She nodded her head with excitement. “I’ll wait. Thank you so much.” And she sat back down with a smile plastered on her face.
I shook my head, but didn’t say anything as I walked to the showers. Maybe she was a boxer too. Her tall, slim body was tight, but she didn’t come across as the fighting type.
Sure enough, Becka waited while I showered and dressed for the day. Since I had to walk in the cold to work, I took the time to blow dry my hair and slide Chap Stick across my dry lips. She stood up with a little squeal as I exited the room.
The only thing that kept me from turning around and telling her to go away was that she could be my buffer if Gage still felt the need to lecture me.
Gage and Dexter were standing by the front door, talking to some guy. They wore track pants and zip up hoodies, ready to leave.
A smile pulled at my lips, I hadn't expected them to be the type to wear matching outfits. As I walked closer, I saw that Dexter’s shirt underneath said, “I would hug you so hard” and my smile grew.
“I like the shirt,” I greeted him as Becka hovered behind me in her barely there outfit.
Dexter’s eyes lit up and he pulled me into a tight squeeze.
I stiffened and muffled into his sweater, “Alright, that’s enough.”
“One day, you’ll be asking for my hugs.” He promised as he let me go.
“Hi!” The blonde behind me greeted.
Gage’s eyes had been locked on her since I started walking over, his face unreadable.
“Becka, this is Gage. Gage meet Becka, she’s been wanting to talk to you.” I mimicked her peppy voice.
She gasped, and I sidestepped the nudge she tried to give. Gage’s eyes narrowed with interest.
“Bye.” I waved, walking past the group and out the door, all too happy to be rid of the girl and Gage.
Dexter followed me. “Wait! I wanted to ask you, can I get your number?” He had his phone out.
I stepped out of the way of people on the sidewalk. “Umm...” Recalling my phone, I brightened, and pulled off my book bag to retrieve it. “Sure, I’m just not sure what my number is. It's a new phone.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “Call my phone now, then I’ll have it. I have classes Monday through Thursday so I won’t see you at the gym in the mornings. But we need to research your fight.”
I nodded, digging through my stuff to find my phone in the bottom of the bag. “Do you think I’m making a mistake?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Silas is smart, but so is Gage. They just… I’m not sure.”
My hand found my phone and I pulled it out. Seeing a missed call and text from Anthony made my stomach dip, but I didn’t pause to check out what the text said. I dialed Dex’s number as he called it out.
“Alrighty then, I’ll call you tomorrow.” He walked backwards, still facing me, until he reached the gym door.
I zipped up my bag, slinging it on my back, and turned to walk down the street. At least today wasn’t below freezing, only the occasional wind brought a chill.
My pocket vibrating made me slow my pace. Pulling out my phone, I saw Anthony’s name lit up across the screen.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Where are you? I’ve been calling. What happened this morning?” his voice sounded harsh and accusing.
I watched for traffic as I crossed the street. “I’m just leaving the gym. I didn’t have my phone on me.”
“Why did you leave without telling me? I could have driven you. Don’t ever do that again.” His voice was softening, but still sounded like a reprimand.
I bristled, “Whoa. Don’t tell me what I can do.”
He paused. “Look, I was worried, that's all. Give me enough respect to let me know when you’re coming and going in my house.”
“Alright, fine.” I was tired of disappointing everyone. Over the last twenty-four hours I had destroyed several relationships, knowing I didn’t have that many to begin with. What was one more? Burning bridges seemed to be a talent of mine.
“Don’t worry, that won’t ever happen again.”
He sucked in air with a hiss. “That’s not a dismissal is it? I’m not mad. I still want you.”
I couldn’t respond to that.
“Can I see you today?”
I shook my head, silent. Maybe this bridge was stronger than I thought, on his side anyways. “I’ll call you later.”
I hung up the phone.
***
I walked around the bed in the small motel room, unsure what was safe to touch, let alone sleep on. I pulled the comforter off the bed and threw it in the corner; there was no way I was sleeping on that.
The motel was a modern day brothel with rooms you could rent by the hour. I had little choice in where to stay though. I didn’t have much money to waste, not if my goal was to afford a more permanent place. Not to mention, the nicer hotels in the city were reluctant to rent a room to someone my age, with only cash to pay. They wanted adults to sign for it or a credit card on file.
I could hear shouts from outside my window and checked the curtains, making sure no one could see into the room. It was only the girls walking up and down the street yelling to each other, but it made me uneasy.
They gave me prime real estate, first floor, front and center. The stares of those outside the building didn’t go unnoticed as I walked from the front desk to the room. The smile from the clerk and his tone when he said, ‘good luck doll,’ made his assumptions clear.
I peeked out the window, the daylight was dimming and the people traffic outside the motel was increasing. I turned on the TV and tried to relax, tried to ignore the musk seeping from the carpet, tried to block out the noise radiating through the walls. But I failed at it all.
Today had been a disappointment. My search for apartments only made me realize how far away that goal was. The cheapest thing I found still required two months’ rent and utilities up front, plus a security deposit and a little more because of my age. I had four hundred dollars to my name, and I needed quadruple that. There was no way I could turn down the fight next week. I only hoped that Johnny would keep his word and let me start serving again, and I needed weekend shifts.
I tried to rest. Using my book bag as a pillow, I kept as little of my skin from touching the bed as possible. I hadn’t slept well the past two nights and tonight was shaping up to be another sleepless one.
The hollers from the street taunted me, reminding me how far I had to go, how slim my chances were. I had hoped the cold of the night would have kept most people inside, but it didn’t. And the silence in my room didn’t help, even with the TV on, I felt alone. At Nan’s I would often be alone in her room, but there were always people around, and the voices I heard were ones I knew. Even before Nan’s, growing up I was always in homes with lots of people. Now, there was no one. And that knowledge pressed heavily on my chest.
The book bag under my head vibrated. Pulling out my phone, Anthony’s name across the screen gave me relief this time, with a slight mix of wariness.
“Are you at your apartments?” He asked.
“No.” I was alert now. Was he there?
“Where are you?”
“Why? What’s going on?” I avoided his question.
“I’m on night patrol, but I wanted to check on you, after last night. Even though I’m working, I’m still here for you if you need me.” He paused, “So are you alright?”
I paused, letting his words sink in. He was just calling to check on me. I sighed with relief. “Thank you. I’m fine.” That wasn’t true, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.
“So, if you’re not at the apartment, where are you?”
I sat up on the bed, leaning against the wall behind me. A loud peel of laughter and a thump came from the room on the other side. “No questions, remember?”
He released a heavy breath. “Maybe I need to clarify that rule. You don’t have to answer my questions. I won’t make you. But I will ask questions. I w
ant to know you, whatever you’ll let me know.” He paused and the police radio crackled through the phone. “I have some time tonight to talk on the phone. Will you talk to me?”
I liked that idea. There was no pressure on the phone, and it kept my loneliness at bay.
“Sure, you start. Tell me about you.”
We talked on and off through the night, in between his calls and work. I didn’t reveal much, except that I was now boxing with Silas. But he shared stories about his childhood and what it was like being the youngest of three.
Mostly, I just liked listening to his voice, knowing that someone was there and I wasn’t alone. It muffled the bumps, yelling, and city sounds that were just outside my room.
I went to bed glad that my past attempts at setting fire to our connection didn’t work.
9: Sleep Deprived
I SLEPT BETTER ON THE BUS THAN I had in the motel room. I needed sleep and hoped tonight I’d be so tired I could sleep through anything, even fear.
The gym was only a block away. I pulled the wire signaling I needed off, and the bus began to slow. Lifting my bag, I stood and made my way down the aisle, trailing my hands on the bar above me for balance.
An icy wind met me at the door, shocking the sleep from my system. The sky was a blanket of gray and I could practically smell the frosty snow in the air.
Ugh, I hoped it would hold off until my shift at the restaurant was over, even if I wasn’t sure how I could physically get through the day. My body was heavy with pain and exhaustion. Every bit of me was sore. I rubbed one side of my ribs, uncertain how much of the ache was because of my workouts or my still healing bruises. Either way, I had to keep going.
It must have shown on me, my fatigue, because Silas took one look at me and said today was a light day. I was to run, and stretch, then rest, because tomorrow we would get back to training. It worked for me, because I only had an hour before I needed to get ready for my shift at Johnny’s.
Walking out of his office, I covered my jaw-popping yawn with my fist.
“Tired?” Gage’s eyebrow lifted in question, a small smile played on his lips.
I didn’t trust the kind tone and stifled the next yawn that tried to follow as I stepped past him.
He grabbed my elbow, pulling me to face him, so close our loose shirts touched and I was eye level with his chest. The tingle of adrenaline pulsing my muscles made me want to run, but I stiffened, freezing my reactions.
“Did you back out?” The warmth of his breath brushed against my face.
“What?” I jerked my arm out of his grip. I didn’t like him being so close; it forced me to have to look up to meet his eyes.
“The fight next week? Did you cancel it?” He asked conversationally, but the look in his eyes as they locked with mine contradicted his indifference.
“No,” I scoffed, taking a step away.
“What a waste,” He grumbled through a clenched jaw.
“What the hell is your problem?” I couldn’t contain my instant reaction; my filter wasn’t working in my tired state.
His response was just as immediate. Taking a threatening step towards me, he towered over my 5’6 height. He grabbed my arms, blocking me from pushing him away.
“I’d ask you the same thing? Look at you. Have you even gone to bed yet?” He dropped my arms, taking a step back, shaking his head. “Glad to see you’re taking this so seriously.”
I gritted my teeth, and my fists curled. “You don’t know anything about me, Rich Boy. So just back off.”
He crossed his arms with a puff of laughter, one side of his mouth tugging up as he watched me. “Rich Boy? You say it like it’s a bad thing.” He shook his head as he leaned in slightly, his voice dropping. “I don’t need to know you ‘cause next week, after you lose that fight, you’ll be done.”
He walked away, and I sucked in much needed air. My head fell back as I wiped the frustration from my face. I ignored Silas’s directions for today and started on the punching bag, determined to prove him wrong and release the anger he caused.
***
“You can start shutting down your section. We’ll close up early, it’s piling up fast out there,” Louisa said as she walked past me.
I watched the large clumps of snowflakes swirling out the window, a lacy layer of white covering everything in sight.
Texting Dexter back, I let him know I was getting off early because of the weather and I’d see him another day. We had made plans to meet up after my shift, but the snow started sooner than forecasted. I had to cancel.
I cleaned my section and cashed out for the day. It had been slow, but I was leaving with twenty-four dollars more than I'd arrived with and the promise of serving again on Wednesday.
After sliding on my jacket and book bag, I scooped up my to-go container and walked out the front door.
Dexter was just getting out of his car in the parking lot. Noticing me, he knocked on the hood. “Come on, Rea, quick get in.” He hopped up and down in place. “It’s freezing out. We got to get back before the blizzard really starts.”
I didn't know what the plan was, but walked to the car anyways. He looked like fun, and his smile could talk me into almost anything. Plus, I wasn’t in a rush to get back to the motel.
“Hey Leona. Jase,” I greeted, sliding into the backseat.
Leona bounced to the music in the front and turned towards me, “We’re going to ride out the snow storm at Dexter’s. I hope you don’t got plans.” She clapped her hands when I shook my head.
“We can swing by your place first so you can get some things. Got to make it quick though, others are meeting at my house in an hour,” Dexter explained as he started the car. “So where to?”
I tried to think fast, I needed to return the key to the motel if I didn’t want to pay for an extra night. Who knew when I’d be able to get back if the snow were real bad. They were calling for up to a foot.
I put money in front of my pride and gave directions to the motel.
As we approached the motel, Dexter met my eyes in the rearview mirror with a look of concern, but he silently followed my directions. I could feel Jase fidgeting beside me.
“You can turn in here,” I said, leaning forward in my seat and pointing to the parking lot.
When he parked the car, they all traded uncertain looks, but I avoided meeting their eyes.
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.” I shot out of the car.
A door slammed behind me, and then Dexter was at my side, hood pulled over his head. “I’m coming with you.”
I hadn’t left anything in the room, so I went straight to the front office.
A girl leaning against a nearby door called something out to Dexter in a slurred voice, and he grabbed my arm. He stayed silently attached to my side until I returned the key and we were walking back to the car.
“Do you live here?” Dexter asked, voice low.
I lowered my head against the snow blowing around us. “It’s only temporary.”
“Damn straight." All humor was gone.
The silence in the car was heavy, a stark contrast from the excited banter they had before.
“One last stop... the liquor store. Gotta keep warm in the cold.” Dexter broke the tension with the return of his usual excitement.
The further we drove from the motel, the more their conversation returned to normal. But something had changed; it was evident in the careful way Jase and Leona talked to me. I wasn’t who they thought I was. Well, too damn bad, they were stuck with me for now.
I was use to this shift, it always happened when people at school found out I was a foster kid. They became tentative and a little more closed off. Like they couldn’t trust me, like I might steal from them. I can’t say I blamed them really. Not that I would ever steal, but I knew plenty who would.
Anyways, it was better than the other reaction that I sometimes got; pity. Pity was the worst. I hated pity.
***
“Can I use your microw
ave? I haven’t eaten all day.” I lifted my to-go container towards Dexter. “You can have some if you want.”
He nodded as he stood from the couch. “It’s alright, we ate earlier.”
I followed him up the stairs and down the hall. The kitchen was a large open space with a window overlooking the harbor. Icy flakes floated around, only to be consumed by the choppy water beyond the snow covered deck.
Dexter pulled out a plate and handed it to me.
“Do you want something to drink? I’ve got beer, soda, tea?” he scrunched his nose “but it’s unsweetened.”
“Tea, please,” I said as I laid my chicken tenders and fries on the plate.
The alarm system beeped as the front door opened and closed. Heavy boots thumped in the hallway.
Dexter handed me a glass of tea and looked around the corner. “Hey, glad you made it home in time. Looks like it’s picking up.”
I closed my eyes with an internal groan. I thought I had gotten lucky when Dexter said Gage wasn’t home, that perhaps he had gotten snowed in somewhere else.
“I know better than to leave your crazy ass here alone. No telling what I’d come home to…” His voice trailed off as he rounded the corner of the kitchen.
The microwave beeped and I busied myself with my food, never looking up.
“Regan.” The soft way he spoke my name sent a current threw me, causing all my hairs to stand on end.
“Are there others here, or is it just you two?” He asked Dexter, leaning on the island in the center of the kitchen.
I looked up through my lashes. He was watching me, face blank.
“Jase, Danny, Lee, and Aliya are downstairs.”
He nodded, eyes narrowing on the chicken tender I bit into. “What are you eating?”
I washed down the chicken with a sip of tea. “Dinner.” I kept my answer short, still holding a grudge from this morning.
He pushed off the counter, standing to his full height, just so he could look down on me with that obnoxious small smile of his.
Outside The Ropes Page 9