“Was?” Charlotte picks out, ever perceptive.
“Well,” he says. “How would you mind letting us stay here until I can find work?”
His mother smiles knowingly. I knew it, I pretend she’s thinking. “I told you they were moving here,” she gloats at Timothy.
Timothy nods as if silently giving her a touché. “Anything important happen we should know about?”
Oh, nothing. I was a student. Julian was a teacher. We are in love.
Julian shakes his head and brings my hand to his lap, playing with my fingers. “Nope. I missed home and I found a girl who’d leave hers for me. Seems like a win-win if you ask me. So don’t ask me.” He smiles tightly.
“What happened with Layla?” Timothy implores. He catches my gaze. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
I look down at my plate.
“Things were falling apart between us for a while. I met Kael during the worst time. Without her, I might’ve done something stupid. Like beg.” He smirks at himself.
“Would that have mattered?” his father wonders, sipping his tea.
“Not for long. Anyway, Layla’s old news. I can’t believe I lasted as long as I did.” He brings my hand up in front of everyone and kisses my knuckles. “Not when I have someone like Kaelyn around.” He winks at me, knowing exactly what he’s doing. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
I erupt. Heat snakes down my spine and settles in my belly. It’s one thing to do stuff like that when we’re alone. For most of our relationship, we’ve spent it by ourselves. I didn’t realize how alone we were until both his mother and father smiled widely at me. We can do this now. We can be out in the open like any other couple.
“It’s going to be difficult to secure a teaching position this time of year,” Timothy notes.
“I was thinking of returning to my last school. When I left, it was on good terms. I don’t see why they won’t rehire me. Even as a sub. If I have to teach something else like algebra or trig, then I’ll do it. I don’t have much left in my savings. I’ll need to start working soon.”
I can’t stand the worry in his voice. He says we’re a couple, but I have yet to help him with anything. I can do nothing for him when he does everything for me. I start making a list in my head.
Job. Diploma. College. Later.
“After the holidays,” his mother orders. “We’ll all have a month together and then you can start working.”
Julian makes a face at what’s left of his eggs. “It’s bad enough I have to move back in with my parents. I don’t want to rely on you as well.”
“Who are you going to rely on if not your family?” Charlotte counters. “That’s what we’re here for. If we needed the support wouldn’t you extend it to us? Hmm?”
Oh, she’s good. I feel bad for him. Smiling to myself, I let Julian’s hand go and resume eating.
“Yes, Mother. I would. But that’s different.”
“How so?”
“It just is. I want to be the one who takes care of Kaelyn. I promised her that. You didn’t.”
I refrain from groaning. I bring my hair forward and hide my face from his parents. So much for the attention being off me.
His mother removes the hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear. It’s such an intimate gesture, it knocks the air from my lungs. All I can think is: I miss my mother.
“Does she need taking care of?” Charlotte asks softly.
Julian reaches over and removes the hair from the other side of my face. He too tucks it behind my ear. My chest constricts. I stare for dear life at my eggs. Don’t cry. Whatever you do, don’t cry.
“If you asked her she’d say no,” Julian says. I can feel him looking at me. “She’d fight against the world until she couldn’t fight anymore. She’d probably win too. She’s strong. But I think she’s fought enough. I don’t want her to have to fight anymore. So I say yes. She does need taking care of, but she doesn’t want it. That’s why I love her so much.”
Damn it. Please don’t cry.
Charlotte smoothed my hair down over the back of my head. I know she’s trying to comfort me. But it’s probably going to kill me. “I would love to be a part of that help. Would you mind letting our family help you, Kaelyn? It would probably ease Julian’s anxiety. We don’t want Julian anxious, do we?”
This woman is incredible.
“Also,” she continues, saving me from a response. “You love my son, don’t you?”
This I can answer. I force myself to meet her eyes. “I love him very much.”
She smiles a little, as though proving something right. Or gaining leverage. With her, I can’t exactly tell. “Then you’re going to be a part of this family. We take care of each other. So, it’s final. We’ll spend the holidays together and then you can both do the responsible thing later. There’s always later.”
I glance at Julian, hoping he can make sense of what just happened. His smile is adorably crooked. He doesn’t know either.
“I never had a chance,” Timothy mumbles, earning a wide beautiful smile from his wife.
Me neither.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” Charlotte asks, switching gears so quickly I’m left spinning. “We can go to the pier and hang out near the water. It’s going to be colder than the wine I’ve got chilling, but it’s always strangely pretty when the sky and the water match. It inspires me. What inspires you, Kaelyn?”
Beneath the table Julian’s hand slips between my legs. I try and cross them but he forcefully pushes my thigh down and presses his fingers against me. I whimper slightly and swallow hard. “Umm,” I mumble, wanting Julian’s fingers pressing deep inside of me. Lust clouds my thoughts.
“Come on, baby. What inspires you?” Julian urges.
Why does he insist on doing this in front of people? I squeeze my thighs shut forcefully, imprisoning his hand. “I haven’t had much time in my life to be inspired, Charlotte. The mere idea of it is a new concept. But,” I add, feeling Julian angrily pry his hand free. “If anything in my life elicits a response, good or bad, it’s your son.”
She takes a small sip of her tea, gaze amused. “Good answer.”
Two can play at his games. Just as Julian is taking the final bite of his eggs my hand slips between his legs. His fork falls to his plate and his eyes whip to mine.
He smiles smugly and leans closer to me, putting his mouth near my ear. “Other side,” he whispers, kissing my temple.
Irritated, I grab my coffee and drink it down. Julian makes me feel too many things. I’ll probably never catch up, and I’ll always be okay with that.
“The pier sounds good. But Kael and I have plans.”
We do?
“You do?” Charlotte demands. Her eyes narrow suspiciously. “What kind of plans?”
I notice how he avoids eye contact as he gets up and starts removing dishes. He stacks my plate on top of his and then gives his mother the briefest second of eye contact. “I want to show her around.”
He’s lying. Julian never lies. I never realized how terrible he was at it. His jaw clenches and he sort of squints his eyes, as if he’s stuck in a windstorm. Under the table, his foot touches mine.
“I’d love to see the city. It was so pretty on our drive in.”
By the look Charlotte gives me, Julian and I are not doing well. But she’s unsure enough to consider it. “We can meet at the pier for lunch.” She is relentless. “You know the restaurant.”
“Sounds great,” Julian agrees.
The moment he leaves me alone, his mother turns her laser eyes on me. She makes Mr. Hunt look inexperienced. I clear my throat and get up, giving Timothy and her both a smile. “Thank you for breakfast. It was delicious.”
“You’re welcome, dear.” Charlotte eyes me.
“Of course,” Timothy answers, smirking at his wife for some reason. “You two have fun. Can I recommend anywhere?”
“No. We’ve got it,” Julian assures him. “You mind if I borr
ow the Lexus? I’ve got a trailer on the back of mine.”
His father digs in his pocket for his keys. He takes one key off and hands it to him. “Here.”
“Thanks.” He walks around the table and kisses his mother on the top of her head. “See you later.”
“Mhm,” she mumbles, brain clearly turning.
Julian takes my hand and leads me into the hall. I don’t question him as he grabs his shoes and puts them on. I do the same, also shrugging on my jacket. I wait until we’re in the elevator to ask.
“Where are we going?”
“Jaz called. He’s got an apartment building he just renovated. He wants us to come check it out asap.”
“Ah. I get it. Your mom’s going to kick your ass when she finds out you’re not sticking around for the holidays.”
“Tell me about it.”
I kick the toe of my Converse against the gritty elevator floor, thinking. “Why can’t we wait?”
“Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to move to Savannah? If we stay here she’ll never let us leave. First the holidays, and then something else will no doubt follow. Plus,” he continues, staring at my shoe. I stop moving it and his eyes shoot to mine. “I want to be able to make love to you in any room of the house any time of day whenever I want. Still questioning me?”
I bite my lip. I want to question him in this elevator. I cover my face with my hand and laugh a little. “It’s embarrassing how turned on you can make me.”
“Why does that embarrass you?” The elevator rings and the doors slide open.
“I guess it shouldn’t. I just feel so much around you. Happiness, sadness, confusion, and want …”
“Sadness?” he hones in on as I follow him out of the elevator.
“Not from you exactly.” I sigh. That came out wrong. “What you make me remember.”
He gives me a doubtful look. “You mind elaborating? Because the idea I could ever make you sad is breaking my heart.”
When he pauses in the parking garage I pause too. “You don’t make me sad. You make me think about sad things.”
“What sad things?”
I don’t know whether I’m mad at myself, or everyone else. “Well for instance how you keep forcing me to leave my fear in the past. I can’t just leave it in the past. I get the terrifying impression that if I don’t do it exactly how you want me to I’ll lose you. And—”
“Kael. I want your fears gone for you. I don’t care how you do it or how long it takes. You’re not going to lose me. That isn’t what I want. That’s never what I want.” His agitation is swift and harsh. His tone deepens. “How long are you going to let your past get in the way of your future? No one else is doing it anymore but you. Get out of your own damn way already!”
Without another response, he stomps away. My mouth, which was hanging open in shock, snaps closed in anger. What exactly does Julian want from me? I know it’s something. I can feel his desire for it like the cold air drifting into the garage. He’s desperate for something and I don’t even know what it is. What if I never figure it out and his entire life is spent waiting for it?
Frustrated and sick with worry, I catch up to him just as he crawls into a pretty silver Lexus. The black leather interior sucks me in. Julian backs out of the spot, doing everything in his power not to look at me. I gnaw on my lip as he drives through the city. The amount of traffic unnerves me, but the tall eloquent buildings and clinging fog make up for it.
And even with all of San Francisco to distract me I can still feel him, like a missing piece sitting beside me. We are not whole. I want to be.
Whole, free of cracks, and blind to the shadows behind me.
He eases the Lexus into a spot on the busy street. “We wanted a fresh start if Jaz asks why we moved.”
I nod. I don’t think he wants to talk to me anyway. When I put my hand on the doorknob the locks click closed, trapping me.
“Do you remember how you didn’t want to be my secret?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“But that you’d let me do that you anyway?”
“Yes.”
“This is the same thing for me. I’ll let you do this to me forever just to have you, Kaelyn. I want you more than I want a perfect relationship. I’d let you run from your fears forever as long as I could come with you. But that’s not fair to me. It’s not fair,” he insists desperately, his voice breaking.
The sadness in his voice breaks my heart in two. “Tell me what I need to do. I’ll do it. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” My tone is just as desperate as his.
“I can’t tell you how to do this. If I could I would have already done it. This has to come from you. You have to do it for me.”
“How?” I plead.
His eyes, which were already pained, fill with tears. “You have to figure it out, baby. You have to.” He leans toward me with his hands outstretched.
I don’t move. I can’t. The tears in his eyes are physically cutting me in half. They are killing me. I close my eyes, my own tears spilling over. How can something so important be up to me? It seems twisted and destined for destruction.
His hands grab my face and bring me, unseeing, closer to him. I feel his forehead press against mine and his warm labored breath against my lips. “I don’t want a life without you.” I hear his breath catch and I completely let my sobs free knowing he is too. “I can’t even picture it without feeling like my heart is going to explode.” He pulls me across the seat and crushes me to his chest. “Please don’t make me live without you.”
I have to see his face. Tears, love, and pain swirl in his eyes. In that single second, probably meaningless to most, but everything to me, I know doubtlessly Julian loves me. That no matter what I do or who I become, he will be there for no other reason than because he wants to.
I will never doubt this man again.
I cradle his face and dry his tears. “Julian, the only life you’re going to have will be with me.” Revelations hit me from all angles. “I want to marry you. I want to be Mrs. Ean someday. I want to have your gray-eyed children and raise them with you with so much love and happiness their little hearts explode. I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you every night. I want to make love to you until I’m too old to walk. You saved me. You showed me what it felt like to feel wanted. What love was.” The love inside of me boils over, spilling out of me. “How could I ever be afraid of that? I’m not afraid. I want it. I want you to keep me as happy as I already am for the rest of our lives.”
His stormy eyes clash with mine.
If he wants forever, I have to give it to him. He’s been dropping hints. Do I have to marry you? I’ve been afraid of feeling anything for another person my entire life. But I’m learning love isn’t going to hurt me. People are, and Julian isn’t one of them. Love saved me. How could that ever be wrong?
I let it go. My parents who didn’t want me. The families who neglected and ignored me. The bullies who rubbed pain into my already painful wounds. The men who’ve hurt me and used me. I let it all go, finding immense strength in my pain. For me to have the life I want with the man I love, I have to do it. My happiness is up to me.
And I want to be happy.
I make sure he can see it all. Know it all. His impossible gray eyes are stuck on me like I hold everything he ever wants in my words, lips, in my entire body. “Will you marry me?”
His mouth falls open. “You’re not kidding, are you? Please don’t be kidding.”
“I’ve never been more positive of anything in my entire life than you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me, Mr. Ean?” I smile through my tears.
Peace slides over his features. I feel his fears and doubts leave his body. There’s nothing at all but love and truth in his eyes. “I will marry you. But on one condition.”
“Anything.”
“You are the strongest, bravest, most beautiful woman in the world.”
I take a deep
breath and hold his gaze. “I know.”
When he smiles, wide and relieved, I know in my heart that he will be mine forever.
Not because he wants it, but because I do too. Together our wants make the perfect kind of need.
“I’ve always known that,” he promises.
I crush my lips to his and savor the promise of forever clinging to his kiss.
Some say you should save yourself. Maybe that’s true. But Julian saved me. I’d never regret it, never seek validation for these feelings. They were true, they were real, and they were mine.
Later is going to be worth every second of right now.
The end … for now.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Under The Peaches was derived from self-doubt and pain. We all suffer from it in varying degrees. This is for the parts of our souls that forget it’s all right not to be perfect, that you are beautiful because you aren’t.
To G, M, and M.
Always.
I love you.
SHANA VANTERPOOL
Romance author, coffee drinker, and bad boy aficionado. Every second not spent breathing is an opportunity to write and read. I live in Northern California with my family and actress dog, Halle Bella. (Just Bella when she decides to cut the crap.) Escaping with a good book is something I live for and I write so others can do the same.
Connect with Shana Vanterpool:
Website: ShanaVanterpool.com
Facebook: Author Shana Vanterpool - https://www.facebook.com/Author-Shana-Vanterpool-404672296399311
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Under The Peaches (Teaching Love Series Book 1) Page 39