Extending my hands over my head, I scrape my nails against my pillow, dragging them down the soft material as his teeth gently nip at my sensitive excited flesh. I bite my lip and rub against his leg, working myself toward something. I am sensations all over. I am his lips, his tongue, his pleasing me.
I am a woman losing herself in a man who will find me every time.
He breaks away and kisses down my stomach. He pauses at my belly button and slides his tongue around me before he sticks it inside. I jerk, making him smile, his gray eyes heavy-lidded and just as full of desire as I’m sure my own are. His fingers slip below the band on my pink pajamas. He meets my eyes again, asking for permission.
“I’m not wearing any panties,” I whisper, feeling self-conscious again. “I took them off when I changed out of my uniform and didn’t put another pair on.”
“Good,” he says, pulling my pajamas down my thighs.
I lift my hips to help him get them off the rest of the way. He pulls them down my legs and then tosses those on the floor where the rest of our clothes lay discarded.
I’m hesitant suddenly to open my legs for him. I squeeze my thighs together. He touches my knees and waits patiently for me.
“What is it?” he asks, voice deep and husky.
“If I open my legs there’s no going back. We can still stop.”
He looks into my eyes. “We’re not stopping. Open your legs for me. Wide. I want to see all of you.”
Damn it.
I let him pull my knees apart slowly.
I am completely exposed in front of him. He stares at me for a long time before he moves between my legs. My pussy seems to pant as he stares, salivating and throbbing with want. He lies on the mattress on his stomach in front of me so that my thighs are on either side of his head, and then he grabs my hips and pulls me so that his mouth is near me.
I can’t breathe.
He swallows hard and licks his lips, his eyes blazing. Without warning, his fingers reach around to touch me. He parts me slowly, stroking my opening with two fingers. I barely have it in me to watch. My excitement dampens his fingers as he continues to stroke me. But I want to watch Julian pleasure me. This is pleasure.
While I watch, he slowly enters me with his fingers. My tightness makes it feel like he won’t fit, but it feels so good at the same time my desire invites him in. I grip the sheets blindly and my eyes roll into the back of my head. My spine arches. His fingers slide into me slowly and then pulls out, making that same motion a few more times before he removes them. I look down just in time to watch him put those same fingers into his mouth.
He sucks on them, eyes dancing with wickedness. “So damn good.”
I whimper beneath him. That was so … hot. “Julian,” I beg. “Please.”
“Don’t worry,” he promises. “I’m not done yet.”
His tongue connects with me. Almost immediately he finds my clitoris. Sucking and flicking his tongue across it, I give up my sight and thought process for pleasure so intense I can barely form a coherent thought. I didn’t know this existed. I didn’t know I could feel this good.
He licks my clit in the most perfect way, making it so my brain and heart explode. I am unthinking and feeling, so confused by the pleasure I am experiencing.
In seconds, I unravel. I can’t help it. I don’t even try. The pressure builds until I am its victim. Julian licks me harder, sliding his tongue over me in a way that makes me think he knows exactly what he’s doing. I tremble beneath him, screaming words that make no sense, gripping the sheets with no strength. I writhe with him between my legs, squeezing my thighs against his head when he keeps going past my explosion.
Chuckling, he urges my legs open again. “I’m not done with you yet.”
But I can barely keep my eyes open. “Julian,” I whisper, confused by the pleasure.
I’ve never felt this good before. My eyes close. When I manage to open them again I’m lying on my side. Julian’s behind me, my naked body pressed against him. We’re spooning.
And I get it. Spooning is the best.
“Sleep.” He kisses below my ear.
I smile sleepily. “I’m sorry. I’ve never been this sleepy before.”
“You’ve never had an orgasm like that before either,” he reminds me, kissing my cheek; his lips feather me. My jaw, my ear, my pulse.
“What about you?” I mumble sleepily.
“Don’t worry about me.” His tone is not to be argued with. “Sleep. I’m fine.”
I wouldn’t be fine if I were left unfinished. I can’t imagine he’s fine at all. But I am so sleepy, and soon my eyelids drift shut.
I fall asleep in Julian’s arms for the first time.
Chapter Nine
For the first time in my life, I awake worry free. Usually, I bolt up and start moving. From the second I’m awake, I’m running from something or someone.
This morning I don’t even open my eyes first. I let my brain wake up on its own. I snuggle against Julian’s chest and revel in the feel of him around me. I feel safe in his arms; nothing else matters but us, and no one can hurt me. I want so badly for that to be true. I want to be here, spooning, forever. I want his skin against mine, his breath on the back of my neck, and his body heat warming me. I’ve never been held like I matter.
But I matter to him.
The revelation leaves me breathless.
Attempting to roll over, I snuggle against him, pressing my breasts against his chest. I’m completely naked against him. There’s a feeling between my legs that suggests we are far from over. There is no light coming in through the window. It’s still early. As Julian sleeps, I trace his features. His nose, his lips, and his jaw feels soft and course beneath my fingertips. I keep going south, tracing down his throat and over his chest. When I get to his abs I spend a long time running my fingers over the grooves. When I get to the line of dark hair creeping out of his dark blue briefs, I swallow hard.
He starts to moan. I stare at his groin and watch it thicken. I imagine it inside of me. I know for a fact he’d never pound into me. He’d pleasure me. I reach down and touch his hardness, tracing its long length with my fingers. The tip is smooth through the fabric. I trace down his shaft as it hardens under my touch.
“Kael,” he moans. Suddenly, he sits up. He looks around the room, hair rumpled. “What time is it?”
I shake my head and move to lie on my back before he realizes I was fondling him, stretching my naked body out. He looks down at me. His eyes take my body in. As they do they darken, until they’re just as desire-filled as my own. I feel beautiful under his gaze. I feel sexy and confident. I know he must like what he sees, or he wouldn’t want to see it. Not everyone will, but as long as Julian does I’m perfectly happy about it.
He touches my stomach and moves his hand up my body until he’s cupping my breast. With his thumb and index finger, he gently pinches my nipple. My sex feels it most. It clenches in delicious anticipation as my excitement moistens where I want him.
“I have to go.”
My good mood shatters. I put my hand over his. “Do you really have to?”
With his free hand, he cups my face and leans down, planting a soft delicate kiss to my lips. “Thank you for last night.”
“You’re thanking me?”
He grins. “Yes.”
“So much for being friends.” I hug him to me.
“We’re still friends. We’re just going to be seeing each other naked. A lot,” he adds with a clear promise. He moves to lie between my legs. His erection presses against my bare skin.
I trail my fingers down his back and drag them over his ass through his boxers, urging him against me. “What about the rules?”
“We’ll talk about them when I get home. I have to go if I want to make it to Atlanta in time.”
The mere mention of him leaving me makes me unsettlingly sad. I hug him harder. “I’m going to miss you.” Since I walked out of that side door, Julian had been here. One
day without him feels like a lifetime.
“You’re going to miss me?” He snorts. “I’m not going to be able to function. Please answer your phone when I call.”
“I will,” I promise.
He kisses between my breasts. “When I get home, we’ll finish what we started.” He kisses lower, down to my navel. “I’m going to make sure you know how flawless you are. How sexy … how fucking mine you are.”
It’s a good thing I have my own brain. I might believe him if he isn’t careful. “Flawless? Yeah right.”
“You are. Don’t you get it?” He looks into my eyes. “How I feel about you, it’s real. Everything I say is exactly how I feel. I wish you felt the same way.” He kisses below my navel and then rises off the bed and stands. “Go back to sleep. I’ll see you when I get back home. I’m sorry I have to leave after last night.” His mouth turns down guiltily.
“It’s fine.”
“You’re not a secret to me.” He gathers his clothes. “You’re the only truth I have right now.”
I sit up. “Julian.”
But he’s already gone, shutting my bedroom door softly. I lie back and grab the covers, burrowing down in the warmth he left behind.
I don’t know how to feel. Part of me just wants to feel good for once. But there’s a part, the girl who wants to be smarter, that knows I can’t feel that way. There are too many things wrong. Though I feel so right in this moment, how that can be? How can something I’m not supposed to have, make me feel this good inside?
Julian defies logic. He defies the rules. He breaks them because I want him too.
I’m not sure he can stop himself.
I’m not sure I want him too.
I am so unsure.
I’m on my own again, stupid and unwanted.
As much as it pains me, I wash him off my body. When I’m dressed in jeans and a white shirt, I comb my hair and put it in a ponytail. I forgo the makeup this morning. There’s no hiding how I feel.
The house feels empty without him. I navigate his kitchen warily. Last night’s omelet ingredients are still out so I decide to make one. I eat it alone at the table and watch the sunrise through the kitchen window. When I leave for school, the sun has fully risen. I imagine Julian racing away from me for Atlanta, and sigh despondently as I crawl into my PT.
Arriving at school feels like being thrown into the tiger den at the zoo. The walls are too high and I can’t escape. No one’s going to help me. My past tells me that.
The little girl who had more mama’s than I had friends warns me today is not going to be my day.
There is no sign of Nessa, and the word she wrote on my locker has been cleaned. My classmates, who were so blind a week ago, see me clearly now. They gawk at me, as if they can’t believe the things they’ve heard I’ve done. I smile to myself thinking about last night. There’s no way they know Julian made me feel pleasure so immense I felt different after every orgasm. There was a different me inside of this body and Julian was pulling her out slowly. No one else wanted her but him. He would get her every time.
In English class, I yearn for my parka. As it is, I stare down at my worn copy of Othello, but I do not see the words. They blur together as I attempt to ignore the staring and whispers.
“I heard they did it in his car in the parking lot.”
“I heard they got caught together naked in his classroom.”
“What a little slut. And then she goes and hooks up with Brady too?”
“She’s gross.”
“Gross is too kind of a word.”
I swallow hard and pretend that Julian is sitting beside me. “You’re beautiful,” he says. “You’re flawless.”
“Gross shutters when you call Kaelyn Jefferies gross.”
You’re strong, Julian tells me.
“I heard Nessa caught them together and she ran away naked.”
“Could you imagine her naked?” Whoever asks pretends to gag.
My eyes moisten but I refuse to look up. I refuse to let my tears fall.
“You’re the only truth I have right now.”
I matter to Julian. As long as that’s true, I can take their immature words. They don’t matter to me and I don’t matter to them. I wonder briefly whether things would be different in this world if we all mattered to each other. If Julian wasn’t the only man who treated me like I had a purpose, then maybe I would’ve never fallen for Brady’s garbage. Maybe these girls wouldn’t find joy in making me feel terrible. Maybe we wouldn’t need hiding spots.
I avoid my locker and go to calculus. When I get there, I quickly sink into the front row beside a boy with a Georgia Bulldogs shirt on and open my textbook to the page written on the board. When Brady gets there, he stops at my desk.
I refuse to look up.
“To your seat,” Mr. Tane orders.
“I just want to talk to her. I’m sorry,” he pleads.
He sounds different, upset. I still refuse to look up. He wasn’t sorry when he was pounding into me. He wasn’t sorry when he used me.
“Leave Kaelyn alone. If you’d rather find a seat in the principal’s office, I’d be more than happy to oblige.”
“Kaelyn,” Brady begs. “I’m sorry.”
I sink lower in my seat and read the same formula over and over again. “Please go away. You’ve done enough damage.”
“I’m a prick,” he admits, grabbing my arm. I force my eyes only on my textbook. “I’m sorry.”
“Mr. McAlister!” Mr. Tane snaps. “Leave her alone and go to your seat.”
Brady growls and stomps away, dropping my arm. My hands shake.
What’s he so sorry about? He wasn’t sorry when he led me on for years, or when he let me walk back to school after using my body. He wasn’t sorry. He was seeing his actions come to life. Now everyone knew what kind of person he was and he couldn’t stand it. Apologizing to me wasn’t going to take away his actions. He couldn’t erase the things he’s said and done. He had a chance to be a good guy. I had a chance to be a smart girl. We didn’t take them. I’ve suffered my consequence for years. It’s time he gets his.
When class ends, I jump from my seat and run out of the room. Brady’s on my heels. He’s a football player and spends his days running on the field. I make it around the corner before he easily catches up to me. He grabs my hand and pulls me to a harsh stop, pushing me against the wall in front of everyone. I turn my face to the side.
“I’m trying to talk to you!” he rages.
“Leave me alone.”
“Why won’t you talk to me?”
“Mr. McAlister!” a familiar voice shouts. “Let her go right this instant.”
“I want to talk to her,” he explains, letting me go. “I want to say I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry, but she won’t listen to me.”
Everyone is watching us. I can only imagine what they’ll say. It enrages me. I finally look Brady in the eye. His face is splotchy and flushed. His hair is a mess, and this time I don’t think he meant for it to be. His lips are chapped and his green eyes are rimmed in red. He looks terrible.
“Why should I take your apology? All the torture I’ve endured for you? You think I’m supposed to take your word for it now?” I shove his chest. He stumbles back into the lockers. “You used me. You knew what you were doing all these years, leading me on. You should be apologizing. You should be on your knees begging me to forgive you. But you know what? I don’t want your apology. I want you out of my life. I want Nessa to leave me alone. I just want everyone to leave me alone!” I scream at the top of my lungs.
“She broke up with me,” he reveals, bitter, angry, and not even the least bit apologetic. “She doesn’t want me after being with you.”
“Oh, poor you. I don’t want you after being with you either. You’re shitty to women just like you are in bed.”
He looks repentant for a second. “I am sorry about that. I am. I don’t know what got into me. I’m sorry I did that to you. I am,” he insists when I
roll my eyes.
“Okay, that’s enough.” Mr. Hunt steps between us. “McAlister go to my office. Miss Jefferies, please try and stay out of trouble.” He gives me an odd look, as if he feels sorry that I fell for McAlister’s crap too.
“I’m sorry, Kaelyn,” Brady whispers sadly before walking away.
I am past his apology. I am over Brady McAlister.
I take my backpack with me to my locker, which is suspiciously absent of Nessa. I’m too grateful to wonder where she is. I quickly exchange my textbooks in case she changes her mind, and get to class. When I get to chemistry, I spot Savannah and her friends and sigh in irritation and weariness. I can predict another play by play of English. Unfortunately, I’m not disappointed. Savannah and her friends snicker uncontrollably while whispering words like ‘skank’ and ‘whore’ under their breath.
Eventually, I snap. I am not a skank. I’ve slept with one man my entire life and hooked up with Julian only last night. What do their bedposts say? And even if I did sleep with who I wanted, who are these girls to tell me it’s wrong? Who determines the title of another human being? “Why don’t you idiots shut up?”
“Why don’t you keep it in your pants?” Savannah taunts back.
“Maybe you should try getting laid. You might not be such a stuck-up bitch!” I sneer back. “An orgasm might fix you right up.”
“Kaelyn!” the teacher barks, as everyone laughs and Savannah turns a bright shade of red. “Office. Now.”
“They’re calling me whore under their breath.” I can’t believe it. I’m getting punished again.
“Savannah, office as well. Let Mr. Hunt figure it out.” She shoos us on.
“No,” I defy. “I’ve been putting up with too much crap to let you add to it. I’m sitting right here. You’re going to teach me about metalloids. We’re both going to pretend to love it.”
Under The Peaches (Teaching Love Series Book 1) Page 20