‘Mia, stop, slow down. We can’t … I can’t.’
‘No I can’t, you can. Let me help you, I know what relaxes you.’ I returned to his lips and unleashed myself on his mouth until he was groaning so hard I knew he was close. I moved onto his hip and reached down and took him in my hand and gripped him, stroking his length as I continued to work my tongue around his mouth. It was no time before I felt his body shudder as he sighed my name and the shower washed the evidence of his enjoyment down the drain hole as he caught his breath.
‘Next time, I’m taking you in my mouth,’ I said as I pecked his lips.
‘Mia Page you’re the best. How long before we can have sex again?’
‘I’m not sure, we’ll have to ask Dr Wells this morning.’
‘Can you bend over?’
‘I don’t think that would be a good idea yet either Gabe,’ I exclaimed. If he thought I was ready for anal in this state he had another think coming.
‘Not for that, I meant to wash your legs.’
‘O sorry, no not yet.’
‘Then hold the wall and I’ll do it for you.’ He turned me around to face the tiles and I leaned against them with my forearms as he soaped his hands and ran them up each calf and around my thighs and did my buttocks and gently between my legs.
‘O god,’ I moaned as I felt his fingers graze me and he quickly pulled his hand back.
‘O god no. Washing only. Can I do the rest of you?’
‘Please. Anything to feel your hands on me.’ I pushed myself back away from the wall with my palms flat on the cream tiles as he carefully washed my stomach, running his fingers lightly over my stitches. He worked his way up my back, rubbing my shoulders and neck massaging me, before reaching around and caressing my breasts and nipples, which hardened again and I parted my lips as my eyes rolled back in pleasure.
‘Gabe,’ I sighed as he kissed my neck and started to shampoo my hair, his touch sending shivers through my body. As he rinsed I started to sway and he quickly held my hips.
‘Mia?’
‘You’ve made me so relaxed, I feel really tired all of a sudden.’
‘Come on, we need to get you back to bed.’ He flipped down the built in shower seat and perched me on it as he quickly washed and dried himself before helping me to the sink. He made me face it and hold it as he dried me, carefully patting my stitches and got me dressed in my knickers and a fresh t-shirt. I watched him grab a towel and he wrapped it around his waist and stepped out, giving me some privacy to fix another sanitary towel. When I stepped out he made me sit at the dressing table and gently dried my hair for me, running his fingers through it so it parted in soft waves and cascaded down my back and over my shoulders below my breasts.
‘I love your hair Mia, it’s so soft, like your skin. Are you ok?’
‘Yes thanks, that feels so nice. You’re so gentle with me Gabe.’
He smiled and carried on until all the dampness was gone and led me back to the bed. Agnes must’ve been while we were in the shower as it was freshly made, all the pillows plumped up and half reclining. He tucked me in, kissed me and ordered me to close my eyes and I fell asleep again instantly.
I woke again to feel him planting a kiss on my lips.
‘Hello beautiful, your breakfast’s here.’
‘Hmmm you?’ I murmured, as I opened my eyes look at him, making him chuckle.
‘I meant your food, come on sit up and eat.’
I toyed with my muesli, my appetite had gone. I watched as he finished his in minutes and poured himself a black coffee and rubbed his eyes.
‘You’re tired too Gabe, you need to rest.’
‘I can rest when you’re home. Why aren’t you eating Mia?’
‘I’m not really hungry this morning.’
‘I need you to have something for me, please. If you’re not going to eat the muesli then at least eat some croissant to fill you up.’ He fed it to me and I managed two bites and he shook his head. ‘Mia you need to eat.’
‘You eat the rest. You were so hungry, you finished all of yours in seconds.’
‘I could eat it again.’
‘So eat mine.’
‘I’ll share it with you.’ He fed me a spoon of muesli before taking one himself and I giggled. ‘What’s so funny baby?’
‘I was just thinking that the last time you did that was with the ice cream. I enjoyed that.’
‘Me too. Well hopefully we can do it again soon.’ He moved the tables out of the way and sat with me on the bed and put his arm around my shoulder and flicked through the TV channels. I closed my eyes and put my hand on this firm thigh and fell asleep and was woken up by him kissing my forehead.
‘Mia, we have a visitor.’
‘God sorry, did I fall asleep again?’
‘Yes, Dr Wells is here,’ he nodded. I looked to my right to see her smiling at me.
‘Sorry to wake you Mia, I just came to see how you’re feeling?’
‘Ok thank you other than tired all the time.’ I watched as she checked my charts.
‘Well everything on paper looks good and Agnes told me she’s happy to discharge you. I’d like to check your incisions myself if I can please?’
Gabe quickly got off the bed and went to stand by the window and I shuffled down and lifted my t-shirt. Dr Wells looked and gently prodded my stomach.
‘Are you still bleeding?’
‘Just a little.’
‘Hopefully that’ll stop in a few days. Ok I’m happy to send you home Mia. I’ll give you four days of painkillers, two three times a day and I’d suggest you take them even if you don’t think you need them. Hopefully by Sunday you should be ok without, or just Ibuprofen or something similar. I did more internal work than expected so I’d prefer you take all of next week off too and during this time you need to avoid any heavy lifting. I’d like to see you next Friday to see how you’re getting on and we’ll talk about how to manage your condition and your options for the future ok?’
‘Great thanks.’
‘Do you have any questions for me today?’
‘Can I ask when I can … When it’s safe for me to have …’ I felt myself flush as I looked over at Gabe, who smiled and raised an eyebrow.
‘I’d refrain from sex for at least another few days Mia, but you know your own body. Listen to it and if you’re in pain refrain. Nothing too vigorous.’ She smiled at me and I felt my face going crimson.
‘Can she swim Dr Wells?’ asked Gabe.
‘I’d wait until the stitches have fallen off and take it gently, no diving. It’ll help strengthen your stomach muscles again but only a few lengths every day, you’ll feel it if you do too much. Ann will come later with your medication and then you’re free to go and I’ll send a letter regarding next Friday’s appointment.’
‘Thank you,’ Gabe and I said in unison. I smiled at her as she left and Gabe came over and kissed me.
‘Do you mind if I nip out? I’ve got a few errands to run before you come home.’
‘No of course not. What time is it?’
‘9.45 I’ll be back by 11ish. Try and sleep for me baby ok?’
‘Are you going to be ok? You look so tired Gabe,’ I said squeezing his hand.
‘I’ll be fine.’
‘Gabe, thank you. Thanks for paying for me, for being so caring and patient and putting up with my crazy mood swings.’
‘Mia, your eyes are filling up again. Go to sleep.’
‘I love you,’ I smiled as I brushed away some stray tears.
‘You too baby, you’ll never know how much.’ He tucked me in and gave me a pillow to hug. ‘See you soon.’
I sighed as he left and picked up my phone and sent Lexi a text.
How are you Lex? Is Doug still with you? I’m coming out later, so be back with you this afternoon. How long are you staying off? I’ve been told to stay off all of next week too. I’m going to get so behind. Hope you’re ok? Xx
I surfed the internet and ordered so
mething for Gabe, choosing the gift wrap option. Then I spent ages searching for a very specific item for him, feeling really pleased with myself when I located and ordered it. I also found and applied for an interest free credit card but wasn’t given an instant decision. I was going to think carefully about how I was going to raise the money to repay Gabe. Ann came in and gave me my medication and told me that I was free to go, but that the room was mine as long as I needed. She offered to bring the lunch menu for me to pre-order, but I refused as I knew Gabe would want to get out of here as soon as possible, so I decided to have another nap. I was woken up by my phone vibrating, it was a message from Lexi.
Hey. Just woke up. U ok? B gud 2CU. Hvng rest of week off. D still ere but az lect this arvo. CU soon x
I sat up in bed too quickly and gasped holding my stomach, I was going to have to be more careful. I got up and took two of my painkillers, grabbed my skinny jeans out of the wardrobe and sat at on the dressing table stool and tried desperately to get them over my feet but I couldn’t lean down far enough. I gave up frustrated and put on my bra and vest top and gathered up my toiletries and clothes and laid them out on the spare bed. I got back into bed to watch TV and smiled happily when the door opened and Gabe appeared.
‘Sorry, took a bit longer than expected, how are you?’
‘I’ve been discharged and I’ve got my meds so we’re good to go. I need some help with my jeans and boots though sorry, I still can’t bend over.’
‘Sure, that’s great news that we can go home.’ He kissed me and helped me to the edge of the bed and grabbed my jeans pulling them over my feet and started to wriggle them up my calves. ‘Mia, what were you thinking bringing such tight jeans with you?’
‘I wanted to look smart, I didn’t think.’
‘Well you need to stand up and hold onto something while I try and gently yank them up.’ I held onto the end of the bed and we laughed as he struggled to pull them up over my hips. ‘I’m used to undressing you baby, not dressing you, turn around for me.’ He carefully pulled them up at the back and bent down to smooth the legs down. ‘Can you do them up?’
‘I can try,’ I giggled. I just about managed the zip and breathed in and held my breath to try and do the button, thankful they were low riders and avoided my navel incision, but wow they felt tight. ‘For god’s sake I look about six months pregnant my stomach’s so swollen,’ I said laughing. I looked at him and saw a shadow cross his face and he turned his back to me and started to load up my case. I suddenly felt sick, this children issue was really affecting him. ‘Gabe?’
‘What?’
‘You really want children don’t you?’ I asked, dreading the answer. I watched his back as he sighed, but he said nothing. ‘Gabe?’
‘I thought you didn’t want to talk about this Mia?’
‘I don’t want to Gabe, but I think you do. You said in a relationship we need to talk about the things that affect us and that I needed to be more open, so I’m asking you to talk to me.’ I heard him sigh again and he turned around, sat on the spare bed and looked at me quickly, then back down at the floor. ‘Gabe?’
‘What do you want me to say Mia?’
‘What you’re feeling.’
‘I feel angry,’ he said quietly as he ran his hand through his hair.
‘At me?’ I asked, surprised.
‘Yes … no… I don’t know,’ he shrugged.
‘You do know, just say it.’
‘I’m angry that you’re in this situation, which I know isn’t your fault, but I’m more angry about the fact that you don’t seem bothered by it at all,’ he said flashing me an annoyed glance.
‘I can’t change anything Gabe, it is what it is. Getting angry’s not going to help me deal with it. Why are you so angry?’
‘I may be a guy Mia, but even guys think about settling down. Despite my detachment from the women I slept with I always hoped one day I’d find the girl that I’d want to settle down with, that we’d get married and have a family and I could give my kids the childhood and proper family unit that I never had. It’s just hard to accept that after so many women I felt nothing for, I finally I did it, I found you, but you don’t seem to want the same things.’ He lifted his head to look at me as he finished speaking and I could see he was serious, he was actually feeling hurt. I exhaled heavily, I really didn’t like the direction this conversation was heading in.
‘Gabe I’m really sorry, but I don’t believe in marriage and even if I wanted to have kids, which I don’t, I can’t.’
‘You don’t know that for sure.’
‘I think the words Dr Wells used were pretty conclusive.’
‘I don’t accept that,’ he said stubbornly. ‘She said there were options for you which we can talk about when we see her next week. We can look into this after we know what she suggests, there have to be options Mia.’
‘Which I don’t want to explore Gabe. God I can’t believe we’re discussing marriage and children, it’s insane,’ I said frustrated, running my own hand through my hair.
‘You told me to talk to you, now you don’t want to hear what I have to say?’ he snapped at me.
‘You’re telling me you want marriage and a family. Even setting aside the fact that it would terrify any girl to be discussing it so soon into a relationship, I don’t want either of those things.’
‘You could change your mind Mia.’
‘I don’t see it happening Gabe. I can live with that, can you?’
‘I guess I don’t have a choice do I?’ He looked at me and it hurt my heart to see how sad he looked about it. Was I doing this to him? Was it my fault he looked like that? I thought about how I felt with my dad not meeting my expectations and desires and how Lexi had told me that I should end it with Gabe if I couldn’t give him what he needed. She was probably right, I’d be just as guilty of hurting him if I gave him false hope over something that seemed to be so important to him.
‘You do have a choice Gabe. If marriage and children are this important to you then we need to stop this now, before we get in any deeper.’ I inhaled sharply as I heard the words come out of my own mouth. It hurt more than I’d expected it to.
‘How much deeper can we get Mia?’ he exclaimed, his eyes widening with horror. ‘I’m in love with you, I love you for god’s sake.’
‘And I love you, I love you so much Gabe,’ I heard my voice break and watched as he reacted, standing quickly to take me into his arms and I buried my face in his chest as I felt yet more tears starting to spill over.
‘You’re everything to me Mia, but I want all of you. I need to know that you’re totally mine, to know that one day we’ll vow to stay together, that you’ll wear a ring on your finger to show everyone you’re mine. To know I’ve got the rest of my life to spend loving you and to have a child with you would mean everything to me …’ he broke off and sighed. I closed my eyes tightly, I could feel his body trembling and his heart was pounding against my ear so loudly. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear, this wasn’t how I wanted him to feel. We were happy, what was wrong with just staying as we were?
‘Gabe, I’m already yours. You have all of me, I can’t offer you anymore. Why do you think a ring and a marriage certificate would change that?’
‘Because it’s a symbol of our feelings for each other Mia, showing that we belong to each other and we’re going to stay together for life.’
‘Gabe marriage doesn’t bind people together, people bind people together, it’s a personal choice to stay faithful and work through your differences, you don’t need a ring or a piece of paper to make a relationship work.’
‘But it shows everyone else Mia.’
‘Shows them what? I don’t care what everyone else thinks Gabe, as long as we know we love each other that’s all that matters to me,’ I sighed and he let me go and stepped back.
‘Mia I grew up in a one parent household, having a secure family unit is important to me.’
‘Gabe my dad walked out of
his marriage, so did Lexi’s, as do countless people so why bother? Why go through the big spectacle? Why do couples need a big over the top day and other peoples approval? And I don’t want children, I don’t want a child to go through what Lexi has or what you have, parents have an enormous capacity to hurt and I refuse to do that to someone else.’
‘So we’ll do it differently Mia, we make a commitment to each other that we’ll be different, you want a small private wedding instead of a big one I’m fine with that, but I promise you even if we didn’t work out, I’d never walk away from our children.’
‘Gabe I can’t do this, please stop.’ He was looking at me so earnestly I had to cover my eyes with my hands. ‘It’s too much.’
‘I’m not proposing now Mia, I just need to know that we’ll get there one day, that you want to commit to me,’ he sighed. I dropped my hands and looked at him shocked.
‘I am committed to you Gabe, why is a damn piece of paper so important to you?’ I was getting frustrated now. I was tired and emotional and this was way too deep. All of a sudden I just wanted Lexi, someone who understood me and wouldn’t pressure me, someone to make him back off.
‘If it’s just a piece of paper and you can walk whenever you want, why are you so scared of it?’
‘Because it’s a lie Gabe. To vow to love someone forever and then walk away is breaking a promise, a serious promise. I don’t want to be put in that position.’
‘You’re still scared of fully committing to me?’ His voice had changed, he sounded surprised.
‘How many times do I have to say it Gabe, I am committed to you, a certificate won’t make me any more committed, it won’t make me love you anymore.’
‘It’s just damn symbol of our love Mia, something I need, you don’t want to consider my feelings?’ he snapped. Great now he was getting angry with me.
‘Gabe please not now, this is just too much,’ I begged. I’d never felt so totally worn down as I did in this moment, I was running on fumes.
‘You pushed me Mia, you asked me to talk and share my feelings, so you don’t get to stop this conversation just because you don’t like where it’s heading. This is something that’s really important to me.’
Forever & an Engine (The Austin Series) Page 20