot. And this is about more than you and Angelique.”

  Noah looked at him. Where was this going?

  “Have you thought about going back to Dr Chaudhry?”

  “The shrink?”

  “Yes, the shrink. You said she helped before.”

  But that had been a few years ago. “I worked through all that stuff.”

  “So you don’t think your history might have the tiniest bit of relevance here?”

  “Jesus.” He was right. How could he have spent all that time in therapy and come away with so little self-awareness?

  “I see the penny’s dropped.” John patted him on the shoulder and got to his feet. “Have a think about it. And from what I heard of that phone call, you should probably come up with an apology.” He walked off towards the service station, leaving Noah to marvel at how well he could mess things up without any stimulants whatsoever.

  ***

  Thirty lengths of the gym swimming pool went some way towards working off Angelique’s bad mood. Then she saw that the kickboxing class she kept considering but had never taken was running in five minutes. What more of a reason did she need?

  After an hour of martial arts basics, she was too worked up to sit in the sauna, so she took a shower and left. When she checked her phone she saw six missed calls from Noah. There was a text message too. She thought about ignoring it – she could feel her temper returning – but curiosity got the better of her.

  I’m really, really, really, really sorry about what I said. Please forgive me.

  N.

  The text brought a momentary smile to her face, but then she thought about the way he’d hung up on her and she was angry all over again. If he wanted her to forgive him, he’d need more than a measly text message. She deleted it and set off home.

  ***

  Two weeks later, Angie was still ignoring his calls. Three weeks later he’d stopped trying to talk to her and was relying on increasingly pleading text messages. He’d sent flowers, chocolates, even a couple of jazz CDs, but he’d heard nothing in reply. He didn’t know if she’d been able to see Lewis, he didn’t know if she’d settled back into her new job, he didn’t even know if she was still alive.

  This whole narrative had grown up in his head of how things would be with her. She’d come to the last date of the tour. Maybe she’d even bring Lewis. Everything would be perfect and then they’d walk off into the sunset together.

  But his last gig was getting closer and things with Angie weren’t getting any better. If he wanted his perfect ending, he was going to have to go out there and get it.

  He had to see her. But that would mean risking rejection. She had no idea how much of a problem that was for him.

  So maybe he should tell her. Lay it all on the line and apologise in person. It was the only thing he could think of. And he wanted her badly enough to give it a try.

  But there were no more nights off. He was at the limit of his credit cards and John was never going to agree to him dashing across the country on some personal errand right before the biggest shows of the tour.

  The days slipped past and he agonised over what he should do. When the penultimate gig was over he made his excuses and went back to the bus. There was still a chance he could get the closing night he wanted. It would mean calling in some favours that he might not have a right to any more. He’d pissed off a lot of people when he was at the height of his addictions.

  He started making calls. If he had to beg to get what he needed, he’d just have to get on and do it. And there was one more thing he could do to raise some money.

  ***

  It was still hard to believe how reasonable Wesley was being. Angelique practically floated home after her second visit with Lewis. The boy was wary of her, but that was only to be expected. At least he’d managed to overcome his shyness and ask her a couple of questions this time.

  Her lawyer was in the process of hashing things out with Wesley’s, but it was looking more and more likely that she’d get to see Lewis on a regular basis. Joint custody might not be right around the corner, but it wasn’t impossible any more.

  And that was partly down to Noah.

  Every time she thought of him she got a twisting sensation in her gut. She’d only wanted to put things on hold for a while, but his reaction had totally changed the way she saw him. It was for the best. Better to find out now than when she was head over heels in love with him.

  She let herself in and threw her jacket over a chair before slouching on the sofa. What did she mean, before she was in love with him? She was more than halfway there already. But it would pass. All she needed was time.

  She thought about getting something to eat, maybe turning on the television, but it wasn’t enough to get her up off the sofa. Her mind drifted back to Noah. She didn’t understand how he could have been so strong, so supportive and then suddenly behave like a spoilt child. It didn’t matter. That’s what had happened and now she had to deal with it.

  A loud droning sound started up outside and she went over to look out of the window. Probably a police helicopter. They didn’t pass over as often as they did where she lived before, but the noise was hard to confuse with something else. There was nothing to see out the front, so she went to the bedroom and looked out the back.

  T
here it was, big and white and a lot lower than she’d seen one come before. But the ones she’d seen in the past had been black. And it didn’t have the usual writing on the bottom.

  As she watched, it dropped lower still. It was coming in to land on the big open stretch of grass between the blocks of flats. She stared out of the window, completely baffled.

  The helicopter came down to the ground, the wind from its blades whipping the surrounding trees and shrubs into some sort of wild dance. Then the rotors stopped. One of the doors opened and a figure stepped out. He had long, dark hair and wore tight black jeans and a white t-shirt.

  Angelique’s heart froze in her chest. It was Noah. There was no one else it could be. She thought of going downstairs, but she stayed glued to the window, watching him stride towards her building.

  What should she do? Pretend to be out?

  He walked up to the flats and out of sight. He didn’t have the money to hire a helicopter. What the hell was going on?

  She went to the door and her hands went to her hair without her even thinking about it. Then she caught herself and angrily dropped her hands to her sides. Who cared what she looked like? Okay, he’d made a very dramatic entrance, but the way he’d spoken to her that night wasn’t something she could just shrug and forget about.

  All her intentions of playing it cool fizzled into nothing the moment she heard his footsteps on the stairs outside. She opened the front door and watched him walk towards her.

  “Angie.” He bounded up the last few steps, beaming at her.

  She wanted to hold onto her anger, but it melted through her fingers. He looked the best she’d ever seen him – a healthy weight, with clear skin and bright brown eyes. His hair was dark and glossy. He didn’t look like a hard-living rocker any more. He looked amazing.

  “What do you want?”

  “Can I come in?”

  The flat was pretty tidy, but it felt weird to have him come inside and see all her personal things. She wondered how it had been for him when she’d started working at his house. After a pause, she nodded and stood aside.

  He met her eye and his smile shrank. “I wanted to apologise in person.”