by Utt, Kelly
“I know, I know,” I respond. “But active duty servicemen and women are not usually wealthy, Liam. Neither are Ph.D. students, or law school students, or even attorneys at the nonprofit and government organizations where Ali has worked. Flashing our money would have seemed so out of place in all the situations we’ve been in.”
“You sound like your mother,” Liam says under his breath.
“Yeah, John Wendell made the same comment today at lunch.”
“Glad I’m not the only one.” Liam continues, getting more and more worked up. “George, listen to your grandfather. Listen to your wife. Listen to me, for Christ’s sake. You’ve got to get ahold of yourself. Money is not going to make your life bad. Using it is going to make your life better. If some of the people you know can’t hang with that and continue to be your friends, then they either weren’t real friends in the first place or they have their own issues about money that have nothing to do with you. You are a good person, George. The very best. And Ali is just as good. Hell, she’s an even better person than you, if I’m being honest,” he continues with a laugh.
“I hear you, Liam. Thank you,” I say.
“Ease up, buddy. Do some meditation. Deep breathing, maybe. Run it out. Do something. You guys deserve this house. You deserve the money your family members have left to you. And you deserve the money you earn from your demanding and intellectually challenging careers. Relax and enjoy it, George. Relax and enjoy it.”
“And, about Mom?” I ask, knowing the answer. Uncle Liam lets out a long sigh. He’s always loved Mom as a sister-in-law and has gotten along with her fine, but they are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to many worldviews. He sometimes tells people I was raised by a liberal mother as if that explains everything.
“George, buddy, I’m not sure what it is about your mom. I’d never want to say anything bad about her. She’s a wonderful woman. You’re surrounded by top-notch people in every area of your life, and she’s no exception. My brother fell in love with her hard and fast and early. We were all kids when they got together, so you have to realize that Linette has been in my life longer than you’ve been alive. I wasn’t even old enough to get my driver’s license when I first met her. I learned a long time ago to keep quiet about her eccentricities and rigid beliefs. She and your Dad agreed to disagree about a lot of topics. And he and I didn’t talk much about that sort of thing. We shared a knowing look and an occasional eye roll here and there, but together, Alec and Linette were a force to be reckoned with. They clicked. They worked. Who was I to interfere in any way?” Liam says.
“Funny,” I add. “John Wendell said something along those lines today at lunch, too.”
“Well, we’ve always known he’s a wise man,” Liam says with a chuckle. “Thank him for me next time, will you, George?”
I smile and look up to the stars in the cold night sky. John Wendell and Uncle Liam have been the two most influential people in my life aside from my parents and Ali. Certainly, since I’ve been an adult and been left to face the world without a Dad, those two have had my back. They come from different generations and fairly different backgrounds, yet they often agree about what’s right and best for me. When it happens, I pay attention. I trust them both completely.
“Liam?” I ask. “Is Estella waiting on you? You have another minute?” He knows there’s more on my mind. More that I couldn’t share with John Wendell, or even Ali.
“Yeah, I’m good. Go on.”
“Look,” I begin, clutching the blanket on my lap and then nervously smoothing the hair on the top of my head a few times. I stand up and step further away from the interior wall connected to the house, just in case Ali is listening. It’s not that I don’t want her to know how I feel as much as I don’t want her to lose faith in me. “I’ve been in the military for damn near half my life. I haven’t said this out loud yet, but I must admit I’m nervous about living a life where I’m not an active duty soldier.” I pause and take a deep breath. “I know I have a good job lined up. I’m sure it will be great, although I have my doubts about how this liberal town would feel if they knew the true nature of my team’s work. But I am a soldier. Down to the core. I protect my people. I need to protect my people. And that’s the way I know how. This job at Cornell is an honor, truly, but, I’m saying a lot of buts.”
“I hear them,” Liam affirms.
“You remember, Dad always used to say that when you hear someone say but, to listen closely because after the ‘but’ they’d tell you how they really feel. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m afraid.” I pause, and I hear Liam sigh gently on the other end of the phone.
“What if there’s a threat to national security,” I continue, “and I’m in a stuffy office at Cornell rather than front and center to the resources that could actually help? I’m serious. My old job in the Air Force was that important. You of all people know I’m not exaggerating, Liam. I had that kind of access. Most people have no idea of the threats that present themselves. You know, it’s hardcore.”
“I do know, George,” Liam responds, quietly.
“The public never hears about any of it, but it happens. I handled it. I was a great leader, too. I led the men and women under my command with great success. It was such a tremendous honor. Tremendous. I don’t think there’s another feeling in this world quite like the honor I felt when I literally saved the world with my quick reaction to an imminent threat. And it happened more than once. To be part of that, to work in tandem with my military brothers and sisters to protect our people, made my body come alive with purpose. Isn’t it that way for you?”
Liam takes a minute to respond, and I can tell he’s choosing his words carefully. “George, it is that way for me. And honestly, it’s one of the reasons I never had kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids and love being an uncle, but after living through my own difficult childhood, I didn’t want to have children and then subject them to me being gone all the time. I didn’t want to put that on their mom either. I see what military spouses go through. That’s no walk in the park. And I had an intense need to make a difference and do something good with my life. I wanted better than the misery and drama my parents experienced, same as your Dad. Alec grew up to own a chain of department stores, and I grew up and eventually found my way to the Air Force, aerospace, and national security. Luckily, when I met Estella, she was on board with my no-kids plan. I had gotten a vasectomy years prior, so it was already pretty much a done deal. I do sometimes worry that she’ll change her mind before her childbearing years have passed. That’s a risk I took marrying a younger woman. I don’t know. But what I do know is that your situation is different because you have Ali and the boys to think about. You don’t want to be gone all the time while Ethan, Leo, and the baby are young. Those years go by so fast, and you can’t get them back. You’re a good husband, and a good dad, George. You did your time in the military, and it’s ok to step back a little and be home safe with your family. You deserve that. You’ll still be involved with and be contributing to our cause. Just, differently.”
I had sort of assumed as much about Liam not having kids, but he’d never come right out and said it before. He’s correct about my situation being very different from his in that regard. I know I’m meant to be a dad. Besides, Ali always knew she wanted kids, and I am most certainly meant to be with Ali. She and I have a grand, enduring love like few people get to experience. Our boys are an inherent part of that love and our story. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“You’re right, Liam. As usual,” I say. “You’re a top-notch uncle. Best of the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you, man.”
“I love you, too, George. You’re my boy, even though not technically my boy. You know?” Liam says warmly.
“I do. It was you who inspired me to get into the Air Force and into aerospace. Do you realize that?” I say.
“Well, that’s been kind of obvious, but it’s good to hear you say it out loud,” Liam responds.
“I’m glad you thought enough of me to follow my path. I hope Alec would be proud of the example I’ve set for you. I did my best to step up in your life after he was gone.”
“I know you did,” I say, choking back tears now. “I was a sixteen-year-old kid. I wasn’t ready. You and John Wendell...”
“It’s been one of the greatest honors of my life, George. Don’t ever forget that.” Liam says, choking back tears of his own.
Maybe everything seems worse because it's January. I am generally a content guy, but January has always been my least favorite month. Snow is really nice, but aside from that, it's just a dull gray mishmash that seems to bring out my doubts and insecurities. Ali found me staring out the hotel window into the gray nothingness just this morning. I had to give myself an extra kick to get moving and keep things in perspective.
That was a nice perk about traveling around the world like I did in the Air Force. My job meant that I was on one hour notice to fly anywhere in the world, and I got to visit a lot of beautiful places. Even when the mission was dangerous, there was a buzz and a thrill in feeling the fresh air on your face and smelling the smells of different lands. It was exhilarating to get on the plane and a few hours later step out in a totally different setting. Even if all we did was go from D.C. down to Charleston, South Carolina, as soon as the hatch opened and I took a breath, the humid Charleston air was foreign and wonderful. I sure am going to miss Washington D.C. and the Air Force. And Uncle Liam.
“George?” Liam says.
“Yes?”
“You’re dealing with a lot of changes at once. They’re all good, but it will take some time to adjust. Remember, relax and enjoy. That’s your new mantra. Repeat it to yourself every day. Uncle Liam’s orders.” he says with a hearty laugh.
Liam and I say our goodbyes with promises to talk soon and plan a visit. I turn out the porch light and head back into the house to order some Chinese takeout and make love to my beautiful wife. We have to christen the new place, after all. The food arrives just as Ali glides downstairs with news of the boys being conked out for the night. She’s clearly thinking about making love, too. I can tell by the way she moves. We put a little Marvin Gaye on and flirt across the dining room table while holding hands and stuffing our bellies with lo mein and red wine. When we’ve had our fill, we light a fire in our bedroom fireplace and set the scene. We have to unpack some sheets and blankets and put them on the bed before we can get things going, but that extra step will no doubt make the evening more memorable. I find a couple of candles in one of the bags Ali packed to go with us in the Tesla and light them on the mantle. She probably put those there in anticipation of this very moment. I have that wife. There are no curtains or blinds covering the windows yet, but neither of us cares. In fact, that makes it all the more exciting. We’re in our own bedroom, after all. It’s not that I expect anyone to be outside peering in, but it feels sort of magical to be looking out at our snow-covered land and the lake right now as we make love in our beautiful new home. We stand to face each other in the candlelight and take each other’s clothes off, slowly, tracing every inch of newly exposed skin with our mouths before slinking into bed and becoming completely intertwined. Relax and enjoy, right? Relax, and enjoy.
It’s a beautiful Saturday morning when the sun wakes us up bright and early. The light is glistening off the snow, which makes for gorgeous ethereal beams coming in the windows from outside. This is a welcome change from yesterday’s dreariness. Day two in our new home is going to be a good day. We have a slew of family members coming to see the new place.
Mom and John Wendell will be here in a few hours. Mom’s going to help Ali choose some colors and fabrics with our interior designer while I take John Wendell and the boys to the farmers market over on Buffalo Street. The winter market is only open until 2 pm on Saturdays, so we have to be sure we don’t miss it. I’m guessing we’ll grab lunch while we’re out, then head to Icy Scoops for some old-fashioned ice cream on the way home. Who cares if there’s snow on the ground? John Wendell is always in the mood for ice cream. The mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone made from scratch by the folks at Icy Scoops is to die for, although their strawberry chunk is a close second. We’ll keep our coats on while we chow down if necessary. I want to hit all of John Wendell’s favorite places as soon as possible.
Roddy and Marjorie are coming in from New York City this afternoon to see the house and spend a few nights. They’re going to help us unpack. Ali’s brother Nicky is coming, too, along with his husband Luis and their eight-year-old daughter Sara. They have to head back tomorrow so Sara can be at school Monday, but we’re glad they’re making the trip. We’re all meeting up with Jen and Duke at Yellow Cob this evening for a celebratory dinner. Party of thirteen. Yellow Cob has delicious food and big, long tables with plenty of room for us, and they’re right on the lake with pretty water views. In the summer, they have live music on the deck. Ali and I love to sit in their Adirondack chairs surrounding the outdoor fire pit on summer evenings and look at the boats in the marina. Sometimes you can even see one of the college rowing teams scooting by. I imagine all the Yellow Cob action will be inside this time of year, but it’s still nice to see lights twinkling off the water in the background. We love living near water. I’m not sure how people live without it.
You might think we’d want the house completely set up and decorated before we have anyone over. Luckily, we don’t have to be like that with our friends and family members. We keep things real and casual. Mom is the only one who might be judging anyway, and that’s only due to her own insecurities. We try to let her comments pass by without upsetting us when she gets going on a rant. Besides, we’ve hired a company to help us unpack the big things and set up the house similar to our old place. They’ll be here on Monday.
It was kind of sad to leave our old home, especially for the boys. We’d lived in the same house in D.C. for years, which translated to the entirety of Ethan and Leo’s short lives. Leo took it especially hard. I’m sure that’s because at two-years-old, he was just too young to understand what was happening. The day the movers came and took things off the walls was the worst. Leo cried until he was completely exhausted, and he went around trying to pick things up and put them back on the walls where he thought they should go. I’ll never forget the poor little guy desperately working to lift heavy picture frames and pointing up to the spots where they belonged. It was as if he thought our whole world was coming apart, and he was the only one who realized the gravity of the situation. Poor little buddy. We tried our best to console him, but I don’t think we were successful. Thankfully, he seemed relieved to see our familiar things being brought into the new house yesterday. I want nothing more than for Ali and our little guys to be happy.
Ali’s still dozing, so I nudge her a little and nuzzle the back of her neck as I slide my hand just below her waist and pregnant belly. We were both naked when we fell asleep last night. She’s wearing a sleep shirt now, so she must have been up during the night to check on the boys. Or to go to the bathroom for the millionth time. Or both. Fortunately for me, she never sleeps in panties. I stop to listen closely, and it’s quiet in the house.
“Ali, babe, did you check on the boys yet this morning?” I ask as I pull her closer and the blood begins to rush. “We have a while before anyone is scheduled to be here. If the boys are still sleeping, I know how I’d like to start the morning.”
She stretches in response to my touch, arching her body and moving that tight backside up against me in one fluid motion. If she wasn’t pregnant, she might not be interested after having just made love last night. Pregnancy gets her in the mood more often though, and I take advantage of that fact every chance I get. We’re young and in love and eager to do what lovers do.
“I was in their room less than an hour ago. They were still sleeping hard,” she says in a sexy whisper. “I think I might know how you’d like to start the morning.” And we’re at it again.
“Did you lock
our bedroom door when you came back in?” I ask while lowering my hand down between her thighs. She’s already wet.
“No, Dr. Hartmann, but we’d hear them on the baby monitor. We’re good,” Ali says seductively as she turns my way and then uses one long, magnificent leg of hers to hoist herself on top of me and sit upright. She only calls me Dr. Hartmann when she’s in the mood for love making. It’s an instant turn on. Once we’re pieced together and she’s situated snugly, my wife pulls her sleep shirt over her head with both hands and then tosses it onto the floor. And there she is, in all her glory. I love it when I get to look at her like this. The curve of her supple breasts, the lines of her back, and the enticing way she moves are almost too much.
“Congratulations on your new house, Dr. Hartmann,” Ali says playfully as she grinds. “I don’t think you should stop until you’ve made love to your wife in every single room of the place. And maybe even outdoors.” She giggles and leans down for a long, slow kiss.