by Jillian Dodd
I print off a photo of the glossy pale grey metallic leather wingback chairs--which are highlighted by silver nail heads that accentuate its modern lines--and glue it to the page along with a swatch for the menswear-like grey velvet pinstriped fabric for the curtain panels and dining chairs. I add to that a traditional wool rug in muted tones and a funky silver and crystal chandelier.
It's surprising, really, that someone who always hated to shop for clothes found out during a college interior design class that she's good at putting rooms together. Interior design is like a puzzle to me. A fusing of elements to create the perfect feel, the perfect look. I actually considered switching majors during my junior year, but my advisor suggested that having the ability to do both structural and interior plans would enhance my resume. That it would allow my aesthetic ideas to be incorporated into the elemental design of a building. That's part of why designing the Mackenzie's new building was so fun. It had to incorporate the modern, luxe feel Phillip's dad wanted with the required space, functionality, logistics, and security needed for transportation, warehousing, offices, and their call center.
Phillip strolls in with a beer in his hand and a big grin on his face. "I like what you did with my beer fridge. Are you working on more plans for our house or doing work?"
"House. I just finished with the dining room. Want to see it?"
"I'd love to," he says, sitting on the floor across from my drafting table. I sit next to him and spread the book across our laps.
"So, I found--"
Phillip stops me with a kiss.
"You taste like beer," I tell him after a steamy make out session.
"You've been craving beer," he says with a grin.
"I miss it. I hope Baby Mac appreciates my sacrifice."
Phillip laughs, but then he cradles my face in his hands. "I know I do. You're being incredible with everything. Seriously, you amaze me. After all that Danny has been going through with Lori's pregnancy, I've been expecting the worst. But, I should have known pregnancy wouldn't change you."
"It is changing me though, Phillip. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I'm hungry all the freaking time." I look down at my stomach. "And I'm starting to show."
"You seem happy."
"I am happy."
"I'm about to ask you to do something that won't make you happy."
"What?"
"I can't tell my mom to take the table back. She's so excited about it. What if we keep it until ours comes in and then move it somewhere else?"
"Phillip. It looks awful."
"Please?"
"I want to be proud when our friends see our house. That table doesn't make me proud. And I don't want them to think I chose it."
"Then you tell her. I'm not."
I cross my arms in front of my chest and pout. "I'm giving away all the micro-brewed beer in your fridge and filling it with wine coolers and off brand cans."
Phillip kisses me again. "You play rough. Why don't you show me your dining room plans and maybe we can negotiate?"
I wake with a start, quickly realizing I had been dreaming. A glance at the clock tells me it's nearly five am.
I can't remember what I was dreaming about, I just know it was bad.
And when I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep, all I see is the red from my dream, running like a current.
April 5th
A little more fun.
Last night Phillip approved my plans for the dining room, so this afternoon I'm online ordering everything when Danny calls.
"Whatcha doing?"
"Working."
"Phillip told me you are ordering stuff for your dining room."
"And working," I say.
"So, this baby shower thing."
"Yeah?"
"Lori said you're getting up early, driving the three hours up there, having the shower, then driving home that night."
"That's the plan."
"Any chance you could change the plan? Spend the night?"
"That's what I wanted to do, but Lori was adamant."
"I need a night out, Jay. I thought Phillip and I could invite a couple of the guys over. Hang out. Play pool."
"Phillip doesn't want me driving back at night. Plus, it would be fun to go out with our friends after the shower. I think Lori could use a night out too."
"That's the spirit," he says. "I'll leave it up to you to convince her."
"You're a chicken, Danny."
"Bawk. Bawk," he says then hangs up.
I start a group text, figuring Lori won't be as likely to argue this way.
Me: Hey, everyone! I thought it would be fun if we all went out after the baby shower on Saturday. You up for a fun night?
Lori doesn't respond but I get a lot of, hell, yeahs from our sorority sisters.
Chelsea sends me a private text.
Chelsea: How are you feeling?
Me: Really good. You?
Chelsea: I had to leave a class to throw up this morning. My clothes don't fit. I moved out of the sorority house and into Joey's apartment. Am planning a quickie wedding. Have two tests and a paper due this week. But whatever. So here's the big question. Are you free the weekend of May 11th?
Me: Is that your wedding date?!!! I'll make sure we are.
Chelsea: I was going to ask you this weekend, but I know Lori will be with us the whole time and I didn't want it to be awkward.
Me: What to be awkward?
Chelsea: Will you be my maid of honor?
Me: OMG! YES!!!!!!!
Chelsea: Joey's going to ask Phillip to be his best man. It's because of the two of you we're together. Can you believe we caught the bouquet and garter at your wedding and a few months later we are getting married? When have you ever heard of that happening in real life?
Me: Pretty much like never.
Chelsea: He's been really amazing, Jade. He took me shopping this weekend. Bought me a cute dress to wear to the shower.
Me: That's so sweet.
Chelsea: Another favor. I saw your group text. Since I assume you're spending the night is there any way I could get you to come dress shopping with me Sunday morning? That nice wedding shop here is having a big sample sale. It's probably going to be a free-for-all but the deals are supposed to be amazing. Joey and I are going to use some of the money my dad gave us for the wedding to use toward the down payment on our house, so I'm trying to be really frugal.
Me: I'd love to help. Okay if Lori comes too if she doesn't have any other plans?
Chelsea: Of course. What kind of dress do you think I should get? I don't know what I want.
Me: I think for us to find you a dress at the sale, you're going to need to know what you want. Go this week and try on a dress of every silhouette. The big, pouffy ball gown. The softer version like mine. A-line. Drop waist. Mermaid. Ask Alyssa to go with you. She's good with fashion.
Chelsea: Good idea. Is it bad I want something super sexy?
Me: My mom used to say to flaunt it while you got it.
Chelsea: I'm not gonna have it much longer. Got to go to class.
Danny's dad, Mr. D's name pops up on my cell phone.
"Hey, Mr. D. How's Europe?"
"Wonderful. Quick question. I know you're coming for the baby shower this weekend. I have something for you. Can you swing by the house before you leave town, like on Sunday afternoon?"
"Yeah. When are you getting back home?"
"Not until early Sunday morning. We got our dates mixed up when we booked the flights. Tried to get it changed to come back on Friday, but it was sold out. Mary won't be able to make the shower." He lowers his voice. "And she's not very happy about it."
"I'm sure Lori won't mind. This shower is mostly sorority girls. Her mom couldn't make it either. So, uh, what do you have for me? Like paperwork or something?" Mr. Diamond is the executor of my trust fund.
"Something a little more fun than that," he says mysteriously. "See you Sunday."
CHAPTER TEN
Dear
Baby Mac,
You are orange-sized and even though I still can't feel you, they say you are moving around like crazy. Which isn't really a surprise since you were very active during the ultrasound.
Your dad read something about keeping a pregnant woman comfortable on the job. He told me I should stop wearing heels to work. I told him that since I wasn't on my feet all day that I could wear whatever shoes I wanted to.
And I need to wear the shoes. They are about the only thing that fits. I've been wearing my skirts and jeans unbuttoned and have to wear flowy shirts.
So anyway, your daddy put a water cooler in my office, so I will drink enough water daily. He brought in an ottoman, so I can put my feet up. He makes his assistant bring me in snacks every few hours because he read that I should be eating five small meals a day.
Since he's started this, I've gained four pounds.
Could be all the Milk Duds, though.
Truth: Sometimes, I give away the healthy snacks and just eat Milk Duds. But that will be our little secret.
And for goodness sake, would you freaking kick me already? Like hard enough for me to actually feel it?
Lori says she first felt her baby kick at fifteen weeks. She says it felt like a flutter.
I want to feel the flutter.
April 9th
However many shades.
My eyes are shut and I'm half asleep as I rub the back of my hand across my nose. Something keeps itching it.
I squint my eyes open.
"Ahhhhh!!!" I scream. What the fu--" I jump off the bed when I realize the thing touching my nose is the gnome.
I find Phillip lying on the floor next to the bed laughing.
"What the hell are you doing?"
He gives me a devious grin. "Danny's workout room is done, so I'm meeting him over there this morning. Thought I'd take our little friend. I wanted to give you the chance to say goodbye."
"Hopefully good riddance. What the heck did you do to him?"
Phillip holds the gnome up even with my face. He's drilled a little hole through the gnome's fist, stuck one of my new cocktail forks through it, and wrapped a red ribbon around his eyes.
"I gave him a pitchfork. Like the devil."
"You're crazy. Are you going to put him in the sauna?" I ask, as I hop back into bed.
"Yep." He leans down and gives me a kiss. "Wish us luck."
What's with the fifty shades gnome?" Danny says when I answer my ringing phone.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't play coy. I know you hid it in my sauna."
"You just woke me up, Danny."
"Scared the shit out of me, honestly. Cheeky little bastard. Get dressed. I'm on my way over."
I get up quickly--shocked to see it's almost ten--brush my teeth and hair and throw on some clothes. I had planned to work from home this morning, not sleep in late.
As I'm heading to the kitchen, Danny comes through the front door with the gnome.
"So did you know we watched that movie and she bought that stuff?"
"Danny, you woke me up during the middle of a very involved dream. I have no idea what the heck you're talking about."
"Lori and I watched that shades of grey movie. She bought some sexual aids similar to those used in the story to spice up things in the bedroom."
"Do things need spicing up?"
He lets out a big sigh. "Since she's been pregnant, our sex life has definitely taken a hit."
"How so? Not that long ago, you were talking about how horny pregnant women are."
"That was a long time ago. And you know how Lori's been. Sick, crabby, moody. You're pregnant and tired. Has your sex life taken a hit?"
"Uh, no. Although having Phillip's parents here has contained it to the bedroom."
"How often do you do it?"
"Every day usually. Sometimes every other day."
"It's been two weeks. I'm horny. I don't need a freaking red room. I just need for her to be in the mood."
"Sounds like she's trying if she bought stuff."
"Yes and that was a flipping disaster. Last night . . . No, I can't even say it."
"She wanted to and you didn't?"
"Couldn't."
"Couldn't? Why not?"
"Because she's gone all however many shades on me. I'm sorry, but have you seen her? Her stomach is huge. I can't do that to her now. Not with my child inside her. It just feels wrong."
"Are you not attracted to her because her stomach is huge?"
"That's not it at all. I very much want to have sex with her. I just can't do the kinky stuff."
"Maybe you can save it all for after the baby is born and just go for the romance angle."
"I don't know about romance, but angle is the right word. It's like freaking geometry class just trying to get close to her."
"She only has a few weeks left."
"Did you know that you're not supposed to have sex for six weeks after the baby is born?"
"Uh, no. That seems like a really long time. Why is that? Does it hurt?"
"At first, probably. But it's got something to do with infection." He points to the gnome. "When I saw the gnome with the fork and the red blindfold, I thought somehow you knew."
I laugh. "This looks like a devil gnome to me, not a XXX gnome."
"I guess I'm just sensitive. So who did it, you or Phillip?"
"Neither of us. The gnome keeps moving on its own," I lie, hoping he'll fess up. "The other morning it scared the crap out of me. I found it in the pantry holding a noose. I've been locking the bedroom door, just in case."
"Did you hear Chelsea and Joey set a date?"
"I did. Will you be able to go?"
"He asked me to stand up with him. Of course, I am."
"But the baby will be just a few weeks old."
"Perfect time to take the little monkey with us, right? It will sleep the whole time."
"Uh, yeah. That's true," I say, but I babysat an infant one summer and know it's a little more complicated than that.
April 11th
My dream life.
Just after midnight, Phillip wakes me up like he has for as long as I can remember. When we were young, he'd sneak out of his house and come bounce on my bed. He's thrown confetti at me. Water balloons. Silk butterflies. Skittles. Rubber ducks. Every year is something different.
"Happy Birthday, Princess," he yells, flipping on the light as baby booties shower over me.
"Ohmigosh! Look at all these!" I screech, holding a teeny little pink crocheted bootie with a fluffy white pompom in one hand and a furry leopard one in the other. Our bed is full of booties of every size and color. I hold up each one and imagine putting them on our baby.
Tears well up in my eyes. "They're so adorable, Phillip. So teeny. I love them."
He sits down next to me, wraps his arm around me, and asks me the same old question. "So do you feel older?"
"Should I answer that the way I used to, or how I feel now?"
"Hmm, how you feel now."
"I'll always be younger than you."
"Oh, meanie," he says, giving me another kiss. "When we were younger, you always told me you did."
"I was lying. I never really felt older. I will admit, though, this year feels different."
"How so?"
"I'm so happy, Phillip. I don't think I've ever been happier in my whole life. It's because of you."
His smile is genuine. "Why me?"
"I'm living my dream life. I'm married to my sexy best friend. We bought an amazing house. I got to design a building and now I'm watching it be built from the ground up. And I'm having your baby. Really, the only thing that is missing from this perfect picture is my parents, but I guess I've come to terms with it. They'd want me to be happy. Sometimes it scares me though, like our life is too good to be true."
He flops across the bed, half on top of me, and brushes the hair off my face. "You shouldn't be scared. You and I can face whatever life throws at us. As long as we're
together."
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.
And kiss him.
"Hang on," he says. "I have something else for you."
"I can wait to open the rest of my presents until morning."
"I think you're going to want this now." He hops off the bed, grabs my hand, and leads me into our bathroom, which is glowing with candlelight.
"It's so pretty, Phillip."
"Close your eyes," he says.
I shut my eyes and try not to peek.
"Okay, open!"
When I open my eyes, Phillip is standing in front of me with a plate of cupcakes, each with a birthday candle blazing atop it.
"Cupcakes, huh?" I say.
"You should make a wish," he replies, taking a little chocolate frosting, smudging it across my neck, and then licking it off.
"I wish you'd do more than that," I say, blowing out the candles.
"Is cupcake sex really what you wished for?" he asks me later.
"No, I was pretty sure that was already going to happen."
"So what did you wish for?"
"That you and I will always be together."
Dear Baby Mac,
So, here's the deal.
Today's my birthday! Yay!!!
And since it's a special day, I think that you should kick me hard enough so that I can feel it. Pretend you're kicking a soccer ball with all your might.
Hmm. You probably don't know what that is yet, but kick! Wave those feet! Punch those little arms around.
Make your mommy's day!
Your dad got me a bunch of baby booties. Every year, since we were little, he's woken me up at midnight and thrown a whole bunch of stuff at me. Confetti. Candy. Jacks--those kind of hurt. You get the idea.