Nicky had fallen back to sleep, but Faith was reluctant to relinquish her hold on him. She lingered for a few moments more, then rising from the chair, she returned Nicky to the comfort of his crib.
After covering him with his blanket, she stood staring down at her sister’s child. She found a small measure of comfort in the knowledge that Paula’s spirit would live on in Nicky, that she’d left behind a wonderful legacy.
When she turned to leave she was surprised to see Jared standing in the doorway. He took a step toward her.
“Faith, I’m so sorry.” His voice was a whisper of sound. “I know Paula and I were at odds about Nicky, but she was his mother and she didn’t deserve such a horrible fate.”
Faith heard the pain and sincerity in his voice, and suddenly it was all too much as the block of emotion lodged in her throat broke free in a heart-wrenching sob.
Jared reacted instantly, pulling her against his solid frame, and as his arms closed around her, a torrent of tears poured down her cheeks.
He held her to him while she wept tears of anger, of regret and of sorrow, until, exhausted, she could weep no more.
When Jared lifted her into his arms and carried her to her bedroom, she didn’t have the strength to either protest or resist. And as she drifted off to sleep, she thought she felt his mouth, as soft as an angel’s, briefly brush hers.
It had been two weeks since Paula’s death. Faith was sitting in the nursery trying to get her cranky nephew to go to sleep.
“Is that my son I hear whining and crying?” Jared said as he entered the nursery. “Why don’t you let me try to settle him down,” he offered.
“He’s all yours,” Faith responded with some relief, rising from the rocking chair. “He’s been fussing all day. He doesn’t have a temperature, but I’m wondering if he’s coming down with a cold or something.”
“I hope not,” Jared said, deftly taking his son from Faith. In slow circular motions he began rubbing Nicky’s back and was instantly rewarded with a noisy burp.
“Atta boy! I bet you feel better,” Jared added with a chuckle.
Faith smiled. “You certainly have a knack with him.”
“Thanks, I think. Oh, Faith.”
She turned and met his gaze, feeling her heart jam against her rib cage in reaction.
“We need to talk,” he said.
Faith nodded. “I’ll be in the kitchen,” she said before slipping from the room.
Downstairs, she busied herself making a pot of tea. While she waited for the water to boil her thoughts drifted over the past two weeks. Jared had been a tower of strength, insisting on being the one to fly to L.A. Faith had offered little opposition, agreeing with Jared’s argument that it would simplify matters if she stayed and took care of Nicky.
Difficult as it had been, they’d discussed funeral arrangements. She’d agreed with Jared’s suggestion for a cremation. He’d also proposed delaying the small private service until her parents returned from New Zealand.
While Jared was in L.A., Faith managed to track down her parents at her aunt’s house in Auckland. When she’d told them the news about Paula, they’d wanted to fly back immediately, but she’d managed to dissuade them. They’d greeted the news about Nicky with surprise and ultimately joy, and had wanted to know about Jared, who Faith told them was a wonderful father. She also passed along Jared’s invitation for them to come for a visit once they returned from New Zealand.
But it was her mother’s comments about Paula that stood out most in Faith’s memory.
She’d always thought her parents favored Paula, until her mother expressed her sadness over the fact that Paula had always been insecure. She’d told Faith that they’d often despaired that Paula’s need for attention would one day be her undoing.
Faith’s thoughts were cut off by the sound of the teakettle whistling. Reaching up to open a cabinet, she realized how comfortable and happy she’d become in Jared’s home. Her mother had asked her when she was heading back to. San Francisco, and Faith hadn’t known the answer.
But much as she hated the thought of leaving Nicky, she knew she couldn’t stay on indefinitely.
“Are you making tea? I could use a cup,” Jared said when he joined her in the kitchen.
“Did you manage to get Nicky to settle down?” she asked, setting the tray with the teapot, two cups and saucers, a cream jug and sugar bowl on the table.
“Yes, finally,” Jared replied. “But he’s up there in his crib staring at his mobile. He’s fascinated with it. I can’t believe how much he’s grown since we brought him home.”
Faith felt her heart falter. Jared was speaking as if they were Nicky’s parents, and it was all she could do to control the rush of emotion engulfing her.
She managed a smile. “Next he’ll be rolling over, then sitting up, then crawling,” she said as she poured tea into the cups.
“Thanks,” Jared said, and reached for the cream jug. “And before we know it he’ll be asking for the keys to the car and saying he has a date with the prettiest girl in town.” He laughed.
The deep rich sound sent a shiver of longing chasing down Faith’s spine, and not for the first time she wished she could stay around and watch Nicky grow up to manhood.
She was becoming much too fond of these moments, moments when they talked about Nicky, sharing observations, about how often he smiled, or if he’d shown interest in a new toy.
“Listen, Faith, I know it’s only been two weeks since the accident, but we haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk.” Jared’s tone was serious. “I just want to tell you how much I appreciate all you’ve done for Nicky, and for me.”
“Jared, please,” Faith interjected. “Having Nicky to look after has helped me a great deal, more than you can ever know.”
Jared’s gaze held hers for a long moment. “I’m glad,” he said. “Losing your sister has been hard enough to deal with. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have gone through when you lost your child.”
The sympathy and concern in his voice was almost her undoing. Tears gathered in her eyes.
“Faith, I’m so sorry,” Jared said. “I’m a clumsy fool. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He reached over and covered her hand with his in a gesture that melted her heart.
“I’m fine,” she said in a husky voice, wondering how Jared knew about Erica. “Losing someone you love is heartbreaking, but losing a child is like losing a part of yourself,” she said. “But I wouldn’t change a moment of the five brief but wonderful days I had with my daughter.”
“She only lived for five days?” Jared asked, wishing he’d paid closer attention to what his friend DeMarco had told him about Paula’s twin sister.
“Yes,” Faith replied, gently pulling her hand free.
“At least you had your husband...” he said.
Faith shot him an angry glare. “My husband left when I was four months pregnant. That was the same day the doctors told us the child I was carrying would have little chance of survival. I guess he just couldn’t face it,” she said, fighting for control.
“You faced it. You were there for your daughter when she needed you. That took courage.”
Fresh tears welled up in her eyes and a warmth stole through her at his words. He wasn’t at all like Glen; he’d been there for Paula. Jared was a man of much higher caliber.
Not for the first time since Jared had barged into her life, Faith wished things were different, wished Nicky were her son, wished... But wishes rarely come true.
“Did you love your husband very much?” Jared asked, knowing he was prying, but unable to stop himself.
The ghost of a smile curved her mouth. “I was twenty-three when I met him. What did I know about love?” She shook her head. “That’s all in the past. What’s important is Nicky and what’s best for him.”
“You’ve done a wonderful job so far. But we both know things can’t go on like this. You have a house and a career waiting for you back in San Francisco.
And I can’t, in good conscience, allow you to put your life on hold indefinitely. It’s time for us both to move on.”
Chapter Nine
Faith couldn’t breathe. She felt as if someone was squeezing her heart in a vise. Even though she’d known this day was coming, had tried to prepare herself for the inevitability of it, the thought of moving on and leaving Nicky, who was like her own child, was more then she could bear.
She struggled to find her voice. “I suppose you’re right,” she managed to say, forcing the words past her lips, keeping her gaze focused on the tea cooling in her cup.
“The most practical solution would be to hire a nanny for Nicky.”
“A nanny,” Faith repeated, lifting the cup to her lips. “How long do you think it will take to find someone suitable?” she asked, ignoring the ache throbbing in her heart.
“I don’t know. I thought I’d start by putting an ad in a few newspapers and go from there. Of course, if you’re anxious to get back to San Francisco I can ask Maggie if she could baby-sit Nicky for me during the day.”
“No!” The word came out more sharply than she’d intended. “I mean, I’m not in a hurry to get back. I called my publisher yesterday, and he told me he doesn’t have anything for me at the moment.”
“You don’t mind staying on a little longer?”
“No, I don’t mind,” Faith replied, refraining from adding she’d be happy to stay forever.
Jared smiled, and Faith felt her heart skip a beat in response. “Thank you. You’ve been more than generous staying as long as you have. And presuming I do get a few replies, would you be willing to look them over? I’d appreciate your input.”
“Sure,” Faith replied, pleased he’d asked for her help, yet at the same time unhappy she’d be choosing her own replacement.
Jared leaned back in the chair. “So, tell me. How many books have you illustrated?”
“A dozen,” Faith said.
“Wow! I’m impressed,” Jared said. “What kind of books are they?”
“Children’s picture books.”
“I’m not too familiar with those,” he said. “But having Nicky around will change my reading habits, I imagine.” He smiled. “I’d love to see your work. Have you always liked to draw and paint?”
A little disconcerted by his interest, Faith toyed with her teacup before answering. “From as far back as I can remember I was happiest when I had crayons or pencils and scraps of paper in front of me.”
“I, on the other hand, don’t have an artistic bone in my body,” Jared said. “I can’t even draw stick men. Mind you, I was probably one of those kids who had more fun chewing on crayons, rather than drawing with them.” He started to laugh.
“I hope your mother took the crayons away before you got sick,” Faith said, joining in his laughter. The cheery sound flowed over her, lifting her spirits a notch.
“That was the baby-sitter’s job,” Jared said offhandedly.
“Baby-sitter,” Faith repeated, catching something in his voice. “Did your mother leave you with a baby-sitter often?”
Jared met her gaze, and Faith noticed he was no longer smiling. “As a matter of fact, she left me with a baby-sitter most of my childhood.” His tone was ice-cold.
“What about your father? Didn’t he ever baby-sit?” she asked lightly, and watched as Jared’s mouth tightened into a thin line.
“My father didn’t bother to hang around long enough for us to get acquainted.”
“Is that why—” Faith broke off abruptly. “Sorry. It’s really none of my business.”
“Were you going to ask if that was why I was so determined to track Nicky down?”
Faith nodded.
“The answer is yes. I wanted to find my son and bring him home. That’s the only way I could be absolutely sure he would receive the kind of love and attention he deserves.”
The intensity in his voice startled Faith, but before she could comment he hurried on.
“I didn’t want a child of mine to go through what I’d gone through. My mother was a budding actress. She thought nothing of dragging me from audition to audition, or leaving me with strangers at odd hours of the day or night, or dropping me off at a friend’s hotel room where I was at times ignored, or worse, neglected.” Jared pushed back his chair and stood up.
“How awful!” Faith commented, scarcely able to believe what he’d told her. But there was no mistaking the echo of remembered pain and anger in his voice.
She could see the tension in every line of his body, and for a fleeting second she was tempted to reach out and offer comfort, not to the man, but to the hurt little boy still residing somewhere deep inside.
“I vowed my son would never have to endure a similar fate.”
“But Paula wouldn’t have dragged Nicky around like that, would she?”
Jared spun around, his eyes ablaze. “Not if I had anything to do with it.”
All at once Jared’s anger evaporated. He raked a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I know the two of you must have been close, but you’d have to agree, when it came to her career, Paula was nothing short of obsessive.” He sighed. “There was a time when I’d actually hoped—” He broke off abruptly. “This isn’t getting us anywhere,” he said. “I’d better write up that ad and call it in.”
Faith was silent as she watched Jared leave the kitchen. She’d heard the sorrow and the regret in his voice. What had Jared been hoping for?
Could his anger and frustration simply be a camouflage he used to hide his true feelings for Paula? Had he regarded Paula’s return to Grace Harbor as a sign showing her willingness to reach a new understanding, perhaps even a reconciliation?
“Excuse me, Mr. McAndrew. Another fax just came through in response to your ad for a nanny,” Sally said as she entered Jared’s office.
Jared frowned as he looked up from the file he’d been studying. “What? Sorry, Sally, I wasn’t listening.”
“We just received another reply to your ad.”
“Oh...thanks, toss it with the others.” Jared turned his attention once again to the file.
“Shouldn’t you read them?”
Jared glanced up. “I am reading...oh, you mean the replies,” he quickly amended. “I’ll get to them later.”
“You said that yesterday and the day before.”
“Did I?” Jared leaned back in his leather chair. “Pass them to me, would you?”
Sally picked up the small bundle of unopened envelopes along with the faxes and gave them to her boss.
“How many replies are there?”
“Five regular letters and three faxes.”
Jared scanned the top of his desk in search of the letter opener. “Oh, thanks.” He flashed a smile when Sally handed him the brass opener.
“Uh...Mr. McAndrew?” Sally began hesitantly.
“Yes?” Jared slid the opener along the first envelope.
“I’m leaving now for my dental appointment.”
“You are?”
Sally sighed. “I told you on Monday I had an appointment with Dr. West Thursday afternoon. That’s today,” she said, a hint of exasperation in her voice.
“Oh...right! I remember. You’d better be off.”
“See you tomorrow,” Sally said before withdrawing.
Jared opened the envelopes one by one, and stacked the sheets of paper on top of the faxes. He studied the pile, wondering why he was reluctant to look at them.
With one thing and another, he’d been kept busy for the past two weeks, dealing with a backlog of work. Each night he’d lock up the office and head home, looking forward to spending time with his son, and Faith.
He smiled when he thought of Nicky. He was indeed a happy, contented baby, growing like a weed and changing each and every day.
Silently Jared acknowledged he had Faith to thank for Nicky’s happy state. Confident and relaxed with the baby, she was a natural mother, her presence creating a warm and loving atmosphere.
&n
bsp; His thoughts lingered on Faith. Since his return from L.A., he’d kept his distance, emotionally and physically, giving her time to grieve, time to heal. He knew she took great solace in the everyday care of the baby.
At times he found himself envying her for the ease with which she handled Nicky during his fussy times. Nothing seemed to fluster her, and while she tried to maintain a schedule of sorts, she wasn’t rigid or controlling.
Suddenly the answer to the question of why he wasn’t eager to hire a nanny slammed into him with the force of a punch. He didn’t want Faith to leave!
Almost from the moment he’d brought her and Nicky home to Grace Harbor, they’d formed a unit, a family, and the thought of her returning to San Francisco brought an ache to his chest.
Faith’s generosity in agreeing to stay on to look after Nicky was more than he’d had a right to expect, and he knew she was the reason for the harmony he’d been enjoying. Even in the face of her personal loss she’d held them all together. She was an incredible woman. Not for the first time, Jared was struck by the sharp contrast between Faith and her twin.
Still, there was no getting away from the fact he had Paula to thank for his son. And while her death had shocked and saddened him, Faith had taken the news especially hard.
That’s why he’d insisted on flying down to L.A. to take care of everything. He’d felt he owed it to Faith, and to Paula.
He’d paid off her extravagant hotel bill. Money, or rather the lack of it, had been the main reason Paula had contacted him when she’d discovered she was pregnant. She’d told him she’d signed a contract with her agent agreeing not to get pregnant, and she’d been afraid if he found out she was in breach of her contract any hope of a career in Hollywood would go down the drain.
He wasn’t altogether sure she was telling the truth, but she’d been desperate to keep her pregnancy under wraps and willing to let him take care of her.
During his two days and nights in L.A., he’d spent a good deal of time taking a long hard look at his relationship with Paula. While he wasn’t proud of his irresponsible behavior, neither could he truly regret what had happened between them. How could he? The result had been Nicky.
The Baby Arrangement Page 10