And then it was time. The two MCs stood before the microphone and read the names and recent achievements of the five novelists. A big deal was made out of the fact that this was Tess’s first ever public appearance. The camera zoomed in on her, where she sat smiling demurely next to him, and suddenly Kendra’s lovely face filled the big display screens that had been placed so everyone could get a good view of what was going on. Garrett felt the muscles in his shoulders knot even tighter.
The reassuring squeeze of her hand against his was just beginning to calm him when the MC said, ‘And the winner of this year’s coveted Golden Kiss Award is … Tess Delaney!’
Chapter Nine
The crowd went wild. Garrett nearly catapulted from his chair, an act that Kendra turned into an exuberant winner’s kiss for her date followed by a reassuring caress of his biceps. Then she made her way up the aisle toward the stage, and Don did his best to subtly ease Garrett back into his seat. Not that it mattered; all cameras were on Tess Delaney, all adoring eyes were on her, and Garrett wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t going to throw up. He felt hot all over, he felt like his chest was about to explode and his stomach was about to implode. He wanted to run up to the stage and whisk Kendra away before she could open her mouth. Dear God, surely this was expecting too much of even her.
‘Calm down,’ Don hissed in Garrett’s ear. ‘Let her take care of it. Just smile like the adoring lover. That’s right. Tess won, Garrett, Tess Delaney won the Golden Kiss. You know what that means?’
‘Shut up, Don,’ Garrett hissed between barely parted lips.
‘Then sit down and behave yourself.’ Don made no effort to disguise the warning in his voice. Garrett was sure the man would have put him in a stranglehold if he felt it necessary. Well he was certainly welcome to try, Garrett thought.
On stage, Tess took possession of the golden trophy topped with its replica of Rodin’s sculpture, The Kiss. She graciously gave each of the two presenters a peck on the cheek to a roar of applause. Then she stood, smiling brightly in front of the microphone, till the room quieted. She waited for a second, then the smile broadened and became contagious. Garrett couldn’t help noticing that everyone was smiling back at her. Even he was smiling back at her.
‘This is such a wonderful surprise.’ She looked down at the trophy. ‘I can’t tell you how honored I am even to have been nominated for this award, to be in the company of such esteemed writers, writers who are my heroes in the romance world. But to actually win – well, I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. I don’t mind saying that I was a little bit nervous when my publicist suggested that the Golden Kiss Awards might be the time to make my first ever public appearance. I mean –’ she leaned close to the microphone ‘– it’s just so very public, isn’t it?’
Her captivated audience laughed their appreciation.
‘As I’m sure you can imagine, I’ve always felt more at home behind the laptop than I do in the public eye. I guess most writers probably feel that way. I’m guessing I’m not the only one who finds myself a lot more comfortable talking with my characters than with real people, a lot more at home with the people I’ve created in my novels than I am with, well, people in the real world. I’ve always found them a bit scary, a bit intimidating. But, well –’ she offered the audience a dazzling smile
‘– you all are lovely. Thank you. Thank you so much.’
There was a spontaneous round of applause, and when there was silence again, she continued, ‘That I’d like to thank my publicist and my editor, and all the bookish folks who make my novels a reality, is obvious.’
She leaned a little closer to the microphone, and Garrett could swear she was looking right at him. He braced himself. Was this it, then? Was this the point where Kendra Davis got her revenge? He held his breath as she continued.
‘Not so obvious are the people who inspire me and help me and encourage me in quiet ways, the people who never take the bows, even though they deserve them, even though this –’ she raised the trophy for everyone to see
‘– this could have never happened to me without them. Thank you. You’re truly amazing.’
Garrett was sure she was looking right at him, and he sat a little taller, and for the first time in the evening his smile was easy and genuine. There was another round of applause, and Kendra moved off the stage. The applause continued as she glided between the tables and back to her place, back to Garrett. And it became deafening when he stood, scooped her into his arms, and kissed her. Best of all, she kissed him back like she really meant it, pulling away only enough to beam her bright smile at him and mouth the words “we won”, before she yielded to his next assault.
He could have just kept on with the kissing. He could have just kept on with her there in his arms, pressed tightly against him all warm and soft and breathing hard with the excitement of victory. But Don butted in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek and his date, Julie – that was her name, Garrett remembered – did the same. And then Barker Blessing shoved his way in for a grope and a slobber before Garrett could pull Kendra possessively back to him and before everyone settled in for dessert and an onstage tribute to musicals.
It was when chocolate mousse arrived, mounded high with whipped cream and topped with a huge fresh cherry, that Blessing made his move. He forced his chair in between Kendra and Don – after all, Don was Tess’s publicist, and Blessing always situated himself with the movers and shakers whenever possible. If Garrett had been Ellis, then no doubt he would have squeezed in where he could rub shoulders with him too. But clearly Garrett’s reputation was well known to Blessing who, after a curt nod in his direction, turned his full attention to Kendra, who had just begun her mousse.
‘My dear, I must congratulate you again. I think I speak for everyone here when I say Tess Delaney has stolen our hearts.’
Garrett was never 100 per cent sure about what happened next, though he did play the events over and over in his head many times afterward.
He read Kendra’s body language before he was able to see, from his poor vantage point, what was actually happening. Her spine stiffened and tension tightened her shoulders, which until now had been completely relaxed.
‘As you know, I’ve reviewed all of your novels very well, very well indeed.’
Bullshit, Garrett thought. He had always approached Tess’s books as he did all romance novels, as though they were the bastard stepchildren of proper literature, and the best he’d ever said about her work was that it was not bad for what it was, and that it was a pity such talent was wasted on such low-brow literature. As Blessing’s hand moved up high on Kendra’s right thigh, Garrett had visions of strangling the man with his bow tie.
‘I’m sure my reviews were taken into consideration in these awards, Tess – I can call you Tess, can’t I?’ He addressed Kendra’s cleavage, ‘So, in a small way, I guess you could say I’m responsible for you carrying away that lovely piece of metal. And I’m willing and able to help advance your career in ways you haven’t even thought of.’ His thumb slid beneath the soft green fabric of her dress and his fingers followed suit, finding their way to Kendra’s bare thigh.
What happened next seemed to unfold in slow motion. Garrett rose from his chair and grabbed the bastard by the back of the collar just as Kendra looked up and caught his eye, then she shook her head and mouthed the words “sit down”.
He didn’t. He just couldn’t let the bastard touch her like that. But before he could bodily heave Blessing out of his chair, before he could do more than lay a hand on the man’s jacket, Kendra, without so much as batting an eye, daintily and very deliberately dumped her entire chocolate mousse upside down onto the lap of the man’s white suit, making sure to give it a good hard shove, adding a slide from side to side so there would be no easy clean-up. The whole incident might have been subtly covered up if, at that moment, one of the cameramen hadn’t chosen to zoom in for a close-up of the beaming winner and catch the whole magical moment and multipl
y it and enlarge it on the big screens that surrounded the room, resulting in a raucous round of applause.
And that was when Garrett decided it was time they made their exit before he did the man serious bodily harm. He cupped her elbow in his hand, helping her from her chair. The applause was thunderous.
‘Garrett.’ She spoke between clenched teeth. ‘What the hell are you doing? We can’t leave before the press conference. Garrett!’
‘Fuck the press conference,’ he growled. ‘We’re leaving now, before I kill the bastard.’
For a split second he was sure she was going slap him. Her eyes blazed blue fire and her lips were parted, to make room for each accelerating breath.
‘Now,’ he said, tightening his grip on her arm.
She blushed ever so slightly, made a little curtsey to the applauding crowd, then yielded to Garrett’s none-too gentle tugging. As the room fell silent, all except for the sputtering and cursing of Barker Blessing, who was now being ministered to by a couple of the male wait staff wiping at his bemoussed crotch with white linen napkins, the two walked out of the room with all the dignity of royalty. Without a word, they quick-marched down the stairs into the foyer and out into the warm summer evening, where Garrett practically shoved her into the waiting limo, the Golden Kiss Award still suicide-gripped in her hand.
Chapter Ten
He held the remote so tight that his fingers hurt, but he didn’t care. He slid from the chair onto the floor, as close to the TV screen as he could get. With the back of his hand he wiped tears. It was her! Dear God, it was her, there on national television. There for all the world to see. He had pictured her a thousand ways in his mind. He had imagined a thousand ways she might look, a thousand personalities she might have, but he knew that when he saw her he would know her like he knew himself. He would feel her like the other half of him. He knew it, and he’d been so right.
He ran a trembling hand along the image of her bright cinnamon hair piled high on her head, along the soft curve of her cheek, along the full red of her lips as she opened her mouth to thank everyone for the Golden Kiss Award. Tess Delaney, close up and personal, shining like the sun all new and bright. She was exquisite in ways he could have never imagined, even in the very best of his fantasies. She took his breath away. She made him ache all over with longing. She was a religious experience, too sacred for someone like Garrett Thorne to be pawing at. And yet she felt so comfortable, so familiar, like he’d always known her.
The fact that she was with Garrett Thorne tied his gut in a burning knot. It didn’t matter, he tried to convince himself. Thorne wasn’t known for staying with one woman for very long. And who could blame him for wanting to stand in the radiance of Tess Delaney’s light? But he was certain Tess couldn’t really feel anything for someone as shallow as Garrett Thorne. She would see right through him and it would end soon enough, and even if it didn’t, it made no difference to him. He hadn’t come this far to be denied the prize.
He listened as she made her little speech. Her voice was like the music of the angels to him, flowing from her lips honeyed and sweet, and flooding him with such ecstasy; not what she said, but that it was she who spoke it, breathed it, willed each word of it into the world. Dear God, how had he survived all of this time outside her radiance, outside her beauty? He watched as she waltzed down the aisle like the queen of the world before her adoring public. He watched as she returned to her seat. He watched as Garrett Thorne stood and took her into his arms like he owned her, like she belonged to him, like he could fuck her with his mouth right there in front of everyone.
The flash fire of rage in his belly felt like it would burn him to a cinder. There was a sharp pop and crack as the plastic casing of the TV remote shattered in his vice grip. Slivers of hard plastic sliced into his palm. He felt the warm wet of his blood flowing from the wound down his wrist. He smelled the sweet-metal scent of it and was instantly hard, imagining that it was her blood. Imagining that it was her blood mingled with his own, imagining the pleasure of the pain he could share with her, and how much more intense that pain would be for the way she allowed Garrett Thorne to slobber all over her, to grope at her like some animal in rut.
He ignored the soft drip, drip, drip of the blood on the carpet as he watched the beginnings of the musical number through a hot haze of tears, impatient for more of her, impatient for the press conference that was to follow, impatient to hear what she had to say for herself, for allowing Thorne’s behavior, even inviting it. He watched as that damned Barker Blessing mauled her. Fuck, had she really fallen so far? Had she really lost her way so badly that she had become nothing more than a whore for anyone to fondle and rut with?
When Garrett Thorne rose behind Barker with his hand on the man’s collar, he found himself hoping that he would kill the man, strangle him right there in front of the whole world on national television, make the man pay for touching Tess. And then … And then … He would find Garrett Thorne and make him pay … And then, he would take Tess, take her away, and make her pay … For a very long time, he would make her pay. And then, once she was purified, once she understood, once her mind was clear again, they could truly be together.
‘What the fuck?’ he growled, as Tess dumped her dessert in Blessing’s lap, close up and personal, covering the man’s bulge in chocolate mousse. That’s not what was supposed to happen. He wanted the man covered in blood; he wanted the man choking out his last breath while everyone watched in delicious horror.
‘No, no, no!’ he roared at the monitor, up on his knees, close enough that his breath misted the screen as Garrett Thorne took Tess by the elbow and led her from the hall to the loud applause of all present. ‘No! That’s not right! That’s not the way it’s supposed to happen! That’s not the way I want it,’ he raged, shattering what was left of the broken remote against the monitor over and over again, streaking it with more of his blood before rising to his feet, yanking the monitor from its stand and smashing it over and over against the wall, the sound of crumbling sheetrock, splintering plastic and metal, drowning out the electronic crackle of shredding wires.
‘She’s not yours! You can’t have her,’ he shouted as the image of Thorne and Tess Delaney disintegrated and crumbled in a shower plaster dust. ‘She belongs to me. To me!’
When there was nothing left of the television monitor or the remote, he sat back on his heels and sobbed, holding his bloodied hand against the spastic jumping of his heart. It was ages before he finally stood. He wrapped his hand in half a roll of toilet paper, shoved on his trainers, and went for a run. He would not let Garrett Thorne have his Tess. In the end she would still be his, but they would both pay for their betrayal. He’d be sure of that. He ran and ran, he didn’t know for how long. He didn’t remember anything about it, except that the night vision of the Portland streets was filtered through the red rage that surrounded him like a fog. He wasn’t even sure how he wound up back at the door of his apartment, struggling to get the key into the lock, struggling with all his might not to think about what Garrett Thorne might be doing to his Tess right now. It was unbearable. It was agony. He’d waited so long. And then this!
In the bathroom, he peeled away the bloodied toilet paper from his hand. The gash had clotted clean, but reopened with the removal of the tissue. He washed it for ages under cold water, then, when he was sure it wouldn’t bleed any more, he stripped off his clothes and shuffled back into the living room. Ignoring the rubble that was once the television, he went to the makeshift desk and booted up his laptop. Sitting naked, as dawn began to break grey over the city, he surfed through everything he could find in the press about last night’s Golden Kiss Awards.
At last, he went to Carla Flannery’s article. She was a young nobody of a journalist, who always seemed to find out what no one else could. As he read her report about the strange goings on at the Golden Kiss Awards, an idea began to form in his head. It wasn’t that hard to get the attention of the media these days, and it was Carla Flan
nery’s attention he wanted. All the reporters were watching her out of the corner of their eyes after she broke a story about an illegal landfill near John Day. She was only just an email away. He rubbed his hands together and began to type.
Once the limo pulled away from the curb, Garrett pried the award gently from her fingers, then hefted its weight. ‘I’d say the bastard was damn lucky he got the mousse in the crotch instead of the Rodin upside of the head.’
Kendra forced a pained laugh, in spite of herself, and he could tell her control was near the breaking point, but he didn’t care. He didn’t!
As the anger dissipated slightly from her face, she took a careful breath and said, ‘Garrett, you should have let me handle it. I’ve had to deal with gropers and droolers and all sorts, and I know what an asshole Blessing is. I was ready for him. Really I was. But you forced my hand. Damn it, you forced my hand.’ Her grip on the leather arm rest was white-knuckled, and Garrett was pretty sure it was in attempt to keep from punching him good. ‘You should have let me handle it. That’s my job, Garrett, that’s what you’re paying me for, and frankly I –’
‘Shut up, Kendra.’ He risked life and limb by stopping her words with a hard kiss, followed in quick succession by several more. The wild and furious battle between her tongue and his came as a total surprise. When they both pulled away in a breathless gasp, he said, ‘I’m sorry. I fucked up. I couldn’t stand him touching you. If you hadn’t moussed him I might have done something that would have required my brother to bail me out of jail, and that would have completely ruined Tess’s evening.’
Identity Crisis Page 8