The warmth of her hand cut through his rage, and Derrick sucked in a deep breath to regain control. His chest heaved as much as his brain. He’d disappointed Gina too many times already, but he still wanted to clobber Quentin.
“Please, Derrick, don’t.” Gina forced his fist open then wove her fingers with his.
He glanced at her, and the disappointment staring back at him cleared some of his rage. Her approval meant too much to him—he couldn’t go against her wishes. He released Quentin and stepped back.
He expected Quentin to smirk, but he simply watched Derrick, as if waiting for Derrick to come at him again.
Anger still simmered in Derrick’s gut, and for a moment he considered ignoring Gina. Ignore what he knew was the right thing to do. To find release by pummeling Quentin. He forced himself to take another step back, but he wouldn’t let Quentin off the hook. “This isn’t over.”
“I don’t expect it is,” Quentin said calmly. Too calmly.
Gina released Derrick’s hand and approached her friend. “Please don’t be this way, Quentin. I don’t really think you did this, but I do believe you know something you’re not telling us.”
He fisted his hands and stared over her head.
“It’s time to stop believing in him,” Derrick said. “Can’t you see he’s hiding his guilt?”
Gina tugged on Quentin’s shirtsleeve. “If you’re innocent, say something to clear your name.”
Quentin didn’t respond.
Derrick gently cupped his hand around Gina’s elbow. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”
She took one last look at Quentin and moved with Derrick to the side of the boat.
“Keep your eye on him,” Derrick told Brown. “He’s not to be trusted, and he’ll no doubt try to destroy any evidence of his guilt.”
Derrick marched them to his car and jerked open the passenger door. After settling Gina inside, he got behind the wheel and grabbed his binoculars to make sure Brown stayed put.
Derrick felt Gina’s eyes on him. Was she waiting for him to erupt again? Maybe yell at her, too?
He glanced at her, found a bewildered look on her face and knew he had to apologize for losing his cool. “There’s no excuse for my behavior back there. I’m sorry for the way I acted.”
“I’ve never seen you that angry,” she said, her wary expression not wavering. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Not knowing where to start, he gazed through the binoculars again. He’d behaved like an adolescent schoolboy picking a fight on the playground. Why this? Why now, when he’d always been able to control his anger in the past?
Not always.
He’d reacted this way two other times. Times he’d never discussed with anyone. Not even Dani. Could he tell Gina? He met her gaze, and she squeezed her eyes shut as if she was so upset with him, she didn’t want to look at him. If he wanted to restore the peace between them, he’d have to tell her about his past.
“It’s only happened twice before,” he said, and her eyes opened. “The first time was when my parents died in the car crash. I put a fist through the wall that day.”
“That’s understandable.” Her gentle tone washed over him. “You were just a boy and angry at the world for losing them.”
“Not the world exactly,” he said hesitantly. “At myself.”
She leaned closer. “Yourself? Why?”
“It was my fault they were in the car.” The memory assaulted him, and he looked away. “I’d gotten a new gaming system, and instead of doing my homework like I was supposed to do, night after night I played games. So my grades slipped and my teacher called my parents in for a conference. The crash happened on their way to school for the meeting.”
She arched a brow. “So you think if you’d kept your grades up, they’d be alive.”
He nodded. “Plus I stopped them on the way out the door to try to explain my grades. I was the reason they didn’t leave when they’d planned.”
She watched him for a long moment. “You mentioned there was another time.”
“The day my adoptive parents were murdered I nearly punched Ethan in the face when he told me about it. It was my fault, you see. My parents were supposed to join me for lunch. But I ran long interviewing a suspect and canceled at the last minute. If I’d stuck to the schedule, they would’ve been with me at the restaurant instead of home.”
Her eyes opened wide. “So that’s why being on time is so important to you.”
He nodded again. “It probably doesn’t make sense to you, but it helps me cope.”
“I get it, I’m just not sure I agree with your logic,” she said. “You can’t blame yourself for either of those events.”
“You weren’t there. You don’t know.”
“I didn’t have to be there to know a million other factors went into what happened—factors resulting from other peoples’ choices that were completely out of your control. Maybe your parents could’ve stayed and talked to you instead of leaving. Maybe your adoptive parents would’ve canceled that day if you hadn’t done so.” She laid her hand on his arm. “I could go on and on, and each little thing could’ve changed the course of those days.”
“But I could’ve changed it, too.”
“Sure you could have.” She slid her hand down to his fingers and wove them with hers. “But for all we know, the end result would have been the same. We can examine the past all we want, but we can’t change it.” She fell silent and carefully watched him with narrowed eyes that seemed to dig to his core. “Do you really believe you’re responsible for their deaths, or is it easier to blame yourself to avoid dealing with their loss?”
“What?” He jerked his hand free. “They’ve been gone for years. I’ve dealt with it.”
“Really?” She raised an eyebrow. “I thought the same thing about my problems with my dad. That I left them all behind when I moved out. But you saw how I was in college and know it wasn’t true.” She paused and took a deep breath. “And like I mentioned the other day, it wasn’t just that I hadn’t dealt with it—I actually blamed myself for his behavior.”
He shook his head. “I get that’s what happened to you, but this is different.”
“Is it?” Her tone was filled with sadness. “Is it really, or are you using this to keep from loving someone else and running the risk of losing them?”
He shrugged as his thoughts scrambled to process her comments. Was she right? Was he taking blame to avoid getting hurt again?
* * *
Gina woke from a much-needed nap and stretched, pleased that her muscles were still loose from the long soak she’d had in the tub. She checked the clock and discovered she’d slept for five hours. The bath coupled with the ebbing of adrenaline from the attack must have made her conk out. She checked on Sophia and found her peacefully sleeping in her crib, so she went in search of the Justices to thank them for taking excellent care of Sophia.
She heard Derrick’s voice coming from the dining room, sparking the memory of his lips warm on hers, and her feet faltered. She remembered feeling utterly content when they’d kissed. Remembered the way he’d returned her kiss with equal affection.
She’d resolved to remain detached, and yet she’d opened her heart to possibilities. And if their conversation in the car foretold the future, she was in for a world of hurt again. Once her attacker was apprehended, she’d move back to her old life and move forward alone.
Her chest ached as she continued down the hallway. She found Derrick seated at the table with Kat and Dani. Their laptops were open in front of them.
Derrick looked up and smiled. “Hey, sleepyhead. Welcome back.”
“I guess the bath warmed you up and helped you relax,” Dani said.
Gina forced herself to ignore Derrick’s inviting smile and looked at Dani. �
��Sophia hasn’t been sleeping all this time, has she?”
Dani held up the monitor. “I grabbed her the minute I heard her make a peep so you could get some rest.”
“Thank you.” Gina smiled, but Dani had already become engrossed in her computer and didn’t seem to notice. “So what are you working on?”
Dani tapped a small metal box attached by a cable to her laptop. “I’m still trying to recover files from Jon’s hard drive.”
“Kat and I are working on a lead Ethan gave us.” Derrick leaned his chair back on two legs. “He said Quentin’s uncle died recently. Though there aren’t any records of the uncle leaving money to Quentin, we’re trying to figure out if that’s where Quentin got the cash for his boat.”
“So that means he could’ve gotten the money from a legitimate source.” A spark of happiness lit in her heart over his potential innocence.
“Not exactly,” Kat said, turning her attention back to the computer. “His uncle was a known criminal.”
“Quentin’s uncle? A criminal?” Gina looked over Derrick’s shoulder at the story open on his computer. A bold headline proclaimed the arrest of his uncle for mob-related crimes.
“So far we haven’t found a connection from the uncle to Jon or Perry,” Kat said.
“But you think there is one?” Gina asked, hoping this was somehow a mistake.
Derrick nodded. “It’s a stretch, but it would explain why Quentin has been unwilling to tell us anything.”
Gina opened her mouth to respond when Dani shot a hand into the air. “At last! I’ve found another email from Quentin.”
“About his uncle?” Gina asked.
“No.” Dani swiveled her computer. “Check it out.”
Gina read the message, and a heavy feeling settled in her stomach. “I don’t get it. They mention two cases where suspected killers were released because the ballistics tests didn’t match their guns. What could that have to do with Jon?”
“This.” Dani clicked open an internet tab to reveal that both men were known members of Renato Ontiveros’s gang.
“That’s the drug lord they arrested for killing Perry,” Kat said, trepidation slowing her words.
A sudden coldness iced Gina’s core. “And you think this is related to Jon’s death?”
“Yes.” Dani looked Gina directly in the eye. “Maybe Jon found out that Perry’s case was dismissed due to a ballistics issue, too.”
“A third ballistics issue would be an unbelievable coincidence.” Derrick abruptly stood and started pacing. “Even two dismissals would be odd. But three? Impossible...unless someone tampered with the evidence.”
“If Jon discovered this, Ontiveros would want to stop him before he told anyone.” A grave expression crossed Kat’s face, upping Gina’s anxiety.
Gina felt a heaviness in her body that she couldn’t shake. “If Ontiveros is really Jon’s killer and now he’s after me, how on earth are we going to stop him?”
No one spoke. No one had to. The unnatural stillness in the room told her they had a miniscule chance of finding and stopping Ontiveros before he succeeded in killing her.
FIFTEEN
The next morning, Derrick disconnected his call with Ethan and went to the family room, where he’d left Gina playing on the floor with Sophia. When he walked into the room, Sophia looked up, gave him a big grin and held out her arms.
Instead of picking her up, he joined them on the floor. She crawled toward him, her little face screwed up in concentration as if he were the biggest goal she could attain. He’d never imagined the amount of joy a child could bring, but as she plopped her chubby hands on his legs and grinned up at him, he realized how important she’d become to him, and his heart squeezed out the anxiety that had lingered since the ballistics discovery last night.
He grabbed her up and hugged her, before she pushed back. Intense emotions flooded him, catching him off guard at first, but then why should he be surprised? He wanted a family. But a ready-made one? He couldn’t promise to be here for Gina, much less this little munchkin. She deserved a father who’d be present for all of the important events in life. Like the first day of school. Her first date. Graduation. Marriage.
She clutched his thumbs and balanced precariously on her feet, playing with letting go for a second and then grabbing hold again. He looked up to see if Gina saw Sophia’s attempt to stand on her own, but she was silently watching him, a frown on her face.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
She shook her head, but the pensive expression didn’t leave. “Was the call from Ethan something I need to know about?”
Ah, a not-so-subtle change of subject. She was unhappy about something, but she didn’t want to share it, turning her attention to Sophia, who’d climbed down and crawled toward the fireplace.
“The call?” she asked as she redirected Sophia.
“He found receipts that show Quentin bought gas for his boat in California when you were attacked in Portland.”
“Did you hear that, Soph?” Gina tickled Sophia. “Quentin’s been cleared of wrongdoing.”
“Before you get too excited,” Derrick warned, “someone else could’ve used his credit card and his boat to throw us off Quentin’s trail. We can’t prove he was on the boat without his complete cooperation, and you know how he’s been. And even if he was on the boat, he could’ve hired someone else to attack you.”
“Maybe we should give him another chance to talk to us. If we knew for sure he wasn’t involved, we could put our full attention on finding proof against Ontiveros.”
Derrick would rather not acknowledge that Ontiveros was looking more and more like the man they sought, but she was right. “How would you suggest we get Quentin to talk?”
“Maybe we can tell him what we learned about Ontiveros so he knows that the man after me is ruthless and has an army of men to do his bidding. He’s wanted by multiple law enforcement agencies for so many charges that he has nothing to lose by killing me. If Quentin’s a true friend, I don’t see how he could refuse to cooperate with us.”
Derrick wished he could embrace the same optimism, but his experience said it was unlikely. “I’ve seen too much over the years to hope for happily ever after endings like that.”
Her focus zeroed in on him. “Just in this case or in your own life?”
He shrugged it off and picked up Sophia in hopes of redirecting Gina’s focus.
“Go ahead,” she said, a stony expression taking over her face. “Avoid the question like you’ve avoided everything else we’ve talked about these past few days. But at least be honest with yourself and acknowledge there’s a reason you’re avoiding it.”
Sophia snuggled against him and rested her head on his chest. “Trust me. I’m not avoiding anything. Since our talk yesterday, my mind’s been running nonstop over how to better deal with my past.”
Gina gave a slow, disbelieving shake of her head. “So what you’re avoiding then is talking to me about it.”
“Fine, you want to hear it?” he snapped. “I’m starting to think that things—important things—in my life are beyond my control. Despite my best efforts, things go south regardless of what I do to stop it.”
She watched him with such intensity that he had to look away. “So you’re willing to forgo all that you want in life never to let that happen again?”
Was he?
He peered at Sophia, her thumb in her mouth as her eyes fluttered closed. Even with the turmoil surrounding him, holding her filled him with complete and utter contentment. He thought of Ethan with his son and Cole with his adopted twins. Birth child or adopted, the love they both exhibited was well beyond anything Derrick had been able to comprehend in the past. But now? Here with Sophia—with Gina—he got it. Really got it.
Question was, would he find a w
ay to deal with his past, or was he willing to give up this kind of feeling for life? He just didn’t know, and that made him sadder than he thought possible.
* * *
Gina and Derrick hurried toward Quentin’s apartment, but Gina’s mind wasn’t on Quentin. Derrick had insisted he needed her to run interference after yesterday’s altercation. But how could she help when she couldn’t concentrate after his admission? An admission made with Sophia snuggled against his chest.
Gina had failed Sophia. She’d let Derrick spend too much time with her and she’d bonded with him. Now her precious niece was going to miss him when the case ended, and that wasn’t fair to her. Gina resolved to limit their time together so the connection didn’t grow any further.
He tightened his hold, reminding her of how much she’d let go of her self-reliance and come to depend on him for support, too. But he wasn’t the staying-around kind of guy. Maybe Gina needed to take her own advice and let go of her past for Sophia. She deserved a father. One who believed life was filled with promise and hope. Not a man like Derrick, who didn’t believe in happily ever afters.
He released his hold at Quentin’s door and looked at her. “I’d like you to take the lead on this, and I’ll hang in the background.”
She nodded her agreement, and he knocked. She soon heard heavy footsteps thumping their way.
Quentin opened the door, and his eyes immediately narrowed. “I thought we’d hashed everything out yesterday.”
Gina rested her hand on his arm. “Can we talk one more time? Just for a minute.”
“The kids are home, so it’ll have to be out here.”
“That’s fine.” Gina stepped back.
Quentin pulled the door closed and scowled at Derrick.
Derrick lifted his hands and backed away. “Don’t worry. I’m on my best behavior today.”
A hint of a smile settled on Quentin’s lips. Gina was certain if he was guilty he wouldn’t smile.
Derrick tipped his head at an alcove housing a trash chute and recycle station. “Let’s step over here to minimize any danger to Gina.”
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