Brent: We will make it work. I told you.
The problem is that before Brent came back into my life, I wasn’t too sure what I wanted to do, and now that he’s back, it feels like all I want to do is spend every minute with him—immediately. However, making life decisions shouldn’t be based on a guy…but Brent is not just a guy. He feels like my life even though we just started over. I have to keep reminding myself not to make irrational or impulsive decisions. We still have a lot to figure out.
Me: Still not sure about grad school. My stop is coming up. I’ll chat with you later.
Brent: K. Call me.
I place my phone in my pocket and exit the train onto the underground concrete platform. The bustle of people is minimal this time of day as I ascend the stairs to the sidewalk. The sky is overcast, typical for a November afternoon in Chicago, and the air sharply hits my face aboveground.
It’s only two blocks to the coffee shop where I agreed to meet Cody, my cousin, and Shauna, his wife. They drove down for the day to look at a rebuild job for a well-paying client. They both work for her father’s custom auto shop in Milwaukee, and apparently, they have been expanding their business since Cody came on board. His creativity and craftsmanship have been getting noticed more and more, putting his and the garage’s services in high demand.
In the moderately busy coffee shop, my cousin and Shauna sit at a corner table with an empty chair waiting for me. Cody’s ice-blue eyes are intent on Shauna’s blue-gray ones. Their hands are joined as they talk in deep conversation. He really does love her. I never thought Cody could be capable of caring for someone the way he so obviously does for her, and now that they’re having a baby in a couple of months, he seems to be even more attentive.
As I approach them, Shauna’s head tilts in my direction, shifting her long fire-red hair across her shoulders. She rises from her seat, and her growing belly comes into view.
It’s getting so big. She’s officially reached beach-ball status.
“Sit down,” I tell her, pulling out the chair intended for me. “You’re going to make your feet swell.”
She throws her arms around my neck, her sleeve of tattoos peeking out from under her shirt, as she adjusts her hips, so her protruding stomach doesn’t get in the way of our embrace.
“Oh, be quiet,” Shauna says, giving me a squeeze. “It’s good to see you.”
I like Shauna a lot. Anyone who can get Cody to be cordial is okay in my book.
“It’s good to see you, too,” I reply, removing my hat and coat.
“Hey, cuz,” Cody says, standing and giving me an obligatory hug. “How are things?”
“Good.”
We all take a seat, and I reach for the latte they ordered for me.
“Really good. Thanks for the coffee.”
“No problem,” Shauna replies, picking up her tea.
We continue making idle and friendly conversation about nothing of importance—work, school, the weather, the holidays, and the terrible parking in the city. In the back of my mind, I play with the idea of telling them about Brent and me, my trip to see him, and all that has happened between us, but I decide that I’m not ready to discuss it with them yet. It’s all so new, and I’m still getting used to the idea myself. Not to mention, I don’t have a lot of answers to questions that might come up.
After about twenty minutes, Shauna gives Cody a knowing look, indicating that it’s time to talk about something of importance.
“We haven’t told anyone,” Cody begins, “so you’ll be the first to know. We’ve decided on a name for the baby.”
“Oh, that’s exciting,” I say. “Must be nice to have that sorted out.”
“It is,” Shauna says, a secret playing across her lips.
“And we thought you should be the first to know because we are hoping you would be her godmother,” Cody says, full of sincerity.
“Me?” I ask, confused. “You want me?”
“Yes, we do.” Shauna giggles. “Besides…we’re naming her after you.”
I try to wrap my head around what they’re saying. Godmother and namesake? This isn’t a usual coffee catch-up.
“Wow.” I sputter a few illegible words, measuring the happy expressions on both their faces. “I would be honored. Of course I’ll be her godmother.”
“Thank you,” Shauna says, placing her hand on mine. “We appreciate it.”
“Wait—did you say you’re naming her Ruby, too?”
“Well, not in a literal sense,” Cody interjects. “We’ve decided to call her Scarlet, but it’s in your honor.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I snap my view to Shauna. “What about your family? Won’t they be upset?”
“Honey, I come from a family filled with boys. They’ll get over it if they have an issue. Besides, her middle name will be Harriet, after my grandmother, and we wanted her to be named after family. She’s our daughter, and we know she’ll benefit from being named after someone with a little bit of fire in her.”
“And you think that’s me?”
“Ha!” Cody barks. “Don’t be so modest. You’re a huge pain in the ass.”
Shauna reaches over and pinches Cody’s arm.
“Ow!” he yips, rubbing the spot.
“Well, in that case,” I say, trying really hard not to laugh, “I hope your daughter does take after me.”
He rubs his hand through his dark hair. “Jesus, I’m in trouble.”
“You sure are,” Shauna teases him.
Shauna and I laugh together at Cody’s obvious nerves over having a daughter to care for.
We chat a little longer but not too much because they need to get on the road before it gets too late. It’s a two-hour drive back to their house, if they miss the traffic, which is the plan. Standing together, we bundle up in our coats, hats, and scarves, and we exit into the crisp afternoon.
“So, we’ll see you in a few weeks,” Shauna says, giving me a final hug good-bye. “For Thanksgiving?”
“Yep, I’ll be there.” I pull out of her arms and slide right into Cody’s. “See you soon.”
“Feel free to call us if you need anything,” he says as a reminder before stepping back to Shauna’s side.
“I will.”
“Are you doing okay?” he questions, like he always does. “You need any money or anything?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Okay.” He nods his head, taking Shauna’s hand in his. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“It was good to see you, Ruby,” Shauna says.
She waves as Cody turns them around, heading toward the parking garage.
“You, too,” I call back, departing in the opposite direction.
I cross the street toward the subway entrance to get back on the train and continue my journey home. Before descending below ground, I check my phone for messages. There’s one.
Brent: Forgot to tell you…I miss you. That’s all.
I tuck my phone back into my pocket and walk down the unusually empty steps.
With Cody and Shauna living up north, my Uncle Jas living many miles away in Indiana, my father in prison, and my scheduled life of work and school, a sense of vacancy has always been lurking in my life. In some ways, Brent filled that last weekend, but he’s not here.
The loneliness hits harder than usual.
I am just going through the motions.
I miss him, too.
Eleven
“What about this one?” Mara asks, displaying a coal peacoat in front of her chest. “You like it?”
“For who? You?” I shift the wool jackets on the clothing rack. “Don’t you have a black one just like that?”
She sighs, annoyed, and hangs it back up. “Yeah, you’re right.”
We continue to go through the latest styles, coordinated by color, on a Sunday afternoon in a shop along Michigan Avenue. This outing with Mara is just what I needed.
Almost two weeks—that’s how long it’s been since my trip to see B
rent. Once tomorrow comes, it will be two weeks exactly. But who’s counting? I sure am, but I’m trying not to.
The first week was hard, very hard. Leaving Brent in L.A. and coming back to Chicago felt like an out-of-body experience. I was just going through the motions even though my heart was screaming to run in the other direction. He was there, and I was here. That whole week, I secretly hoped that Brent’s team would lose the round in the play-offs, and I felt awful about being so selfish. However, they didn’t lose. They won, and they’re heading to the next round, playing Portland tonight. Brent’s team is the favored to make it to the finals. Regardless, he’s tied up until next weekend since the second leg won’t be played until then.
Patience is key, but I suck at it, and there’s nothing to do other than wait. I’ve been focusing on distractions, concentrating on school and work. I’ve been getting back to reality and not the dreamlike pining world of a schoolgirl.
Earlier in the week, I contacted Mara about hanging out today. It had been such a long time since we saw each other, and it was time to catch up with her again. Mara is one of my closest friends. We were roommates our freshman year, the same year I became pregnant and had a miscarriage. She also got to witness much of the aftermath—my deep depression and Brent’s departure. We still hang out when we can, which doesn’t seem to be often with both our schedules being so busy. She works crazy hours for an environmental agency downtown, and my calendar is always full with work and school. I haven’t seen her in almost a month. We’re pretty pathetic friends.
“So, how’s Kenzie?” I ask, grabbing an overstuffed white down coat. “She still with that law firm?”
“Yeah, but she’s thinking about going back to school. I don’t know though.”
Kenzie and Mara have been a steady couple for a little over two years and have been living together for almost a year. I really like Kenzie and Mara together. Mara has always been a little crass—it’s part of her charm—but since getting together with Kenzie, she’s become mellow.
“Back to school?” I put the puffy jacket back, deciding it’s not for me. “She doesn’t like her job?”
“Paralegal work blows. I think she wants more.”
“I can understand that.”
Mara backs away from the rack. She makes a disgruntled face and then snaps her head in my direction, causing her bob of dark curls to swing. “I’m done here. Upstairs?”
“Sure.”
We walk to the center of the department store and take the escalator to the next floor filled with dresses and women’s suits. This isn’t Mara’s usual attire. She’s more of a black-pants-and-sweater kind of gal, so I’m surprised when she leads us to a rack filled with high-end dresses.
“Looking for something in particular?” I ask.
“Just a new dress,” she plays off, fiddling through the rows of material, “for Thanksgiving.”
“Oh?”
She drops her hands. “Kenzie’s whole family is coming for the holiday, and we’re hosting.”
“The whole family, huh?”
“Yes, her mom, dad, and her brother. It’s going to be a nightmare.”
“It’s going to be fine.”
“Can you come?” There’s obvious desperation in her voice.
“To dinner?”
“No, to the presidential debate. Yes, to the gobble fest. I need a partner in crime. I’ll feed you. You still like food, right?”
“Food sounds tempting, but I can’t.”
“What if I told you that Kenzie’s brother was super sexy and a junior partner with a brokerage firm? Would you be able to come then?”
I select a red dress that complements her skin tone, flipping it in her direction. She crinkles her nose, so I put it back.
“So, you’re trying to bribe me with food and a sexy man with a job?”
“Yes,” she deadpans. “Is it working?”
“Not really.” I think about Brent and contemplate if I should mention everything that has happened over the last few weeks, but I decide against it. That’s irrelevant since I really can’t join her. I have plans already. “I’m spending the holiday with Cody and his wife’s family up in Milwaukee.”
“What about the sexy guy?” she asks cunningly, hoping it’s enough to change my mind.
It might have worked a month ago but not now.
“You could use one. It’s been a while since you’ve seen anyone. What was that last guy’s name?”
“Connor?”
“That’s it. What an asshole that prick was.” She tucks a stray curl behind her ear. “You really know how to pick them.”
“Obviously not.” I regret the statement as soon as it crosses my lips.
“Exactly. So, ditch Cody and come help me out while I hook you up with a real man.”
“I can’t,” I tell her sternly.
She sighs with exaggeration and then sticks her tongue out at me. “I really wish you could though.”
“I would if I could. I hope you know that.”
“Yeah, I do. It just blows.” She takes out a dark blue dress and holds it against her form.
“I like that one. Looks good with your skin tone.”
“Cool. I’ll try it on.” She throws it over her arm. “Maybe we can all go out on Friday, if you’re not working.”
“Who?” I ask absently, eyeing a low-cut black dress with sheer trimming.
“You, me, Kenzie…and Dylan.”
“Dylan?”
“Kenzie’s brother.”
“I can’t,” I tell her quickly, shoving the hangers aside a little too forcefully.
“Oh, are you working?”
“No.” I bite my lip.
I’m a little scared to tell her about Brent and me. They were decent friends before he left, but Mara was really upset with how everything went down.
“Then, what is it?” she probes.
“I’m…well, I’m seeing someone already.”
“What? We had lunch, and we’ve been together all day. You haven’t said one word about seeing anyone. What the hell, Rubes?”
I laugh. “I didn’t realize my love life was so worthy of conversation.” Yes, I’m trying to play it off.
“Don’t pull the dumb card,” she chides. “You know I want to know.” She pulls a hat off a nearby stand, placing it over her head. “So, spill. Who is he? Give me all the deets.”
Keeping my hands busy, I shift through the garments. I admit, “Somebody I’ve known for a while, but I haven’t seen him in a long time.”
“Oh…cryptic.” She fingers the tendrils around her face, admiring the hat in a nearby mirror. “What’s his name?”
“Brent,” I say casually, like it could be anyone. “You remember Brent, right?”
Silence.
Mara’s eyes shift back and forth as she absorbs my words—specifically, the name Brent. She sighs and tosses the hat back with the others. “Ha-ha, Rubes. I know you haven’t been overseas. So, who is it?”
“Brent,” I offer again, amused that she doesn’t even believe me.
“Stop with the bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit,” I say, insistent, grabbing a random dress to keep my hands busy.
“Brent?” Her dark brown eyes widen. “Brent ‘The Sperminator’ Cromwell? Brent ‘I Love You, and We Will Be Together Forever, But Now I’m Running Away to Sweden’ Cromwell?”
“Mara!”
“Sorry, Rubes, but I’m a little in shock.” She snatches the black dress from my hand and hangs it back on the rack. “What the hell? You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not kidding.”
“How? I thought he was doing the Europe thing, being Mr. Soccer.”
“He was, but he’s not anymore.”
“So, what? He’s back, and you’re all falling back into his arms just like that?”
“No.” I wish it were like that. “Not just like that, and it’s complicated.”
“I bet it fucking is.” She tucks a curl
behind her ear, shifting her mouth back and forth. “Sorry, my mind is blown a bit here.”
“Obviously.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Leaning her elbow on the top of a round rack, Mara gives me her full, undivided attention. “Spill. Tell me everything—all the deets and no holding back.”
Unbuttoning my jacket, I go through the details with Mara about all that’s occurred in the last month—Brent returning to the States and living in L.A., him coming into where I work, my trip out to California to see him about two weeks ago, how we talk every day, and how I’m okay with it for now. She nods her head while I tell it all, her curls bouncing, as she listens, not saying a word.
“So, that’s it,” I conclude. “And we’re seeing each other.”
“But he lives in California, and you’re here. The long-distance thing doesn’t make sense.” She raises her brows. “Wait—forget that. What am I talking about? I just don’t get it. Why are you even going down this road again with him?”
I don’t know if she or anyone will ever understand this part. It’s hard to explain, but I try.
“’Cause”—I blow a strand of hair away from my face—“I can’t stop thinking about him. Because ever since I saw him again, there’s no way I can even imagine anything without him.”
“That sounds more like an obsession.”
“Maybe it is.” I bite my lower lip. “But I’ve been living my life without him for years, and honestly, it hasn’t been that great. I don’t think you understand because you have no idea what this feels like. What I feel with him, I just know.”
“You know what?”
“That I don’t want to be with anyone else,” I say as serious as possible, hoping she sees how much I mean the words. “That nothing feels right without him. You know that feeling you get in your gut when you just know something is right?”
“Sounds more like you’re hungry.”
“Yes, I’m hungry for Brent. Ha-ha. Joke’s over.”
Mara pops her lips a few times and then pulls out another dress, a green one, from the rack before holding it up to me. “This color looks nice on you,” she says, avoiding the current topic.
These Days Series: After Tuesday | Forgotten Yesterday | Deciding Tomorrow Page 43