by Koko Brown
I walked up to the tank and winked at Gerald. "I'll see you Monday."
The party was... amazing, really. I should have made it out to one of these parties months or even years earlier. Sarah was always inviting me, but I didn't ever really have connections to most of the people on set. They hadn't seen me in months. And when actors thanked me for casting them for roles, it was kinda awkward.
That was my job. My job was literally to pick the best person, be it acting ability or star power. I didn't deal with their meltdowns or their drama. This movie was a special case and so it merited a visit. But now, I had a feeling I'd go with Sarah every single time.
It didn't take long for the cast and crew to get weepy and start sharing stories and pictures from the filming. One of the production assistants made a video compilation of the last ten weeks and set it to Coldplay, leaving everyone a little teary-eyed.
From across the room, I felt Jack staring at me, a smile on his lips. We were locked in that moment, connected across all these bodies, an intense energy passing between us. I wished there was no one else in the room so we could be alone. So we could talk, decide what was going to happen to us now that everything was over, and celebrate the end of filming with some celebratory fucking.
A chorus of whooping broke me out of our trance. The production assistant had a whole montage of me following Jack around, mostly looking annoyed.
"Babysitter!" someone yelled.
"Did they fuck yet?" someone else yelled.
"Never fuck the babysitter!" came someone else.
The whole room dissolved into yelling and laughing until it ended in more crying. I always thought it was a bit ridiculous, but it was clear they all cared for each other. The last ten weeks had been intense. I was grateful to see the end because I was no longer juggling entirely too many responsibilities, but for them, this was a big deal.
Denver and I were already discussing an upcoming film for the following year, so things ended on a high note in this corner.
The night wore on into drunken revelry. Singing and crying and laughing. I kept my alcohol content moderate because I was waiting for Jack, but that didn't stop some of the others from losing themselves. It wasn't long before I got a text from Jack, letting me know he'd scored a bottle of champagne and the key to the roof. I slipped out with ease.
It was windy up top, but Jack stood in the middle of it, stoic as ever. Slightly tipsy and maybe feeling a little frisky, I ran over to him and hugged him from behind. He smelled like aftershave and whiskey and cigar smoke.
"Missed me?"
"You have no idea." Jack covered my small hands with his large ones. "They took longer to douse than I thought."
"You actors are a riotous bunch."
"Guilty." He spun me around before him and kissed me tenderly. I tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away and instead offered me a glass of champagne. "I want us to toast to something first."
My stomach started doing flips and I wasn't even really sure why. "What are we toasting to?"
"Honesty."
"Honesty?" Here, my heart bottomed to my stomach. Was this the part where he told me I was nothing more than a filming fling? I didn't matter to him outside of the free pussy I'd been giving up for weeks?
"I really like you, Alison. A lot. I want us to become something... special. I want us to be on red carpet events and have people write trashy, bullshit articles about how we're having threesomes or sacrificing goats or getting divorced when we aren't even married. I want you. All the time."
I laughed, but quietly. At this point, I could barely breathe. Something about him rendered my body incapable of functioning properly, like he stole up all my oxygen.
"But for us to be this wonderful thing I crave so deeply, I need to be completely honest with you... and hope you'll still accept me."
"O-okay."
Jack took a heavy pull of his champagne and kissed me softly. "I'm crazy about you in the best possible way. I want you to remember that."
Now, I was terrified but also painfully curious.
"I don't know if you know this, but I grew up with Lena. Childhood friends who met again in Hollywood after years apart. Her family took me in, treated me like I belonged. She helped get me a few gigs. She has a little sister, Brianna, who called me Uncle Jack from day one. She is this pure ball of innocence. She makes you feel impossibly strong and brave."
"Is that who Lena had with her this afternoon? Sarah was telling me about her."
"That's the one." Jack nodded with a smile. "Eight years ago, I caught Greg Addott's son, Jensen, trying to molest Brianna at a barbeque. The Addotts were old friends with the Nichols family, but no one ever knew the son, Jensen, was a fucking piece of pedophiliac shit. I lost it. That little girl meant the world to me. She was four years old, Alison. Four.”
I stood, frozen. “Holy shit. Holy shit. This is….”
“I beat the fuck out of him. Broke a few ribs. Smashed his face in. Sent him into a coma. This… it wasn’t like me at all. I want you to understand that. This piece of trash violated a small, defenseless girl. My niece.”
I covered my mouth out of sheer horror. “This is why you went to prison. You were protecting her. How did he not…? How was it you, Jack?”
His chin hit his chest. Jack took another swig, this time straight from the bottle. His eyes were so heavy, sad. “No one saw anything. That piece of shit denied everything and Brianna was too small and scared to tell anyone what really happened. I mean, she was horrified. That fuckface Addott spun the whole story that she was so scared because she watched me beat up this old family friend, see? Greg Addott was a goddamn congressman and I was this nobody from Fucksville without a shred of credibility. Lena, she didn’t buy it for a second. She and her parents supported me, helped pay for legal fees.” He shrugged limply. “Didn’t matter. I fucked up. I should have pinned the guy down and called the cops, but fuck. What he was doing was so terrible and wrong that I couldn’t help myself.”
“Let me get this straight.” I set down my glass so hard it almost cracked. “A congressman’s piece of shit son molested a small girl, you defended her honor, and yet you got slapped with six years and that walking pile of ass was permitted to go free, like nothing happened?”
“Like nothing ever happened.”
He just looked so sad. I took him by the face and kissed him hard. “Jack Steele, you are one of the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate souls I’ve ever met.”
“No, I’m not. I’m an asshole.”
“Bullshit. You only want people to think that because it fits some weird image you have of yourself in your head. You did nothing wrong here. The system, and a few terrible human beings, fucked you over. Not the other way around. You didn’t deserve any of this and I am so, so sorry.”
He reached out and grabbed me, like he wanted to be rough but was almost afraid to. “I thought you’d leave me.”
“Because you saved a little girl from being raped?” I stared at him in disbelief. “Boy, you really are crazy.”
“Alison.” He got to his feet and took my hands. He wasn’t as sad, but he was just as serious. “I need to—”
My cell phone rang obnoxiously loud. I winced. “Sorry! I had it turned all the way up while waiting to hear from you inside. It was so loud.”
I rejected the call, but it immediately rang again. Jack shook his head. “Take it, it might be important.”
“Alison?” someone yelled in my ear as I answered. My phone said it was Sarah, but this was definitely a dude on the phone. “Where are you? Sarah is wasted and trying to get naked in the middle of the room. Can you take her home? She’s refusing to go anywhere without you.”
I squeezed my eyes tight, trying to keep the disappointment at bay. We were having this huge moment, out here under the stars, and I was being pulled away. This stupid movie was always pulling us apart.
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.”
I hung up and looked at Jack, apology w
ritten all over my face. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, don’t be. She needs you.” He enveloped me in his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. “Thank you for listening to me, Alison.”
“Thank you for trusting me, Jack. Can we…can we meet tomorrow and talk? This feels unfinished.”
“Incidentally, my calendar just cleared up.” I heard the smile in his voice.
His story was gut-wrenching, but he’d peeled back an entirely new side to him that I didn’t even know existed. And, more than that, we had a date for the following day. Off set. Amazing. We kissed goodnight on the roof, surrounded by stars, with champagne on our tongues and hope in our hearts.
FIFTEEN
JACK
The party lost its spice after Alison had to haul Sarah home, but already I could feel the winds shifting in my life. She saw the real me. She saw what was underneath all the bullshit and the rumors and saw the real Jack Steele.
And she didn’t run away.
I did a small, very private victory dance on the roof after she left.
Downstairs, I planned to say goodbye to Lena and Denver and a few others who made the experience awesome, and then book it home. I had big plans for Alison tomorrow and was anxious to get the ball rolling. I was stopped by Josh, though, just before I could cut through the crowd.
“Hey man.” He handed me a beer. “Listen, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”
I cocked an eyebrow and looked at the cup. “Is this shit poisoned?”
He laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck. “Nah, man. I just realized all the shit you were giving me only pushed me to work harder. I know we’re all just trying to make the best film we can. You owned Eddie Bowser in a way I don’t think anyone else could. And I… well, I kinda acted like a little bitch over the whole thing.”
I clinked his cup with mine. “You know, you’re a shit, but you’re all right.”
He cracked an equally awkward smile. “I could say the same about you.”
That made me laugh, heartily. Holly slunk up next to us and threw her arms around our necks.
“I’m going to miss you boys!”
“Holly!” I high-fived her. “Where’s your drink?”
“I’m sixteen,” she said, completely deadpan. Then she laughed. “I had a few drinks with Edna and Bridget, but I hit my limit. I’m trying to avoid that whole ‘She’s a teenage celebrity mess’ bit and go for something more mature, so the roles will follow.”
“Smart business sense. Shit, I wish I had half of that when I was your age.” I shook my head and blinked hard, the room suddenly going a little fuzzy. I didn’t think I drank enough to hit this level, but with the stress from work and the margaritas from earlier, I guess it caught up with me.
“You all right, man?” Josh asked.
“Um, I’m going to go lie down for a minute. Been a long few weeks, you know.”
“Bummer. Well, my ride is here, so I’m going to go. I can’t wait to see you guys again on the promo tour!” Holly said, but her voice sort of warped in my mind.
Josh may have also said something about leaving, but the words came in one ear and out the other as I stumbled through the warehouse, looking for the bathrooms. I felt like shit, like up was down, and all I wanted was to piss and sleep for one hundred years.
At some point, I ended up in the parking lot. I remembered bumping into a car and pissing on the tire. I was just so goddamn tired. I had no idea where I was. Stumbled. Tumbled. Fell a few times. Where the fuck was my bed? Where the fuck was I?
“There you are!” a voice said in my ear.
I grinned, even though my head was heavy and I couldn’t make out who was speaking. “Alison?” I mumbled.
“Come here.” Someone pulled down my pants and I chuckled.
“Now is not a great time, baby girl,” I slurred. “Captain is out of commission.”
This made me laugh a lot. There was a bright flash of light and then total darkness.
I woke up the next morning with a blinding headache, passed out in my trailer. How did I even get here? The sun was painfully bright, streaming in through an open window. I needed water and a five-minute-long piss. Memories from last night were completely blank and I had no idea where my phone or my keys were. Awesome.
I couldn’t exactly say I was a stranger to this sort of fuckery, but it had been a long time since I’d been this fucked up. The last thing I could remember was talking to Alison on the roof. I really hoped I didn’t make an ass out of myself after all that. The biggest downside to having no memories was not knowing if I needed to clean up my shit the next day. I usually did, but not having my phone on me meant I couldn’t start the apology process right away. Shit.
I stumbled back towards my bed, hoping to sleep off the rest of this shit so I could go look for my things later and clear out of here. The door of my former trailer burst open and one of the lot security guards I’d seen around here stared at me, face twisted.
“Shit, sorry.” I rubbed my eyes. “Wrap party last night got a little crazy. I’ll clear out soon, but can I nap this shit off first? I won’t take anything. I’ve already cleared all my stuff out.”
The guard yelled over his shoulder, “He’s in here.”
Two police officers replaced him in the doorway. My chest seized up. Ever since I was arrested for protecting Brianna, cops and I did not jive.
“Look, I just passed out in here and I didn’t think it’d be trespassing. We just wrapped yesterday, you know? I’ll get my shit and go. I don’t want any trouble.”
“Jack Steele?” One of them with a thick mustache reached around to the back of his belt. “You’re under arrest for sexual assault of a minor.”
“What?” There was no way I heard this guy right. “No, no. There has to be some mistake. I was just at a wrap party last night for the party. There weren’t any minors anywhere. I was at the party and got my ass over here to pass out. There’s been a serious mistake.”
They didn’t seem to give a shit. Mustache slapped a pair of handcuffs on me while the other one read off my Miranda rights. It was horrifically déjà-vu-inducing. My mind raced faster than my heart and my brain frantically tried to retrace steps from last night, but all I hit were dead ends.
Getting put in the back of that cop car was infuriating. I knew to keep my mouth shut, to keep my head down, and accept that fucking cameras were going to be all over this like flies on shit.
I didn’t do fucking anything wrong. Blackout drunk, sure. But who the fuck was at the party that would be a minor? No one. Who the fuck would I assault? NO ONE. I had Alison!
Alison. Shit. She was going to see this and never talk to me again. She was going to see this after hearing my confession about beating the fuck out of some guy, and see me as nothing more than a piece of shit who couldn’t get his act together.
My whole life had been on the verge of moving up, no longer being stuck in a shit pit. I’d landed a great role, I had an amazing girlfriend who believed in me, I was proving I wasn’t a goddamn liability to a set… and then this shit.
It wasn’t until I was sitting down with a detective that I got some pieces to the puzzle, and even then they didn’t fucking make sense.
“Does this look familiar?” Detective Rambo slid over a photo of something that took me almost a full minute to break down just because I couldn’t believe I was seeing what I was seeing.
“This…that…”
I didn’t have words. He set down three more photos that all looked like I was taking advantage of Holly. Sixteen-year-old Holly. I didn’t even remember seeing her at the party. But I also didn’t remember shit.
Cold dread exploded in my stomach and I began to sweat. I didn’t do this. I knew in my gut I didn’t do this… I just didn’t have a goddamn thing to say to explain it, either.
“She filed a report this morning, saying she was drunk and you took advantage of her.”
My fists tightened in my lap. I would never,
not ever, do some shit like this. I went to fucking prison because I beat the fuck out of a pedophile who tried to molest someone close to me. I didn’t take any of this shit lightly. I may have sometimes fucked around, put my dick where it didn’t necessarily belong, but never would I ever do this.
Detective Rambo Wannabe slid a pad of paper over in front of me. “Let’s make this clean and simple, Jack. We have evidence, we all know your demeanor. Just admit to this so we can make it tidy, okay? She’s sixteen, Jack. Even if she is an actress and plays someone older and you guys spent all that time together getting cozy on set…”
What the fuck was this guy talking about? I narrowed my eyes and studied him. He was fucking with me. He was enjoying this shit.
“Just tell us you did it and let’s get this ball rolling, okay?”
My entire life, everything I worked so hard for, flashed before my eyes. How was I supposed to prove my innocence against all this?
I set my jaw. “I’m going to need to call my lawyer.”
SIXTEEN
ALISON
Bikram yoga was my favorite way to work off a long night, but thanks to a crazy work schedule over the last two months, I'd fallen off the wagon. Going this morning reinvigorated my soul and made everything look brighter. I couldn't miss it ever again.
Sarah collapsed next to me, panting. "God, that sucked."
"Or was amazing."
"It was so hot. Why was it so hot?" She groaned and grabbed for her phone. "I'm never doing this hungover ever again."
"Sure you will," I teased. She may have felt miserable, but I felt amazing. And later, I would meet up with Jack for a real date and we would make real plans. That alone made the day extra special.
"Oh, fuck."
"You'll survive." I rolled my head over to look at her. "This is just a few minutes of temporary anguish to reset your entire soul, Sarah."
"No. This." Sarah shoved her phone at me.