She schooled her expression to blandness, stroking Tucker’s hair. There was the death knell to any foolish dream she might be hiding in her traitorous heart. Why couldn’t she listen and take heed?
“Well, at least you’ve had an interesting life.”
Phillip shrugged and looked down at Grace, whose droopy eyes testified to her difficulty staying awake for the fireworks. “It’s made for a lonely life at times. I’m just realizing how lonely.”
Carissa glanced around at the plethora of Chatams spread over the lawn. “That doesn’t seem to be a problem now that you’re here.”
He grinned. “That’s true. Chatam House is the heart of the family. When you’re here, you don’t lack for company. Or support.”
She could see that was true, and she envied him. Her dad and her uncle Chester and aunt Hilda had been the only ones she could ever truly count on in a time of need. Her mother looked out for herself and no one else, and her sister... Only God knew where Lyla was and what she might be doing. Her cousins cared about her, of course, but they had their own responsibilities and difficulties. She wouldn’t dream of going to them for help, but Phillip could reach out to almost anyone here tonight, and Carissa had no doubt that they would do their best to help him. They would, in fact, gather round to help him. Yes, she envied Phillip and all the Chatams. No wonder Chester and Hilda were so devoted to them.
The fireworks ended with a breathtaking display of sparkling excess that had Grace sitting up and clapping her hands. Tucker roused and rubbed his eyes, breathing, “Wow!” Even Nathan sat up in silent appreciation.
The last sparks were still fading from the sky as the party finally broke up, with parents carting off sleepy children. The Chatam sisters and Kent stood on the walk in front of the house, saying goodbye to their guests, while Chester and some of the other men took charge of the blankets and chairs. To the sisters’ surprise, Phillip’s parents declined to stay at Chatam House, choosing instead to sleep under the same roof as their grandbaby. Carissa couldn’t help feeling a bit of relief at that.
Phillip insisted on carrying Grace up to her room. He even went in to gently bully Tucker into his pajamas while Carissa got Grace into her nightgown. For once, Nathan didn’t complain. Instead, he went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth then changed his clothes and crawled into bed while Carissa and Phillip helped Grace and Tucker brush. Later, when all the children were tucked into bed, Carissa walked Phillip to the door of their suite.
“Thanks for your help.”
“No problem. They were so tired.”
“They had a wonderful day, and so did I.”
“I’m glad.”
He smiled down at her, and she stepped closer. She couldn’t help herself. A warm feeling flooded her, and she felt certain that he would kiss her. His copper gaze skimmed her face and came to rest on her lips. Her breath caught in anticipation. She shifted her weight to her toes, ready to rise up to meet him. But then he eased back and turned the doorknob. The door opened a few inches.
“If, um, you should change your mind about attending church with the aunties and me on Sunday...”
Disappointment dealt her a crushing blow, but she managed to keep her chin aloft. “I’ve already told Uncle Chester and Aunt Hilda we’ll be going with them.”
“All right, then.”
“About Saturday night, though...”
“Oh, um, I’m not sure. With my parents here and everything... I’ll try, though. I would like to get to work on the app.”
“Yes. The app.”
“Well, good night.”
“Good night.”
He slipped out and closed the door behind him. She tried very hard not to cry. She kept telling herself it was for the best. He wasn’t the man for her. No good could come from putting herself in Phillip Chatam’s way more than necessary. But she didn’t have to be happy about it, did she? Besides, he’d said he would try to come by on Saturday night so they could work on the smartphone app. And who knew what might come of that?
* * *
Phillip didn’t show up on Saturday evening. He hadn’t actually said he would, of course, and Carissa tried to convince herself that she hadn’t believed he would, but she couldn’t help feeling disappointed and foolish. Glad that she’d decided to attend church the next morning with Chester and Hilda, she consoled herself with the idea that she wouldn’t have to face him. She prayed herself to sleep that night; it was that or cry again.
The children complained about getting up early the next morning, but they were happy enough by the time they piled into the vehicle with Chester and Hilda. They all went together in Carissa’s minivan, with Chester doing the driving, Aunt Hilda riding up front in the passenger seat and Carissa sitting in the bucket seat next to Grace. That left the boys to share the third-row bench in the back.
As Carissa slid the door closed, Grace looked around and asked, “Where’s Phillip?”
Carissa’s heart did a little flip. Had he become such a part of their lives, then, in spite of everything? She managed a smile and said, “He’s going to church with his aunties.”
“Oh,” Grace said confidently. “He’s saving us our seats.”
“Uh, no,” Carissa told her. “He and the aunties go to a different church.”
“Oh.” Grace imbued that one word with a wealth of disappointment and sadness.
Carissa said nothing more, just fastened her seat belt and faced forward.
Chester drove them across town to the small, unprepossessing church where he and Hilda had worshipped for decades.
Buffalo Creek Christian Church was as plain inside as out, but the small congregation could not have been more welcoming or warm. A simple piano and a single guitar provided the music. A mixed quartet took the place of a big, robed choir. There were no media productions, but the worship was sincere and deep, and the pastor’s message hit Carissa squarely in the chest.
The theme of the sermon, taken from the fourth chapter of Philippians, was that God supplied all our needs “according to the riches of His glory.” Carissa had to admit that her needs had been met, albeit in ways she had not foreseen. She trusted that would continue, somehow.
When they arrived back at Chatam House, Carissa was surprised to see Phillip and Kent carrying in large quantities of fried chicken and all the fixings. Chester chuckled when Kent called out that there was plenty for him and Hilda, too. Chester and Hilda always had Sundays off, and the household fended for themselves. The Chatam sisters had repeatedly invited Carissa and the children to join them for Sunday meals, while reiterating that they “ate simple,” out of deference for the Lord’s Day, but Carissa had always taken the children out for fast food or managed a simple meal on her own. Today, however, Phillip made it clear that they were expected to join everyone else at the table.
“After the Independence Day celebration, the aunties feel that everyone deserves a break from meal preparation, so today we ordered in.” He lifted the bags, wafting the aroma of fried chicken on the July air. “Now, who wants a chicken leg?”
Grace immediately started hopping up and down. “I do! I do!”
Carissa sighed, knowing she couldn’t refuse without risking a rebellion. Even Nathan was licking his chops. “All three of you had better be on your best behavior at the table.”
Tucker and Nathan both ran for the front door. Phillip grinned and winked at Carissa. “We ordered a chicken with six legs.”
She laughed. “That’s a critter I’d like to see around the barnyard.”
“I prefer ’em all crispy and brown, dressing the dinner table,” Phillip joked, falling into step beside her as she followed the children.
She laughed again, relieved that no one seemed to be avoiding anyone anymore. Maybe he’d just been too busy to stop by on Saturday. No doubt he’d been obligated to spe
nd time with his parents. Besides, it was just business, nothing personal. That was what she had to remember.
They went into the house. Phillip carried the food to the kitchen, while Carissa hurried the children into the dining room. Odelia and Kent were putting plates on the table, and they immediately deputized the children to lay out silverware and napkins, sending Carissa after drinking glasses. Meanwhile, Hypatia, Magnolia and Phillip transferred the food to serving dishes.
Chester and Hilda elected to take their meal to the carriage house, but everyone else gathered around the dark antique table in the old-fashioned formal dining room. High spirits prevailed. The Independence Day celebration coupled with Kaylie and Stephen’s happy announcement had created a gay atmosphere among the Chatam sisters. Odelia had even dressed for the occasion in shades of pastel pink and blue, going so far as to wear one pink rosebud earring and one bluebell earring. Grace thought the earrings were adorable and kept checking out Odelia’s earlobes, vacillating between favorites. She finally decided on the pink rosebud because, in her words, “Blue is for stinky boys.”
“Hey!” Phillip teased. “I’ll have you know that I had a shower before church this morning.”
Grace erupted in giggles. “You’re not a boy! You’re a daddy.”
Phillip almost dropped his fork. Carissa felt her face heat, and throats cleared all around the table, while Nathan rolled his eyes before saying, “He’s not a daddy. He’s just a man.”
Phillip nodded stiffly and dropped his gaze to his plate. “That’s right,” he said. “I’m just a man.”
Carissa rushed to fill the awkward silence with chatter. “Not all adult men are fathers, Grace. In fact, many are not, just as many adult women are not mothers.”
“None of us are mothers,” Hypatia pointed out, indicating herself and her sisters.
“We’ve always been content as sisters and aunties,” Magnolia said matter-of-factly.
“Except for me,” Odelia put in, squeezing Kent’s hand. “I’m also a wife.”
“But not a mother,” Grace mused, sounding puzzled.
“Not a mother,” Odelia said a tad wistfully. “I’m a step-grandmother, though, and great-aunt.”
Grace just blinked and shook her head at that. Amused at herself, she began making goofy sounds. Tucker joined in, rolling his eyes and wagging his tongue. Carissa attempted to control them, but Grace’s giggles proved infectious, and soon everyone was laughing—everyone, Carissa noticed, except Phillip. He managed a smile, but his heart didn’t seem in it. She wanted to squeeze his hand, as Odelia had squeezed Kent’s earlier, but she didn’t dare. Not when her heart reached out for his every time he was near.
* * *
He’s just a man. Just a man.
Phillip had never felt so inconsequential, so pointless. Living in the same house with Carissa and her children was becoming more and more difficult. He felt constantly torn between seeking her out and avoiding her, between drawing her closer and keeping her at a distance. He felt drawn to her in a way that he’d never felt drawn to another woman, but he was painfully aware that he had nothing to offer her, not even a steady income. All his experience amounted to a lot of memories, some of them great fun and some of them not so pleasant, and yet he didn’t know how to remake himself.
Oh, his parents had ideas about that. They’d made those notions plain when he’d seen them at Asher’s on Friday and again when they’d taken him to dinner on Saturday. His dad had urged him to study for his CPA license, but Phillip didn’t have the constitution to become a Certified Public Accountant. He would hate a job that made him sit in an office day in and day out, doing the same routine tasks. It just wasn’t for him. His mother thought he should try for a teaching certificate, of all things, but Phillip could not imagine himself with a classroom full of Nathans or, worse yet, Tuckers. The idea of willingly walking into a classroom full of kids every day gave him the willies. He felt a new respect for his baby sister just thinking about it.
His mother had baldly accused Carissa of pegging him as her next husband, saying that it was understandable why a penniless widow with three children to raise would target a single man from a good family. Phillip had laughed at the idea. Maybe Carissa didn’t hate him, maybe she even liked him, as Nathan assumed, but she certainly hadn’t targeted him. If she had, Phillip didn’t want to think how susceptible he might actually be to any lures that Carissa should cast his way, though what she’d want with him was a mystery. She needed a husband who could help her provide for her children, not an overgrown playmate for them.
If only they could make something of the smartphone app, he might cast some lures of his own. She could do worse than a Chatam, after all, even an irresponsible, self-indulgent one, for once she was part of the family, she would have all the support and help anyone could ever need.
The problem with the app came down to public interest, though. He didn’t doubt that Carissa had the know-how to make the thing work, and he had all the contacts. His former employer and coworkers were all surprisingly enthusiastic about the possibilities. In fact, his previous boss had gone so far as to predict that streaming a climb live or on video would increase business by double digits, induce their clients to be better behaved and foster a greater sense of caution in everyone involved. The guy was so enthusiastic that he was talking it up to his suppliers and offering to underwrite a portion of the project. No, the one real unknown was whether the general public would show any interest in watching a climb in real time or on video. Only God knew the answer to that. As Phillip pondered the possibilities, he remembered a couple of points from that morning’s sermon at Downtown Bible Church.
“Every experience is part of God’s divine plan for you,” the pastor had said. “Maybe you’ve made mistakes, but mistakes are proof that you’re trying, and God’s plan is bigger than your mistakes, so wherever you are now, that’s where God wants you at this moment.”
And where he was, at the moment, Phillip mused, was living in the same house with a woman who could very well make the smartphone app a reality, a woman who made him want to be more than he ever had been. If they could pull this off together, maybe they had a chance for something more. Maybe Carissa would begin to look at him as more than a friend to whom she owed her gratitude.
Even if that never happened, however, the successful development of the app could benefit her and the kids financially, and they needed it. Maybe he could give them that, at least. Phillip closed his eyes and sent up a silent prayer for Carissa and the kids. They had to come first. His wants hardly mattered next to their needs.
Maybe he was just a man, but it was time that he became the best man he could be, time that he thought of someone besides himself, so he swallowed the truth of the matter, put on a smile and made himself enjoy the remainder of the meal.
He found much to enjoy. The food wasn’t as good as Hilda’s, but the company couldn’t be faulted. His aunties practically glowed, they were so thrilled for his cousin Kaylie and her husband, Stephen. Phillip had never thought much about babies before, but his little niece had gotten him to thinking. Ash and Ellie were so proud of her, so enchanted by her.
Phillip couldn’t help comparing Marie Ella to Grace, wondering if she would one day be as charming and sweet. It didn’t seem possible. Already their personalities seemed so different. He wondered how different Tucker and Nathan might have been as babies. Had Nathan been solemn and knowing even as an infant? Did Tucker always have that sparkle in his eyes? These questions seemed so important, but they frightened him, too. What if he never knew? What if Carissa resented him even asking? He knew he had no right to ask.
He focused on Odelia and Kent. Their love for each other made him smile. His parents seemed to find them ridiculous. He found them wonderful. As a boy, he’d always thought Odelia was a little odd, but he realized now that eccentricity was not the same as insufficiency
. She was, perhaps, the wisest of them all. She certainly enjoyed life the most! He decided, secretly, that she was his favorite auntie. Not that he didn’t love and value the others.
A feeling of such blessing swept over him that he almost laughed aloud. Fortunately, Tucker said something that made everyone chuckle, so no one noticed that Phillip might be unduly amused or pleased. It wouldn’t have mattered if they had. He was too grateful to care at the moment, too determined, for he suddenly knew what he had to do, what he was supposed to do.
He’d never tried his hand at being a businessman; he’d never even thought of it until now, but somehow he knew that he had to at least make the attempt. A part of him acknowledged a certain fear or at least that he ought to be afraid of failure, but a larger part of him knew instinctively that this was what he’d been waiting all these weeks for, that this was the next big thing.
Oh, it wasn’t like all the other times. The element of physical danger was missing, but nothing he had ever done had ever truly been important. This had meaning. So much meaning that he dared not even stop to think too much about it. But everything he’d done to this point just might have prepared him for this moment. He hoped and prayed that it was so, because he was about to take the biggest leap of faith of his life.
Chapter Thirteen
After the meal, Phillip pitched in to straighten up the dining room and stow the few leftovers. Carissa sent the kids upstairs with instructions to change their clothes then quickly helped clean up before setting out after them. Phillip ran to catch up with her, ignoring the knowing looks that passed between Odelia and Kent.
“Carissa.”
She stopped and half turned to face him. “Yes?”
“Do you think you might have some time for me a little later today? I mean, if you don’t have plans.”
“I don’t have plans. Just give me time to change and get the kids settled.”
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