I leave my things in his bedroom and then venture downstairs once I’m dressed in jeans and a gray v-neck sweater. My hair hangs down my back, finger combed and damp. As soon as I set foot on the first floor, it smells so good I moan on the way into the kitchen.
“Coffee,” I moan, like a zombie.
Julian smiles as he pours coffee into two mugs. “Sugar and cream?”
“Please.” I eye the peach lotion with irritation.
“How are you feeling this morning?” He pours cream into our coffee, giving me a concerned glance.
“I’m okay.” And I was, I usually had no choice but to be.
“It’s all right if you’re not. I wouldn’t be.” He hands me my mug. “How are you? Really?”
I stare down into my coffee as the cream overtakes the brown. It curls, mixing and swirling, creating a confusing mixture of sweet and bitter. That’s how I feel. Confused, sad, hurt, and aware of Julian at the same time I can’t forget Brady. But I don’t say any of this. For all I know, I’ll be thinking about this moment one day with the same feeling I have now.
He sighs when I don’t answer. “You have to talk to me, Kael. You can’t keep all that shit inside.”
Inside is where all that shit has always gone. “I’m okay.”
“Do you need to talk someone? See a doctor?”
“Definitely not.” I drink my coffee, giving him only a second of my gaze before I avert it.
“Fine,” he says, letting it go. As he leans against the counter, he groans, rubbing the small of his back. “I missed my bed. I’m a little too tall for the couch.”
I feel terrible. “I’m sorry. I could’ve slept on the couch.”
“No. I’d never make you do that. Don’t worry about it.”
How can I not worry about it? All that he does for me and I slept—albeit barely—in his bed, and he did not. “When can we get my things? I bought that bed. They’re not getting it.”
“We’ll need a truck.” He thinks about it as he takes out eggs. “Over easy okay?”
“Over easy is fine.” I hop onto the counter and drink my coffee. “Brady has a truck.” I don’t know why I say it.
Julian tenses in the middle of cracking eggs into the skillet. “Good for him.”
“He used me.” I can’t stop these things from coming out of my mouth.
“Some people are users. They give nothing and take way too much. What you have to do,” he says, turning around and pointing reproachfully, “is to spot them before they manipulate you.”
He doesn’t get it. He’s still talking about sophomore year. I’m talking about the other day. “How can you manipulate someone when that someone knew everything before they did it?”
“It was years ago. You were young. You can forgive yourself. I’ve done things I wish I hadn’t. People I wish I hadn’t,” he adds, cringing. “Anyway, what I’m saying is, stop beating yourself up over it.”
“I was stupid.”
“Kael,” he warns. “Give yourself a break.”
“I wanted him, you know? I couldn’t think about anything else.”
He scowls. “Eventually you have to move on. You’re older now. Smarter. You won’t make that same mistake again, will you?”
My heart falls and I can’t hold it in anymore. “We had sex the other day. The one where I missed lunch.” I cover my mouth with my hand. What’s wrong with me?
He whirls around and stares at me. “With Brady?”
I don’t lower my hand in case I keep going. Instead, I nod, because the truth is the truth no matter how you tell it.
An odd look enters his eyes that I can’t discern. It’s not a look I’ve seen on his face before. His mouth opens slightly. Then he swallows hard and turns back to the eggs.
It’s quiet for a second save for the eggs sizzling in the pan.
Then the quiet shatters.
“You slept with him?” He whirls back around. His face twists with shock, irritation, and some negative emotion I can’t pinpoint. “Are you serious? How stupid do you have to be? Don’t take this the wrong way, but now I understand why Nessa has something against you.”
I’ve been hit before. My jaw still aches from Bruce and my lip is still swollen and puffy. I’ve been knocked down by many people. And yet the pain of those falls will never compare to the pain of Julian’s comment. I can’t even respond.
“Kael.”
I raise my hand to cut him off and jump down. When I try to leave, he grabs my arm and pulls me back.
“I’m sorry,” he insists. “But you’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I didn’t even like it!” I cry, yanking my arm free. “He didn’t even like me. He used my body. It was horrible and he didn’t even care! Sex with Brady was one of the worst things I’ve ever done.” I push his chest. “And I don’t need you telling me how I should feel about it. You jerk.” I smack him again. And then again.
He grabs my wrists and pins them at my sides. I turn my face away. I don’t even want to look at him.
“You will not hit me again,” he warns darkly. “I’m not into that shit.”
I try and get at him again. I want to hurt him the way he hurt me. I want to hurt everyone who has ever hurt me. I lose my cool at the thought, flailing in his arms.
“Kaelyn, stop!” he demands, grappling with me. He fights to meet my eyes. “Stop it right now.”
“Let me go.”
“Don’t hit me.”
“I won’t!” I shout, making him flinch. “Let me go now!” He drops me and I stumble back. I look at him with fire in my eyes. “No wonder Layla broke up with you. You’re an asshole.”
He doesn’t say anything else to me. He takes my harsh comment like it’s nothing and turns back to the eggs.
I want him to fight with me. I want him to yell and scream. His desire not to give me that is unsettling. “I don’t want to move in here.”
“Where will you go?” His tone is so calm, so unlike my own.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. Nowhere. I’ll be nothing and do it nowhere.” I take the peach lotion on the counter and throw it in the garbage. “And how dare you invite me to live with you when your ex’s shit is still all over your house. You tell me I’m beautiful and then your bathroom is covered in her. I can’t wait to get away from you. You selfish prick.” I am so mad I dare him to say something calm.
He keeps his back to me. “Do you want toast or a bagel?”
“Ahh!” I march over to him, but he turns around and gives me a dark look, stopping me cold. “Why are you so calm?”
“I learned a long time ago to not give into a woman when she’s out for blood.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper miserably, my anger leaving me in a rush. “I should’ve been smarter.”
“Was it the day Nessa was suspended?”
“Yes.”
He nods slowly. “You acted oddly that day.” He takes a deep breath as if preparing himself. “Tell me about it.”
“He said he wanted me to spend lunch with him. I knew what he meant. We both know what he meant. He told me he knew I liked him and then we got into the back of his truck. But he was rough and cold. It was so disappointing. He didn’t like me. He just wanted sex. He waited until Nessa was gone to ask me. And I know now, I mean I knew then, that what we were doing was wrong. But I couldn’t see it until he was done. I couldn’t stop thinking about Brady until Brady told me I wasn’t worth thinking about.” Tears run down my face by the time I finish.
Julian stares at me, eyes narrowed, mouth open—he doesn’t know what to say.
“I knew he was a shithead,” he settles. “Do you still want him?”
“No. I never want to see him again.”
“Good. Did he use a condom?” He looks sideways at me.
I blubber miserably at the look in his eyes. “Yes.”
“I want you out of that class and to switch to mine. I’ll talk to Principal Hunt about it on Monday.” He takes the food over to the
table and sits down. “Come and eat.”
I stand there, staring at him. There’s something different about him, something stiff and unwelcoming that I don’t like.
I join him at the table and sullenly eat breakfast. An uncompanionable silence worms between us, souring the taste of eggs and toast. I sneak glances at him but he’s always looking straight ahead, or down at his plate, or at his phone. He never looks at me once.
I don’t realize how much I miss his eyes on me until they’re everywhere else.
As I’m pushing my yoke around on my plate, he gets a call.
He smiles fleetingly and answers it. “What’s up, Jaz?”
I stare down at my bare plate. Why is he acting like this? I suppose it could be any number of things, yet all those things existed before I told him about Brady.
“I don’t know,” he says. “I’m not in the mood to party. No. We broke up. I’m not jumping for joy, but I’ll be fine.” He laughs huskily at something. “Yeah, I am single now you know. Give her my number. What the hell.”
I glance sharply at him.
He notices. Clearing his throat, he gets up and leaves the room.
I take both our dishes and put them in the sink. And then I brace myself against the counter. This isn’t going to work. I’ve been through too much in the past few days to add more. My world isn’t falling apart, I promise. I was homeless, but I’d find somewhere to live. I couldn’t live with Mr. Ean. Not if he’s going to call me beautiful and then stupid. Brady was gone, and that wasn’t the worst thing, but his absence was still an emptiness. Bruce had tried to attack me, but I got away. All I had to do was keep going.
“Good news,” he announces, returning. “My college buddy Jaz is down in Savannah and he’s cool with letting me borrow his truck. We can go get your stuff.”
I eye him. But I just gave myself a pep talk. We were over. “You still want me to move in?”
He runs a hand through his hair. His expression is still off. “Yes, Kaelyn, I want you to move in with me. You’ll have your own room and use of the whole house. You won’t have to worry about anything or anyone hurting you. Doesn’t that sound good? Don’t let your anger make your choices. You make them.”
“I’m mad at you and I don’t want to move in anymore.”
“That’s all right. I’m kind of mad at you too. You’re still moving in.”
“You’re mad at me?” I demand in disbelief. “I didn’t have sex with you. I had sex with Brady.”
He shakes his head. “Sometimes you’re extremely mature. And other times you are exactly eighteen. Let’s go get your stuff.”
“What if I don’t want to move in with you? You ever think about that?”
“You enjoy arguments, but won’t take a compliment? I can’t believe you. Let’s go,” he demands firmly. “Jaz didn’t say I could use his truck all day. Let’s. Go.” His command is barely contained rage.
But it’s the fact that he’s containing himself at all that makes me think I should do the same.
Arguing was easier than hearing things that were untrue about me. I put my shoes on and wait for him near the doorway. He has his car keys in his hand and locks the front door when we go out on his porch. There’s a chill in the air. Not for the first time I want my parka. I want to hide, but Brady took that from me too. In the car, he turns the radio on to an old-school rock station as I sulk. I Can’t Get No Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones seems to be his favorite. I glare out my window as he sings along.
When we get to the coast, Julian pulls off onto a sandy road and follows it down to a beach house. The coast opens before me, beautiful and blue. There’s a black pickup in the driveway and a Beetle. He cuts the engine, stopping the music mid-rant.
“You’re my friend,” he says, finally addressing me. “You’re not a student.”
I don’t respond. We meet near the hood and I follow him up the stairs. He doesn’t knock, walking right into the house.
“Yo!” he calls.
“Yo!” someone shouts back. “I’m in the kitchen!”
The moment we enter the house, Julian becomes a different man. He’s not a teacher or an authoritative figure. He’s a regular twenty-four-year-old man. He takes Jaz’s hand and they hug. Julian’s grin is natural and huge. I’ve never seen him smile that large.
“Man, you’ve aged,” Jaz teases, patting his shoulder.
“Teenagers.”
“You should quit and come work for me in San Fran. You’re good with numbers. I’m living good bro. You can too. You don’t have that ball and chain Layla anymore. Isn’t she the reason you moved here?” Jaz picks up his beer that’d been sitting on the counter and takes a sip.
“Ball and chain?” Julian laughs uncomfortably. “She’d tell you it was the other way around.”
“They always do, don’t they?” Jaz looks over at me and smiles lasciviously. “Already moved on I see.”
I blush scarlet and stare down at my Converses.
“She’s just a friend,” Julian corrects him. “Kaelyn, this is Jaz. Jaz, this is Kaelyn.”
His eyes take me in. His long blond hair goes past his shoulders and his hazel eyes are appreciative as he appraises me. Tattoos wind up both arms and his board shorts hang off his hips so low I can see his hip bones. He’s skinny where Julian is not, but his face is cute, with smooth skin and white teeth.
“It’s nice to meet you, Kaelyn.” He holds out his hand.
When I take it, his is strong and sweaty. “You too, Jaz.”
He looks over at Julian. “She’s just your friend?”
“Why?”
Jaz won’t let my hand go. “Her eyes are killer. How old are you?”
“Eighteen,” I squeak.
His grin deepens. “Good.” He lets my hand go and gives Julian a knowing look. “I think I found my date to the party.”
Julian swallows hard and runs his hand down his face. “So how long are you in town for?”
I look away from them both. I can see the beach from where we are. The sun shines on the water in a way that makes me walk over to the window to get a better look. It stretches clear, glowing, and beautiful.
“A couple weeks. I have a few conferences in Atlanta and Savannah so I thought I’d make a vacation out of it. You two are coming to my party tonight, right? I know you said you were busy, but that was before you introduced me to gorgeous over there.”
I glance over my shoulder and glare at him, earning a wink.
“Be careful. She doesn’t like compliments,” Julian grumbles.
I turn back to the window.
“I’d like to compliment her out of her panties.”
“Dude.”
“What?” Jaz laughs.
“Where’s Deborah?” Julian quickly changes the subject. “I saw her Beetle out front. I can’t believe she still drives that thing.”
“She’s down at the beach. She’s really happy to see you again. Heard you were single and nearly wet herself. Are you going to hit it?”
Julian laughs uncomfortably. “You haven’t changed at all, dude.”
“What? You’ve been around teenagers too much. They’re sucking the life out of you. Here. Have a drink.”
“No. I have to drive. Can I get the Ford keys? I’ll have it back before the party.”
“Are you coming back with her?”
“Yes …”
“Good.” Jaz digs into his pocket and gives him his keys. “Fill her up before you give her back.”
Fill what up? I think fearfully.
“Will do. I’ll see you tonight.”
“I’ll be seeing you tonight too, gorgeous.” Jaz’s gaze is low, heated.
I glare.
He blows me a kiss before Julian and I leave. He opens the door but doesn’t look at me. We’re back to that. When we get to the large black pickup parked out front, he unlocks the door automatically, and we both crawl into the spacious interior, driving silently to Bruce’s place as the anger grows.
> When we arrive, he pulls in under the moss-covered driveway behind my car and cuts the engine.
Finally, he looks at me. His eyes are still off. “You don’t have to go to that party because Jaz wants you too.”
I bite my lip and wonder about the look in his eyes. “I’ve never been to a party.”
“Of course you haven’t. Could you stay away from Jaz if we do go? He’s not a bad guy at all, but when it comes to women he’s not exactly a southern gentleman.”
As if I were used to gentlemen. “Why are you telling me that?” My tone is acidic. “Because I fell for Brady I’m going to fall for Jaz too? I’m just some stupid whore who sleeps with any guy who shows interest in her?” I can’t stand him right now.
“Where did you even get that? And if you think that, you should ask yourself why.”
I gasp indignantly, too mad to respond. Thankfully, he hops out of the truck then. After a beat, I get out and follow, stomping after him with a trail of dust in my path.
“Just say it, Julian. You think I’m a slut.”
He whirls around. “I would never think that. I think you’re making stupid decisions with men who don’t deserve you. Why would you sleep with him? After all the signs he showed you? It was blatantly obvious that he didn’t want anything from you but sex. I knew it the first time I met you.”
I don’t know what to do. I’m too embarrassed, too everything right now to talk calmly. I want to hit and scream, to run from the truth in his eyes.
I press my lips together and choose not to respond. It’s safer for us both.
I simply walk up to Bruce’s front door and stick my key in the lock. I feel him behind me, but the moment I step into Bruce’s house, my fight with Julian fades to background noise.
Mandy’s not here. The house is empty. I am on the bathroom floor screaming for help.
“My room’s this way,” I mumble, nodding him along.
I’m embarrassed as I push my door open and invite him in. I have little items, most of which I’ve acquired on my own. It looks like even less with Julian here.
“All of it goes?” he asks.
“Yes.”
For the next half hour, we move my things out of my room. I pile all my clothes and things into garbage bags and stuff them in the back of the truck. When we’re done, my room is bare. The worn dirty carpet, the stained walls. I’m glad it’s so empty. Now it knows how I felt the entire time I lived here.
Under The Peaches (Teaching Love Series Book 1) Page 10