Vince pushed me away from her, stepping between the two of us. Alessandro lunged toward him, slamming his son against the wall roughly. “Shut the fuck up.”
Everything seemed to freeze, people watching in awe as everything unfolded.
“Ava, let’s go.” I pulled her hand, desperately trying to get her out of here, but she let go. I swore to myself if I could just get her out of here before it got worse, I would explain everything to her. I just had to get her out of here before Vince did something we would all regret.
She stepped slowly toward Vince, defying both me and her father. All she could concentrate on was Vince.
“Ava, leave with Nick,” Alessandro demanded. “Now!”
As if she didn’t hear him, she stood exactly where she was, looking desperately at Vince for some kind of explanation. The confusion in her eyes was debilitating, and all I could do was watch this nightmare unfold.
“It’s his fault Andrew is dead. And before you go through with this bullshit wedding, you need to ask him why.” His words were like bullets, spraying into all of us. I stood, watching as the realization of what he said hit Ava, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I couldn’t blame Vince; it was all my fault. He didn’t even know the whole story—Alessandro had conveniently kept that from him as well. Ava should have heard this story from me long ago, the second I realized who she was. I should have told her before we even got to this point, before it could be twisted or taken in the wrong context. It was much too late for that now, though—I had to lie in the bed I’d made and hope I could somehow make this up to her.
“Enough!” Alessandro shrieked, carting Vince out of the room. It was too late, though, the damage had been done.
Ava turned around, her eyes immediately seeking me. All I could see was the pain and betrayal in them. “Ava, let me explain.”
Before I could say another word, she flew out the front door as if she couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
I chased her onto the porch, reaching for her arm just before she went down the stairs. “Ava, please, let me explain.”
She jerked her arm away from me so roughly I was afraid she might lose her balance. “Is what he said true?” Tears streamed down her face. The pain in her eyes was excruciating, nearly knocking the wind right out of me.
I hesitated and then nodded. I couldn’t lie anymore. “Yes. I was involved with Andrew’s death.”
“What exactly does involved mean?” she spat, narrowing her eyes at me.
I sucked in a sharp breath, knowing this could potentially ruin everything.
“It’s my fault he’s dead. I shot him.”
Chapter 16
Ava
When I left my parents’ house, I had no idea where I was going, just that I had to get away from there as quickly as possible. Nick had lied to me, my parents had lied to me—I felt like there was no one I could trust. I could hardly see the road through my tears, but I couldn’t get away from there fast enough, so I started driving.
It’s my fault he’s dead. I shot him.
Nick’s words echoing in my mind made me physically sick. I had trusted him, I had walked into this entire thing blindly and done whatever he asked me to do, and the entire time he was keeping this secret from me. God, the things I had let him do to me. And all that time, I wasn’t worth the truth.
I had never felt so mortified in my entire life. I had gone through the last few years thinking my twin brother had killed himself. I thought he committed suicide and that I should have seen the signs and been able to do something. I drove myself insane trying to make some sense of it, and it was all for nothing. Nick had shot him. My fiancé had murdered my twin brother. My father had known it all along and had still shipped me off to the Caponellis like some sort of bartering object.
What kind of person could look me in the eye and lie to me about that every day? How could Nick lie so effortlessly to me, making me think he was falling in love with me, that he only had the best of intentions for me? I was probably just some sort of sick fantasy for him, and it was disgusting.
Up until twenty minutes ago, everything had looked so promising, and now here I was, completely on my own. I had no one. Clearly Vince knew; had my sisters lied to me too? At this point, there was no one I could trust, and there was no worse feeling than that.
I needed to find Jimmy, not because I felt like I could trust him, but because I needed to get high. I needed to slow my mind down and forget any of this shit ever happened. I wanted to erase all of it. Nick, the dinner, losing Andrew. Tomorrow, all this bullshit would still be here, but tonight, I wanted to forget about it. If I hadn’t left my stupid jacket back at my parents, I would be doing that right now. The bag Jimmy had given me earlier was sitting conveniently in the pocket, and now I was going to need to beg him for more.
Somehow, I ended up in the parking lot of the Jag. I threw my car into park and checked myself in the mirror quickly. I looked like a fucking mess. At least the outside matched the inside. I did the best I could, hoping to at least make myself presentable enough to walk into the bar, but I said a silent prayer that it was dark inside.
The place was crowded, especially for a weeknight, and I had to fight my way through the bar. I glanced anxiously around, desperately searching for Jimmy. I needed a fix—that was the only thing that could make this hurt a little less—and I didn’t care about the consequences.
I made my way from one end to the other, and finally set my eyes on Jimmy at a secluded table in the back. This entire place gave me the chills, and I wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible. Two rail-thin girls sat on either side of him, as he sleazily draped his arms over their shoulders. I shuddered, remembering that not that long ago, I had been one of those girls. It was enough to make me reconsider what I was about to do, but only briefly. I would never let myself fall that deep again; all I needed was something I knew would make me feel good.
I gathered up every ounce of gumption in my body and walked toward him purposefully. He did a double take when he saw me, and then a sinister smile spread across his face.
“What do we have here?” He was much too excited to see me in this dump.
“I need something, Jimmy.” My voice was hoarse from all the crying I had done; I almost didn’t recognize it when it came out.
Jimmy chuckled. “Girls, can you give us a second?”
The two bimbos on his arms glared at me and then stumbled along in their doped-up state. I bit my lip, knowing this was my last chance to reconsider. I could call Nick to pick me up and go home. Yeah, call the guy who lied about murdering my brother, that’s a great idea. Instead, I slumped into the chair across from Jimmy, supporting myself on my elbows. This place was probably crawling with diseases.
“What happened to what I gave you earlier? Out so soon?” Jimmy arched an eyebrow at me.
I shifted my weight slightly. “It’s at home. I can’t go get it and I need something now.”
Jimmy considered my words for a second. “Oh, how the mighty fall. What was it you said to me earlier? You’re clean? You’re not going down this road again?” He chuckled.
“You know what, never mind. I’ll find someone else.” I stood up, ready to go. I hadn’t come here to be ridiculed; I was well aware how pathetic I was.
He grabbed my arm roughly. “I’ll give you what you want, but on one condition.”
I should have known he wasn’t going to make this easy for me.
“What?” I asked, afraid of what the answer would be. I couldn’t pay him; I had run out without my purse. Thank God Nick had left the keys in the car.
“Do it now. In front of me.” He grinned evilly.
“What?” I asked shakily.
“I want to watch you. I’m not going to let you run out of here again and let my good shit go to waste. I want to see your face the second it hits your system.” He leaned in. “I used to love watching you get high,” he w
hispered harshly, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
Get up Ava, Get out of here and run. Go back to Nick.
I knew I should, but I couldn’t make my body do it. It was like it was separated from my brain, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t make the two work together.
“Fine,” I spat.
Jimmy smiled and reached into his pocket, then pulled out a bag of cocaine. He set a line out and gestured to it as if giving me permission.
I bit my lip, staring at the line in front of me for a few seconds. There wouldn’t be any going back after this. What did I have to go back to, though? Nick? My family? No, I had no one. The second I got back home, my father would hand me off to marry a murderer and that would be it. None of this made any difference. I knew I would still have to marry Nick despite the fact he killed my brother. My father would make sure of it.
I blew out a deep breath, knowing I would feel better after this. All the bullshit would float away and I could have some peace, if only for a little while.
Without another thought, I leaned down and sniffed the powder into my nose. It hit me almost instantly, washing over every inch of my body. Jimmy smiled smugly as he watched it take control of me.
It didn’t take long before my world started spinning. I left Jimmy to be with the girls from before, and went to the bar to order myself a drink. I could feel the drugs pulsing through my veins and everything was in hyperdrive.
“What’s a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?” a deep voice said from the chair next to me.
I wasn’t in the mood for company and turned to the man, intending to tell him so. I soaked in his appearance. He was handsome, but nothing like Nick. Lighter and longer hair, a few more freckles, and despite his attempts, not much facial hair. He certainly looked like better company than Jimmy, though.
“What makes you think I’m here by myself?” I gave him a sloppy smile, slipping further and further away from my real self.
The man smiled. “I’ve been watching you for a while. And trust me, no man in his right mind would leave you alone in a bar for this long”—I felt his eyes travel up and down my body, feeling uncomfortable under his gaze—“looking like that.”
“Are you trying to seduce me?” I teased, sipping my drink.
“Is it working?” His smile was nothing compared to Nick’s. God, why did he have to creep in my mind right now? All I wanted to do was escape him and the web of lies he’d spun. I finished the rest of my drink to try to squash him back down.
“Why don’t you ask me that again in a few drinks?” I shrugged playfully.
“What’s your name?” he asked, scooting a little closer.
I considered lying for a minute but it didn’t make much of a difference at this point. “Ava.”
“I’m Nick.” Was I hearing things?
I winced at the words, and then twisted my lips into a smile. “You look like more of a Matt, can I call you Matt?”
“You can call me whatever you want, babe.” He chuckled as he finished what was left of his beer.
We spent the next few hours talking and drinking, and I completely lost track of time. He, whoever he was, was helping all of my issues disappear much quicker than I expected. More than anything, he was a warm body who didn’t know who I was or what was going on in my life, and he was taking my mind off of everything.
“It’s closing time, you guys want to settle up?” the bartender asked, clearing our empty glasses away.
Matt reached for his wallet, but I pushed his hand away. “No, let me get this. You’ve helped me more than you know.” I smiled loosely. Between the alcohol and cocaine, I was losing control of my body.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Absolutely,” I insisted, reaching for my purse. Damn it, I didn’t have it, I’d forgotten.
The sparkling ring on my finger caught my attention and I smiled wryly. This was the perfect fuck you to Nick.
I slid it off of my finger and onto the bar top. Both the bartender and Matt stared at me in shock. “I don’t have any cash on me, but will this do?”
“We’ll call it even,” the bartender said, reaching for the ring. My heart skipped slightly as it disappeared. Nick would lose his mind when he found out.
“Why don’t you let me take you back to my place?” Matt said, helping me off the bar stool. That didn’t sound like that bad of an idea. Eventually, I would come out of this state of mind and would need something else to take my mind off of the shambles my life had turned into. And the longer I could put off having to see Nick, the better.
“She’s already with someone.” A dark, menacing voice came from behind me. This time I knew exactly who it was, and it made my stomach lurch. Even in this state, I’d recognize that voice anywhere.
Matt, or Nick, or whatever the hell his name was, chuckled. “Well, maybe she’s tired of her boyfriend,” Matt said, standing protectively in front of me.
“Fiancé, actually,” Nick growled, picking up my left hand, expecting to see his ring. He clenched his jaw when he didn’t, and a sinking feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. “I think it’s time to go home, Ava.” There was nothing in the world as sobering as a pissed-off Nick.
“You don’t have to go anywhere with him if you don’t want to,” Matt said, tilting his head slightly toward me. I noticed Nick’s hands clenched into fists, and the reality of the situation hit me. The drugs, the alcohol, giving my ring away. Nick was only growing angrier by the second, and it wasn’t going to bode well for me, or for this guy who was egging him on.
“Let’s go, Ava,” Nick demanded, grabbing my arm roughly.
Matt stepped forward. “Hey, man, don’t be so rough with—”
Before he could finish the statement, Nick’s fist landed squarely on his jaw, knocking him backward. “Stay the fuck away from her,” he growled, his voice seeping with anger.
“Nick!” I shrieked, latching onto his arm and trying to pull him away.
“Get your ass outside,” he hissed.
“Nick, please,” I begged, not even sure how I wanted to end that statement.
He leaned close to my ear so only I could hear him. “Get your ass outside before I drag you out of this place. Do you understand?”
I nodded meekly, and hurried to the door. Nick was close on my heels, and it might have been me hallucinating, but I swear I could feel the anger radiating off of him.
“I get you’re pissed off, but that doesn’t mean you get to pull this shit,” he growled behind me.
“You have no right to do this,” I said angrily through my tears. The words were jumbled in my head; I could only hope they made sense once I said them. “I’m not a child.”
I fumbled with the keys in my hand but Nick quickly snatched them from me. “Are you fucking high right now?”
I couldn’t bring myself to face him. I hated him for lying to me, but I still hated the idea of disappointing him. This wasn’t fair, none of it was.
He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him, and on instinct I reached out, trying to slap him.
He caught my wrist firmly before I could make contact, causing me to yelp in pain. “You don’t get to fucking do this, Ava. I messed up, but that doesn’t mean you get to throw all of your progress away. You owe it to me to let me explain what happened.”
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I had never felt so conflicted in my life. I wanted to fight him but I also wanted to hear what he had to say. I needed this to make some kind of sense in my head, and Nick was the only person who could do that for me, yet he was the person who was responsible for it to begin with.
“Ava, please get in the car, and I will tell you everything. I swear.” His voice cracked slightly.
I hesitated, but nodded softly. He opened the door for me and I climbed inside.
“What happened?” I asked breathlessly, once he was seated next to me.
“Not here. You need to be sober
to hear this story.”
I waited for him to reach out and put his hand on my leg like he normally did, but he didn’t. He kept his eyes fixed on the road, his jaw flaring every once in a while.
Regret washed over me. I should have given him a chance to explain from the beginning, and now here I was drunk and high, possibly having ruined everything.
Chapter 17
Ava
When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I had fallen off the cliff. My entire body ached, my throat burned, and my eyes were so heavy I could hardly keep them open. What had happened to me last night?
I blinked several times, trying to adjust to my surroundings. Why was I in Nick’s room? Was I wearing his T-shirt? The reality of what had happened last night hit me out of nowhere. Nick had confessed to killing my brother. All of my initial feelings hit me like a tidal wave. The hurt, the betrayal. The realization that everyone had been lying to me about it for years. I must have . . . God, what had I done?
A cup of water sat on the nightstand, still with ice in it. Nick must’ve put it there recently. I sat up carefully and reached for the cup, then took a small drink from it. The cool water hurt my burning throat at first, but then soothed it. It did nothing to help the splitting headache I had, though. I hadn’t felt like this since . . . oh God. Please, no. Why had I gotten high?
The night was coming back to me in small pieces, and every bit of it was gutting. Everything had been great at my parents’, and right as we were about to leave, everything blew up. The confrontation with Vince, Nick’s admission, me going to the Jag and finding Jimmy. I could see the line of coke he had laid out for me and feel the way my body tingled in response just at the sight of it. I would have given anything to forget what happened next but it was all so vivid in my mind. There was another guy at the bar. The way his head snapped back when Nick punched him would be ingrained in my mind forever. I cradled my head in my hands in frustration. How could I have let things spiral so out of control? I had worked so hard over the last several months, and now all of that was just gone in one moment of stupidity and selfishness.
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