by Amy Cross
Hearing footsteps, she turned to see Kirsten entering the room.
“Nurse Winter, I was just -”
“Carry on,” Kirsten said sternly, stopping next to the bed. “I want to watch you work. Just pretend I'm not here.”
“I...” Pausing, Elly realized her boss seemed to be in no mood to talk. Instead of saying anything, therefore, she simply looked back down at Rachel's face and began to carefully clean around the thick black staples that held the woman's skin together. Some of the staples seemed a little discolored around the edges, as if they were starting to cause irritation.
“You're hurting her,” Kirsten said suddenly.
Elly looked down at Rachel's hands, which were still not moving. “I don't think I am.”
“Of course you are,” Kirsten continued. “You've got no subtlety, no care in your movements. Think about those staples, woman, they must be extremely sore. Show some concern for your patient.”
Elly thought to defend herself, before deciding to stay calm. “Sorry,” she said, disposing of the swab and taking another from the box. “I'll do better.”
Getting back to work, she was fully aware that Kirsten was watching her every move. She took extra care to avoid nudging the staples themselves, while constantly checking to make sure that Rachel was giving no indication of pain. Moving slowly from one staple to the next, she began to feel as if she was at least starting to get the job done properly, and she felt certain this time that she couldn't possibly be causing the patient any discomfort.
“You're ham-fisted,” Kirsten said after a moment. “You'd never make a surgeon. Where did you learn to look after patients, an abattoir? You're still hurting her, you know.”
“I really don't think I am,” she replied.
“Just focus. The poor woman's been through enough, she doesn't need you poking her.”
“I think the staples -”
“Forget the staples. Do your job.”
“But -”
“Don't make excuses. Do. Your. Job.”
Swallowing hard, but feeling increasingly as if she could do nothing right, Elly dipped the swab in a jar of solution and then got back to work, wiping carefully around the edges of Rachel's sore skin. The silence in the room seemed to build, and she knew full well that Kirsten was watching her every move, which only made her start to questions herself more. She'd been fine a few minutes ago, but she hated the sensation of being studied so carefully, and she felt it was only a matter of time before -
“You're hurting her,” Kirsten said firmly.
“I'm not,” she replied, trying to stay calm even though she was feeling increasingly flustered. As she pulled the swab away, however, she caught the edge of one of the staples, tearing it slightly from the skin and causing Rachel's entire body to shudder. “I'm sorry,” Elly said, looking down and seeing that the woman's hands were twitching.
“For God's sake,” Kirsten continued, stepping around the bed and pushing Elly out of the way, “are you capable of doing this job or not?”
“I -”
“Watch and learn. You're like a goddamn butcher.”
Elly opened her mouth to defend herself, but after a moment she decided to stay quiet. She'd done her best to keep from hurting Rachel, and she was certain she'd never have made a mistake if she hadn't been observed so keenly. She watched as Kirsten pressed the dislodged staple back into place. After a moment, however, her attention was drawn to the back of Kirsten's neck, where a thick scar ran from the top of her uniform up to the edge of her hairline. Whatever had happened to her, she appeared to have been cut open, and the scar – although healed – still looked fairly fresh, as if it was only a few years old.
“It's okay, Rachel,” Kirsten said with a calm, soothing tone, “there's no need to worry. You're in good hands now.” She cast a brief glance toward Elly, as if to underline the slight. “Pay attention to how it's really done. You might learn something.”
Elly nodded, feeling as if she might burst into tears at any moment.
“You need to be gentle,” Kirsten explained, taking a fresh swab, dipping it into solution, and then wiping the wound that consumed Rachel's face. “It's a skill that will only come with patience, time and practice. Of course, some people just don't have those qualities, and those people make especially lousy nurses. I sincerely hope, Ms. Blackstock, that you're a little better at your job than you seem.”
“I'm sorry,” Elly replied, forcing herself to stay strong.
“Don't apologize to me. I'm not the one you hurt. Apologize to the patient.”
“I'm sorry,” Elly said, looking down at Rachel. “I really didn't meant to...” Her voice trailed off, and she felt as if she might start crying at any moment. She'd been working so hard at Middleford Cross to fit in and do her job properly, and now she felt as if she was being attacked unfairly. Then again, maybe it was fair.
“Fetch me a needle,” Kirsten said firmly. “There's a lot of pus in here, I want to get it out.”
“Are you sure? I looked a moment ago and there was no sign of infection.”
“Are you questioning my judgment?”
“Of course not,” Elly replied, hurrying to the trolley. Her hands were shaking as she sorted through the needles, but finally she found one the right size and headed back over. “I really didn't see anything, that's all.”
“Well, I doubt -” Taking the needle, Kirsten examined it for a moment. “What the hell is this supposed to be? I need to delicately drain the pus without hurting the patient, not draw out a chunk of flesh. This is five times too big!”
“But -”
“Get out,” Kirsten snapped finally, pushing past her and heading over to the trolley. “I'll work faster and more effectively without your so-called help.”
“But -”
“Go! Leave me alone! For God's sake, go and find another patient, one you can't hurt, and try to be useful.”
“Of course,” Elly replied, taking a step back. She watched for a moment as Kirsten made her way to Rachel's bed and got to work, and then she headed out of the room. As she made her way along the corridor, she could already feel tears welling in her eyes, and she only just managed to get to the office before bursting into tears. Taking a seat at the desk, she grabbed a tissue and began to wipe her cheeks clear, while running through the events of the past few minutes in her mind. She felt certain that she'd done everything possible to avoid hurting the patient, and it had been as if Nurse Winter had stormed into the room with the express intention of upsetting her.
Then again...
The doubts were coming back, the same doubts she'd felt after the incident at her previous job. She'd come so close to quitting nursing altogether, and now she was starting to wonder if she should have done just that.
A moment later, she heard the door opening.
“Oh,” Doctor Carmichael said, pausing for a moment, “I'm sorry, I didn't...” He stared at her. “Are you okay, Nurse Blackstock?”
“Fine,” she replied, sniffing back tears. She was determined not to seem weak, even though she knew he'd be able to tell she was crying. “I'm fine.”
“You don't look fine to me,” he said, shutting the door and making his way over to her. “Let me guess. One of the patients said something that upset you? I know they can be a little sharp sometimes.”
She shook her head.
“Did something happen at home?”
Another shake.
“Huh.” He paused. “Then I can only conclude that the great Nurse Kirsten Winter has got to you.”
At this, Elly froze for a moment. How did he know?
“Relax,” he continued, putting a hand on her shoulder, “it happens to the best of us. Sometimes she just gets a bee in her bonnet and she lashes out at the first person she sees. It's not fair and it's not pleasant, but you'll get used to it, and it always passes pretty quickly. Next time you see her, she'll probably act like nothing happened. The important thing is to not let it get to you.” He wai
ted for a reply. “You take your work very seriously, don't you?”
“I don't want to hurt the patients.”
“Of course you don't.” He paused again. “You double-check everything,” he continued finally. “I've noticed you several times over the past few days, Nurse Blackstock, and more than anyone else I've ever seen, you double and even triple-check everything you do, even down to the smallest detail. It's as if you don't trust yourself at all. What happened to make you work like that?”
“I just don't want to make any mistakes.”
“Neither do the rest of us, but -”
“I can't make another mistake,” she added, trying but failing to stay calm. “It has to be right.”
“I see.” He glanced at the door, to make sure no-one was about to burst in on them. “Do you know what you need, Nurse Blackstock?” he continued, turning back to her. “You need the same thing I need. You need to unwind a little.”
She shook her head.
“I'm serious,” he told her. Grabbing the roster sheet, he took a quick look at the week ahead. “You're free tomorrow night, and as luck would have it, so am I. Maybe that's a sign from the gods. Come on, let's go and get a drink somewhere.”
“No, really, I -”
“That's not a request,” he continued, with a faint smile, “it's an order. Well, no, it's not an order, it's... Please, just say yes. You're the first person in this place for a long time who I could actually stand spending time with outside of work. I think it might really help you to unwind, and even if it doesn't, it'd definitely help me. I know a great little bar all the way over on the other side of town, why don't we get just one drink? They even serve food.” He waited for her to accept his offer. “I'll even buy you dinner.”
“You don't have to do that.”
“I want to. I don't mind paying for a pretty girl's company if that's the only way I can get it.” He frowned. “Wow, that really came out wrong, didn't it?”
She laughed, before wiping away more tears. “Kind of.”
“So what do you say? No strings, just you and me, getting to know one another away from this place. Please agree, if only for my sake. Unless you truly, absolutely hate the idea and would rather spend the evening alone, anyway.”
“I...” She paused, imagining just how horrified her mother would be by the idea. “Fine,” she said with a smile, while sniffing back the last of her tears. “That sounds good. Thank you.” Hearing a beep, she looked at the wall and saw that a red light was flashing on one of the panels, which meant that Mr. Burrows in room eight wanted something. “I should go and check on that,” she said, getting to her feet and heading to the door.
“Meet me tomorrow at five?” he replied. “Outside the library? The bar's just around the corner.”
“Sure,” she said, still smiling. “It's a date.” She froze, suddenly realizing her mistake. “I mean, it's... Um...”
“I think it's a date,” he told her, clearly amused by her state of panic. “Don't worry, though. Dates are perfectly harmless.”
“I...” Blushing, she dabbed away some more tears. “Sure. I mean... See you tomorrow.” Turning, she almost walked straight into the open door, before stopping herself just in time, smiling nervously, and hurrying out.
Once Elly had left the room, Carmichael paused for a moment before heading out and making his way along the corridor. When he reached the door to Rachel's room, he saw that Kirsten was just finishing up. He loitered in the doorway, not wanting to interrupt.
“You know,” he said finally, “I honestly don't think I've ever seen you perform actual nursing work, not in all the time I've been here. You look positively caring.”
“Don't get used to it.”
“You're insulted.”
“You're not funny, Doctor Carmichael.”
“But you are, looking after a patient like that. I honestly didn't think you had it in you.”
“Okay,” she replied as she headed to join him, “she's all yours. I cleaned her up and got her ready. Enjoy your next little experiments, there are plenty of needles in the drawer.” She paused. “Did it work, by the way? I made sure to really twist the knife when Elly was here a few minutes ago, I could tell she was close to tears when I threw her out of the patient's room.”
He nodded. “She was sobbing in the office. She's meeting me tomorrow night.”
“You know what to do, then.”
He nodded again. “Sure,” he muttered, feeling a hint of guilt in his chest. “I know. I have to do the same thing to her that you once did to me.”
“Ouch,” she replied with a smile as she turned and walked away. “I hope you won't have to be that mean to the poor girl.”
Chapter Nineteen
“I had her pegged from the moment she walked through the door,” Carmichael said the following night, as he and Elly sat at the bar. Loud music was pounding from the jukebox in the corner, and people were shouting and laughing nearby. “As soon as I met Nurse Kirsten Winter, I could tell she was a bitch from hell.”
“She's not that bad,” Elly protested.
“Of course she's that bad,” he replied. “Why are you defending her? Didn't she make you cry yesterday?”
“That was probably my fault. She was just trying to show me how to do things better, and it's natural for her to be more experienced.”
“Why was it your fault?” he asked, taking a sip of beer. “Do you really doubt yourself so easily?”
“She knows what she's doing,” Elly pointed out. “I should be learning from her.”
“The less you learn from that woman, the better. Trust me, the only lessons she's got to teach are...” Looking down at his beer for a moment, he tried to find the right word. “She's not good. I mean, she keeps the place running, but she's not good at all. If you knew the...”
She waited for him to continue, as a drunken customer bumped into her from behind as he made his way to the bar.
“If I knew the what?” she asked.
He shook his head.
“Come on,” she continued, holding her beer in one hand but still not taking a sip. “You can't just start a sentence like that and then leave it hanging.”
He opened his mouth to reply, before the barman gave him some breathing space by setting a plate of nachos in front of them, along with some dip.
“Sorry,” Carmichael continued, “I swear, last time I was here they had a full menu. It's been a while, though. I guess something changed.” He sighed. “Like everything else in the world, it changed and got worse.”
“It's fine,” she replied, “I'm having a good time.” Checking her phone, she felt for a moment as if she wanted to call her mother, but she told herself there'd be time for that later. “I just feel like...” She paused. “I feel like something's going on at Middleford Cross, something that I'm only seeing glimpses of. Does that make sense, or do I sound crazy? Like... It's a hospital, but it's also something else.”
He nodded slowly. “That makes a lot of sense.”
“Nurse Winter seems... Something's not right. I can't put my finger on it, but something is definitely not right with her.”
“Absolutely.”
“And...” She eyed him cautiously for a moment, wondering how far she could push him. “And I think you know a lot more than you're letting on.”
“You do?”
“I do.”
As if to avoid giving an immediate answer, he dipped a nacho in some sour cream and ate it. “Can I give you some advice?” he asked finally. “Please, just listen to someone who knows. Don't stay at Middleford Cross. Find another job, even if you have to take a pay cut or move outside nursing, whatever, just get out of the damn place. I'm telling you, Middleford Cross is not a good place, not for someone who still harbors any hope whatsoever of being a good person.”
“Sure, I never -”
“I mean now,” he added, fixing her with a firm stare. “I mean quit right now, and never go back.”
“Why would I
do that?” she asked. “It's not the best working environment, but I can manage the -”
“Trust me,” he continued, clearly troubled by something, “you're absolutely right, there is something going on behind the scenes, something I can't tell you about. All I can do is warn you, in good faith, to get away from that place and never look back. Don't worry, she'll let you go, you've only been there for a few days so...” He paused, before taking another sip of beer. “Just get out of there. I like you, Elly, and I don't want to see you get dragged down by that place.”
“You're starting to sound a little melodramatic,” she told him.
“Sorry.”
“Don't be, just... Can't you explain it to me properly?”
He shook his head.
“I can't quit,” she continued. “Not yet. I need the money, and anyway, I need to build up my CV a little.” She waited for a reply. “What about you? Are you going to quit?”
“Soon,” he replied. “I just need a little more time.”
“Time for what?”
“A few things.” He paused. “I need to get my work done. Then again, I guess if I sped things up...”
She waited, but he seemed to have fallen silent, lost in his own thoughts.
“Look at us,” Elly said finally, forcing a nervous smile in an attempt to defuse the situation. “We're out for the evening, away from the hospital, and we're still talking about it. Isn't that kind of sad?” She took a sip of beer, even though she didn't even like the stuff. “We should talk about something else. Anything else.”
“You're right,” he replied with a sigh, eying her with concern. “I'm sorry, I just... I don't want to see you get dragged down by what's going on there, that's all. I don't want to see Middleford Cross claim anyone else.”
***
A couple of hours later, as music continued to boom from the bar, the door opened and Elly stepped out into the parking lot, followed by Carmichael. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, Elly made her way to the corner of the building, before stopping and looking up at the sky, trying to spot stars.
“I want to apologize for this place again,” Carmichael said as he caught up to her. “If I'd known what it had turned into, I never would have invited you here. It's almost become a kind of biker bar.”