By the time I had woken up at the scene, we were being loaded into separate ambulances. Paramedics assured me that Ava was being taken care of, but being separated from her was excruciating. Everything had happened so quickly that I was still trying to wrap my mind around it. One second, we had been joking around in the car, and the next we were blanketed in shattered glass and Ava was unconscious.
This had to have been intentional; there was no doubt in my mind. It was the middle of the night, we were taking back roads. Someone had set out to hurt us, and when I found out who, I would make them fucking pay. Especially if anything happened to Ava or our baby. My God, would they pay.
Shit. The baby. I hadn’t even thought to tell the doctor.
“Ma’am,” I said, rushing toward the nurse’s station. The charge nurse spotted me and sighed heavily. She had fielded my attempts to get back to see Ava for the last hour. “My wife, she’s pregnant. I need to tell the doctor.”
She smiled sympathetically. “I’m sure they’re aware of that, Mr. Caponelli. Why don’t you have a seat and try to relax? As soon as they know anything someone will come out to talk to you. Is there anyone I can call for you?”
I shrank back in defeat. If they would just let me see her, I could relax. Until then, it was useless.
“Out of my way!” A gruff voice came from behind me. I recognized it immediately, and turned to see Leo and my father pushing through hospital security.
“Dad!” I cried out, as if I was twelve years old. I didn’t care how I sounded, right now I was just happy to see him.
“What the hell happened?” he asked, pulling me in for a quick hug. He usually wasn’t one to show much physical affection, so I knew he had been worried. “Where’s Ava?”
The hospital security guards hung back, accepting the fact that they were here with me.
“She’s back there.” I pointed at the large, swinging metal doors that I had been battling all night. Right now, they were the only thing keeping me from my wife. “I don’t know what happened. The car came out of nowhere. By the time I got out, whoever it was was gone.”
“And you didn’t get a good look at the guy?” My dad paused, lost in his own thoughts.
I shook my head, disgusted with myself that I hadn’t thought quicker and gotten a look at the guy.
“It’s fuckin’ Asnikov.” Leo clenched his fist, fuming. “It has to be.”
My dad held a hand up to him. “We don’t know that yet. Let’s be cautious about this.”
“Bullshit!” Leo bellowed, causing several people in the hallway to look at us, including my new nurse friend. “Fuck being cautious. If we would’ve taken care of the shit after the shooting, this never would’ve happened.”
I didn’t even know what to think. The only thing I was concerned about was Ava. At this point, I’d gladly give up my position if it meant she would be okay. I would walk away right now, tonight.
“Get a hold of yourself,” my dad seethed, his tone low. “The announcement of the marriage could have set off any one of our enemies. If we go guns blazing at Asnikov and it turns out it wasn’t him, we are going to have more than we can deal with.” My dad gave Leo a silencing glare. “Let’s not forget that they were in your car. It’s possible you were the target, not Nick or Ava.”
I hadn’t even considered that until this point. Could it have been a case of us being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Were they after Leo? He was my brother—an attack on him would be equally as personal, but it would change the suspect list a little bit.
That stopped Leo in his tracks too. “You think they were after me?”
“I don’t think anything at this point. The accident was ninety minutes ago. I’m just trying to get you two to realize we can’t move without the right information.”
“Nick Caponelli?” a doctor said, finally emerging from the emergency room.
I shot up, bounding toward him. “Is she okay?”
“Your wife is going to be fine. She is in recovery now, and you can go see her as soon as we’re done here.”
My whole body eased with relief. She was okay. Ava was okay. I felt like I could finally breathe again.
“And the baby?”
My dad and Leo both looked on in shock. I didn’t care at this point that I was ruining the surprise.
The doctor stiffened. “Mr. Caponelli, the majority of the force of impact was on your wife’s side of the car. She had a lot of internal damage.” A sinking feeling crept into my stomach. Why wasn’t he just saying yes, the baby was fine? Why this long explanation?
“We were unable to save the baby. I’m so sorry.”
His words sucked all the air out of my lungs. This had to be some kind of sick joke. He had to have Ava mixed up with somebody else. She was almost sixteen weeks, wasn’t that too late to lose a baby? Our baby. The one we had an appointment for in two weeks to find out if it was a boy or girl. I could feel the rage pulsing through my body, and I ran my fingers through my hair to try to calm myself down.
“When you’re ready go see your wife, one of the nurses will take you down. And if you have any other questions, my name is Dr. Baker, feel free to have them page me. Again, I’m so sorry about the baby.” He gave me a sympathetic look that only infuriated me more.
How dare he? How dare he say he was sorry? He had no fucking idea what he was telling me. Ava and I had plans, and in ten seconds he had ripped those plans to shreds. How dare he tell me he was sorry as if he had any idea what he had just taken from me? I was suffocating; it felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I couldn’t catch my breath. I had to steady myself on the wall to keep from collapsing. The last few weeks, knowing Ava was pregnant and we were starting a family together, that we were physically bound to each other, had been utter heaven. It was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life, how could all of that change in one single second?
We were unable to save the baby.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood, grasping anything I could to distract myself. If I didn’t, I knew I would break down right here on the emergency room floor. No, I couldn’t do that. I had to be a man and walk in there and tell my wife that our baby was gone. I had to comfort her, and hold her as she cried, and somehow make this okay for her. I had to fix this for her.
I wasn’t good at the emotional stuff, and the only way I knew how to fix it was to find the person responsible and tear them to pieces. Make them suffer. Inflict as much pain as I possibly could. Give them some semblance of the pain I was feeling right now.
“Nick, you should go see Ava,” my dad said, gently setting his hand on my back. He touched me as if he thought I was made of porcelain and would crack. I didn’t want to be comforted right now; it was only making things worse.
I jerked away from him, then slammed my fist into the hospital wall as hard as I could. I imagined it was the face of the person who was responsible, the person who would rue the day they’d even heard Ava’s name. Over and over again I punched the wall until the drywall crumbled under my fist.
Suddenly aware of all the eyes on me, I pulled myself together as best I could. I couldn’t break down. Ava needed me. I sucked in a harsh breath, shoving my own pain as far out of my mind as I could.
I turned and pointed at Leo. “You find him, and you bring him to me.” I didn’t even recognize my own voice, dripping as it was with rage and hatred.
Leo nodded silently, and then he and my dad left.
I followed a nurse down the hallway to Ava’s room. I stood in front of it for a few seconds trying to compose myself, to figure out what I could possibly say to her. Nothing seemed right, though, nothing carried enough sorrow. I just had to do it, I needed to get it over with.
I opened the door slowly. Ava was lying motionless on the bed with her back to me, her long, dark hair spilling down her back. My heart skipped a beat seeing her for the first time, realizing that she really was okay. At least
for the time being.
It was dark, so I couldn’t see her body heaving until I got closer. Then I heard her soft sobs.
She knew. She already knew.
Her cries killed me. It was worse than any pain I had ever felt in my entire life. My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest, as she lay oblivious to the fact that I was even in the room. I should have been here. I should have been the one to tell her. Instead, I was breaking down like a fucking pussy in the hallway. I had failed her again. Not anymore, though. I had to pull it together for her.
I made my way to her bed and climbed in next to her, and put my arm around her protectively. She didn’t move or waver in her cries.
“I’m right here, baby,” I whispered hoarsely, leaning down and kissing her cheek. “It’s going to be okay.”
She softened into me a little, and I buried my face into her soft curls, inhaling her scent. Having her in my arms gave me a false sense of relief. At least she was okay. She was all that mattered now. When she pulled away, I was worried, but then she turned and buried her face in my chest, her sobs intensifying.
“Oh God, Nick. Why? Why did this happen?”
I held my own tears back, stroking her hair softly, and wanting desperately to soothe her aching heart. I didn’t have answers for her, though. I had no idea why this had to happen to us. I was just as lost as she was.
“I don’t know, baby. But I promise you”—I kissed her forehead gently—“I’m going to fix this.”
I moved lower, pressing my lips to her cheeks, this time kissing her tears away. “I swear to God, I am going to make this right.”
Chapter 37
Nick
It had been seventy-two hours since the accident. I was no closer to pinning this thing on Asnikov than I had been that night, and that was pissing me off. I knew there was no way I could attack until I was sure, and that was making me antsy.
Ava spent one night in the hospital and then I was able to bring her home. I thought it would help to be at home, but it only seemed to make things worse. She walked around as if she was in a trance, hardly speaking or eating. She had lost a lot of weight in the last two days and barely wanted to get out of bed. This had crushed her in ways I couldn’t even imagine. I tried desperately to fix this in any way that I could, but for the most part she just wanted to be alone.
I busied myself doing anything I could to make it easier on Ava. I got rid of all her prenatal vitamins and supplements, donated the few baby items we had accumulated, and even hid the ultrasound picture. Anything that would remind her of the baby, I got rid of.
Once all that had been done, though, I was left alone with my thoughts. The silence was excruciating. All I wanted was for Ava to talk to me, but she was shutting down. Her sobs echoed off the walls, and every time I heard her cry, I fought the urge to go to her. She didn’t want me right now, and I needed to respect that. The gym became my sanctuary. I could crank the music up loud enough to drown out my thoughts and Ava’s cries, and exercise was at least a healthy way to get my anger out. Besides, I wanted to be as strong as I had ever been in my life for the moment I got my hands on Asnikov.
I had tried to get Ava up and out of the house at least for a walk or something, but she wasn’t having it. I knew the pain I was feeling was probably half of what she was. So conceding to her once again, I found my way down to the warehouse office. Even if my dad and Leo weren’t going to let me help with the investigation, I needed some kind of human interaction.
I sat at my desk, staring at the frame on the corner. The picture behind the glass was of Ava and me in Saint Lucia, happy as could be, only a few weeks ago. Tucked inside the corner was my copy of the ultrasound. I took it out, running my fingers over it. It hardly resembled a baby, more of a dust storm. We hadn’t even gotten to find out whether or not our child was a boy or girl.
My thoughts were interrupted by someone pounding up the stairs.
“Sir, you can’t go . . .” I heard my assistant’s voice right as the door was thrown open and Alessandro and my father walked in.
I stood up, ready for whatever fight this would become. I hadn’t told Alessandro about the accident, at Ava’s request, and I was pretty positive that was the reason for his visit.
“What kind of bullshit are you trying to pull here, Caponelli? My daughter was hospitalized and you don’t have the decency to call me or my wife?” He gritted his teeth, anger exuding from his body.
My dad stood back, recognizing that this was something I needed to handle myself.
“She’s my wife, Alessandro. I will always respect her wishes, and she didn’t want you there.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
Alessandro’s face turned into a terrifying glare. “Don’t you dare stand there and act like you give a damn about her. You did this for your place in the business, and my daughter turned into a casualty.”
“Right,” I scoffed. “Like you weren’t using her for your own purposes from the very beginning. You’re getting old, so I know your memory may not be what it used to be, so let me remind you that you were the one who came up with this deal to begin with.”
“A deal for your marriage, not for you to brainwash my daughter and whisk her off to a foreign country to get married. It’s probably not even legal, I have my lawyer checking out the validity of it right now.”
“Knock yourself out. Ava chose to marry me, she wasn’t forced into anything like she would have been under your watch. Everything was done completely legally.” I pressed on. He had picked the wrong day to storm into my office; he was just the scapegoat I needed. “You’re lucky I don’t put out a hit on you for trying to back out of the deal.”
“Yeah, well, I feel like the terms being changed without my knowledge makes the whole thing null and void.”
“You’re right,” my dad interjected. “It does, but since the kids went ahead with the marriage, it doesn’t matter anymore. Nick will take over the business for me in a few months.”
“If you think you’re getting your hands on my business you have another thing coming.”
“I don’t want anything to do with you, Alessandro. It’s pretty telling that instead of asking me how your daughter is you’re still here arguing specifics of a botched arrangement that would have only benefited yourself.”
“I hear the hit was actually on your brother. How does it make you feel that Ava was hurt in the process because of a decision you made?” Alessandro chuckled, trying to get under my skin.
“I’d appreciate it if you would get the fuck out of my office.”
“Not until you tell me when I can see my daughter.” He stood his ground.
“I’m going to leave that up to her. She’s going through a lot right now and—”
Alessandro rolled his eyes dramatically. “She’s going through a lot because you’re keeping her from her family.”
“You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about,” I scoffed. He really had a lot of nerve. “Ava was pregnant, Alessandro. She lost the baby in the accident. That’s why she’s going through a lot.”
The color drained out of his face. The baby was as much of a loss for their family as it was for us. Our child would’ve been an heir to both the Moretti and Caponelli crime families.
“And yeah, she’s hurting right now, so I’m going to do everything in my power to protect her. God knows you never did. And if that means keeping her from you and anybody else, I’ll fucking do it.” I had had enough of his bullshit. He had no right to come in here like this, especially after what he’d pulled at the fundraiser.
“She shouldn’t have even been in that damn car.” For the first time ever, I saw tears well up in his eyes. “This is your fault, Nick.”
With that, he stalked out of my office and left the warehouse. My dad’s gaze fell on me.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I growled. “He needed to know.”
My dad sighed. “Go home, Nick. Be with yo
ur wife, she needs you right now more than we do.”
He left, shutting the door softly behind him.
I flung my hand across my desk, knocking everything off of it and onto the floor. I usually wasn’t one to let words get to me, but the truth behind what Alessandro had said was haunting. This was all my fault. If I had just taken my own car. If I had just killed Asnikov after the shooting. If I just quit this entire fucking thing and ran away with Ava.
Those were a lot of ifs, though.
Chapter 38
Ava
I should have known. I should have known that things were too good to be true, and it couldn’t last much longer. I had never been happier than I was the last few months with Nick; everything seemed perfect and we were about to start our family together. I let my guard down, though, and now I was reeling more than I ever thought possible.
The physical pain I was in was bearable. It had taken surgery to stop the internal bleeding I had, and I had a pretty nasty concussion and cut on my forehead, but for the most part it was manageable. It was the mental pain that was the worst. It was suffocating, and I couldn’t even put it into words. One second I would be okay, and then something would remind me of it, and all bets were off.
I couldn’t bear being around Nick. Every time I heard his voice or saw his face all I could think about was how much I had failed him. Nick had given me everything, saved my life in more ways than I could count, and I couldn’t even give him the one thing he had asked for. I wasn’t wearing my seat belt and maybe if I had been, the baby would still be alive. I didn’t deserve Nick and the wonderful life he was trying to give me. The last few days he had been so attentive and caring, and all I had done was rebuff his efforts. In the beginning, he’d come in every few hours to ask if I wanted something to eat or to go for a walk. Eventually, he got tired of being shot down and would just peek his head in to be sure I was still alive. When he came in at night, he’d drape his arm over me and whisper how much he loved me, but I pretended to be asleep each time. There was even a small part of me that felt like I was being punished because of how I felt right off the bat. I had been upset to be pregnant, but that was because it was a shock. After I came to terms with it, my whole mindset shifted and I was thrilled. Why couldn’t I have felt like that from the beginning?
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