by Nicola Rose
He didn’t escape unblemished either. My nails dragged down his back until they drew blood, revelling in how roughly I could claw, how hard I could bite. No pulling away from me. It only encouraged him further.
I burned like a meteorite. Out of control, blazing a path of destruction. This was the end of my old life, and the start of something terrifying. My veins sung with freedom.
His rhythm slowed. I glanced into his eyes, towering above me, owning me. There was something on his face that made my heart stop. Was it awe? Why was he looking at me like that?
“It was always me and you, Jess,” he whispered.
That was too tender. I couldn’t deal with niceness, with affection. My chest tightened.
His teeth nipped at his wrist. My eyes widened at the blood pooled on his bottom lip. I wanted to reach up and lick it off. He groaned in appreciation and slowly, so slowly… he moved his wrist to my mouth.
There was no turning back.
Zac wasn’t the darkness – I was.
It was me that destroyed him.
I wanted sin and depravity.
And now, I wanted Alex more than anything in my life.
I kept my eyes on his as my tongue lapped at his wrist. Metallic, erotic… delicious. I stopped licking and started sucking. Drinking in his power. My entire body exploded in pleasure, every ounce of pain vanished.
He marvelled at the sight, watching me drink him, watching me like I was a goddess. He was worshipping me. Giving himself to me.
All the while, his hips circled slowly against my body.
He wasn’t fucking me anymore.
He was making love to me.
I think we stayed that way for hours. I started to wonder if he had any blood left. And why was I enjoying it so much, when I wasn’t a vampire yet?
Yet? What was I doing?
I recoiled from his wrist, just as he let out a final groan and climaxed into me.
There was no after-sex cuddling.
He disappeared between my legs and sank his teeth into my inner thigh, right at the apex.
I screamed.
Not through pain, but through complete, all-consuming ecstasy.
The sensation of him sucking on me seemed to beat in time with my throbbing clit. I rubbed at myself furiously and orgasmed in a shuddering wave.
My fingertips went numb, then my arms, then everything.
I was slipping away. I tried to hold on, tried to cling to him.
But life drained away and fell from my grasp.
27
Jess
I was liberated. Free from the burden of worry, fear or doubt.
Glancing around, I took in the plush surroundings – the ornate mirror, the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the bustling city, the crisp white bed sheets.
No! Where was Alex? Why wasn’t I in his garage? It couldn’t have been a dream. It couldn’t have been…
I sat up and swung my legs over the bed. Agony surged through every muscle, causing me to howl and flop back down. Looking at my naked body was not a good idea. I was black and blue.
There wasn’t just pain in my muscles and bones, I felt it right through my core, coursing through every fibre of my being. A gut wrenching aching from deep inside. I struggled to maintain consciousness, but it went dark again.
The next time I woke I didn’t move a muscle. Even so, the barrage of pain was instant and I screamed, biting down on my tongue to try and keep from attracting attention. I tasted blood in my mouth, but it was different to the familiar taste from sucking a cut finger.
Carefully and painfully I lifted my head to look at the puncture wounds on my thigh. I cried then, sobbing with such gusto that every one sent further spasms of agony through me. I didn’t know whether to be relieved by the reality or mortified.
I forced myself up. I didn’t want to look in the mirror, but I had to. Was that dried blood around my mouth? Was it even me? It didn’t look like me. I banged my hand into the glass and it shattered into tiny fragments. There, I wouldn’t have to see now.
Time passed in a blur of misery, tears and unconsciousness. Every time I awoke the pain seemed worse rather than better. I couldn’t move from the bed. I didn’t eat or drink or wash. Somehow, thankfully, I hadn’t needed the toilet either. At least I wasn’t lying in my own piss. That seemed like something to hold on to.
I screamed out Alex’s name in my head. Where the hell was he?
Alex!
Over and over and over.
After a particularly bad bout of crushing pain I was excited to find I’d started hallucinating.
Zac sat at the foot of my bed and I forced myself not to blink, so that he wouldn’t disappear into the darkness.
“No,” he whispered.
If only I could touch him.
“NO.” This time he blazed, and I could have sworn his eyes burned red.
I lay languorously, watching him, basking in the moment of light relief which made me feel like I was floating. I was so scared to move and break the dream.
“I’m sorry.” His rage slipped for a moment – eyes overflowing with guilt and pain. His finger traced along my lip and sent a jolt through me. I lurched upwards from the bed, ignoring the pain, which was beginning to feel like a normal part of me.
“You’re really here,” I marvelled, taking his hand. “Why are you sorry?”
“I shouldn’t have left you with him.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It wasn’t like that. He didn’t…” I clamped my mouth shut.
Confusion passed his face for a second, before his knuckles tightened.
“Oh,” he muttered. “You asked him. Of course you did. You asked him.”
He became venomous, hatred overflowing from those eyes. If it touched me I’d be poisoned. Instinctively I wanted to retreat. What had happened to the beautiful golden eyes of the man I loved? They held nothing but coldness now.
Had they ever cried? Had tears ever fallen? Perhaps, if it was possible, they’d have fallen then. His face flickered between rage and all-consuming grief. It also occurred to me that if my own heart was capable of breaking, then it would do so then. But I couldn’t feel my heart anymore. Not the same way.
“You left me,” I said. “This was the only way I could—”
“Don’t you dare say it,” he stormed. “You think you did this so we could be together? You did this for me? I told you over and over how much I didn’t want this. I went through sheer agony to prevent myself from doing this to you. If I’d known it was going to end this way anyway, I might as well have just done it. At least then I’d still have you.”
“You do have me, more than ever before. You can’t hurt me the same now—”
“He has you.”
“No, I don’t…”
I was so confused. Which one did I want? Which one was I supposed to want? Why was I begging Zac to take me back? Alex made me whole. It was Alex I wanted, not Zac.
And what was that gnawing ache in my throat?
“Alexander’s bite and blood sired you. That makes you his. Irrevocably. No-one can lay claim to you now.”
“Lay claim to me? Like a piece of land or lost property?” I hissed back, momentarily thinking how odd my voice sounded. “He never said anything like that, and anyway, where is he?”
I needed him. I needed Alex.
Why was my throat on fire?
“Oh, you poor thing. How cruel of the monster to leave you. What were you expecting? That he would turn up every day with warm milk and cookies? Sit over the bed mopping your fevered brow with a flannel?” He took a deep breath.
Had his eyes always been so heavenly? I could see every single eyelash in high-definition. I reached out to touch them and he batted me away. “Have you not noticed that he doesn’t play nice? He left you here because he knew I’d come when I registered the change in your thought patterns. He wanted to shove it in my face.”
He made his way towards the door. The world was slipping out from under m
e. Black dots floated in front of my eyes.
What was all that noise?
Where was I?
I could see the pulse in his neck, so faint, so gentle… a little fluttering against his white skin. It was mesmerising. My teeth tingled.
“You’re going to leave me here? Like he did? You can’t. You can’t let him take me,” I screamed.
“He already did. You asked him to, remember?”
I did. I asked him. I wanted him. Where was he? Why was I pleading with Zac?
The door slammed behind him and all the pain came rushing back, knocking me out.
I dreamt about reaching out to him. I think it was quite a while before I realised that the dream had ended long ago and I was just lying there with my eyes closed, desperately needing him.
First Alex. Then Zac. Then they merged into one being. One need.
“I can’t help you. You have to stop calling me. Let me go.” I opened my eyes cautiously and found Zac sitting on the bed again, staring absently at his hands.
“I can’t.”
“My periods of clarity are occurring less and less. I don’t know what I’ll do when the darkness closes in again. Being a vampire does not mean you’re safe from me. You’re in more danger than ever. This will push me completely off the edge when it hits home.”
My throat was scratchy, like it was clogged with barbed wire. I was acutely aware of every sensation in my body. Every part of me, right the way through. My veins weighed me down and burned, they hurt so much. It was like acid had been poured through my system.
I tried to focus on what he was saying, but nothing made sense. I was disorientated. Spinning. Falling.
“Where’s Alex?” I begged, and he looked at me with disgust.
“Are you listening to a word? He’s gone. He got what he wanted and left. That’s what he does.”
“You left me first. Are you going to do it again?”
“What do you want from me?”
Right then, I wanted to suck the blood from the fluttering vein in his neck. But it was too weak. Not enough. I needed something else. I clawed at my throat.
“Don’t leave me again,” I pleaded.
“If I take you with me, remember that you asked for it. You did this. It’s always your fault.”
He lunged at me – with what I was sure must have been vampire speed, but it didn’t seem that fast to me now – pausing only for a second to stare into my eyes, before lifting me from the bed and whisking me away.
We tore through the corridors, through the lobby – I knew for certain it was too fast for public viewing, even if I couldn’t feel it, because of the wide-eyed stares and gasps from everyone that we rocketed past.
A strange array of aromas assaulted my senses during that journey. Some of them were tantalising, some were nasty. Everything was bright, and loud, and too real. Too in my face.
I buried my head into his neck, closing my eyes, and only opening them again when he dropped me unceremoniously onto the back of his chopper. The world was still so loud. And stinky…
Everything ached. Where were we going? Was I with Zac? Who are you?
I whirled in confusion, a hazy fog pulling me under.
Then I felt it. I felt him.
I twisted in my seat as Zac gunned the engine.
Alex stumbled into the road, looking like death. His beautiful pale skin had taken on a grey tinge. Eyes black and sunken. The usual grace and stealth was gone. Instead he dragged his feet with effort, tripping over himself. Weak.
He smelled of weakness and death. Broken.
His voice rang loud and clear, directly into my head.
“I love you,” he said, before collapsing in the road.
28
Jess
Lights blurred past on the highway, they felt like knives into my eyes. The engine noises were like claxons in my ears. I couldn’t stand the feel of my clothes on my skin, every movement was scratchy and tickly all at once. Even the air seemed too heavy against my flesh. And as for the smells? I was going to be sick.
Then there was the pain. Oh, the pain! Excruciating, yet exhilarating. Running through every nerve, every cell, even. It was worst in my throat. A thousand razorblades cutting me to pieces. I was so thirsty and dry. I kept trying to spit, because I was certain my mouth was full of powder, or sand… but there was nothing. No powder, and certainly no spit… nothing but invisible cement clogging everything up.
I couldn’t clear the confusing mess in my mind, my brain had turned to gloop. I wasn’t sure I even knew how to walk any longer. I was vaguely aware that I was on Zac’s bike, and Alex had said something important. Beyond that, I had nothing.
Would this bike ride ever end?
Oh, it had. I was surprised to suddenly realise that we were in a grotty motel room. I was writhing around on the bed, clutching at my stomach, having some weird out of body experience. I could see it happening, but it wasn’t me. It couldn’t be me.
“Great,” Zac groaned. “I’ll get rid of her, just stay here and don’t move.”
Before I had a chance to ask what he was talking about, there was a knock at the door.
Zac opened up and beamed his charming smile at the maid before him. He was only wearing his boxers. Why wasn’t he dressed?
The maid tentatively held up her mop and stuttered, “Room service, Sir?”
Room service? But we’d only just got here? Hadn’t we?
“No, thank you,” he replied.
“I… I see. I know you gave instructions for no room service, but… but…” She tried to peer past him. “It’s been a week now, please can I just come in and have a little clean up for you, it won’t take me long.”
What?! A week?!
His shoulders tensed and his head shifted ever so slightly, tilting, as if to listen behind him. Then I realised why. A hissing snarl was coming out of my mouth, my muscles contracting by themselves, pulling me into a lower, tense posture, like a cat ready to spring.
He looked back at me and grinned.
“You know what? Sure, we could do with some maid service after all.” He sidestepped and flung his arm out to gesture her through.
She stood just inside the room as he clicked the lock on the door and leant against the wood. Arms folded, a seductive glint in his eyes.
She smelled fucking amazing. Like toffee, or syrup… something sweet, and utterly delicious. The sound of her little beating heart drove me to distraction. Thump, thump… thump, thump…
I prowled toward her. I could feel the blood pumping through her body. I needed it inside me.
I needed—
The stifling darkness cleared as I dragged myself back to the conscious world. I was lying on the floor, my head lolling to the side – finally satiated. The maid was the only person so far who had smelled so good, tasted so divine.
At last the agony subsided and I could breathe again. I could think. I could feel. It felt like I’d been wading through semi-consciousness for so long. Every time I seemed to be waking up, getting hold of sanity, then I’d lose it again.
Images flashed through my mind.
Bodies.
Tearing flesh. Blood.
So many people.
Hunger.
Sex.
Endless fucking.
Fucking amongst their bodies.
I killed them, then I fucked Zac over their still-warm corpses.
And it felt incredible.
I forgot how to breathe again. The pain came back.
Something broke inside me.
29
Jess
Zac was shaking me. I think I was crying, but I didn’t have any tears. Only anger, hunger, pain.
“Get a grip,” he was yelling.
The TV was gone. The room was gone. This place was bigger, grander… plush red carpets and ornately framed oil paintings on the wall.
Where did time keep disappearing to? One minute I’d be somewhere, then nothing – no memories, just finding myself somew
here else. How long had it been? What had I done?
I could feel someone scratching at the edge of my conscience. It felt like Alex so I shoved it away.
“What’s happening to me?” I hissed, recoiling at the sound of my own voice.
He laughed. Nasty and cruel.
“What do you think, buttercup? I thought this was what you wanted – to be a vampire?” He invaded my space, pressing his lips to my cheek. Not in a tender way, more threatening. “Congratulations, I think we can safely say that you are indeed that,” he spoke against my skin.
“Indeed she is.” A voice came from somewhere else, a voice that made my stomach lurch. “I see you’ve had fun breaking her in, dear boy, but you do realise that leaving a bloody mess like this in your wake is against the current rules?” Emory slung a local newspaper into my lap.
I scanned the front page, finding that I could read it all in a matter of seconds – reports of mysterious disappearances and mauled bodies, victims of savage animal attacks.
Breaking her in.
The details in the paper made my throat tighten. Half of me was horrified, the other half delighted.
“So dock my wages.” Zac snatched the paper from me and tossed it away.
“Fix it,” Emory spoke softly, but every instinct in me wanted to cower away from him. Zac seemed unaffected and merely shrugged as he left the room with Emory on his heels.
Neither bothered to give me another glance.
A lock clicked into place on the door.
No.
No.
No.
I kept expecting Raze to open the door and drag me out. I wanted him to, I prayed that he would still be alive somehow, so that I could rip his throat out myself.
But he didn’t come, Beatrix did.
I tried to kill her. Tried so hard that I ended up pinned by Laurance and Francis – writhing and hissing and spitting like a wildcat. They found it all very amusing. Eventually I realised how futile it was and relented.