“Cuzzo you gotta do what makes you happy and if that means letting him go, so be it. You deserve to be number one in his life!” Lakea said.
Life had made her grow wiser. She knew her cousin deserved unconditional love.
“I know you right. I'm gone tell him tonight its now or never. If he don't do something soon, I'm gone! I just want someone to love me like Daniel loves you.” Mesha said as a tear ran down her cheek.
Lakea sat back down on the bed and wiped her cousin's tears.
“You will boo. Hell, you already have!” Lakea said smiling.
“With who?” Mesha asked Lakea with a serious look on her face.
“With me boo, you know I love yo fine ass!” Lakea said joking and they both laughed.
Lakea hugged her cousin and best friend, then she left to enjoy the rest of her birthday with her man.
Daniel surprised Lakea by taking her to a jazz and poetry club in downtown Memphis. Lakea enjoyed herself, sitting there laughing and talking to Daniel. He even encouraged her to get up and say one of her poems. The crowd loved it and gave her snaps to show her how much. Daniel had a beautiful bouquet of pink and white roses waiting on Lakea when she came off stage. She felt so special in that moment, so loved. After the club they had a nice dinner at The Butcher Shop and then went to the presidential suite Daniel reserved at the Peabody Hotel. The room was huge. Lakea was amazed by the beautiful ivory walls with gold trimmings, the 72' plasma TV, vaulted ceilings, and white leather furniture. After getting comfortable on the couch, Lakea and Daniel curled up together to watch movies, when suddenly he presented her with his birthday gift. Daniel got down on one knee beside the couch and Lakea's heart stopped. Daniel held a small pink box in his hand and then he motioned for Lakea to open it. When she did she was left breathless. Inside was a 1 carat, pink solitaire diamond ring.
Lakea squealed in delight with tears in her eyes as Daniel took Jeremy's ring off of Lakea's finger and slipped his ring on to her ring finger. Lakea hadn't taken that ring off in a long time. But she felt she was ready...it was time. She smiled and cried tears of joy as she stared at her ring.
“This is a pre-engagement ring. I didn't want to scare you off by proposing so soon. So this ring says, I want you to be my wife in the future and that I will only give myself to you.”
Tears rolled down Lakea's face as she hugged and kissed Daniel, telling him that she loved him too and she would marry him at that very second and be his forever. They kissed a long, passionate kiss and lay there hugging each other as Lakea cried tears of joy.
“I want us to save ourselves until our wedding night.” Daniel said suddenly causing Lakea to stop crying and look at at him.
“I'm serious baby.” Daniel said grabbing her chin and kissing her forehead ever so lightly. “I just love you so much and I value what we have together and what we will have in the future.”
“That's why I want to do everything right. Is that okay with you?” He said staring into her eyes.
“That's more than okay with me baby.” Lakea said staring back.
It was confirmed in that moment that Daniel was indeed the one, so Lakea wanted everything to be right too.
“I love you!” Lakea said through her tears as they kissed again and Daniel held her while rubbing her hair until they both fell asleep right there on the couch.
At about 3:30 a.m., Lakea's screams woke Daniel up out of a sound sleep. He opened his eyes to find Lakea balled up on the opposite end of the couch, shaking and crying hysterically in her sleep. Daniel grabbed her and began calling her name until her eyes popped open and she stared up at him with a terrified and confused look on her face. Sweat soaked her hair and her eyes were blood shot red.
“Baby, I got you. What happened?” Daniel asked as he kissed Lakea and gently rubbed her hair.
Lakea told Daniel about the horrible events of her past that haunted her dreams as he cried with her and held her tight as he recited The Lords Prayer. Lakea felt the tension leave her body as the horrible memories of rape and beatings faded away. However, she still had this aching feeling in her heart like something was wrong. That was a feeling she just couldn't shake.
Daniel sat up the next hour, holding Lakea , kissing her, and telling her how much he loved her until she fell back to sleep. He sat there and watched her beautiful coca face as she slept. He wanted so badly to erase all of the demons of her past. To mend her broken heart and love her in the way that she deserved to be loved. Daniel was determined to love her unconditionally for the rest of his life if she would let him. After a while Daniel fell asleep beside his love, dreaming of their future together as she lay beside him dreaming of the same thing. Lakea's life was finally coming together, until that dreadful phone call the next morning.
At 6 a.m. Lakea's cell phone startled them awake. Daniel grabbed her phone off the nightstand next to the bed, looking at the screen to see who it was.
“Its your brother .” He said trying to hand Lakea the phone.
“Answer it and tell him I'm still asleep.” Lakea said laying back down and putting the pillow over her head.
Daniel laughed at her while answering the phone. However, his laughter soon stopped after he said hello.
“What?” He yelled into the phone as Lakea took the pillow off of her head and sat up in the bed.
From the tone of Daniel's voice Lakea could tell that something terrible had happened.
“Oh no!” Daniel said as he began to cry while handing Lakea the phone.
Daniel scooted close to Lakea and held her tight. He kissed her on the head as she slowly put the phone up to her ear. Lakea's heart stopped again when she heard Ray-Ray sobbing on the other end.
“What happened?” Lakea asked dazed as tears ran down her cheeks.
“Lakea. Mesha was in a car accident last night. She died at the hospital a few minutes ago.” Ray-Ray said crying as Lakea dropped the phone and began yelling, “NOOOOO”.
Her entire world was shattered again in that instant. She had lost her best friend. She was once again broken.
Chapter 13
The news of Mesha's tragic and untimely death sent Lakea into another downward spiral of depression. She cried so much and she was so weak that her head throbbed. Daniel helped her to dress and he had to help her to the car. She sat there motionless in a daze of pain, confusion, sorrow, and hurt. Mesha was more than a cousin to her, she was the sister she never had. She was the only person who really knew Lakea, and now she was gone. When Lakea and Daniel got to the hospital she was still in a daze. The walk into the hospital and to Mesha's room was surreal. Lakea saw people all around her, but she couldn't hear anything. Thoughts of her cousin consumed her to the point were she couldn't even think. Ray-Ray was waiting outside of the room with his new fiancee Bianka and the boys when Lakea and Daniel walked up. J-J ran to his mother and hugged her legs.
“I love you mommy.” He cried breaking Lakea's haze and she picked him up as she began to sob again.
Daniel wrapped his arms around both of them, hugging them tight, and kissing them both on the forehead.
“I'm here fore you baby, I promise.” He whispered in her ear. Lakea kissed her boyfriend while handing him her son. She then hugged her brother and stood, staring at the door.
“You want me to go in with you lil sis?” Ray-Ray asked with tears in his eyes.
“No, I have to do this on my own.” Lakea said looking at her brother. She had to say one last good-bye to her cousin.
When Lakea entered the room her heart began to beat fast and she felt as if she would pass out. Mesha was propped up in the bed with her long auburn hair fanned across the pillow. She looked so small in the hospital bed with mounds of blankets on top of her. Her eyes were tightly shut, her lips were a white tint, and she had cuts and bruises all over her face. A big bandage was wrapped around her neck following the surgery she had to repair a torn vessel. She was so still....so quiet. There was no life in her body. Aunt Violet was on her knees beside M
esha's bed, holding her hand while crying and praying. Felicia and Decon Brown stood behind her with their heads bowed as they cried and prayed too. Lakea let out a soft moan as her emotions overcame her. She ran to Mesha and touched her face. She was so cold...so hard.
“Nooo, don't leave me!” Lakea cried.
Her heart was broken. She didn't know how she would recover from such a terrible loss. Twice in her life she had lost very special people who loved her without limits. First Jeremy, now Mesha.
“I love you forever cousin. Save a place for me June.” Lakea whispered as she kissed Mesha's forehead then sunk to the floor crying as her mother held her, while Decon Brown prayed for her strength.
For a couple of days following Mesha's death, things were extremely hard for Lakea. She made it through by popping Xanex and Lortabs like they were tic-tacs. She had to numb her feelings, mute the demons so that she could help the others through. Lakea appeared to be holding up well on the outside, but on the inside she was dying. Her sorrow was eating her alive. Daniel knew it. He could see the signs, and he never left her side. Lakea had made it through the funeral and those dark weeks following it, without any major meltdown, but at home Daniel saw what her sorrow was doing. She barely ate anything, which was causing her to get thinner by the day, she wouldn't take her medicine, and only slept a couple of hours every night. Sometimes Daniel would even have to force her out of the house. She would rather just sit in the house, watch moves, look at old pictures, or sometimes just sit and stare.
She was still a warm, loving mother to J-J though and she spent a lot of time loving on him and nurturing him, and her nephews when they came over. However, Daniel saw how she was pulling inside of herself, leaving the world she lived in. When J-J wasn't around she would just sit and cry, or stare into space. She was beginning to push Daniel away too. Months after Mesha's death after Lakea's 24th birthday, she was still trying to deal with the loss. She was still lost in her pain, but Daniel was right there, still trying to love on her and help her through it. One Saturday while Lakea sat in the window, watching J-J, Ray-Jay, and Rahiem play in the backyard, Daniel came into the house smiling.
“Baby guess what.” He said sitting down next to Lakea and kissing her while holding her hand.
“Baby, Maleek Meight came by the office today and told me that he wants you to write for some of the artists he is working with. These some real BIG people too baby!” Daniel said grabbing Lakea's chin and turning her head to face him.
Lakea sat there with a deep pained look in her eyes. She just didn't know how to get over losing her only true friend, her blood. However, she also knew that her son and Daniel needed her. She knew she had to pull herself together once again, but she didn't know how.
“Baby I know that you are so hurt and that you miss your cousin, but baby she wouldn't want you to live like this.” “Look at you. Baby you killing yo self!” “ You sit her all day and think about your pain. Baby Please!” Daniel pleaded with tears running down his face.
“Baby please let me love you. Let me help you baby!” Daniel cried as he held Lakea and she cried while rubbing his back.
She loved Daniel so much and she didn't want to lose him, but she couldn't move past her pain.
“I'm sorry.” Lakea whispered into Daniel's ear as her hugged her tight.
“I love you and I'm so sorry!” “Please let me love you baby.” Daniel whispered back.
Lakea looked into Daniel's eyes and saw that he was going through all of the same pain that she was. What she felt, he felt. He loved her so much and Lakea knew that with his love and that of her son, and her own resilience and strength she could overcome anything. Those things would sustain her. The love of her son and Daniel could mend her broken heart.
“I will let you know when I'm ready for the music, but you can sell whatever songs you want. I just want to get better baby, so I'm going to let you help me.” Lakea said staring into the eyes of her man, her soon-to-be lover, her best friend, her glue.
“Bay I will help you and make this all better. We gone start by going to see Dr Roth together. You gone start eating, taking your medications, and just living again.” Daniel said smiling at Lakea. “But to make this all possible I think you need to go talk to your cousin first.”
Lakea's heart began to beat fast. She hadn't been to Mesha's grave in the seven months that had passed since her death. She didn't even know how to get there, and she wasn't sure she would have went if she did. She was so afraid that her emotions would take over her again and depression would creep its way back into her life.
“Its okay baby.We gone be right there with you.” Daniel said after he saw the apprehension on Lakea's face.
“I love you.” Daniel said leaving the living room and calling the boys inside. Lakea pulled herself together and dressed quickly in a black cotton sundress, with a wide, straw hat, and fat sandals. She looked at herself in the hall mirror as she made her way to the car where her man and boys were waiting. Lakea could hear Mesha's voice saying, “I love you June.”
It made her feel warm and she smiled as she got into the car.
When Lakea stepped out of the car at the cemetery the sun hit her in the face with force, filling her with its warmth. She felt love all around her. It was a warm, but breezy April day so Lakea hugged herself as she looked around. She was at New Park Cemetery. The same cemetery Jeremy was buried at.
Daniel got out of the car, helped the boys out, and grabbed to two gift bags out of the back seat.
“Let's go love.” He said walking up to Lakea smiling.
She took his hand and let him lead her to Mesha's grave. Lakea slowly walked up to Mesha's tombstone with tears flowing from her eyes. She fell to her knees and touched the smooth, granite stone. It was so cold. She ran her fingers over Mesha's name and then kissed the stone.
“I will love you always cousin. And I miss you so much. I need you!” Lakea sobbed while hugging the stone.
Suddenly the sun seemed to shine brighter ad a small blue bird with a beautiful song landed on Mesha's stone. Lakea stared at the bird and it seemed to stare at her back. She slowly extended her arm up to touch it and it didn't move. Lakea rubbed the beautiful bird with tears in her eyes as it sat there staring at her while singing the most beautiful song she had ever heard.
Lakea looked at Daniel in amazement. He just stood there frozen with tears in his eyes, holding the bags as the boys ran on the gravel cemetery road in front of the the truck. Suddenly the little bird tweeted and then took flight, leaving Lakea sitting there and staring in awe.
“That was her.” Lakea said looking at Daniel.
A tear was running down his cheek. Daniel got on his knees next to Lakea and kissed her.
“Yes, baby I think it was her. I think that she was telling you that she loves you, she's okay, and its alright to live your life.”
Lakea smiled and hugged Daniel.
“Yes it was baby.” Lakea sobbed as Daniel kissed her all over her face.
“Now let's be happy then. You heard Mesh...JUNE!!” Daniel said jokingly and they both laughed.
Lakea felt some weight be taken off of her shoulders. Some of the hurt and pain was fading. After putting the yellow rose and Hello Kitty bear that Daniel brought on Mesha's grave. Lakea stood up and told her little cousin and best friend, “See ya later.”
She didn't want to say goodbye anymore because she knew that she would see her cousin again. The boys each kissed Mesha's stone and told her they loved her as Lakea wept silently in Daniel's arms.
As Lakea grabbed Daniel's hand and tried to lead him to the car he stopped her.
“Boys come on. We have one more stop.” Daniel said looking at Lakea and smiling.
“What?” Lakea asked with a confused look on her face.
“Baby, I know Jeremy is buried here, and I also know that you nor J-J have been here in a long while. So I thought it was time!” Daniel said kissing her and leading her seven rows over to where Jeremy was buried.
Lakea walked to his tombstone and kissed it as Daniel stood there holding J-J.
“What does that say J-J?” Daniel asked him while pointing to Jeremy's name on his tombstone.
“Jeremy.” J-J said.
“Yes, Jeremy Jaquan Mitchell, and who is that?” Daniel asked him.
“Him my daddy!” J-J said looking at Daniel and then his mommy.
Lakea smiled and then went over to kiss J-J and Daniel.
“Thank you baby.” Lakea mouthed silently as she took J-J out of Daniel's arms and they sat down at Jeremy's grave. Lakea told J-J about her life with his father, his death, and how much he loved him. Daniel handed Lakea the bag he held with flowers in it for Jeremy's grave, a framed picture of J-J, and a framed copy of Lakea's first song recently sold to a major recording artist. Lakea cried tears of joy as she and J-J set up the things on his grave, kissed the stone, and told him, “See ya later.”
“I love you daddy. An I love you too God for sending me other daddy Daniel.” J-J said as his mommy kissed him on each cheek and picked him up, hugging him tight . Daniel walked over to Jeremy's grave and touched the stone as Lakea stood back holding J-J while staring at him. He had a tear in his eye and his voice was raspy and low when he spoke. “I know you don't know me homie but I want you to know that I love them both, Lakea and your son. And I promise I will protect and love them as you did, or maybe more. I got them ,so rest easy homie.” Daniel said as he wiped his tears, turned back to Lakea and the boys, and they all walked back to the car.
A BROKEN GIRL’S JOURNEY 3 (A BROKEN GIRL'S JOURNEY) Page 9