by Sarah Holman
Patrick rolled his eyes. “You know I admire what you and Jamie have, but I won’t marry as long as I’m in the FBI. I may have vaults, but I do know that it’s a rare marriage that can take all the secrecy this job requires.”
Brian smiled and leaned back in his chair. “I’m glad you’ve thought this through.”
“Then why are you laughing at me?”
“I’m not laughing at you.”
“On the inside you are, I can see it in your eyes.”
“God has a way of messing up our plans. Remember, I was the kid who was never going to get married because I had no idea how to be a husband. I was never going to have kids because I had no idea how to be a good father. God blew those plans out of the water when He brought Jamie along.”
“Brian, I can’t have everything, and I love my job. Besides, Paul makes it clear in scripture that those who can remain unmarried should.”
“Spend some time in Proverbs, my friend. ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing’ and all that.”
Patrick rolled his eyes and looked out at the clouds, brilliant white in the light of the sun.
“Now, about Kate.”
“Yes?”
“We have to trust God will work it out for the best, whatever that is.”
Patrick’s heart gave a squeeze, and he watched the beautiful landscape below as the clouds broke. “Brian, do you want her to stay?”
The land raced below them, leaving Charleston further behind.
“Yes, Patrick, I want her to stay. I told her that. If she leaves, it isn’t because she isn’t welcomed.”
Somehow, hearing Brian say it made Patrick feel easier. He leaned back in his chair and pulled out his phone. He was going to read that book on the rest of the flight.
Decision
Sunday, July 5 6:00PM
Sunday services at Logan’s church had been nice. Kate also had met Logan’s family. She hadn’t realized that they went to the same church. Logan’s family was large, and they adored Logan. Now, despite the heat, Kate had come out for a run. She had stuck earbuds in, but she wasn’t listening to anything. She rushed past some tourists and continued under the overpass where large plastic fish hung over the Riverwalk. She had to admit, she had never had such a pretty area to run in before San Antonio.
She paused for a breath, and the decision loomed before her. If she wanted, this could be her semi-permanent home. This team wanted her, and they would stick with her while Ingrid was still at large and seeking her life. Yet, she would be facing a lot of fears if she stayed. Patrick being the biggest one. He seemed to get her more than most people. He had an uncanny ability to get past her defenses.
Kim and Logan would prove to be a challenge, whether she lived with them or not. They weren’t going to leave her alone, but draw her into their discussions. Brian would probably continue being that annoying yet sweet older brother type that didn’t let you get away with anything. Thomas was the only one she could count on to give her the professional space she wanted.
Or did she want that anymore?
Patrick’s image rose in her mind again, and she started running. She wished this were an easy decision. She pushed herself harder, wanting to make it back to the apartment and take a cool shower.
“You jog on Sundays too?”
She stopped short and looked up. She blinked a couple of times, but sure enough, Patrick stood in front of her.
He lifted his hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
She rested her hands on her hips and took a moment to catch her breath before she spoke. “What are you doing here?”
“Logan and Kim asked me to come.”
Kate lifted her brows. “They asked you to come? I thought they had a pretty strict no guys in the apartment rule.”
“Unless they’re throwing a party.”
“Party?”
“We decided instead of going out to eat to celebrate the wrapping up of this case that we would meet and grill burgers. The girls invited everyone here, and we figured after we finished eating, we would take a river taxi and head down to get dessert somewhere along the Riverwalk.”
Hurt wrapped around Kate’s heart. “No one told me we were having a party.”
Patrick’s brow furrowed. “They didn’t?”
Kate shook her head. “No.” This was why she couldn’t stay. Things like this happened, and it hurt too much. It was better to be lonely at times than to feel the sting of rejection.
Patrick slung his hand over her shoulder. She knew she was sweating and wondered if he would regret the action. “Come on, it was a last-minute plan, so you may have been out when they finalized it.” He pulled her toward the apartments ahead and then dropped his arm back to his side. They walked in silence for a moment. Kate took a deep breath, knowing what she needed to do.
“I owe you an apology. Well, I owe a few people apologies, but since you are here, I will apologize to you.”
“What for?”
Kate swallowed her pride as they turned away from the Riverwalk and toward the apartment complex. “You were right. I acted like I was the only one who had any pain in my past. I never stopped to think about what brought each of you into this kind of job, or your pasts. I’m sorry for the jerk I made of myself.”
“I don’t think you made a jerk of yourself.”
“Oh yes, I did,” Kate said. She had been a jerk to the whole team throughout the last few weeks. She at least wanted to make things right before she left.
“Well, even though I don’t think that, you’re forgiven. Are you…” Patrick glanced at her and didn’t finish his question.
Kate chewed on her lip as she opened the door that led into her apartment building. She knew what he wanted to ask. Patrick was the last person she wanted to hurt. How could she stay here though? There was too much pain, too much in her past. Yet, when she glanced over at Patrick, she thought of all she would be giving up.
“Hey, whatever you decide, I’m glad you’ve been part of this team,” Patrick said as they stopped in front of the apartment door.
She felt a lump rise in her throat as she fumbled for the key. This was why she had kept people at arm’s length. They complicated every decision. She opened the door.
“Surprise!” a chorus of voices rang around the room.
Kate blinked and tried to take it all in. The only member of the team she didn’t see was Thomas. Jamie was there, and two of Brian’s kids ran around the room blowing on noisemakers. Streamers were everywhere.
“What is this for?” Kate asked, looking around for a banner or something that would give her a clue.
“Well, we never had an official welcome to the FBI party for you,” Logan said, tossing a bright pink ball into the air. “Thomas told us you were thinking of transferring, so we wanted to give you a party. We don’t know whether it is our official welcome to the team party or the official farewell party, but we wanted to give you one all the same.” She moved forward and gave Kate a hug and then handed her the ball.
“I know you find bouncing balls an annoying habit of mine, but this is for you.”
Kate took a deep breath to keep the rush of emotion at bay. Kim moved forward and also gave her a hug. “The rest of us wrapped our gifts, but before we get to them, I wanted you to know I’ve enjoyed serving with you. Whatever you decide, I know that your faith in Jesus, your courage, and your tenacity will take you far.”
“I don’t have a sappy speech,” Brian said, pulling Jamie close. “But you have done well, Johnson. I know whatever you do, you’ll do it well.”
“I made you this.” Mike, Brian’s six-year-old son, held out a piece of paper with a childish drawing.
“Here, open my present first!” Logan said, pulling Kate into a chair and handing her a bag.
“I thought your gift was a ball?” Patrick said.
Logan shrugged. “Well, this one is from Kim and me. You have to read the card first.”
Kate started to open the card,
but she instead glanced up at them eagerly watching her.
Brian was right, there was grace here and people waiting to be her friends. She had no illusions; being friends meant that they would annoy her, even make her mad, but she couldn’t leave them. She had to stay. She set aside the card and stood.
“If all of you will put up with me while I figure out all this friendship stuff, I would like to stay.”
Logan cheered and started bouncing around the room. Brian ribbed at Patrick and Patrick gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. Kim moved forward and drew Kate into a tight hug. As she held her, she whispered:
“You’re braver and more courageous at this moment than I suppose you have ever been.”
Happiness and a sense of belonging welled up inside Kate.
“Group hug!” Brian shouted.
The next moment, Kate felt herself being pressed from every side and a little person hug her leg.
“Well, this is awkward,” Patrick said from behind her.
“Saint Patty, my work with you is clearly not done.”
They all laughed. Kate looked around, soaking in the happy feeling while it lasted.
“You didn’t open the card,” Logan said, handing it to Kate.
Kate forced a smile, not really interested in the card, but she opened it for Logan’s sake.
She read it, and she felt the air leave her lungs.
This entitles the holder to become a permanent resident at this location. Papers can be signed to that effect tomorrow.
Kate looked up at the eager faces, the people that had become dear to her despite herself. She knew she had found a home and friends. She wasn’t going anywhere.
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Keep reading for a sneak peek of book four: Kate’s Conundrum.
Note from the Author
“There is part of me in every book, in every main character,” I told the group sitting around discussing my stories.
“But you’re nothing like Kate.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I stayed silent. I’m more like Kate than most people who have met me would ever suspect. Kate embodies my gut reactions to many situations and people. I’m naturally an introverted person who is very mistrustful of people. It is only because of God’s transforming power, and the support of family and friends, that those traits don’t define my interactions with others.
I worked on and off on this book during a very hard time in my life. I had a close friend turn on me and I wanted to build walls and keep everyone out. I, like Kate, didn’t feel like I could stay in the friendships that I had forged with others. I had learned that no friendship was totally safe. However, many of the things Brian said were things wise people around me were reminding me about relationships.
One of the things I’ve also been reminded of is that my pain is not unique. Satan often feeds us the lie that we are the only ones who are hurting, that we are unique in our pain. I know I certainly felt at times like no one understood what I was going through, and no one could. That can be a devastating lie, keeping us from the grace and healing God has offered through His people—His church. There might not be an FBI team out there with open arms and grace for you, but there is at least one person in the body of Christ that God has equipped to help you heal from the pain of your past, if you will allow them in.
One of the themes of this book was modern piracy. I don’t think there is any artist that hasn’t suffered from it. I know my books are available for illegal download and I’ve lost sales. However, I’ve also been the one who has watched and listened to things that have been pirated. The issue is one that is a huge debate among Christians. I would encourage you to look at the issue yourself, using the Bible as your starting point. I know several years back, I was convicted that the arguments didn’t matter. I was going to have to give an account for what I did before God for all my actions. I was personally convicted that using pirated material was stealing.
I pray that even if you disagree with me, even if you are in too much pain to reach out to others, you will reach out to Jesus, who is always near.
I would like to end this note by personally thanking the “team” of friends that has been my support during the pain and healing over the last few months: the Larkin family, Grace Pennington, Elisabeth A., Jessica Greyson, Michelle Isaacs, and Kelsey Bryant. All of you stuck with me when things were bad, gave me grace, spoke words of encouragement, and admonished me when needed. Words will never be able to fully express how much you have done for me. Thank you. I know your reward in heaven will be great.
Sarah Holman
April 24, 2018
Maine, here we come
“I love fall!” Logan declared loudly as she placed a report on Thomas’s desk.
Patrick smiled at her. “Maine should be a great place to enjoy the fall colors.” Unlike here in San Antonio, which was still in the nineties every day.
“I’m so excited!” Logan tossed an orange and yellow ball into the air and twirled across the room, sending her long red hair out around her.
Patrick glanced over to where Kate sat. She smiled at Logan and tapped the eraser end of a pencil against her chin.
“Logan, I’ve been meaning to ask: Where did you pick up the habit of having a ball in your hand?” Kate asked.
Patrick smiled and turned to hear Logan’s answer. He was curious as well now. He had never thought about the origin of the gesture that made Logan so… Logan. From their first day the team had been formed, she had tossed her balls around. As soon as she had a desk, she had brought the bowl full of balls and set it on the desk.
“I was always fidgeting as a kid. Mom could never get me to sit still for school until one day my Dad gave me a ball, and I started bouncing it, and I finally sat through my lesson. From then on out, my mom always kept little balls around for me, granted, they drove her nuts, and some of my siblings hated it, but how else could I get my school done.”
Patrick glanced at Kate and found she had cocked her head, her straight blond hair spilling to one side. Was she letting to grow out? He thought back to the picture he had seen of her as a teenager, with her hair down to her waist. He blinked and focused again on the conversation at hand.
“I guess it was a good thing you were homeschooled,” Kate said and turned her attention the blue folder on her desk. She was probably reviewing the facts of their case in Main one last time before they boarded the plane.
“I was homeschooled, so that wasn’t a problem. Of course, I had to learn to do other things during college and Quantico. Mainly I rolled the ball between my hand and knee while I took notes.”
Patrick smiled, imagining Logan sitting in Quantico, rolling a ball under the desk where the teachers couldn’t see. When he glanced at Kate, he found her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
“Only you would do something like that,” Patrick said. “Did you like being homeschooled?”
Logan nodded. “Loved it! Not only do I think that I got a great education, but it also helped me build tight bonds with my siblings.” Logan grabbed the ball she was bouncing and smashed in between her palms, her eyes getting a distant look in them.
Patrick turned and straightened the supplies on his desk. He didn’t know a lot, but he knew that there was some strain in Logan’s family. It seemed that she had a hard time talking about her siblings. He looked at his watch, it was nearly time for him to leave.
“Hello everyone!” Brian called, entering the room and grabbing a ball from Logan’s bowl. He tossed it to Logan with a smile. “It’s going to be a great day!”
“Indeed it is,” Logan said and tossed the ball back to him. Brian returned the ball to the bowl.
“Sorry that I am late.”
“Thomas won’t notice,” Logan said, plopping down in her chair. “He went to talk to our supervisor before we head to the airport.”
Patrick lifted
his chin to catch Brain’s attention. “Everything okay?”
Brain grinned. “Yeah, I just lost track of time.”
“Doing what?” Logan asked, tossing four balls from her bowl into her purse.
Brain’s grin grew even wider. “Saying goodbye to Jamie.”
Logan rolled her eyes and shook her head, and Patrick chuckled. He loved how his friend was so in love with his wife. There weren’t many couples these days that seemed to be as happily married as Brian and Jamie, especially with how tough this job could be.
Patrick stood and stretched. “Well, I think that we should head the airport. I’m sure that Thomas will…”
“Change of plans everyone,” Thomas declared entering the room. He wore a grey newsboy cap today on his head that matched his grey suite perfectly.
“Please tell me we’re still going to Maine,” Logan said, getting to her feet.
Kim entered the room next with a stack of folders in her hand.
“We’re not going to Maine.” Thomas sat down behind his desk. “We’ve been assigned to an emergency kidnapping case.”
Patrick felt his whole body stiffen. The FBI didn’t get involved in kidnapping cases as often as the movies would make people believe. It was never good when they were called in. He glanced at Brian and saw that his friend was also sober. The two kidnapping cases that they had been involved in where before they had been members of this team and both of them and been with kids and tragic endings.
“Kim do you have the news report?”
Kim nodded and pushed play on the remote control.
“This is Ashland News with Sally and Steven,” a narrator said dramatically as a company logo flashed on the screen.
“Good morning and I am Sally Evans.”
“And I am Steven Fowler.”
The woman nodded and picked up the cast. “Today students and faculty are in shock over yesterday’s events. Professor Roger Fitzgerald, renowned chemist has disappeared from Oregon College here in Ashland, along with student Samantha Hardgrave. Processor Fitzgerald has been a series of lectures at the school's science department.”