Caleb ran his fingers through his hair. “That sounds awful.”
“You saw her,” said Gardiv. “She was hideous.”
“No. I mean that she had to go through so much at such an early age. Then she died as a disfigured monster. No matter how she looked before, I know she wasn’t as disgusting as what we saw yesterday.”
Gardiv spat on the ground and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “Should we expect to run into more creatures like these?”
“I don’t know,” said Sarai. “Since the invasion, the Spiritualists have resulted to the Hellstates.”
“What would make them do that?” Caleb asked.
“Probably to survive,” said Sarai. “We’re not safe here in Broughtonhaven. We have the crazed Spiritualists and the war-bent Polarists to worry about. Do you think we could get Governor Rian to help?”
“I’m sure we can,” Caleb replied. “Lets go to Glygen in Kyhelm to meet up with him.”
=====
After a few days, they arrived at Glygen, avoiding the main roads so that they could keep away from anymore ambushes. Kyhelm was always beautiful, but even more than that, it was nostalgic. The soft grass rustled under Caleb’s feet, and the tender terrain grabbed his boots with each step. The tall trees with their thick trunks watched from above, being careful not to block out the sunlight like the canopy of Broughtonhaven.
Approaching Rian’s house from over the hill that lead to his porch, Caleb could see the memorial stone in the yard from where Dena was buried. He remembered the letter that he wrote to her, the one that she never got a chance to read. But it didn’t matter. The words were in his heart, and he was a better person because of it. She was cremated, and her flame was left to burn for a full day as was the Naturalist custom. Looking back, if it were up to him, he would have found a way to keep that fire burning forever.
Sarai seemed to be thinking similar things as she stared at the gravestone. Her expression was blank, but Caleb knew her too well. She had to be thinking about Dena. She had to wonder what things would be like if Dena were still alive.
Rian saw them coming, and he hurried out to meet them. His hair was not scraggly like it had been before. Now it was long and pulled back over an extended, green tunic that hung slightly above his knees and draped over his freshly cleaned leggings. Caleb had since gotten used to this new style, but it didn’t seem fitting for Rian — the daring acrobat.
“Caleb, how are you, my friend? You’ve come to hound me about political matters, I’m sure,” said Rian, gesturing to his guests with both arms outstretched, palms to the skies.
“Possibly,” said Caleb.
“No need to pretend. We barely see each other anymore unless it’s something diplomatic. But that all makes sense. I guess we could not be youths for the extent of our lives, right?”
“Some of us have grown faster than others,” said Caleb.
Rian tilted his head and squinted. Then a smile eased onto his face, and he pointed at Caleb, loosely shaking his finger. “Looks like Sarai has been training you in your wit.” He laughed and motioned for them to go inside.
Caleb glanced around the room, and though he had met with Rian several times over the past six months, he had not gone back to visit Dena’s old house. Things had changed so much inside. Rian had rearranged the furniture, and the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room had been removed. The fireplace was no longer there, but it was flushed against the far left wall. It felt like Rian had removed all of the coziness from Dena’s house.
“Where are the hay floor chairs?” Caleb asked, standing in one spot and looking around, baffled.
Rian looked around as if he was trying to find something with his hands though he was standing in the same place. Then he remembered what Caleb was referring to. “I got rid of them. I never used them, and they scattered hay all across the floor. It was a hassle to clean, so I decided to throw them out.”
Caleb tried to maintain his composure by clenching his teeth, but his irritation leaked through his lips. “You can’t just go off changing everything. This place,” he started, but the words were lost, “this place had a lot of memories in it, Rian, and you are throwing them all away.”
Rian turned to look at Caleb, realizing that he had disappointed his dear friend. His face softened and his fidgeting subsided. “I’m not throwing these things away to be difficult, Caleb. I needed to try to get past Dena’s assassination. I’m the one who has to sleep in this house every night. I have to think about her all the time. Not you. I don’t even sleep in her bedroom. I sleep in the guest bedroom because.…” He pushed the back of his hand against his lips and closed his eyes to fight back the tears. His green emblem pulsed in somber ebbing flashes. “I just don’t like to think about it.”
“You and I really are different. I would be the one to try to keep everything in its original place, the one who made sure that nothing moved around — right down to the soot in the chimney, if I could have.”
Sarai rested her hand on Caleb’s shoulder, looking at the empty fireplace. “We all have our ways of dealing with it. I can barely stand to be in here. This is where she raised me after she became general.” Sarai walked down to Rian’s bedroom on the right past the kitchen and slid her hand down the wooden doorframe. “This is where I used to sleep. Dena would wake me up in the morning to go train as a Terrainist, even though I was at least two years younger than the new recruits. I started when I was ten, when most people started when they are at least twelve, and some started much later than that. Dena wanted me to get my mind off my parents’ death by sending me to train as a soldier. It only made me think about them more. But I never told her that. She always seemed to be satisfied that she was taking care of me, so I didn’t want to appear ungrateful. Over time, I began to love it. Being a soldier was just who I was.”
“It’s strange how a house can bring back so many memories,” said Gardiv. “Some wanted and others unwanted.” He spoke in a heavy voice as if his thoughts had ventured back to when he had burned down his parents’ house to rescue his sister.
“That’s true.” Caleb put his hand on Sarai's shoulder, and she maneuvered herself to slip away. The rejection from before came back to him. His chest throbbed, but he resisted the sensation.
“Did Dena know your parents?” Rian asked.
“She did,” said Sarai. “Dena fought with them through many battles, even though they weren’t close. She watched them train, and she said my father even saved her life.”
“How did he do that?” Caleb asked, trying to pretend that he wasn’t still hurting from Sarai’s rejection. “Dena didn’t seem like the kind of person to get herself into trouble during a fight.”
“It wasn’t during a battle. She was about to marry a guy who my father didn’t think was good for her. The man’s name was Nahbi. He was sweet to her, but my father used to call him a dog. Unfortunately, Dena didn’t listen to my father. Even my mother didn’t listen to him. Dena fell in love with Nahbi, and that love blinded her from seeing the signs.”
“What signs?” asked Rian.
“He only wanted her because she seemed like she would become an Alpha one day, and Nahbi wanted to rule Kyhelm with her.” Sarai glanced at Caleb and then looked away, putting her back against the wall near the bedroom’s threshold. Her tightly woven braid was still pulled back, accentuating her smooth skin.
“How did they find out that he was faking?” Caleb asked.
Sarai sighed, pulled her braid over her right shoulder, and massaged her forehead. “Dena and Nahbi were heading towards Narwine where the Naturalists are Dominated by the Materialists. A gang of about ten rogue Materialists attacked them on their way. This was before the border patrollers. The Materialists were not too trained, from what I understand, but they were just looking for trouble. Dena didn’t know what else to do, so she grabbed Nahbi and asked to take over his will so that she could cloak both of them. This was the first time that she had ever used that technique i
n battle.”
“And what happened after that?” asked Caleb.
“She went too far in,” said Sarai. “Nahbi submitted his will to her, and she read his thoughts. She told me that it was unintentional. I don’t know how true that was. Everyone woman in love wants to know what the man of her affection thinks of her.” She glanced at Caleb, but then she redirected her gaze to the kitchen across from the bedroom. “Dena heard what he was thinking, and she lost control. Her emotions got the best of her, and she couldn’t cloak him anymore. The Materialists killed him, and all she could do was run away.”
“You think she killed him on purpose?” Gardiv asked.
Sarai cut her eyes at him, trying not to show her annoyance. “Of course not. She could barely tell me the story because of how much she missed him. But she knew that he didn’t love her.”
“Do you think that’s why she never married?” Caleb asked.
“I’m sure of it. She tells people that it was because she had too many duties as an Alpha. And part of that was true, but I knew better than that. That was her easy answer to a difficult question. She probably died loving him. No woman wants to be second to anything.”
Caleb looked away, hiding the expression on his face.
“All this from a visit to an old house,” said Gardiv. “She sounds like a great woman, and I hate that I never had the pleasure.”
“She would have said the same about you,” said Sarai.
Gardiv nodded and walked back into the living room. The others followed him. They sat at the leisure chairs in the den that Rian had brought in to replace the table and the floor seats.
“So you all came looking for me for a reason,” said Rian. “How can I help you?”
“I’m sure you’ve heard about the Polarist developments, how they invaded Broughtonhaven,” said Sarai.
Rian scratched around his emblem. “I can’t get involved with that. It’s not my place, and my people are still grieving their losses from just six months ago. If I pull them into another war, we’ll be stretched so thin that we might never recover.”
“You have to,” said Caleb. “The Naturalists could Dominate the Polarists and stop this. The siege would be over in a week with your help.”
“Not going to happen, Caleb,” he said, as he twiddled with the golden cuffs on his tunic. “I have to look out for the Naturalists. When Materialist Newt swore me in, I promised that I would protect my people. That is not just a physical protection, but I have to protect them emotionally. My men and women cannot take being torn away from their families again. Dena was one face amongst the hundreds who were claimed in the Battle of Bachenlaw. I still have children coming up to me in the market who were orphaned by that senselessness begging for food and money. One little girl, she couldn’t have been older than six, was sitting in gully outside of Sprag to the south. Her hair was oily and clumped together like no one had brushed it for weeks. She had mud all over her. So much so, that I could barely tell if she had any clothes on. I connected with her to see what she was thinking, and her will was so damaged that I could hear everything. Do you know what she was saying?”
Caleb sat forward in his seat and shook his head slowly, mouth partly opened.
“She wasn’t crying for her mother or her father. I could have handled that. No.” Rian looked out the window across from the table. The sunlight cast shadows on his face that darkened his expression. “She kept saying, over and over again, 'I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die….'” He paused for a moment, and then he sighed. “What makes a six year-old long for death other than death itself? She should have been outside playing and making friends. The mud on her body should have been a fun experiment for her. Not some cover of shame and disgust. Not some pre-coffin to the death that she longed for. I can’t let myself drag the Naturalists into another battle when I know that this is what war causes.”
The room was silent. The heaviness got heavier. “I don’t like for people to be killed either,” said Caleb. “And I certainly hate the pain of the orphans who suffer because of war. But standing back and doing nothing also causes suffering. What else can we do but fight? Those orphans are the voices of change. Hidden beneath their cries is their longing for justice. A justice that we can offer to them. Because whenever tyrants like Raylen are allowed to prosper, we have squandered the sacrifice, not only of those who died, but also those orphans who still live on.”
Sarai tossed her braid behind her in frustration and crossed her arms. “You have the power to stop this, and you’re not going to do anything? That’s just wrong.”
“I have the power to end a war and also to bring anguish to my people. Which do I choose? Ask me ten years from now, and my answer would be different, but asking me now puts me in a position to deny your request. A request that doesn’t do my people any justice. And these orphans will not have the privilege of being taken in by a Dena, like what happened with you, Sarai. These orphans will be abandoned for the rest of their lives, and it is up to me to figure out what to do with them. My only offer can be to raise them to become soldiers, but most of them are not even ten years old yet. How can I train babies to be men?”
Caleb pounded his fist into his hand. “You pull back and dozens more will die. The Spiritualists are at their wits end. You can stop this. They are falling into the Hellstate, Rian, and they can’t control it. They’re consumed by its power. The more they try to fight back, the more the Darkened Temptation takes over them. The Spiritualists have orphans too. But even worse. They have Darkened Children. Today I was attacked by a child whom I will never know. Her body was changed by the effects of the invasion. The evil of Broughtonhaven had consumed her, and there was nothing left accept the visceral beast of a kid. She was just a child, Rian!”
Rian thumbed his emblem pensively, searching for the words to appease Caleb. But he knew that there weren’t any. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to forget about my responsibilities and suddenly just decide to take up yours? I won’t allow my people to suffer anymore losses. No more deaths. And no more orphans.”
“You’ve changed, Rian. You would have never stood for this back when you and I use to run together. But even though you’re different, you still think like a Naturalist. If it’s not good for your people, then it it’s not worth fighting for. You have to think beyond that.”
“Things have changed, and so have I. I think like a Naturalist because I am a Naturalist. With Dena gone, I have to consider the families and the livelihood of my citizens. Nobody likes war.” He walked over to Caleb and put his hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “Listen. Ask me anything else and you know that I would do it. But not this. Too many people have died already.”
Caleb put his head in his hands. This dismissal was not what he expected from his old friend. Rian could have stopped the war in no time with very few casualties, but he had chosen not to. Caleb knew it wasn’t personal, but it seemed that his friend from so long ago was now so far away. Had the extraction uncovered something in their relationship that had gone unseen?
Before the extraction, Caleb used to be a Naturalist. He and Rian used to be so united in thoughts and in words. Their lives were different but their ideals were the same. They connected with life, and they connected with each other. They knew each other. Now it appeared that the emblem had been an obstacle. They didn’t know each other as well he once assumed. The emblem had given him the illusion of a bond that was unique only through the eyes of the stone. But what was so special about the connection that the gem brought? Nothing. When it came to knowing a person, there was no sense of discovery. Comprehension of an individual was based on the signals emitted by the life forms within that person. So Caleb never knew why Rian believed the things he believed. He just knew how Rian thought, and at the time, that was enough for him.
But now, since the extraction, since the disconnect, Caleb was estranged from Rian, even though they had known each other for years. Maybe this was how Rian always was, but he j
ust never knew it. Maybe the strong sense of justice that he sensed in Rian from before was a latent desire within Rian, but it was never the way that Rian truly was. Perhaps Rian wasn’t different. This may have been who he was all along, and Caleb just didn’t ever know it — blinded by the deception of connection brought to him by the emblem.
A chill ran up Caleb’s back, shaking each of the bones in his spine. Beads of sweat accumulated on his skin, and his body shivered from within. His stomach twisted. He felt nervous, almost like he had to puke.
What if I never knew Anise? he thought. What if I had come to love not her, but the idea of her, the potential within her that never was a true depiction of who she really was? There was no way that could be true. He felt the love for her. He felt the loss for her. But looking back, it was different. He loved her, but maybe he never knew her.
There were times when he used to ask her if she wanted to move back to her hometown of Hovenstat because he felt that desire within her. He never understood why she would say “no” if that need was inside of her. But maybe it was the emblem. He read what she was thinking in that moment, but he perhaps had no idea how she interpreted those thoughts.
Maybe his mother, Nan, understood more about love than he thought she did. She told him that she stayed with his drunk father because it was what his dad needed. Surely she had to have been able to read that he wanted to stop drinking for the sake of his family, but he couldn’t do it. His father couldn’t stop drinking, so his mother, as a Naturalist would have read that desire as, “He loved drinking more than he loved his family.” She must have seen something different within him. She saw that he needed her despite the drinking.
Infused (Book 2 of The Pioneers Saga) Page 9