by Zack Zombie
And it’s about time too. I’m so tired of using my Dad’s old Zintendo 64. The graphics are terrible.
“That sounds great to me,” I said.
“Oh, and Zombie, by the way, your school just got a new school bus,” Mom said. “So instead of hobbling to school every day, you can take the bus from now on if you like.”
New way to school
School Bus? I heard that the school bus can be pretty dangerous for a middle school Zombie. Steve told me about the school buses at his school. He said that every day, at least one kid has to endure death by a thousand insults.
“Uh… Sure Mom, I’ll think about it.”
I’m not so sure how excited I am about riding the school bus. But Wow! I can’t believe that I can get my own, brand new video game console!
I just have to figure out how to get all B’s this semester. Now, I think I can do it. But, the only class that really worries me is my Scare Class. I heard scaring miners was real tough. And I’m not the scariest Zombie in the world, you know.
I think it’s my dimples. They make me look like a baby-faced Zombie. I just wish that instead of dimples I could have holes in my face like everybody else.
I don’t even know who my new Scare Class teacher is. What if he’s really tough? Or maybe it’s a lady, and she’ll be really strict like Ms. Bones.
I hope I get a really cool teacher like Ms. Slimeballs. She’s really flexible. Ms. Ghast is alright too. Except she’s always yelling. I heard Mr. Blaze is pretty cool, but he can be a real hot head sometimes.
Oh man, I can already feel my new ScareStation 465 slipping through my fingers.
I’ve got to get a B in Scare Class no matter what it takes.
Friday
I went to go see Steve today. I wanted to see how he was feeling about going to 9th grade in a new High School.
I found him crafting some new back to school supplies on his Crafting Table.
“Hey Steve.”
“Hey Zombie. What’s crackin’?”
“Uh, my knees, I guess.”
“No, I mean, how’s it going?”
“Oh, it’s going good. I just came to see how you’re doing. You getting ready for school?”
“Yeah, I’m just crafting some new tools and weapons that I can use for my new classes. I got my new schedule and I have to prep for my Zombie Slaughter and Complete Annihilation Class.”
“Wha..?”
“Just kidding. What’s up?”
“Hey Steve, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Aren’t you really nervous about going into 9th grade? I mean, you’re going to be freshman at a brand new High School. And, you’re going to be one of the youngest kids there.”
“Well, I was real nervous at first. I was kind of worried that the kids at the new school wouldn’t like me because of my square head. Most of the kids in that school are Villager kids. And I was kind of feeling self-conscious because I have a really small nose.”
“You have a nose? Ah man. That was the only part about your face I liked.”
“Ha, ha, you’re funny, Zombie. But, you know, I’m not nervous about going to the 9th grade anymore.”
“Really? I’m only going to the eighth grade and I’m really nervous.”
“Well, I was talking to Alex and she set me straight. I feel much better about it now.”
“Really? Because whenever I sit straight, I just feel weird. Makes me feel like I’m human or something.”
“No, not sit straight. She set me straight. It means that she talked to me and it helped me think about things differently.”
“Wow. What did she say?”
“She just asked me, ‘What are some really cool things you’ll miss out on if you never go to the 9th grade?’”
“That’s it?”
“Then I thought about all the cool new friendships I would miss out on if I didn’t go the 9th grade. I also thought about all the cool new stuff I would miss learning. And then I thought about how much fun it would be to get into trouble in High School—but I would totally miss out on it if I never went to the 9th grade.”
“Whoa. Alex is like, so deep.”
“Chyah, I know.”
Wow, after talking to Steve, it made me think of all of the cool things that I would miss out on if I didn’t go to the eighth grade.
I would miss out on finally being in the oldest grade at my school and getting respect.
I would miss out on all of the new eighth grade friends I would make.
I would totally miss seeing all of my mob friends go through puberty. Some really crazy stuff happens to mobs when they go through puberty. And I wouldn’t want to miss that for the world.
I would miss being with my ghoulfriend Sally through eighth grade, too.
But most of all, I would miss my parents getting me a new ScareStation 465 for passing all of my classes.
Wow. Maybe going to eighth grade isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
Saturday
I had a weird dream today.
It was the last day of school, and I was about to take my final Scare exam. This was the test that would determine if I would pass my Scare Class.
I don’t know why, but for some reason I was in my underwear. But I didn’t care because I was more worried about missing my exam.
When I got to the hallway going toward my class, I started hobbling really fast. But the faster I hobbled, the longer the hallway got.
It took forever to get to my class, but I finally made it to the door…
When all of a sudden, the bell rang. And all of the mob kids started flooding out of my Scare Class.
Oh no. I missed the test!
I walked into the classroom and my teacher looked at me with a look of total disappointment. Then he handed me my report card and it had a big, fat F on it!
Suddenly, a big hole opened up on floor and sucked me into a giant vortex. Then a giant ScareStation 465 console appeared and started talking to me.
“Zombie, why didn’t you study harder? Why didn’t you prepare? You could’ve done better, Zombie—now we will never be together.”
Then it reached out its video game controller hand to me. Right when I was about to grab it, it got sucked into the vortex.
“NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” I yelled.
Then I woke up.
I looked at the clock and realized I had overslept for my first day of school!
I got all my new clothes on. I got my wooden pickaxe and shovel and I shoved them into my Zombie rotten flesh backpack.
I ran downstairs. My Mom and Dad were eating breakfast. I didn’t have time for breakfast so I just ran out the door. Then I hobbled all the way to school.
The only thing I could think about was passing my Scare Class exam no matter what it took. My ScareStation 465 depended on it!
But, when I got to school, it was closed!
My worst nightmare had come true! I had slept straight through the entire semester and missed my entire eighth grade year.
I collapsed on the school stairs and started crying.
“Waaaaaahhhhh!!!!”
Then Old Man Jenkins came hobbling by.
“What’s bugging ya, Zombie?”
“I…can’t…get…my…Scare…Station…Four…Sixty…Five…be…cause…I…missed…the…entire…school…year!!! Waaaaaaahhhh!!!!”
I don’t know about you, but I have a real hard time talking when I’m crying.
“Whatcha talkin’ about, Zombie? School doesn’t start till Monday.”
Then I realized…it was Saturday.
So I started giggling hysterically and then I hobbled home.
All I could see when I looked back was Old Man Jenkins shak
ing his head.
When I got home, I went up to my room and collapsed on my bed.
Man, that was close! I thought. I’m gonna need to do whatever it takes to pass my Scare Class this year. But what can I do to prepare?
I started making scary faces in the mirror to see if I could make myself look scarier.
Then I thought, Why don’t I just go out and practice scaring some miners tonight?
All I could think about was my ScareStation 465. So I decided to go for it.
Miners, you better watch out, because here I come!
Sunday
Today I spent the whole day in the Mob hospital until my Mom and Dad returned with my head.
I can’t really remember what happened.
Only thing I can remember is jumping out at a miner last night. Next thing I know I’m staring at my body lying in the hospital bed without a head.
My head is lonely
It’s a good thing they found my head too. If not, I would’ve had to use the spare. And the only spare my Mom had was a really big one she got at a garage sale the other day. And that thing is the size of a basketball.
Man, I would’ve had to go to my first day of school tomorrow looking like a Zombie lollipop.
Talk about embarrassing.
When I got home, even though my Mom and Dad were mad, they just told me to get ready for my first day of school tomorrow.
So, the first thing I did was take all of the broken pieces of my pickaxe and shovel and throw them in my Zombie backpack.
The next thing I did was to take out my new turquoise T-shirt and blue pants.
Aw man! My clothes were just too clean to go to school like that. I was going to have to get them really dirty if I wanted to look my best tomorrow.
So I took my new clothes, and my old clothes, and I threw them in the dirt dryer. I had never used the dirt dryer before. But I saw Mom use it a ton of times.
Hey, I’m a big Zombie now. I’m sure I can handle it.
So I threw all my clothes in and stared at the dirt dryer console. It had some buttons and a big dial. I just pressed the red buttons because that’s my favorite color. The dial said something like
Gentle
Medium
Max
Super Max
The Super Max had a skull and cross bones under it so I used that one. It reminded me of Skelee.
I’m going to look so good tomorrow, I thought. I’ll probably be the best looking eighth grader in school.
Before I went to bed, I made sure to set my alarm clock so I can get up really early. I wanted to get up right when the sun went down. That way I’d have plenty of time to get everything ready for school.
Man, I felt so excited and so nervous at the same time.
Kind of reminded me of when I gave my ghoulfriend Sally flowers for the first time. Except this time there was no giant Iron Golem trying to kill me.
At least I don’t think so… I haven’t even met my new Scare Class teacher yet.
Early Monday
Today was the worst first day of school I have ever had in my entire life.
I think somebody somewhere put a curse on me.
Nothing could’ve gone any more wrong.
I think I’m going to go run away and become a Zombie hermit somewhere.
It all started when I woke up this morning.
When my alarm went off, I went to the window to get some fresh night air. But as soon as I opened the curtains, a blast of sunlight hit me right in the face.
Next thing you know my head caught on fire.
After my Mom put it out, I realized I set my alarm clock way too early.
The good thing is that it wasn’t as bad as it sounds. I only burned off half of my face.
My Mom gave me a little of her green Zombie makeup to cover it up.
Except now I have even more of a Zombie baby face. My face is as smooth as a human baby’s bottom.
Then I went to get my clothes from the dirt dryer. Except, when I opened up the dryer, my clothes were gone. I asked my Mom if she took them, but she hadn’t seen them either.
I stuck my hand in the dryer to see if they got stuck somewhere.
Then I pulled out a tiny shirt and a tiny pair of pants that looked like they belonged to an action figure.
“MOM!!!!!”
“Honey, what’s the matter?”
“My clothes… Look!!!”
“Oh dear.”
“Waaaahhhhh!!!!”
“Maybe we can stretch them out a bit…they might still fit,” Mom said hesitantly. “Or you can just wear your old clothes to school.”
Then I stuck my hand in the dryer and pulled out my shrunken old clothes.
“Oh dear.”
“Waaaaahhhhh!!!!”
At that point, I thought it couldn’t get any worse. Boy, was I wrong.
So I squeezed into my mini turquoise T-shirt and mini blue pants. I felt like I was getting a wedgie, except all over my body.
I got all my stuff together and waddled downstairs, and found my Mom preparing my lunchbox.
“Mom, what’s that?!!”
“It’s the lunchbox you wanted, right?”
“No, you were supposed to get the Pokémon lunchbox with Pikachu!”
“This one has Pikachu, doesn’t it? The lady at the store said it was the most popular one.”
“That lunch box is pink! And that’s Pichu, not Pikachu! Waaaaahhhhh!!!!”
Now I’ve got to walk around school with a pink Pichu lunchbox. I might as well accept that my life is over. I should just take a marker and write the word “Loser” on my shirt with a big arrow pointing to my smooth face. Except nobody will be able to read it because my shirt is so small!
“Waaaaahhhh!!!!”
“Sorry, honey. Why don’t you use this lunchbox today and I promise we’ll get you a new one next week.”
“Waaaaahhhh!!!!”
Now I really thought things couldn’t any worse.
I grabbed my lunchbox and my stuff and I hobbled outside. Right before I got out the door my Mom said, “You can catch the school bus down the street. But, make sure you catch the right bus. The color of your bus is gre...”
I was so angry I just slammed the door behind me.
Then I hobbled down the street in my tight outfit. It was really hard to walk. Especially because I couldn’t put my arms down. I couldn’t bend my knees either so I just bounced on the heels of my feet to walk. I looked like a big “X” just bouncing left and right down the street.
My awkward hobble
I made it to the corner and looked down the street to where I was supposed to go. I saw the bus stop and it looked like it was a mile away.
As I was getting closer, I saw a grey bus turning the corner!
My bus! I started bouncing faster and faster. All of a sudden I hit a rock and I fell over, and I landed flat on my face.
I tried to get up, but I couldn’t. All I could do was make noises until somebody would pick me up.
“MMRRRMMMRRRR!!!!”
Finally somebody saw me and picked me up. It was Old Man Jenkins.
“Zombie, watcha doing playing around on the floor? You’re gonna miss your bus.”
“Thanks, Mr. Jenkins.”
I bounced a few more feet and I saw the bus pulling up. I caught it just in time.
As I looked back I could see Old Man Jenkins shaking his head again.
So as I sat on the bus, I found it kind of weird that we were going in a different direction than my school. But I just thought maybe we had to pick up more kids from other neighborhoods. I also found it kind of weird that only little kids were getting on the bus.
I was lying on all the seats in the back of the bus because I c
ouldn’t bend my legs to sit down. And since I missed an hour of sleep, I was tired. So I thought I would take a short nap.
“Wake up, buddy!” the bus driver said. “Last stop.”
“Whhuzzatt?”
“Last Stop,” he said again.
“A little help, please?”
The bus driver helped me get off the bus and then he drove away, laughing, I think.
When I looked up, I knew I was in trouble. The sign read:
PANSY MOB
PRIMARY SCHOOL
Oh man, I had gotten on the wrong bus!
“Waaaahhhhhh!!!!”
I just fell on the ground and started crying. I tried curling up into a ball, but I couldn’t move my arms and legs, so I just lay there.
Then Old Man Jenkins came galloping up on his Zombie horse.
“Zombie, you got on the wrong bus. Your school bus is the green one.”
“Waaaahhhhh!!!!!”
“Lucky for you I chased your bus here. C’mon, I’ll give you a ride to school.”
“A little help, please…”
Old Man Jenkins picked me up and put me on his Zombie horse. But every time he went to get on I would fall off the other side.
After about 30 minutes of trying to get me on the Zombie horse, he just laid me flat on his Zombie horse and sat on top of me.
So here I am. I’m outside of the Principal’s office, writing in my journal, and waiting to hear what’s going to happen to me.