He took his hat off and bowed, quickly returning it to his head and turning toward the helm.
“I’m Helena,” I replied. “I’m surprised you all have names,” I said sarcastically.
“Oh, don’t take it too hard, what happened last night. The crew may be a little rough around the edges, but they are a good crew. That guy last night, he was new. We usually don’t handle things in such a way… hence, why he had his dick ripped off.”
My eyes widened at the hearing of the vulgarity. I wasn’t used to people speaking in such a way where I came from. Benjamin laughed when he saw my face.
“You better get used to hearing words like that, dearie.”
“You are very perceptive,” I said.
“Well, thanks!” Benjamin said. “It’s the drink. Speaking of!”
As he said that he pulled a flask from his waistband and began to chug it. After a few moments, he put the top back on it and place it into his waistband. We both stood there for a few moments saying nothing to each other. I was looking out at the horizon of the sea, feeling… something. I felt as though I should be nervous, but I wasn’t. Staring into Captain Fox’s eyes brought me a familiar comfort. One I hadn’t felt since the first time I- No, that couldn’t be it… could it?
“You are oddly calm, Madame.”
“Yes. You are right. I am, aren’t I?”
“Most women stumble around the ship and hide away from everyone. They speak with a tremble in their voice as though they see ghosts.”
“Most women?” I asked quickly.
“Well… yeah! Of course! You think you have been the only woman invited to the Captain’s chambers? Or did you just wish it to be so?!” He chuckled a bit until he realized I was offended.
“Does it happen often?”
He smirked his friendly smirk at me and looked at me with admiration in his eyes.
“Three times. That has been it.” He squinted at me a moment. “You feel something for him, don’t you?”
“No. I don’t know… maybe I do. I’m not sure.”
Grey smiled at me for a second before looking back out at sea again. There was another moment of silence before Benjamin spoke. Within that moment I had so many things going on in my head. I wasn’t sure how to feel. Captain Fox had been with women before; I hadn’t been with anybody. The last time I fell in love, I fell hard, and I had been betrayed. Not only by my fiancé but by my best friend as well. How could I trust a stranger? Not just a stranger, but a pirate! Almost as if to answer me, Benjamin spoke.
“He might not admit this to you at first, or maybe ever at all; but the one thing he is looking for is someone to love. Someone who will be there for him and not abandon him. There’s a lot these guys…” He said motioning to the crew. “…don’t know about Dimitri, but he and I have been friends for a long time now. All of this.” He opened his arms and gestured to the sea and ship around him. “It is all just to find that. The crew gets paid, and they stay happy, while he gets to sail the world looking for that one special woman. No one is the wiser, except for me!” He smiled and took a swig of his alcohol. “Problem is, when you are looking for love that hard, you tend to trick yourself into believing the wrong one is the right one; When if you look, there were signs the entire time that they were always the wrong one.”
As I reflected on what Benjamin had said, I knew that he was right. There had been a lot of signs that Johnathan had been the wrong one for me.
“The problem is, by the time you see that they were the wrong person for you, your heart has already been broken.”
I tried to hide my sadness, but I couldn’t. I excused myself from beside Benjamin and made my way to the farthest part of the ship, hiding away in a corner so nobody would find me. I cried my eyes dry, reflecting on everything that had happened with Johnathan. This time, I wasn’t lying to myself. I was sad because the entire time I was with him, there was a voice inside of me that was telling me he wasn’t the one. He held me back, talked down to me, and disappeared for months at a time while on his trips. He made no effort to want to see me when it was inconvenient for him. For all of this, I felt stupid. I felt used, and I felt like love would never be the same again. Yet, at the end of it all, when I finally cried my last tears, I still felt as though there might be hope. Fox’s eyes crossed my mind, and for the first time in a long time, my stomach was full of butterflies.
By the time I had gathered my emotions, my eyes were puffy from crying. I emerged from beneath the deck, just as the sun was beginning to set. Benjamin spotted me and helped me to Captain Fox’s chamber door. My heart was beating so loud I could hear it in my ears. My hands were trembling lightly, and I reached out for the doorknob. I hesitated.
“Don’t be afraid, Helena. He may be labeled a pirate, but he is a great man. I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”
I took a deep breath.
“Thank you, Benjamin.”
My voice was so light I could barely hear myself speak. I reached out and turned the doorknob slowly, my heart pounding against my ribcage. I opened the door and stepped inside the Cabin, ready to face my future.
Chapter Four
The cabin was made of solid dark wood and smelled of musk and pine. Candelabras hung on the walls, illuminating the room with a warm glow. There was a large bed perched near the back of the room. Behind it was a wall full of windows that looked out onto the ocean from the stern of the ship. The bed was on a platform with a few stairs, and just in front of the steps was a long table with fancy chairs with purple felt cushions. There was a bathtub tucked away in a little alcove in the corner of the room and a door leading off to somewhere, I assumed the kitchen. I closed the door lightly behind me. As it clicked shut, Captain Fox, who had been standing staring out of the large windows, turned lightly. He had a glass of wine in his hand. As he spotted me, he stared for a minute and then smiled at me.
“Hello.” He said smoothly.
“Hello,” I replied lightly, glancing down at the floor.
There was a moment of tension between us as he looked at me in awe. He swallowed a nervous lump in his throat and made his way over to me, setting the wine glass down on the table.
“Please, have a seat.”
He made his way over to me and led me to my seat, the whole time placing a hand on the small of my back. I got goosebumps and felt a slight tingle of pleasure. He pulled the chair out for me and allowed me to sit down. Once I had, he poured me a glass of wine.
“Thank you,” I said lightly.
My heart was beating so fast, I thought it was going to leap from my chest. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. On the one hand, he was a gentleman and very polite. On the other hand, how many girls had he done this for already? I didn’t want to appear rude or bother him with my insecurities right away, so I remained quiet.
“I have something for you.” He said as he disappeared into the doorway behind me.
While he was gone, I gulped down as much of the wine as I could and poured myself another glass. I needed to let go of my tension. I heard his footsteps approaching, and before I knew it, he was standing back in front of me, holding a beautiful dress in his hands. The silk was so fine I had to reach out and touch it. This was the smoothest and softest silk I had felt in my entire life. There was a gold trim around the bosom area, the cuffs of the sleeve and where the waist line met the skirt. The bodice had a built in corset and was designed in silver and gold on top of the blue. The blue of the dress faded from dark at the top to light at the bottom. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
“This is the most beautiful dress I have ever seen,” I said, a light smile crossing my face.
“Would you like to put it on?” He wondered.
I nodded my head yes and changed in the opposite room, which was not a kitchen but in fact a walk in wardrobe. As I slipped into the dress, I was amazed at how it fit so perfectly. The silk on my skin was so soft I felt as though I was wearing nothing at all. The corset stretched perfectly
to fit my back, and my breasts sat comfortably, outlined perfectly by the golden trim. I could feel the wine starting to take effect as I stared at myself in the mirror. By the time I had finished dressing, the food was on the table. As soon as he saw me, he stopped setting the table, and his jaw dropped open in amazement
“Look at you.” He said. “You look… like the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
It took a moment for him to realize what he had said. I couldn’t hide the blush that spread across my cheeks.
“Did I just say that?! I am… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you… I just…” He swallowed the rest of his wine and motioned to dinner. “Shall we?”
I took my seat. Captain Fox was cute. I had never remembered Johnathan acting giddy around me, or saying anything so kind. I couldn’t help but smile.
We ate, and I listened to him speak about stories he had. I answered his questions and told him about myself, and before I knew it, I was blurting out my entire life story to him. I told him about my family, my sea experience, and I even talked about Johnathan and Connie. I had never experienced this before with anyone in my life, not even Connie; speaking freely with Dimitri (I discovered that his full name was Dimitrius Fox) was easy. We enjoyed our dinner conversation, and before long, we were both slightly drunk and stuffed.
“So tell me… am I really the first woman to wear this dress?”
I couldn’t stop myself from saying it. It came out like word vomit. Dimitri was smiling, but as soon as I said this his smile faded.
“I-I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“No, no. It is fine.” He said in a soft voice. “I’m surprised you didn’t bring it up earlier.”
He smiled lightly without showing his teeth, but I could see in his eyes that he was sad. I had a sense that he was experiencing the same feelings I had been over Johnathan. I imagined what it must have felt like. I only experienced it once, and it was enough to scare me; what must it have felt like three times?
“I promise you that you are the first to wear it. Don’t worry about that. I have standards.” He took a swig of wine.
“What happened?” I wondered curiously. “If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to.”
There was a moment when I thought he wasn’t going to tell me. We had reached our first lull in the conversation.
“We can talk about it. I figure you told me your story… I should tell you mine.” He finished his glass of wine and paused, recollecting his thoughts. “When I was a teenager my parents passed away in a shipwreck. When I heard the news from my grandparents, I ran away from them. We were a poor family, and my grandparents could barely afford to take care of themselves. I joined a merchant's vessel and began working for money. I worked with the same crew for five years. They became my new family, but I never really felt loved by any of them or love toward any of them. I don’t know, I always felt like something inside of me had been broken. One night our ship was attacked by pirates. We lost, and everyone was killed, except for me. I watched as the pirates lined the crew up on the deck and the captain shot them all. All except me. He told me it was because I had no fear in my eyes when he looked into them. He knew I wasn’t afraid to die and he was right. I wasn’t afraid to die because I had nobody to love. I sailed with him for five more years. He was the most ruthless pirate I had ever met. He would stab you just for looking at him wrong. I watched him rip someone’s jaw off with his bare hands.”
I winced at the image of this.
“I enjoyed it for a while, but then something changed in me. I don’t know what it was, but one raid I just began to feel guilty. I heard people screaming and crying, children were lying dead in the street. I looked down and saw the blood splatter on my hands and clothes, and I thought to myself, what would your parents think?”
He was deep in his memories now. It was almost as if he was acting them out before me with his expressions. I saw his eyes glisten a little.
“I had gone on a ten-year mission to forget my parents, and all I found was guilt and sin. All because of one decision… the decision not to allow me to love. I pondered over what to do for days and when I asked the captain to let me go, he told me okay.”
He began pouring himself another drink.
“I couldn’t believe how easy it was; I was so young and naïve. The crew tied me up in my sleep and carried me onto the deck. After a sincere beating from the captain, along with some bullshit lesson about betrayal, they dumped me into the ocean. My hands were tied, my feet were tied, I was a bloody mess, and it was night time.”
This time I saw fear in his eyes.
“The ocean at night, that is a darkness I will never forget. Being under the surface… bleeding into the dark… waiting for the sharks to lunge up from the deep and end my suffering. I passed out.”
He took a quick sip of his drink. The emotion this man was showing me… his ability to open up completely without fear… I believe this was the moment I fell in love with him. I wouldn’t say it yet, but my soul knew.
“When I woke up I was on a beach. Somehow I had survived. Then there was Benjamin. He had saved my life. He was a crew member on the ship, and he had saved my life. We had become close in our time together; he was as much of a friend as I would allow myself to have at the time. He never gave up on his optimism. Even when the captain told him to do horrible things, he would always remain dedicated to love. It was for this reason that I believe he saved me twice. Eventually, our nonsensical talks of love stuck in my brain, and it had opened me up to the world I had driven away. It was that day that I learned about love. Different kinds of love; brotherly love; personal love; unity love. I couldn’t help but lay there on the beach and look up at the blue sky and smile. I believe I died for a short time… I don’t really remember anything about it… but I definitely think I had to have died to be reborn again the way I was.”
He was smiling now. His shoulders had relaxed again, and he was returning to his normal content state. I was entranced by this man. He was beautiful, inside and out. I could feel myself staring, so I picked up my wine glass. He glanced over the table at me and smiled, a realness in his eyes.
“It was that day that I realized life was too short to wait. There were two things I needed to accomplish before I died, to exact revenge and to fall in love. Lucky for me, Benjamin was trained in navigating using the sky, and he had stolen a lifeboat. I spent two years on getting my revenge and in doing so became one of the most fearsome pirate names. As soon as I took out my old boss, the pirate kingdom feared me. I fought him hand to hand and won. I was just as surprised as he was. After everything happened his crew pledged their loyalty to me, and I stole his ship. This ship.”
I couldn’t help but stare at Captain Fox in amazement. His ability to be so confident was a turn on. Plus, he was a pirate! He had lived a real life. He had been in real fights. He had seen the world and not just sailed around trading things and making profits.
“After… I felt empty. Even more empty than I had before. I had been so immersed in my vengeance that I hadn’t forgotten my other goal in life… to be loved. I spiraled out of control, raiding again, killing again, hating everything and everybody. I drank away my sorrows. Then, one day, I stopped feeling pity for myself and decided to make my goal happen. I started sailing the world, looking for love, and ever since I haven’t stopped.”
“How long has it been?” I asked.
I knew he was leaving out certain details.
“Three years.”
“And you’ve been with a girl a year?!” I couldn’t help but sound shocked.
He looked down at his feet, embarrassed and sad. I could tell he wasn’t proud of it.
“Not by choice. Well, kind of by choice, but I wasn’t the one who decided it wasn’t going to work. The first girl ran off as soon as we got to shore. The second one pretended to love me, but really only wanted to experience the rush. The third one…”
He trailed off
. His face was tight with emotion. He was clenching his jaw line, trying to hold back tears.
“She died.”
“Oh,” I replied sadly. “I am so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’ve learned to accept that she could have truly loved me. She was trying to. Sometimes I feel as though it was my karma for turning my back on love for so long. The world was allowing me to see what I had been to people.”
He was allowing me to see into the dark corners of his soul now. It was time to open up and be honest with him.
“Well, when you kidnap women from their homes, do you really expect them to fall in love with you for real?”
“No. I don’t. Which is exactly why Benjamin and I came up with the plan. Don’t you see? Someone who truly loves me will be looking for me just as much as I am looking for them. Also, I can’t believe I am going to tell you this, but I had a dream about it. My ship sailed into a port, and there she was, making her way toward my ship. She had beautiful brown hair and stunning blue eyes.”
As he said this, he looked deep into my eyes. We lost ourselves at that moment. I took a sip of my wine and glanced away. The feelings he was giving me, just by looking into my eyes…
“I see,” I replied. “But still… capturing women and forcing them to stay against their will?”
“I am a pirate.” He smiled smugly before returning to his usual calm state. “I never forced anyone to stay. They were always free to leave. It was them that decided to stay, and it was them that convinced me they loved me. All for the sake of what? An escape? The adventure? But you… there was something different about you. As soon as I saw you, I knew, somewhere deep down that you were the one.”
My heart was racing again. I couldn’t believe he had just said it.
“You were the girl from my dream.”
I blushed, feeling a little embarrassed by the thought of him telling me I was the one the first time we met. I tried to play it off by using Benjamin’s advice from earlier.
The Campus Jock: A College Bad Boy Romance Page 110