‘I don’t care what you want, now sit down and let me look at it.’
‘Goddamnit, leave me alone!’ He shoved her away. ‘Can’t you ever just let it be? Can’t you ever just let me do what I need to do?’
She stepped back with her hands up, a wave of angry confusion washing over her.
‘Don’t you get it? You could have died because of me.’ He stood bleeding in the middle of the bathroom floor with both hands clenched at his side in tight fists. Even beneath the drying blood and the dust, she could see the tensing of muscles along his jaw and down the sides of his neck.
‘You’re the only one here I see bleeding,’ she said, trying to sound calmer than she felt. ‘Now please, Garrett, sit down and let me take care of that.’
He stood staring at her as though he was struggling to understand what she wanted of him, then he dropped onto the edge of the tub with a wounded-animal growl. He sat passively while she undid his shirt and slid it off his shoulders, running a hand down his chest across his sternum. He tensed beneath her touch and his eyelids fluttered. God, she could never keep her hands off him, not after the first time, not after she had been in his arms. He caught her hand and gave it a tight squeeze before letting her go.
Then she found a washcloth, soaked it in warm water, and carefully wiped the blood away from his cheek and from the cut. ‘It’s not deep,’ she said, unable to hide the tremor of relief in her voice at knowing that he was safe here with her, at knowing that his wounds were minor. ‘Doubt there’ll be a scar.’ She offered him a tease of a smile. ‘Too bad, really, scars in just the right place can be so sexy.’
He grunted what might have been a chuckle, what might have been a growl. ‘Sorry to disappoint. I’ll try for a bigger branch next time.’
As she turned to rinse out the washcloth in the sink, he pulled her to him, between his legs, wrapping his arms around her waist, resting his head just below her breasts. He held her there, his breathing accelerated, his pulse a wild fluttering at the soft spot beneath his ear. She pulled him close, viewing the crown of his dark head through a mist of tears, fighting the fierceness of the emotions that threatened to unravel her. She told herself it was just the events of the night. Nothing else. They just needed the comfort of each other. They just needed the reassuring closeness of being together.
He tightened his grip until she could just barely breathe, and she returned the favor, letting the washcloth fall into the bathtub behind them. Neither of them moved. And frankly she didn’t care if they never moved again, here in the bright, safe warmth of Ellis’s house, wrapped in each other’s arms. She’d been in a lot of places in her life. Some of them had been amazing, once-in-a-lifetime places, some of them had been horrendous nightmares of places, but none of them had ever been better, or more frightening than this, than being held in the arms of Garrett Thorne in this moment, in this quiet second when the rest of the world was locked outside.
But the moment passed, and at last he spoke into her sternum. ‘I’ve changed my mind, Kendra. I’ll have Don arrange another chance for us to speak to the press.’
‘Good.’ She pulled away, retrieved the washcloth, and continued her ministerings to his wounded face. ‘Glad we agree. This should help us get some idea if Razor Sharp is with the press outside your house.’
‘Kendra.’ He grabbed her wrist, stilling her hand against his cheek. ‘I want Don to call a press conference so I can tell them that I’m …’ He took a deep breath. ‘I want Don to call a press conference so I can tell them that I’m Tess Delaney.’ The words seemed painful as he forced them up from his throat.
‘Garrett, you can’t be serious.’ She lifted his chin and forced him to meet her gaze. ‘This can’t be what you want.’
He pulled away. ‘I don’t see what a big deal it is anyway. I mean, you think I should come clean about Tess, and I know Ellis and Stacie do.’
She shook her head slowly. ‘Not like this, not because you feel forced to. And you can’t really believe it would keep me safe or make any difference in the situation.’
‘I can’t protect you when you do things like you did tonight,’ he said. ‘If I come clean and we get you out of here, I don’t know, maybe somewhere abroad for a few weeks, maybe longer. Maybe we could change your appearance before you come back. Clearly that’s easy enough for you to do.’
She sat down on the edge of the tub next to him. ‘This is my home, Garrett. I don’t want to be anywhere else. I don’t want to run away again. And I don’t want to be anyone else either.’
‘You’re being Tess,’ he said.
‘I’m being Tess because that’s my job. You hired me.’
‘That’s my point, Kendra. I hired you. I put you at risk because I didn’t have the balls to own up to being Tess.’
‘Damn it, Garrett!’ she gave the bloodied washcloth a hard lob into the sink. ‘You know what you are? You’re a coward. You don’t want to be Tess and you don’t want to be Garrett Thorne either. Who the fuck do you want to be?’
‘Well, I’m not very good at being either, really, am I?’
‘Who on earth told you that? Where did you get such a stupid idea?’ She held his face in her hands, forcing him to look her in the eye. ‘What? Is it because you’re not a very good Ellis? Well, guess what, Ellis would make a lousy Garrett. The very thought makes me cringe, and he’d make an even worse Tess, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop blaming yourself and let’s just get on with it. Let me do what I do best. That is what you hired me for, isn’t it?’
He pulled her to him so hard that the vertebrae in her neck popped and she offered a little gasp. ‘I need you safe, Kendra. I need that more than anything else. I need you safe.’
‘I’ll be safe, Garrett, and I’ll be a lot more likely to stay safe if you stop feeling guilty for protecting Tess, for doing what you felt you had to do.’
Galina had hot chocolate waiting when they were both cleaned up and dressed. Harold, Ellis’s butler, had built a fire in the fireplace, and they joined Dee and Ellis around it. It was high summer. They didn’t need the heat, but it warmed places that had nothing to do with anything physical. Garrett sat with his arm wrapped around Kendra possessively. He’d been that way ever since he found her in the woods. She was never in any real danger. At least, she hadn’t thought she was, but if it had been him, if she had lost him, even for a minute … She shivered at the thought and settled still closer to him. Tomorrow she would worry about that, about how she couldn’t let him go into the woods alone, about the cold knot she’d felt in her chest at the fear of him going in and not coming back.
They had told Ellis and Dee about Kendra’s shower experience and the police had been notified, even though it was clear there was nothing they could do. Ellis had more faith in his security teams and the detectives he always used when he needed that sort of help.
‘God, Kendra.’ Dee shivered. ‘I can’t believe this guy was right in the house with you, right in the bathroom. What stopped him? What made him leave? Do you have any idea?’
Kendra shook her head. ‘I thought it was Garrett. He just stood there for a few seconds, watching me, I guess. Obviously I couldn’t make out the details of his face or I would have known it wasn’t Garrett. Then, after a little while, he turned and left.’
‘Security has searched the house and the back yard as best they could in the dark,’ Garrett said. ‘So far they’ve found no evidence of the man.
‘But he was there,’ Kendra said. ‘He was there all right.’
‘If this is the same man you saw in the woods,’ Ellis said, ‘I just can’t imagine how anyone could have known that you were here.’
‘He could have made a guess,’ Kendra said. ‘I mean, Garrett’s your brother and this is a place where we’d have more privacy. It wouldn’t be a difficult deduction to make.’
‘Through the woods is the only way onto the property without security knowing it,’ Ellis said. ‘And that’s not an easy route unless you know it
. I never wanted that kind of protection,’ he added as an afterthought. ‘I never wanted my home to be a fortress, but I’ve made some pretty powerful enemies in the past few years, and both Beverly and Wade insisted. I never expected that it would ever really be necessary.’
‘I’m sorry I brought this to your home,’ Garrett said.
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Ellis replied. ‘You’re family.’ He shot Kendra half a smile. ‘You both are, and the main thing is that you’re both safe.’ He held Kendra’s gaze for a second, then said, ‘Harris knows and so does Stacie. We felt they needed to know. Besides, I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with either of their anger if they thought we’d kept it from them.’
‘And Wade,’ Dee said. ‘We called Wade. He’ll be out in the morning to check out the woods, and he may want to check your house too, Garrett. If the security people miss anything, Wade’s the one to find it.’
Ellis glanced from one of them to the other. ‘You both need to get some sleep. We all do. Dee and I have rescheduled our meetings and arranged things so we can work from home tomorrow,’ he said. ‘I don’t think it’s a good time to leave the two of you.’ The look he shot both of them made it clear there was no need arguing with him, that the decision was final. ‘There’s nothing that can be done right now, and the bastard’s not likely to come back tonight. Though if he does he won’t find the house nearly as accessible as the woods.’
A dream of falling from a high place woke Kendra with a start. With her heart racing, she reached for Garrett, called his name. But she was alone in a huge bed in the strange room. It took her a second to remember that she was at Ellis’s home in his palatial guest suite. As the nightmare of the past 12 hours came back to her, she sat up in the bed, chafing her bare arms from something far more than cold.
That the first thing she had done when she woke up was reach for Garrett meant nothing, she assured herself. After what had happened tonight, after the discovery of what had happened when she was in the shower, of course she would reach for him, for comfort. That was all. For comfort. Nothing more. Her stomach felt like it turned to stone every time she thought about what could have happened in the shower, and her all the time thinking it was Garrett come to join her, and her feeling hurt and angry when he didn’t. She shivered again and looked around. It didn’t matter if it was just for comfort. She still didn’t want to be alone. Not just that, but she knew how Garrett blamed himself for what had happened. It wasn’t his fault. She wished she could convince him of that, but knowing how well Garrett did guilt, she didn’t much want him to be alone either.
She found his shirt still lying at the foot of the bed where he’d shed it when he had tucked her in and crawled in next to her. She had pulled him as close to her as she could get him, then she had climbed on top of him, to find him ready for her, needing the comfort of her as badly as she needed the comfort of him. His touch was tender as he explored her, caressed her, and yet it was possessive in a way it hadn’t been before. That should have disturbed her, but they both needed comfort, she told herself. Tonight they both needed to possess each other.
And when they had both come, and as their breathing slowed and their bodies dozed, she’d fallen asleep there on top of him, with him still nestled inside her body, with her feeling the rise and fall of his chest against hers, feeling the press of his belly making her certain that when she woke up again she’d want more of him. So much more.
She slipped into his shirt and followed the anemic trail of light to the spacious study that was more like a small library just off the sitting room. He sat at the big oak desk, hunched over his laptop, tapping away on the keyboard. For a second, she stood at the door just watching. This was Garrett Thorne in Tess Delaney mode. He sat with no shirt. He wore only his boxers. His always mussed hair was more mussed than usual, like he’d just left the bed. She smiled when she thought of what had happened in the bed he’d just left.
His fingers flew over the keys. His face was a study in concentration. She wondered what he was writing, what Tess was writing. She pulled his shirt tight across her breasts, taking in the scent of him, wrapped around her so tightly. A lump rose in her throat, and she saw him through a soft mist. He was Tess Delaney. There was no jinx in that at all. Without Tess, he wouldn’t be the man she couldn’t stop thinking about, the man who had barged his way into her life and left his mark on her, the man, the only man other than Harris, who had seen her at her worst and stayed by her anyway.
A wave of panic washed over her. This was too much. This was way more than she’d bargained for. She should have never said yes to him. He frightened her like she’d never been frightened before. She was just ready to run back to the bedroom, maybe even move to the bedroom next door, to try to re-establish a little professional space when Garrett turned and saw her. And the smile he offered made her completely forget to run.
‘You all right?’ he said, pushing back the office chair and reaching out a hand to her.
‘Fine. I’m fine.’ She came into his arms and curled up on his lap. ‘I woke up and you were gone.’
‘Tess is a hard taskmaster,’ he said. ‘When she wants to write, there’s no arguing with her.’
She ran a light finger over the fresh cut along his cheek made from the tree branch just a few hours ago. ‘Does it hurt?’
‘Stings a little. Not bad, though. It’s nothing.’
‘You all right?’ She returned the question.
‘I woke up with Texas Fire running through my mind.’ He settled a kiss on her ear and pulled her close. ‘Believe it or not, I’ve been inspired lately. I think it’s going to be a pretty good read after all. Who’d have ever thought that Kendra Davis would be my muse?’
‘Glad I could help.’ She ran a hand over his chest and shifted on his lap, feeling the beginnings of a hard-on in his boxers. ‘Garrett, what happens when you become Tess Delaney? What changes inside you, what shifts over enough so that you can access the Tess side of you?’
He stroked her arm and she could see color climb up his throat. He was beautiful when he was wrong-footed, when he was embarrassed by how amazing he was. She wished it didn’t embarrass him, though. She wished he could own the beauty and the talent of who he was, because it was in that talent, in that beauty that he was more himself than she suspected he even knew he could be.
He nodded to the laptop humming quietly on the desk. ‘It’s not anything so simple as a shift; I mean, there’s no split personality or anything like that. Tess Delaney started out as a pen name, just a way to get my romance into print and get the nice check that it promised. But still, the person who writes Tess Delaney novels is different than the person who wrote Brad Dennis novels.’ His face was suddenly sad. ‘The person who writes Tess Delaney novels knows more, has more life experience. The person who writes Tess Delaney novels broke his brother’s heart by stealing his fiancée and then had his own heart broken when he realized that his wife still loved his brother, and then he’d lost his wife, his best friend, and his brother.’ He brushed his fingers over the keys. ‘Who knows, maybe Tess was my penance, maybe Tess was my healing.’ He smiled up at her and the blush returned. ‘Then again, maybe it was just the inspiration of a really good steady income.’
‘So.’ She shifted in his lap and tightened her arms around his neck. ‘If there is no shift, then it’s as much Garrett Thorne at the keyboard as it is Tess Delaney, more so, really.’
‘It doesn’t feel that way, at least not any more. It feels like when I’m writing a Tess Delaney novel that I’m in a place that’s somehow a little more grounded and a little more real.’
She leaned in and kissed his ear. ‘Do you ever fantasize about her?’
‘No!’ he said. ‘It’s never like that. It never has been. It’s more like she’s my muse. It’s more like she watches and guides me. I don’t even know what she looks like. I’ve never had the inclination to visualize her face or her body. That seems like cheating somehow.’
‘Did she have
red hair?’
He smiled up at her and shook his head. ‘If you’re asking if she looks like you, no. And no, you’ve never been Tess Delaney to me. You’ve always been Kendra Davis, the one who slapped the hell out of me in Wade’s office and the one who tried to drown me in Harris’s lake.’
She giggled. ‘Both of which you deserved.’
He slid the shirt off her shoulders and cupped her breasts in turn, raking his thumb over her nipples, and she arched into his touch. ‘I’d endure it all again to have you here on my lap like this, to constantly be thinking about the next time I see your face.’ He placed a kiss on one nipple, then the other. ‘About the next time I can hear you laugh, the next time I feel your touch.’ He slid his hand down the slope of her belly to stroke and fondle her pubic curls, and her whole body tensed with anticipation, as it always did when Garrett touched her, as it always did when she knew he wanted her the way she wanted him.
With the other hand, he shoved his laptop to one side, then hoisted her, in a wave of giggles, onto the desk, opening her legs so that he sat in the office chair, between them.
For a moment, he just looked at her, his gaze moving down her body from her face, over her breasts, and down between her legs. His studying of her made her feel more than just sexy. The way he sat between her legs, the way she opened to him, made her feel worshipped, adored. She’d never felt that way before.
At last he moved to run the tips of his fingers over and around each nipple, to knead and caress the weight of her excited breasts in the cup of his palm. With the other hand, he lifted her feet onto the arms of his chair. It was a position into which she had to move forward, shifting and rearranging her bottom until the tilt of her hips, the position of her open thighs, the flat press of her feet gave him a perfect view of the splayed swell of her, and he didn’t deny himself the pleasure of that view. He started with the cup of his hand against her perineum, then he shivered his fingers upward to open her, pausing to slide first one, then two inside her, where she was slick and anxious and tetchy.
Identity Crisis Page 25