“Right away, Mr. Ean.” I retrieve his breakfast off the dresser and bring it to him, exchanging it for his empty coffee mug. “I hope you like it. I don’t cook often. I usually eat at Bella’s.”
“You only eat once a day?” He scowls. “From now on please eat at least three meals. If it weren’t for your … assets … you’d look like you were shriveling away.”
“Assets?” I giggle. “You mean my big butt, don’t you?”
“Among other things,” he agrees teasingly, taking a bite. “This is so good, by the way. Thank you.”
“What other things?” I put my hands on my hips and watch his eyes travel over my body.
He spends a long time on my chest. I look down and realize my white shirt is thin and he can see my black bra. When his eyes meet mine, his brows are raised.
“Do I need to write everything I see and feel down for you for it to be real?”
“I’ve never thought I had assets.” I go over to the mirror on his closet door and look at my body, lifting my shirt so I can see my stomach. It’s flat, concave. I don’t eat enough. My hip bones poke out and my skin is pale. My back is curved, leading the way to a set of dimples and then my round butt that makes finding jeans a pain. I lift my shirt over my head and turn to my side. My breasts are normal. I’m not that big of a deal. I look at Julian, whose mouth is hanging open. “What’s so special about me?”
He sets his plate down and gets up. His sock-covered feet walk to me. He stands behind me, his tall body reflected in the mirror. He takes my shirt and drops it on the ground. Then he reaches his arms around me to touch my stomach with both palms. Our eyes connect in the mirror.
“You have a beautiful body. Are you crazy? Everything about you is so damn sexy.” His voice deepens and his eyes darken, like gunpowder waiting for a match.
I look away and in turn at his hands on my stomach. I lean against him. Sexy sounds like when he called me beautiful. These words are not for me. “I’m short.”
“I’m tall.”
“I’m pale.”
“So am I.”
“On you it looks good. It makes your eyes grayer and your hair darker.”
“It does the same for you.” He leans down and puts his mouth over my ear. “Your body is perfect. You are perfect. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Some think perfection doesn’t exist. I’m one of them most times. It’s unhealthy to want to be something that only hurts you. But some form of perfection must exist, it has to, or we’d never compare our imperfections to an idealization that doesn’t exist. If I could show you I would. I’d show you until you couldn’t walk the next day, how perfect your body is to me.”
Fire burns across my flesh. I lick my lips, both shy and wanting. “You can show me.”
His lips kiss my bare shoulder. “I can’t.” His warm breath fans across my skin. “That would be breaking the rules.”
“We’re breaking them right now.”
“Making love to you isn’t the same as saying I want to.”
Oh, damn it. “Julian, you’re driving me crazy.”
He chuckles against my throat, kissing me there softly. “The same way you do me.”
“But I don’t mean to.”
“I know. That’s what makes you so damn sexy.” He kisses my jaw. “It’s a shame,” he whispers, his fingers toying with the top of my pants as he kisses my cheek. “How much I want you right now.”
I plunge my fingers in his hair from behind. I want his face closer to my mouth, but he turns just in time. “Julian,” I whine.
“We can’t. I shouldn’t be touching you like this now. I just wanted you to know how beautiful you are to me. Put your shirt back on. Go downstairs. I have to shower and wash last night off me.”
He lets me go and steps back. I snatch my shirt off the floor and quickly put it back on, eyeing him sullenly in the mirror as he grabs a towel out of his stack in the back of the closet. He’s still wearing his clothes from last night.
“Maybe when I’m done we can go get my car?” he asks, passing by as I gather his breakfast dishes.
“Sure,” I mumble, leaving and going back downstairs.
As I clean the dishes, I contemplate what this will mean for us. Our feelings for each other have no bearing. We can feel anything we want, but we can’t do anything about it. These feelings have no weight when it comes to the choices we must make.
I have to be smart about this. I can’t have a replay of Brady. Another man, another heartache—it feels like too much.
I wander through Julian’s house, warring with myself. His house, despite Layla’s touch, is comfortable. I have a sudden desire to rip her pictures off the wall in the hall. To replace their happy smiles with smiles of my own.
“I’ll have to take those down.”
I look away from their picture and up at him leaning over the banister, trying to keep the rage out of my eyes. I say nothing because we are only friends.
When he comes down, dressed in a pair of jeans and a black shirt, hair wild and smelling thickly of clean skin and cologne, I know this is going to be torture. He looks and smells too good to ignore.
“You ready?” he asks, bending to grab his shoes by the door.
No, I think sadly as I run upstairs to dress.
We drive silently to Jaz’s place with me in the driver’s seat of my PT. I feel self-conscious again, worrying about the mess and dents. I feel like my car. Messy and bruised. His Volkswagen’s parked where he left it. The sea of cars from last night are gone. The coast looks serene and blue this morning. The wind coming off the water into our open windows gives me the chills, and the remnants of last night float away on it.
“I’ll probably stay and hang out. You want to come in?” He pulls his keys out of his pocket and plays with them.
“No thanks. I had enough Jaz for one night.”
He hands me a key. “Go make a copy of this. I’ll see you at home later?”
That Beetle is still here. That means Deborah’s still here too. I swallow the anger that thought elicits and smile forcedly at him. “Later, Mr. Ean.”
He doesn’t get out, pausing with his hand on the doorknob. “What are you going to do?”
“I need to go shopping for some things and do some laundry. My work clothes are dirty. I also have a lot of homework to do.”
“And eat lunch,” he reminds me. “The washer’s in the basement. There should be enough soap. Do you have your cellphone?”
I sigh. “Yes, Father.”
“Kael,” he warns. “Yes or no?”
“Yes, Julian. I have it. Jeez.” I huff in irritation. “Get out and go play with your friends.”
He still won’t leave. “Why don’t you want to come in?”
“I have things to do.” I look out the window.
“I don’t like it when you’re not with me.”
I recall his words from last night. I barely knew you, still barely know you, but I missed you. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll follow you. I can see Jaz another time.” He starts to get out.
I grab his arm, waiting for him to look back. “You will not follow me. Jaz is in town and he’s your friend. Go hang out. Be twenty-four. I’ll be busy all day anyway.”
“I’ll call you.” That brightens his mood. “Is your phone charged?”
I refrain from sighing again. I dig in my purse, and sure enough, my battery’s drained. “Sorry.”
“I’ve got a charger in my car.” He runs over to his Volkswagen and comes back with a bundle of black cords. He leans into my car and plugs it into the correct slot, and then he takes my phone and plugs it in. “There. I’ll see you later?”
I laugh at his anxious expression. “Seriously, Julian, I’ll be fine.”
“I’m not sure.” He finally eases from the car and lets the door shut softly, eyes tense.
He looks extremely uneasy as I pull away. What’s he so worried about? I shake my head. It’s not that long o
f a drive from Jaz’s place to the Wal-Mart. I find a spot and grab a cart. As I shop for items I need, I pass a group of girls in the makeup section on my way to the clothes. One of them stands out. I stop my cart in the middle of the aisle and watch Savannah and her friends.
I need to get out of here. If she sees me, she’ll remember the last time she saw me and who I was with. As I turn my cart, my wheel’s squeak, and I know it’s too late. Savannah looks over at me and taps her friend on the shoulder. My stomach drops. My panic is acute. She told. That means they’ll tell. And those people will tell. Soon the entire school will know that Julian and I are not just friends.
He’ll get arrested, accused, and plastered all over the news. He’ll lose his job, everything because of me. I decide right then and there that I can’t let that happen. I can’t turn this like into ruin. From now on we are acquaintances.
Friends.
Nauseous, I checkout without buying anything new to wear, walking numbly to my car. I recall that I was supposed to make a spare key when I get to Julian’s house, and have to leave again to find a hardware store open on Sunday. It’s nearing five when I finally return. I lug my things inside and up to my room. Before I lose steam, I put everything away and gather a load of laundry. It takes me a minute to find the basement under the stairs. Once my clothes are washing, I hear my phone ring shrilly in my purse.
I don’t answer it. Acquaintances don’t call each other after being together all day and the night before. Rather, I make a sandwich out of some chicken lunch meat and grab an apple out of the bowl on the island. I eat it in front of the television as my fears eat away at me. Everyone knows. They don’t know anything of course, but that doesn’t matter. They talk, they’ll lie. The truth won’t even make sense once they’re done. Eventually, what didn’t happen will overshadow what did.
After an hour of unwatched television and four more missed calls, I go upstairs to do my homework. I open my copy of Othello and read, thanking the person before me for marking the margins with notes. I’m moving on to calculus when I hear the front door slam. There’s feet pounding on the stairs, and then Julian’s busting into my room.
When he sees me sitting on my bed, he sags against the doorway with his hand on his chest. “Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
I blink innocently. “Did you call?”
He glares. “Five times. I thought something happened to you.”
“I’m great, Mr. Ean.”
“You’re a pain in my ass, that’s what you are.” He takes a deep breath. “What have you been doing?”
Worrying that you’re going to lose everything because of me. Because I am a pathetic needy girl. I hold up my textbook. “Exactly what I said I was going to do. What have you been doing?”
“I went fishing with Jaz.” He walks deeper into my room. “What’s up with you? You look upset.”
Only Jaz? I stare intently into his eyes. “I saw Savannah at Wal-Mart. Her friends know.”
His face slightly pales. He swallows hard. “We haven’t done anything.”
“Oh, Julian, yes we have. And tomorrow we’re going to get it. What’re we going to say?”
“The truth.”
“I’m not telling anyone the truth. The truth is going to get you fired. I refuse to do that. Get out of my room and start acting like a landlord.”
“I’m telling them the truth. You can tell them what you want.”
“You’re going to tell Principal Hunt that you held my shirtless body?” I glare at him when he cringes. “That’s what I thought. We can’t tell them the truth. The truth is the freaking truth!”
“Leave out that part. Leave out the parts where I’m Julian. Just tell them what Mr. Ean has done. That’s not a lie.”
“He’s going to remember that time I was in your classroom.”
“Stop it, Kaelyn.” His tone is terse. “You’re blowing this out of proportion. Nothing’s even happened yet. I won’t get fired. I promise, okay? I won’t.”
“You’d better not. I’d never be able to live with myself if I got you fired.”
He comes deeper into my room, unable to stop himself. “You wouldn’t have gotten me fired. I would have gotten me fired.”
“Please go. We need to get used to this. You’re going to have to let me take care of myself. I was doing it before you. I can do it now.”
“But I want to take care of you.” His eyes are sad. “You deserve to be taken care of.”
My heart bleeds. “We don’t live together. When they ask, we don’t.”
“Come have dinner with me and I’ll lie to them. I’ll lie right to their faces if you come downstairs.”
“Why do you want to tell the truth so badly?”
“Because with you, that’s all there is.” His eyes burn into mine. “I brought some Greek food. Come eat with me.” He holds out his hand.
This’s going to be hard on him most. I was used to living near something I wanted and being unable to have it. Julian isn’t. I set my things down and get up, giving him my hand. He smiles in relief and leads me downstairs.
“The food’s in the car.” He grabs my shoulders and urges me back into the kitchen, eyes firm. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” He leaves, returning a moment later with a takeout bag.
He creates a spread, opening food that smells amazing and setting out champagne glasses. He produces a bottle of orange soda with a wink.
“I didn’t think you’d want anything to drink after last night.”
“You thought right. This is all for me?” Even to my own ears, I sound perplexed.
“Imagine that.”
“I am.” I take a step toward him and then stop myself. Must not kiss Mr. Ean. “No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.” The most a man has done was wear a condom as he pounded into me.
Julian holds out a seat. I settle down, eyeing all the food. Steam rises from the containers and the smell of herbs and meat makes my mouth water.
I peek at him as he sits down. “Is this a …” I can’t even say the word.
“A date?” He’s smiling with his eyes, enjoying my confusion. “Did you want it to be?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I’ve never been on one.” I don’t mention sophomore year. I won’t ever mention it again.
The smile in his eyes fades. “I don’t think landlords are supposed to ask their tenants on a date, but sometimes you’ve got to push the rules. This is a date now.” He cocks his head to the side and eyes me humoredly as if anticipating something. “Kaelyn, break the rules with me just this once?”
“I’d love to,” I breathe, trying to ignore my shyness, but everything about him is intimidating sometimes. “Thank you.”
“No,” he says, tapping my chin with his thumb and index finger. “Thank you. Do you like Greek food?”
“I’ve never had it.” I watch as he dips my plate, putting meat and crispy wrapped things in front of me. I take a tentative bite. A burst of flavor fills my mouth. “It’s so good.”
He pulls in a deep breath and grabs for his soda. “You mind not moaning like that?”
“Why?”
“It’s turning me on.”
I almost choke on a bite of meat. “Julian.” I can feel the heat of his statement all over my body. To get him back, I take another bite and meet his eyes, moaning deeply into them the way I would if he moved deeply into me.
“Kael,” he warns, eyes heavy and lips parted. “Stop.”
“Stop what?” I ask innocently, reaching over to grab my glass. I’m thirsty too.
He sits back, having not taken a single bite. “You know what.”
“Why aren’t you eating?” I bait.
He grins at me. “Being your friend is going to be torture.” Grabbing his fork, he takes a bite. “Wow, this is good.”
“Good pick.”
“I can pick right sometimes.” He takes another bite, eyes never leaving me. “Why didn’t you answer my phone calls today? I know it
was deliberate.”
“That reminds me.” I remove his key from my pocket and slide it to him. “Can’t we just eat?”
“Was it because of Savannah?”
“Yes,” I hiss. “I didn’t answer your calls because if we’re going to be friends then we need to start acting like it. You can’t risk your job for me. Do you remember that one teacher in Atlanta?”
He recoils. “He was a monster. He took severe advantage of her. He deserved everything he got. Do not compare me to him.”
“I wasn’t comparing him to you.” I sigh and look down. “He lost everything.”
“He deserved to lose more.”
“Julian!” I snap. “No one’s going to care that you’re twenty-four. They don’t care that I’m eighteen. All they’re going to see is a student and a teacher doing things together they shouldn’t do. You’re going to lose it all because of me.” I grasp my chest; my breaths are too fast. They ache on the way out. “I should move out.”
“What about you? What are you going to lose? You haven’t stopped once to think about yourself. If we’re going there, I personally am only worried about how this is going to affect your life.”
“How would it affect me? I have nothing to lose.” Nothing but you, I think sadly.
He gawks at me. “Let’s hope we don’t find out. Can we please talk about other things? Tell me about Washington. Or New Mexico.”
He forgets nothing. “Washington was wet and New Mexico was hot.”
“How descriptive.” He takes another drink and eyes the orange soda. “You mind if I have a beer?”
“You’re an adult. Do what you want.” I roll my eyes at him and take a piece of bread to eat my meat with.
“So are you. Or I wouldn’t be sitting here.”
“So, if I was seventeen you wouldn’t want anything to do with me?”
He scratches the back of his neck. “That’s a hard question to answer. I don’t know if I wouldn’t, but I do know that I would never do half the things I’ve done. You’d still be a student to me.” But he cringes again.
Because that’s a lie.
“Like Carmen?”
“Sure … Was it hard for you when you moved to Savannah?”
Under The Peaches (Teaching Love Series Book 1) Page 15