by Koko Brown
When I leave the shower, I’m empty and even more drained than when I first began. I dry off with the thick, fluffy blue towels and dress to match my emotions in a pair of black skinny jeans, black sweater, and a pair of black booties with silver spikes along the heel. I step out into the kitchen and make a beeline for the coffee machine. The sun is just coasting into the sky, and I know Alfie will be surfacing soon. I owe him everything. I prepare the Keurig to brew a carafe and move to pull bacon and eggs out of the fridge.
I’m buttering the toast when he emerges dressed in a pair of dark slacks, a white button-down, and skull cufflinks. He looks sharp, more businessman than a debt collector. I bite the inside of my teeth as I remember the feel of his thick length stretching me as he pounded inside me. He pauses, and our eyes meet.
“I’m sorry I melted all over you like ice cream in the sun last night. You’re right. None of this is on you, and I’m grateful for everything you’re doing for us.”
“I don’t want your gratitude.”
“Then what do you want?” I ask throwing my hands up in the air as I grip the butter knife to keep from sending it flying.
“A chance. I want you to give me the opportunity to set us back where we should be. Why is that so hard for you to do?”
“Because losing you once was hard enough.” I turn back to the counter and place the toast on the pile I’m placing on a plate to cut through diagonally. He comes up behind me, and blocks me in, with an arm on either side of my body. He presses his front to my back. His heat sears me.
“And I’m telling you, that I’ll never let that happen again. The only way I’m being taken away from you is in a pine box.”
I give a choked laugh. “And that’s better.”
“Nothing is certain in this life, Thea. I’m promising you what I can.”
He wraps his hand around mine and guides it to the counter. I release the knife with a clunk. He wraps his arms around me, and I lean back against him.
“We owe it to ourselves. Instead of going through the motions, go all in with me.”
I bow my head and close my eyes.
“We can’t change things, but we can grow something out of the pile of shit we were handed.”
He’s a temptation I’ve always been unable to resist. He trails his fingers up my arm and back down before he wraps me in his strong arms. For a moment I’m no longer adrift in an ocean of pain. I cling to the feeling. It’s been so long since I had a strong man at my side who has my best interest at heart instead of his own agenda.
“Alfie.”
He kisses my crown, and I yield.
“Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Mom?”
I turn and find a wide-eyed Kier at the end of the hallway. “W-what’s going on?”
I sigh. “Kier. Alfie and I have something to tell you.”
“Are you like, dating? Cause that would be cool. I like Alfie.”
“We are mate. But there’s more. Things about our friendship we need to tell you.”
Kier wrinkles his nose.
“Nothing gross, wise guy,” I say with a shake of my head. We’d talked about the basics of the birds and the bees and hormones. I wasn’t itching to become a grandmother early, and he was inching closer to puberty. It was better to be over prepared than be caught unaware and have him operating on false information.
“Okay?” Kier frowns.
I pause, unsure where to start. “Back when we were both in Boston.” I take a deep breath.
“Someone hurt me really badly. I nearly died.”
“Wh-what happened?”
“I survived and came home to heal. I needed a lot of care and
“Something happened to me when I was back in Boston. I was hurt badly and left for dead. It took me a long time to heal. I was in the hospital for months, and afterward, I had rehabilitation. It took me nearly a year to find some sort of normalcy, and even longer to get back on my feet financially. So you understand how your mother and I lost touch.”
“Yeah,” Kier says in a hushed voice tinged with awe. “So, how come we’re here now?”
“Because your Papa sent you and your Ma here to keep you safe,” Alfie says softly.
“What’s going on, mom?” Kier asked.
“Some very bad men are after us. Because of who we are and what we have. It’s why we’ve always had security and been careful about who we’re around. Dad’s always been a powerful man, and like most men at the top of their game, someone eventually tries to take it by any means necessary.”
“Mom.” His lower lip trembles, and my chest aches. “Is Papa.” His voice cracks. “Is he okay?”
“I don’t know.” I walk over and smooth my hands over his shaking shoulders. I squeeze and pull him in for a hug. “I-If he is, it won’t be for long.” I force the words out ignoring the bitter taste they leave behind.
“No.” He shakes his head. My top grows wet with his tears as I rock him back and forth. “I am so sorry, baby. If I could spare you this. I would. I know how much you love him.” I peer at Alfie over his shoulder. I smooth my hand over his hair. I want to wrap him in a cocoon and spare him this pain, but life isn’t that way, and trying to cushion him would only make the reality worse when it crashed through the shell I’d encased him in. To me, that would be a far crueler thing to do. Life’s a tough bitch who will beat you down, steal your lunch money, and spit in your face if you don’t learn to handle her properly.
I keep my own grief at bay as I comfort him. He pulls back and sniffs as he wipes at his eyes.
“Why him?”
“Because he knew I’d take care of my family.”
Kier narrows his gaze. “What is he talking about?”
“Alfie is more than an old friend. He’s your father.”
Kier pulls away from me, and I stumble before I find my balance as he takes off toward his room. The door slams. I cringe. “Well, at least he didn’t slap me,” I say.
“I’d have spanked his bottom if he ever treated you with anything other than respect.”
“Let me go after him. This is a lot to hear.”
“No.”
“Excuse me,” I say.
“From now on we’re in this together. No more facing this by yourself. All in. Remember?”
It’s a foreign concept, sharing him with someone else this way. I want to hold him to me and roar like a mama bear ready to defend her cub, but I can’t. This is his father. His rights were taken away without his knowledge or consent. He didn’t run away from his responsibility, so I can’t treat him as If he did. Kier needs to feel supported and loved. He needs a win to combae the losses, so I swallow my pride and nod.
“Y-yeah?”
I continue forward with Alfie at my side. This is going to take a hell of a lot off getting used to. I knock on the door.
“Kieron Are you going to allow us to explain this?”
“You knew who he was all this time. Did you know he was here?”
“No, K. I had no clue. I mean yes, I figured if. If he made it, he would have returned to the United Kingdom. After seeing what happened to him, I thought he was dead.”
The door opens, and his frightened, tear-stained face appears in the crack. “You saw it?”
I cover my mouth and node as the memories rush back in.
“So you understand, she couldn’t tell you what she didn’t know, and I didn’t know at all, or I would’ve moved heaven and earth to reach you. Both of you. I was under the impression staying away would be best for both of us. The man who did this… he threatened to end my life if we ever had contact again, and I was afraid for your Ma. I’m sorry all of this kept us apart for so long, son. But I’m here now, and we’re going to become a family.”
“Mom, we aren’t going home?” he asks wide-eyed.
“Baby, we can’t. It’s not safe.”
“Because of what Papa does?”
His words make me gasp. “You know?�
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He nods his head. “I’m not dumb or blind Ma. People talk, and I’ve pieced together things. I knew you didn’t like talking about it, so I didn’t.”
“Oh, baby. I never want you to feel you have to keep things for me.”
He glances down and shrugs his slender shoulders. All this time I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself. My cheeks heat as embarrassment fills me. Alfie squeezes my shoulders. “We’re dealing with a lot. But there are things we need to do to keep you safe, yeah?” he says.
“Like what?” He mumbles.
“Well for one, a name change. These men after you. They care about legacies. I’ve told them yours rests with me.”
“Mom too?”
“Yes, we’ll get married.”
“Mom, you said you were never going to do that,” Kier says.
The exasperated tone breaks the solemn mood and we all chuckle. “That’s because your father was the only person I ever imagined myself walking down the aisle with.” I’m telling half-truths. I didn’t want to risk my heart a second time around. That’s why I vowed to never marry. But I had thought of being Alfie’s wife.
“So you’re in love?” Kier asks.
“There are some loves, you never truly fall out of. I’ll explain it to you more when you’re older.”
“When is this going to happen?” he asks crossing his arms. The protective gleam in his eyes makes me want to giggle. I’ve never seen my son like this. But I kept men from around the house unless they were in the friend zone.
“Within the week. You’ll both be needing name changes so we can get you back in school and her back to working in Pharmaceuticals.”
“None of this is normal. We can’t just pretend like it is.”
“No, but we can do our best to work through it,” I say.
“Is that what we’re doing?”
“Aye, lad. It is,” Alfie says.
He studies his father with a thoughtful gaze. “Do I have to call you Dad?”
“Not if you don’t want to.”
“Mom. I don’t know.” He shakes his head.
“We’ll figure it out as we go along. No one has the answers to his yet. We’ve all been brought together in a peculiar manner, and we’re going our best to adapt. No matter what, you’re going to be taken care of. My top priority is getting you back on track and settled in.”
“What about my friends back home, my coaches, and teams.”
“I’m sorry, Kier. Maybe you can join some here.”
“It’s not the same.” His chest is heaving, and his voice is loud and wavering. HIs eyes shimmer with unshed tears.
“I know baby, and I am so so sorry.”
“That changes nothing.”
The venom he’s spewing rips my heart open. I’m metaphorically bleeding out when he steps away from me. “I want to be alone.” He storms into the room and slams the door. I rest a hand onto my stomach and take a deep breath.
“He’ll come around. We need to give him time.”
“It’s not so easy.”
“Never said it would be, just necessary. You hold on too tight, and he’ll fight you even more. I understand what it’s like to be a boy his age dealing with a lot. There was no man in me life, and I put my mother through hell. You love him, but there are things a man needs to talk to another man about. Let me ease that burden.”
I close my eyes. “I can’t lose him.”
“You won’t.”
“You can’t promise me that,” I whisper thinking of my father.
Alfie
Sadness has settled over the house in the past few days and what should be a happy occasion feels more like a memorial. We’ve signed the proper documents, and soon Kier will be a Bowring. I’d give her a wedding worthy of royalty if she wanted one but now isn’t the time. Not when we’re still waiting for the phone call to come confirming Douglas’s death, and Kier is running hot and cold. I’m standing in a gray suit with a white button-up and a skinny black tie with Kier in a similar outfit at my side in front of the mantle below the ornate stain glass window letting in light. We went with a Petite wedding package at Dreamcatcher in Cornwall. The small, unique space gives an intimate vibe that suits the occasion. We’re not simply getting married. We’re properly joining our family. It’s as much a day for Kier as it is for us.
Which is why we’ve opted to do things a bit differently. The opening Notes of Dido’s Here Wit me begins to play, and I stand up tall as I turn to face her and I’m floored. The short sleeved cream colored dress flows down her body accentuating her shapely collar bone, full breasts, slim waist, and curvy hips before it falls to the floor in an almost sheer layer. She has a textured overlay that catches the light, dazzling me with its simplicity.
Her caramel-hued skin glows, and her hair is done in big girls with tiny white flowers woven into the loose spirals. She’s like a pixie come to life as she steps into the room clutching a small bouquet of large peach colored flowers. A sweet smile lines her full lips and my heart accelerates.
I nudge a slack-jawed Kier who stands up straighter as he takes the short walk and offers Athena, his arm like a proper gentleman. My heart fills as they make their way toward me, filling an emptiness I’d long resigned myself to living with. They stop in front of me, and I fall into the warm depths of her eyes as the officiant begins the ceremony and Kier gives her away. I twine our fingers, proud to be calling this incredible woman my wife. Nothing short of a lifetime is going to satisfy me, after all, we’ve been through. I understand her hesitation and doubts, but I’m a patient man excellent at turning plans into reality. I frame her face and kiss her gently, holding the ravenous beast inside me at bay. That’s for later when the boy isn’t around, and I don’t have to stop. We pull apart, and I glance at Kier. The small smile so like his mothers makes me believe, we’re going to be okay eventually. We post for photos before we move to the small two tier cake with a light glaze and a fringe of tiny yellow and white flowers.
The darkness that’s settled on us lifts, and I’m grateful that the day isn’t completely marred by tragedy. We’ve all had more than our share of misfortune. It’s time for healing and rebuilding, together. Full of cake and optimism we step aside, and I can’t help but admire the greenery and fresh air. I hate the way they came to me, but I’m happy they’re here. This is more than I ever expected to have.
“How are you feeling, Kier?” I ask as we explore the area after Athena excuses herself to use the loo.
“I don’t know. It’s weird. Suddenly I have a father, my mother’s married, we’re living in England, and Papa is probably dead.” His voice cracks.
“It’s a lot to deal with at once.”
“You think?” he asks sarcastically. The vinegar dripping from his tongue is familiar. I was an angry lad, pissed at the world, and giving my mum hell.
“I do. I know you’re angry, but don’t take that out on the people who’re only here to help and care for you.”
“Suddenly you care?”
“From the minute I knew you existed I cared. If I had known about you, nothing would’ve stopped me from returning.”
He glances up at me with distrust. “Why lie when we got here.”
“Because there was enough to deal with and your mother wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. None of this has been easy on her mate. She’s putting on a good show of it for you, but she’s hurting. That was your grandfather, yes, but it was her father. She already lost her mother.”
His eyes widen, and I see the haze of self-centered thought begin to lift. I nod my head. He’s getting it now.
“I didn’t think of that.”
“We can never be so consumed by our own pain that we become unable to see others. You understand?”
“I think so.”
I pat his shoulder. “Good, lad. Usually we’d head on a honeymoon, instead, we’re all going to stay at the Corinthia, have a nice dinner and a break from the house. Then tomorrow you’ll head home, and I’ll go b
ack to work.”
“The day after your wedding?”
“Got to pay for the nice school you’ll be attending and keep the lights on.” And give your mother space, so she doesn’t lose her mind. We’re still disjointed and walking on eggshells around one another. I can’t stand the thought of being seen as someone who holds power over her. I remember how it negatively impacted her years ago. She needs to come into her own a bit. I understand that. I don’t mind giving her the space she needs, but I refuse to let her shut me out.
“You boys doing okay?” She asks as she nervously twirls the two karate kite diamond around her finger.
“Yeah, Mom. You look amazing today,” Kier says. Pride swells in my chest. He’s getting it. She’s done an amazing job with him. No thanks to me. I’d never forgive Porter for what he did. Part of me is glad he’s getting to experience the hell he put me through. My bones still ache when it rains, and my strenuous exercise routine is to keep my weaknesses from resurfacing. You don’t forget or forgive that. At least I can’t.
“Thank you, baby.” She kissed his cheek, and his countenance lightened.
“You ready for your surprise. We can’t go on a honeymoon yet, but I wanted to do something for all of us. It’s a special day.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” she says quietly.
“I did. It’s our first day as a family. It shouldn’t be treated like any other day.”
Her gaze softened. “You’re still sweet.”
“Only to you.” I wink and steer them away from the tiny structure where we became a family.
She moves to unzip her dress, and I stay her hand with my fingers wrapped around her wrist.
“What?”
“That’s for me to do.”
With Kier safely tucked into the bedroom that’s joined to ours via a door, I’m free to focus my attention on my wife.