I laugh through my tears.
“But we’re going to apologize too. We’re going to talk about what’s bothering us. I learned that with Layla. I’m not going to let years’ worth of pain compile into an end. You have to promise to talk to me.”
“We can’t end.”
He kisses my lips. “We won’t. I promise.”
“Then so do I.” I wrap my arms around his shoulders and ignore the pain, kissing him back deeply.
His lips are soft and hesitant, not wanting to hurt me. As the second’s pass and our tongues meet, his self-control slips. His kiss deepens and his taste intensifies. He tilts his face to the side and our lips come together perfectly. The feel of him, the smell of him, and the absolute warmth of him, envelops me. He slides me onto his lap so my thighs drape over his and our chests are pressed together. The pain in my body screams for me to stop, especially when his hands move to grip my waist—he’s pressing into my ribs—but I refuse. The pain makes the pleasure so much more intense. I deepen the kiss this time, kissing him so hard all I can feel is the silkiness of his tongue and the taste of his breath.
My fingers tangle in his hair and I kiss him intensely, trying to show him how much I want him. I’ve never wanted someone so badly in my life. Or had them in the moment so they could feel my desire. He makes me feel things no one ever has. In this moment, I understand why he’s so upset. Brady has given me nothing, and yet I risked Julian’s feelings for him. I hadn’t meant to do that at all, but I didn’t think that matters, because at end of the day, that’s exactly what I did.
“I’m so sorry,” I plea with my kiss, owning his mouth. It’s my mouth now. I can kiss him how hard I want, how long I want, anyway I want. “I choose you.”
Passion erupts between us. His hands are under my shirt, feeling me, killing my ribs and tempting my body. My fingers are in his hair, tugging on it and making him groan. Julian kisses me so hard our mouths are one. His lips are unbearably tempting and sweet tasting. Heat and fire burn in my panties. I scoot closer, wanting him and knowing I can have him at the same time. It’s a heady feeling to be in the middle of the most painful beautiful sensation of my life.
“If we don’t stop that makeup sex is going to happen a lot sooner,” he warns. “I know you’re hurting. I just felt you cringe when I touched your ribs.” He opens his eyes and gives me a look. “Stop trying to make me forget you’re hurting.”
I kiss his lips softly, twice, one more time. “I’m horny.”
He laughs in surprise, eyes wide and gleaming. “I had no idea.”
I start to kiss down his jaw to the space below his ear. He rubs my lower back as I kiss him, sucking softly at his skin. He tastes so good I slide my tongue over his throat, savoring him. He hums appreciatively and presses my head against his neck. I kiss him there, pulling his skin between my teeth.
“Aren’t you?” I breathe, nibbling where his pulse pounds.
“Right now, I want inside of you so badly it hurts,” he reveals, pressing me against his erection.
His words leave me breathless. I find his mouth again and kiss him ravenously. As I do, I untangle one hand from his hair and slide it between us, finding his hard cock through his jeans. His moan is loud and guttural. I rub him hard. He tears his lips free and leans his head back, mouth open at the ceiling. I want to feel him. I unbuckle his jeans. He doesn’t look. Doesn’t tell me to stop, even when I unzip his jeans. Getting him out of his jeans is hard. They’re stretched between us and his boxers are so tight.
He lifts his head and looks at me. “Need help?” He reaches into his pants and pulls his hardness out of his boxers. “Is this what you were looking for?” His gray eyes are heavy-lidded and humored as he fists himself.
Heat rushes over me. “Yes, how helpful of you.”
His eyes glimmer.
I don’t look down immediately, I stare at him. At his handsome face, his smooth just-kissed lips. The desire burning in his stormy eyes. I want him in a way that feels new. It feels damaging and reparative; for every kiss, he will break me and put me back together.
Then I look down. His cock is thick and hard, wrapped in smooth pale skin and rock. The tip is gleaming under a dot of what looks like semen. I reach down to smear it over his tip, earning a deep dark appreciative groan from my lion. It’s large enough that when I slide my grip down to hold him, my fingers do not touch. I wrap them around the base of him. He jerks slightly and lowers his head back again, mouth wide open and his eyes closed. I grip him firmly, and then I slide my hand up. I’ve never touched a man before. When Brady and I had sex, he did all the work. This is the first penis I’ve ever touched skin to skin. Heat to heat. I’m glad it’s Julian, that he’s my first. He’s shockingly hard in my hand and yet soft, like his abs. Hard and soft.
I move to grip him with both hands. One doesn’t seem like enough. I twist and squeeze, moving up and down the length of him, coaxing my own fire. Julian’s hands reach out to grip my thighs, digging his nails into me. The sounds he’s making are so hot. The fact that he can’t keep his eyes open because they’re in the back of his head is even hotter.
“Faster, Kael,” he begs, looking down at my hands wrapped around his cock. “Your hands feel so damn good.”
I lean over and kiss his mouth, making sure to grip and stroke him faster, moving my hands up and down his thick hard length. I have this brief idea of putting him in my mouth, how the taut head of his penis would feel on my tongue, but he starts to move into my hands, and I don’t think he’ll last that long. His kiss is fervent and wet, his tongue lapping at me as if I’m the best tasting thing he’s ever had.
Without warning, he breaks our kiss and groans loud, leaning his head back with his eyes pinched. “Watch out, baby.”
I do not watch out. I can’t keep my lips off him. I snag his Adam’s apple, biting there when I feel something warm and wet in my hand. I move my hand faster, wanting him to fall apart the way he made me. He’s panting in my arms. The only thing he manages to say is, “Kaelyn,” repeatedly, as if he has to know it’s me touching him. He moves in my hand, pushing into my palm when I pull up. I sit back when he starts to calm. His end is all over us both. I’m covered in it.
I take off my shirt and wipe him off my hands, smiling, flushed, as I do so. He can’t even move yet. His chest rises and falls and his lips are parted.
Once he’s clean, I kiss his lips. “I choose you, Julian.”
Opening his eyes, he catches my gaze. The emotion in them is undeniably apparent. Burning. There’s no coldness left. “You have no idea how much I want you.”
I snuggle against his chest, resting my head on his shoulder. “I probably never will.”
“No,” he says forcefully, voice losing some of his passion. He exchanges it for irritation. “You’ll know. Every time you look at me you’ll know how much I want you. Do you doubt my feelings?”
“It’s not that I doubt you care. It’s that I doubt you could.”
He hugs me to him, his penis crammed between us. I like knowing it’s between us. As if he has nothing to hide in front of me. “I’ve never met anyone more deserving of love than you.”
Love? I’m reminded of Brady’s words from yesterday. You may not be, but Mr. Ean is.
We’re both quiet for a few moments. I listen to his heartbeats through his chest, and he rests his cheek against my hair.
“So … are we … dating?” I attempt, blushing despite what we just did together.
“We’re dating.”
“You’re my first boyfriend.”
“Good,” he says, and I know he means it. “I’m your last boyfriend too.”
I sit back on his lap and look at him. “That is a huge promise.”
He smiles easily, unbothered he just promised me forever. “I have no problem with huge.”
“What do we do now?” I wring my hands between us.
His smile inches up, looking at me endearingly. “Nothing, Kaelyn. We’re only dating. We get t
o know one another. Learn to love one another.” At this, he reaches over and touches my lips with his two fingers. “We learn what the other can’t live with and what they can. We learn our boundaries.”
“We share our lives together,” I whisper, picking out his words from earlier. “I’ve never had to share my life with anyone. No one’s ever wanted it.”
“I want it. Will you give it to me?” He is completely and utterly serious.
“Yes.” And for what it’s worth, I get honest live butterflies in my stomach, like when we talked on the phone, or when he tells me I’m beautiful. Julian continues to leave me breathless. “Will you give me yours?”
“Kaelyn, baby, it’s already yours.”
Despite his insistence, being Julian’s girlfriend must entitle more on my part. I stare at him, this man who wants me, and wonder why he does. What have I done for him? He’s already risking his job. Mr. Hunt has his eyes on him like a hawk. I’m a mess. I was dumped on his life. And though I’m glad I was, I can’t be positive he won’t wake up and realize how much trouble I really am.
As if he can read my thoughts, he sighs. “You need to understand some things. I’m here because I want to be. Nothing but you keeps me here. Your smile, your laugh, and your beautiful strength—those reasons keep me here. Do I have to prove myself to you?”
“Of course, not.”
“Then why do you have to prove yourself to me? Why are you so unworthy of love?”
That’s enough talking for one day. That’s enough love for one day. I ease off his lap and he immediately situates himself. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“You’re worthy!” he calls when I get to the stairs. “Whether you think so or not, you are!”
Clearly, it doesn’t matter what I think. I am selfish; I wouldn’t push him away. I will question at the same time I cling to the answer. My ribs ache when I wash my hair. The hot water feels good on my tender face. I stand under the hot spray, trying not to let the situations that surround me take me under.
Getting dressed takes a painfully long time. As I do so I notice my work uniform. Tamryn is probably so done with me. I remind myself to call her and explain what I can. I need that job. Next is school. I can’t expect to miss it forever. When I picture returning to school the idea fills me with dread. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to see those kids, hear their insults, or walk down those halls that harbor my pain. Of course, they’re not worth my diploma, but who’s to say the bullying is over? Nessa turned the whole school against me. She might never stop, or someone else might pick up the slack. I’m still in pain from the last bully. I can’t put myself through that again.
When I’m dressed, I take the stairs slowly and go straight for my pain pills. I shake one out and swallow it down with some cold coffee. I’m starving, I’m hurting, and I am spinning. Everything about right now sucks. For the first time, I want to worry about later. When Nessa is a painful memory. When Julian and I are not straddling the line of right or wrong. When Bruce happened a long time ago. When my loneliness was a part of who I was, and not who I am.
Later feels so far away.
Chapter Eleven
The doorbell rings as I’m walking down the hall.
“I’ll get it,” Julian says, coming out of his office.
I stand back. He seems oddly eager to get to the door before me. I wasn’t even going to answer it.
He checks the peephole and sighs. “It’s Layla. She called when you were in the shower,” he explains when I frown. “She’s here to get the rest of her stuff.”
“What should I do?” I watch his eyes.
He doesn’t even hesitate. “Relax on the couch. Are you hungry? I’ll order something.”
“I haven’t eaten since yesterday.”
The doorbell rings again. This time it’s followed by a knock. “Julian!” Layla shouts impatiently. “I don’t have my key!”
He clucks disapprovingly under his tongue. “You should have told me. You need to eat.”
“Aren’t you going to get that?”
“I’ll make something. You shouldn’t go that long without eating. I thought we agreed you’d eat at least three meals a day?”
“Sorry, daddy.”
“Kael,” he warns. His hands slip around my waist and he bends down to kiss the top of my hair. “If I were your daddy I’d punish you right now.”
“How?”
“You remember the ruler?”
“Yeah?”
“Forget the ruler. I’d use my hand. You don’t seem to take my threats seriously.”
Layla pounds on the door.
“She’s waiting,” I remind him, yet I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest.
“She can keep waiting.” From his height, he can’t quite accomplish it, but he leans down and kisses me anyway. I lift to my tiptoes to help. He pushes us until my back hits the wall in the hall, kissing my lips like he means everything he isn’t saying.
I grasp his biceps, holding on as he deepens our kiss. His tongue parts me, running over my bottom teeth. I want to be higher. I want to be naked. To taste him. I want to be against the wall with Julian pressed deeply inside of me. A fire takes burn inside of me. I can’t rise on my tiptoe another inch. He knows what I want. He reaches down and grasps my ass, lifting me until my legs wrap around his waist. He pushes my back against the wall and holds me there, kissing me hard against the wall.
“Julian!” Layla growls, ringing the doorbell repeatedly. “I know you’re there. Your car is parked out front.”
Julian grabs one of my ass cheeks hard, making me gasp. I grin against his mouth and slide my tongue over his bottom lip. “Is that all you got?”
Using his groin, he pushes me against the wall harder. Then he starts walking with us. I realize too late what he’s going to do. I bury my face in his neck as he opens the front door. “Julian,” I whine, hiding my face.
He rubs my ass in circles. “It’s all yours, Layla. You can have what you bought. Oh, good, you brought a mover.”
I would love to see Layla’s face, but I refuse to show her mine. She’ll remember me from Bella’s. Not to mention I look horrendous.
“This isn’t a mover. It’s my boyfriend. Josh, this is Julian. Julian, this is Josh.” Her tone is dripping with false sweetness.
Julian holds me closer. “I knew you were cheating on me. Remember that, Josh, for future reference.”
“Let’s get this over with,” a male, I assume to be Josh, grumbles with a country accent.
“You’re dating someone already?” Layla asks. “We just broke up.”
“Why do you care?” Josh demands.
“I don’t, babe,” she assures him. “I never have. Let’s go.”
Julian turns me away when Layla comes inside. I assume she’s trying to see me. He closes the door and then walks over to the living room, sinking down on the couch. I don’t lift my face. I lie looking at the wall with my cheek on his shoulder. From my position, I can see movement occasionally. People carrying large objects. For an hour, Layla and Josh take things out of Julian’s house.
“She’s taking your bed,” I warn him.
He shrugs. “I’ll use yours. You think she wanted to move down here for him?”
I don’t say yes or no, because if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have him now. “I’m sorry she was cheating on you. I can’t imagine losing you period. But I really can’t imagine pushing you away on purpose. You deserve so much better.”
He wraps his arms around me tightly. “I’ve got it.”
I heat up all over. “Julian.”
He chuckles warmly into my ear.
“Have fun moving on,” Layla snarls behind him.
“Oh,” he says earnestly, voice laden with emotion. “I am.”
“Let’s go, Josh!” she snaps. A second later the front door slams.
“Let’s go see the damage.”
Taking my hand, he leads me up the stairs. I gasp when I get i
nto his bedroom. His closet is in disarray. Her half is completely cleaned out. Julian’s clothes are ripped from the hangers. There’s an open space in his room where his bed used to be. His dresser is gone. Clothes are all over the floor. His cologne is smashed all over them. He sighs heavily stepping over his things. The bathroom is worse. Her things are gone, but his things are in the trash. Even his razor, an expensive looking electric one, sits in the toilet.
“What did I ever do to her?” he asks miserably. “She was the one cheating on me.”
I feel bad for him. His room is ruined. A man like Julian doesn’t deserve this. I walk up behind him in the middle of staring at his dress shirts on the floor and wrap my arms around him from behind. I hug his back and squeeze him hard. “You can share my room.”
He pats my hands on his stomach without responding.
I squeeze him harder.
“I’ll deal with this later.” He wiggles out of my hold and shuts the light off in the bathroom. “Let’s go downstairs and eat. And drink beer. Lots of beer.”
When we get downstairs, he takes two beers out of the fridge. He opens a drawer and takes out an opener, using it to pop both tops. He hands me one. I think he wants to forget his ruined room and the girl who left it that way. I want to forget her too.
I take the bottle and smile timidly at him. “Thank you.”
His face softens and he bends down to kiss me. “You’re welcome.”
I manage to get on top of the counter and sip my beer, watching him pull out vegetables and a tub of rice. He starts to slice bell peppers and cabbage. He chops hard, cutting the cabbage into smithereens. The bell pepper doesn’t stand a chance. Suddenly, he slams the knife down and grabs his beer, taking a long swallow.
“I’m not that much of a prick. Am I?” he demands.
I hold my fingers together to indicate a little bit, but I smile to show him I’m kidding.
He smirks and swats at me with a dishtowel. “I’m serious, Kael. What’s her problem? I gave her everything. Never looked at another girl for longer than five seconds. Never even thought about cheating. I can’t figure out where I went wrong.”
Under The Peaches (Teaching Love Series Book 1) Page 25