by Barbara Lohr
The case was moving like clockwork until the chatter of the monitors alerted them to Mary Pat's diving blood pressure. McKenna’s head snapped up. She couldn’t even think about facing Joe Gregory with two losses.
Lips set, Logan guided the team until Mary Pat stabilized. His calm certainty soothed McKenna’s own anxiety. No wonder the nurses admired him. The monitors regained their steady rhythmic beeping. The tension in McKenna’s throat eased. But at the end, when Logan lifted his head, McKenna could swear the eyes behind his goggles were damp.
After Mary Pat had been taken to the post-op area, McKenna and Logan stripped off their gloves and yanked down their masks in the surgery locker room. Not even noon and she felt totally drained.
“You did a great job, Logan. We could have lost Mary Pat too.” Unfortunately she’d seen that happen once during her training. Totally horrifying.
Tossing his mask into the trash, Logan shook his head with disgust. “Not if I can help it. Let’s go talk to the husband. I asked one of the nurses to bring him to a consult room.”
When they pushed open the door, Joe Gregory sat rigid on the edge of the chair. The bright blue poster on the wall about having hope seemed to mock them. He sprang to his feet.
“Your wife lost a lot of blood,” Logan began, his voice low, “but she’s fine.”
Sagging back into the chair, Joe closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hands. “We tried to have this baby for so long.”
Logan never lost a beat. “Joe, your wife is fine. No reason not to expect a full recovery but she'll need comforting.”
Slipping into the chair beside Joe, McKenna wished she could siphon off the young husband’s pain. “She needs you now, Joe. More than ever. When you’re ready, I'll take you to see her.”
Joe wiped his eyes and pulled himself to his feet. “I’m ready.”
Leaving the consultation room with Joe, McKenna glanced back. Logan still stood there, arms folded and eyes focused on the empty chair as if a brokenhearted man still sat there.
The day didn’t get any better. With any miscarriage, McKenna always gave herself a hard time. What could she have done differently? Self doubt pestered her that afternoon like a cloud of gnats. Slowly the daily routine returned her to reason. Placenta tears and abruptions were not uncommon. Still, she couldn’t dispel the sadness.
Just like she couldn’t shake the feeling that beneath Logan’s compassion lay a deep hurt.
Snap out of it. Vanessa and Amy would give her a hard time. They’d both tell her she was putting on her fix-it gloves. Maybe. McKenna had to make several trips to her top right drawer that day—the drawer that held the foil wrapped bits of dark chocolate that called to her in times of stress. Closing her door, she’d unwrap a piece and revel in its scent before nibbling off small bits that melted on her tongue.
Logan’s intelligent gray eyes came to mind more than once. Totally ridiculous.
She stayed late, checking research regarding ruptured placentas for answers she already knew weren’t there. The arrival of Myra, their cleaning lady, and the lemon scent of her spray shook McKenna from thoughts that were getting her nowhere.
“You finished in here, Miss Kirkpatrick?” Myra stuck her head in.
“Getting out of your way right now.” Slipping into her jacket and grabbing her purse, McKenna left the office.
The halls were deserted as she took the overpass to the garage and rode the elevator to the top level. She loved to park up here. Lights were blinking on, dotting the cityscape from downtown Chicago to the Near North Side. Down below, a few boats drifted into Munroe Harbor. Nightfall bruised the summer sky. Her hair felt heavy on her neck and she lifted it, grateful for the cooling breeze from the lake.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
She turned. Logan always parked his Porsche up here. With his casual long-legged stride, he drew closer, hair whipped about by the breeze and eyes unreadable. Before, he’d been just one of the preoccupied docs who rushed past her with a polite nod.
Not anymore.
“Thanks for today.”
“It's our job.” His eyes were an empty cup. “And some days our job really sucks.”
“I feel so guilty, Logan. Mary Pat came in last night with spotting. Maybe there was something I could have picked up.”
“Sometimes there’s just nothing you can do, McKenna.”
“But I’ll never know that. Makes me crazy. Why is this always so hard?”
Was she going to cry right in front of Logan? But as she jabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her khaki jacket, Logan didn’t look horrified or disgusted. Moving closer, he slipped his arms around her, like this was the most natural thing in the world. God help her, she leaned into him, his navy windbreaker cool against her cheek. This could have been one of her brothers comforting her.
Except he wasn’t. The scent of his woodsy aftershave, the scratch of his whiskers on her forehead...so not her brother.
“McKenna, don’t,” he murmured into her hair. “We’re trained to do the best we can. But we’re not superhuman. Babies are so fragile…”
His voice broke, and she was right there with him.
Looking up, she ran her palm down his cheek. She loved the roughness of the stubble. He tightened his hold. This was so wrong but felt so right. Her reservations were swallowed in the first kiss. Logan’s lips were warm and searching, opening with a groan she felt vibrate to the soles of her feet. Her tongue swept in, a shameless invitation. Whatever he was offering, right now she needed it. Nestled in a cove behind the elevator bank, they pressed into each other. Hands cupping his head, she welcomed heated kisses that salved the hurt.
Thank God for the warning vibration of the wall behind them. The elevator was coming.
Stunned, McKenna pushed back, fingers pressed against her lips. “Sorry, Logan. Don't know how that happened.”
Logan dropped his arms and backed away. “Not your fault.”
This day was totally out of control. Her lips throbbed along with a few other parts of her body. She tasted the cool breeze from the lake, but she wanted to dive back into Logan’s heat. Wordlessly, they stared at each other. Eyes burning, Logan bit his lower lip, the lip she still tasted on her tongue. The elevator bell tinged before the doors slid open. Two nurses exited and headed in the opposite direction, their loud chatter breaking the still night air.
“Want to come sailing with me Sunday?” His words sounded dazed. Maybe they’d both lost their minds.
“You have a boat?” A day alone on a boat with Logan?
How delicious. Delicious and dangerous.
Cripes, she had to bring this collegial friendship back in line.
“I keep a sailboat here in town. Just a thirty-footer.”
“Just? Sounds impressive to me.” Then she remembered. “I'm going to my brother’s Sunday. Seth’s having a family thing.”
“Sure, well, maybe another time.” He looked disappointed. Here was an only child and she was prattling on about family. Sanity returned, along with her usual urge to make things better.
“Why don't you come too?” Had she really said that?
Logan’s face brightened. “Sure. Love to.”
After a few directions, they both headed for their cars, almost as if they’d never had that steamy session. Her pulse still thrummed. What had she done? Two minutes later, she was leaving the garage and phoning Vanessa. Amy would be busy with her new baby, so Vanessa had to handle this. McKenna needed help.
“Got time for some ice cream? I’ll drive out. Think I need an intervention, Vanessa,” McKenna groaned. Navigating the heavy traffic on Lake Shore Drive, she told her friend about the loss of the baby that day, but she didn’t mention Logan or the kiss that still pulsated on her lips. At least, not until they were seated across from each other in Petersen’s Ice Cream Parlor in Oak Park. The familiar retro atmosphere connected her to deep roots. Since grade school, McKenna, Amy and Vanessa had shared more than a few heartbreaks at one of
these small marble-topped tables. The place held their history.
“God, Vanessa, what a day.”
“So sorry about the baby, McKenna.” Vanessa’s eyes filled. She was probably thinking of her own little boy at home. “That poor couple.”
“Exactly. Maybe I’m not cut out for this work.”
Vanessa’s head jerked. “Wait a minute. You’re a great midwife. Couples love you. Besides, I want you to deliver my next baby.”
“Is this an announcement?” McKenna yelped.
With one of her secret smiles, Vanessa nodded. “Three months.”
McKenna almost advised Vanessa not to tell anyone, but she bit back the words. Most babies came to term. Mary Pat had just been unlucky. “So, Alex is excited?”
“Over the moon. A planned baby? Who would have thought it.”
McKenna’s two close friends were good at unplanned pregnancies.
When the waitress arrived, Vanessa ordered her usual hot fudge sundae. Her jaw dropped when McKenna asked for a banana split. “This is my dinner,” she explained.
“We could have met someplace else for real food.”
McKenna shook her head. “This works for me. Vanessa, there’s more. I invited one of the docs to Seth’s place for a Nascar party Sunday.” Goodness sakes, this felt like the confessional. She could almost smell the dusty privacy curtain.
Vanessa’s eyes brightened. “Wow. Guess I’m out of the loop. Tell me more.”
The waitress arrived with their sundaes and the friends picked up their spoons. “Logan’s just a friend, the head of my department. Always good to have more friends at work. I barely know him. That is, I work with him but I’m just starting to know him. I really like him.”
Her friend stared at her, chocolate sauce dripping from the spoon halfway to her mouth.
McKenna was on a roll, turning that friendship idea over in her mind. She wasn’t much good at relationships. But a buddy? Her brothers were living proof of that talent. “I think I like Logan the way I like my brothers. That’s probably it.”
Vanessa didn’t look convinced as she swallowed. “Don’t kid yourself. That fire in your cheeks? This kind of excitement doesn’t come from a friend. Besides, you already tried that friendship thing with Nick. He wasn’t too pleased, as I recall.”
“There were a lot of things Nick wasn’t pleased with. He called me the ‘fixer.’” Her stomach sank to the size of the cherry on her sundae.
“You can intimidate men. Maybe a doctor would be good for you. Aren’t some known for their egos?”
Not this one. But how did she know? “It’s too soon and he’s too close. I work with this guy, Vanessa. Sure he was voted a Chicago Hot Doc, but he’s so sweet and serious. I think he just needs more fun. I’m the one to help him with that.” She let that idea settle in, ignoring the crazy kiss in the parking garage. She just couldn’t go there although her body apparently didn’t agree. The metal chair squeaked as McKenna squirmed.
“He’s not a problem, McKenna. He’s a man, with all his complexities.”
McKenna took a breath. “Better to just be buddies.”
“Don’t start that again,” Vanessa warned her.
“Start what?”
“That buddy thing you do.” Vanessa was scraping the chocolate from the bottom of the sundae glass. “Amy and I decided it’s just a protective measure with you. Being a buddy keeps guys at a distance. You’d probably take in stray dogs if you didn’t own the highest maintenance cat on the North Shore.”
They moved on to other things, like when they were going to visit Amy and the new baby. Hard to say goodnight and head to the Eisenhower Expressway. Sometimes McKenna wished she still lived out here.
Bud-dy, bud-dy. She thumped her steering wheel in time to her new mantra all the back downtown, the ice cream curdling in her stomach while her lips pulsated.
The taste on her lips wasn’t ice cream.
Chapter 4
On the drive to McKenna’s apartment Sunday afternoon, Logan felt uncomfortable. What was he doing going to a family party with a woman he barely knew? It was hard to say no to McKenna. What had gotten into him in the parking lot? She seemed so sad that day, so defeated. He knew that feeling.
Never in his life had he known a woman like McKenna Kirkpatrick. With her gutsy appeal, he didn’t quite know how to take her. Very sexy and maybe a little unnerving. The past three years stretched behind him like a barren desert. He was determined not to overthink this. Maneuvering the Porsche into a parking space, he grinned, knowing that his Grandmother Cecile would agree.
When McKenna opened her door Sunday afternoon, Logan wasn’t at all surprised by the Cubs’ hat. With a ponytail poked through the back, she looked darned cute and motioned him in like they did this every day. “Should warn you, I’m on call.”
“Not a problem. I lucked out. Gary is covering for our group.” Her apartment was done in pale green and orange. Was that the smell of peaches again? Probably her perfume or soap. Sun spilled through a bay window onto a mass of plants. Bright orange and pink pillows were piled on the sofa and magazines formed piles on the coffee table. The place felt homey. Maybe he should rethink his Lake Shore Drive condo. Seemed kind of stuffy compared to this.
Jamming his hands into his pockets, he watched her lock up, giving him a chance to admire her legs in those khaki shorts. No disappointment there, from her shapely calves to her sandaled feet. Felt like he was back at Harvard, lusting after some sorority girl he’d made out with for ten minutes at a frat party. He’d told himself a million times the kiss in the parking garage was a mistake. Still, here he was, and she was acting as if nothing had happened. His shoulders loosened.
Bustling about her small apartment, McKenna dashed down a hallway into what looked like a kitchen to say good-bye to a huge white cat sitting in a window. “See you later, Sasha.” After grabbing a plate wrapped in foil and her purse from the kitchen table, she came back with a bounce in her walk that kept her ponytail bobbing. “All set.”
“Here, let me take that.” Foil-covered platter in one hand, he led the way to his car and opened the passenger door. He tried not to stare as she folded those long legs into the front seat. Popping the trunk, he slid the platter in the back and whistled as he climbed in next to her. Going to be a good day. Birds chirped in the trees overhead and it was starting to smell like summer.
“Hot car.” She ran one hand over the dash.
“I have my weaknesses.”
“You? A weakness?”
Her mock surprise made him smile. “I just don’t have many chances to indulge them.”
“Let me know when the urge strikes.” She sent him a wicked grin that brought the parking lot roaring back. Then the smile disappeared and she became all prim and proper, tugging at the hem of her shorts. “Glad you decided to hang out with us today.”
Hang out? Almost sounded like he’d invited himself.
She adjusted the brim of her Cubs’ hat. “I mean, since you have that boat and everything.”
Why did he feel she was pushing him away? “I’m looking forward to meeting all those siblings you mentioned. Large families fascinate me.”
“Don’t let them give you a hard time.”
“Trust me, I’m a big boy. Think I can handle it.” They’d reached the Eisenhower Expressway. Not much traffic yet and he jammed the gearshift into third and then fourth.
On their way to Oak Park, McKenna launched into stories about her family, which seemed to be mainly guys, except for a younger sister. He doubted he'd remember any names but enjoyed the stories. With McKenna every incident was an event, hands fluttering to make a point. Hard to keep his mind on traffic.
“When my younger brother Malcolm heads up the food drive for Christmas, we almost have to hire a bus to take in our family’s donations.” McKenna’s robust chuckle filled the car.
“Your family sounds generous. I’ll enjoy meeting them.”
With a sigh, she settled back, almost as if
she’d given up...on something. “Like your music.”
“Billie Holiday on Sundays mellows me out.”
“Me too. Jazz is so sensual, don’t you think?” Humming along, she began to move. He’d never seen anyone dance sitting down, and her body movements weren’t relaxing. At least, not for him.
Only early June, but he turned up the air conditioning.
McKenna’s brother lived on the edge of Oak Park, home for a lot of politicians, firemen and police. The tidy brick houses with postage stamp lawns were vintage Chicago, so different from the stately mansions of adjacent River Forest, where he grew up. You could live two miles from someone in this area and never know each other. Sometimes he thought all those private schools had kept him isolated.
When Seth opened his front door, serious party noises spilled out. McKenna’s brother had the same copper-colored hair, cut short on the side and long in the back. “About time,” Seth said with a crooked smile, pulling his sister into a warm hug before extending a hand to Logan. “Welcome.”
“Logan Castle,” McKenna quickly supplied. “Dr. Castle, my friend from work.”
So she had to define their relationship? “Just Logan. Nice to meet you, Seth.” He reached around McKenna to shake Seth’s hand. “Think I’ve seen you around the hospital once or twice.”
“Seth is an EMT,” she told Logan.
“And Selena’s main squeeze. My number one function in life. Just ask her,” Seth added with a grin.
They all laughed. Logan liked McKenna’s brother immediately.
“Can I get you a beer?” Seth waved them in.
“Sounds great. Thank you.”
“Coke for me, Seth,” McKenna told him. “I’m on call.”
As Seth led them toward the back of the house, Selena joined them, slipping her arm around her boyfriend’s waist.
Seth gave her shoulder a hug. “So you probably know McKenna’s friend, Logan?”
Selena smiled. “Sure do.”