by C. M. Carney
“What the hell?”
“You’ve made this so much more fun,” she grinned. I wrenched my leg again, this time pulling it free with an agonizing tear. I fell to the ground and crab walked backwards. The Agent flicked the few remaining spears of glass and wood from the window with a casual backhand. She then leaped through the window with the grace of a cat and landed lightly on her feet.
“That’s what I was trying to do,” I said as I stumbled to my feet. She smiled at me, advancing slowly. I was in bad shape, but I would not give up without a fight. I pulled my war hammer from the holster on my back and got into my best fighting stance.
The Agent grinned again and slowly eased her two swords from the sheaths at her back. “I promise I won’t hurt you, she said. I just want to talk.”
“Oh yeah, I know. Your Eminence the High God just wants to talk.” I really wanted to make air quotes, but the heavy hammer in my hands made that impossible. The Agent’s eyes became slits, and I smiled. At least I’d earned that small victory. I knew more than she did. But it was fleeting as all jest left her face and she advanced on me.
I panicked and ran. Well, ran may be generous, it was more of a drunken, crippled hobble. I moved as fast as I could and felt the adrenaline ease the pain. I was getting closer to a major cross street where a large crowd was going about their evening business. Maybe, just maybe I could hide among them.
I risked a look behind me to see the Agent was still not running. I would have fired another useless Order Bolt, but my stupid cooldown clock was still ticking down. I turned back to the road and as I crossed, I heard a whiny and a yell of “Whoa!” and had just enough time to see the flaring nostrils of a large horse pulling a cart laden with stone, bearing down on me.
“Shit,” I said as the horse barreled into me, followed quickly by the heavy cart. As my bones snapped and my organs burst I saw the Agent look down on me with a genuine look of anger.
Then I was dead, again.
☠☠☠☠☠
4
I set my empty mug down onto the table with a hollow thunk, releasing an unexpected spark of energy that made me jump. Gaarm grinned, sucked at some bit of food in his crooked Stonehenge of brown teeth, and pushed his pile of coins forward. “I’m all in,” he said.
“Ahhhgghhh!” I yelled at the top of my lungs and my hands quickly patted down my body. No cart tracks or crushed organs or splintered bones. I was whole, in body if not mind. “What the hell is going on?”
Gaarm and the other players jumped at my outburst, but the dealer simply stared down on me, a look of calm disdain on his face. “You are inebriated sir,” he said.
I looked up at him, panic and the phantom terror of being crushed to death still very much with me. “Ahhhgghhh!” I screamed again.
“Shut your yapper dwarf,” Gaarm said in an irritated voice.
“I’m an Ordonian," I said in a voice brought low by shock.
“Really?” Gaarm said.
“That’s what it says,” I said, again. This line of conversation was getting old. What the hell was going on? This was the third time I’d lived this same moment, and I’d died twice. It’s like I was stuck in a time loop. Realization made my eyes go wide. “Oh, shit, I’m in Groundhog’s Day,” I said.
“Whatchoo yammering ‘bout?” Gaarm grumbled.
“Groundhog’s Day, 1993, starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Directed by Harold Ramis.” Gaarm just gave me a blank stare. “Great movie.” Gaarm stared some more.
“Sir, the gentleman has gone all in. What do you want to do?”
My eyes snapped to the door, looking for the Agent. “Too soon,” I mumbled, cursing myself for not remembering exactly when she’d shown up. I stood and tossed my card face up on the pile of coins. Anger burned into the large Eldarian’s face. “I fold,” I said.
“Are you sure sir? You have the winning hand.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I cheated. Feel real bad about that. What’s say I buy you a drink? Some of the good stuff as an apology.”
Gaarm looked ready to stand and grab me as he had before when he realized I’d folded. Finally he gave me a confused nod. He looked at the dealer who simply shrugged and then Gaarm dragged the pile of coin towards him.
I took my focus away from the angry felon and kept my eyes on the door. Panic and uncertainty built in me. I needed to find a different tactic.
Jumping through the window had been painful and ineffective.
I eyeballed the back door and considered making a run for it, but I knew at least two of the Agent's minions were hiding that way. I realized I was sick of running. It was time to go on the offensive.
So, I hid behind a planter near the door and waited. Time moved like a slug through salt as I waited and I kept getting eyeballed by people for my odd behavior. Even the twitchy fire mage was giving me a judgmental stare.
Great, I’m the resident weirdo.
Finally the Agent entered, and I jumped from my hiding space and fired Order Bolt. The spell’s description said it “will unerringly hit” its target. Guess what, it did, but the energy flowed off her like oil fleeing Dawn dish soap in that damn commercial.
The Agent has resisted Order Magic. Better luck next time.
“Shit, even the prompts are becoming assholes,” I said, and tried to run. Soon I was at the bridge again. I tried to let her take me. After my traumatic past few lives I really would have been okay with not dying. But that damn loyalty reared its ugly head again and the next thing I knew I was drowning.
I think I hate you Gryph, I thought and immediately felt guilty. Bastard.
☠☠☠☠☠
I was back at the table and this time I only kinda squealed like a preteen girl. Gaarm looked at me in irritation, repeated his dwarf insult, and the ever smug dealer asked me what I wished to do. I folded again. Gaarm gave me the stink eye, his tiny brain debating whether he should kill me for not really cheating. I was shaking. My nerves were shot. I’d died several times already, and I had no idea how to stop it from happening again.
“Hey Gaarm, ol’ buddy, I could use a stiff drink. You want one?” I felt the stare of his too close-set eyes burning into me before he nodded and grunted. “I’ll take that as a yes,” I said and walked up to the bar. Master Grimslee was polishing mugs with his favorite snot rag and I put on my best winning smile. “My friend and I feel like celebrating,” I said, tossing a thumb over my shoulder at Gaarm.
“Good for you,” Grimslee grumbled, eyes staring at me levelly.
I glanced back at the door. Still no Agent. I turned back to Grimslee. “Now, I know you must have some finer stock, perhaps hidden out back?”
“You don’t like my mead?”
“No, no, I love it, but I just felt like something with more punch, something a tad pricier, perhaps. My friend and I are celebrating.”
“You said that already,” the innkeeper said, but he glanced at Gaarm who pointed at himself with a nod. “Well, okay then. I got some elvish brandy and some Eldarian fire wine.”
I pretended to consider for a moment. “Whichever one is the most expensive, and the most hidden out back.” Master Grimslee gave me an odd look, but then grunted and tossed his rag onto the bar. He pushed the curtain to the back room aside and disappeared.
“And pour yourself one while you're at it,” I yelled after him. A grunt that almost sounded pleased came from behind the curtain. I gave it a second and then rushed behind the bar. “It’s around here somewhere,” I said in a low voice. The first shelf held a bunch of mugs. The second bits and odds and ends. Finally, on the bottom shelf I saw it, the butt of a loaded crossbow.
I grabbed the weapon and eased it onto the bar. It was a fine weapon and its weight felt good in my hands. I placed the weapon on the bar top, removed the safety catch and took aim at the door. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm my pounding heart.
The shadow laden rogue’s eyes locked onto mine, but he neither moved nor said a word. As his cigarillo lit up the insid
e of his hood, I could see a small smile. Seraphine sauntered up and plopped a few empty mugs onto the bar. She looked at me with casual calm. “Whatcha doin’ hun?”
“Target practice,” I said and returned all my focus to the door as the handle twisted and the door eased open. A second later I saw the Agent. She looked about the room and I took aim. I pulled the trigger and the twang of the drawn string sent the bolt flying towards the Agent. I knew right away that my aim was true.
The bolt flew right towards the small elf woman and a mere second before it hit her she took a step back. The bolt flew by and sunk into the neck of the fat priest. His look of shock was only slightly greater than my own. He slumped forward, dumping his mug of mead down his cassock. The Agent’s eyes came to mine, and she smiled.
“What the hell?” I said. Nobody moves that fast. It’s like she knew the attack was coming. My eyes went wide. “Spidey sense.”
You have earned 923 XP for slaying a Priest of Ferrancia.
Sorry dude. But killing the hapless priest gave me a new skill.
You have learned the skill ARCHERY
Level: 1 - Tier: Base - Skill Type: Active
You have shown that you can handle bows and crossbows. This ability will allow you to deal death from a distance. Base Chance To Hit is one's Dexterity +1% per level. Chance of Critical Hit = 1% per level.
You have reached Level 3.
You have 10 unused Attribute Points. (5 New and 5 Previously Earned)
You have 2 unused Perk Point. (1 New and 1 Previously Earned)
I didn’t have time to play with my points just yet and swiped the prompts away in annoyance. I tossed the crossbow down and ran towards the back door. The Agent and one of her mutes followed. Now, I’d like to tell you that I got away, but, yeah, that didn’t happen. I ran headlong into her other goons and I ended up tied up at the edge of town again.
Damn loyalty. I made a promise to myself, that if I ever saw Gryph again, I’d punch him in the face. Then I jumped off the bridge. I didn’t even fight it this time; I just let the water take me.
And I died, again.
☠☠☠☠☠
I set my empty mug down onto the table with a hollow thunk, releasing an unexpected spark of energy that made me jump. Gaarm grinned, sucked at some bit of food in his crooked Stonehenge of brown teeth, and pushed his pile of coins forward. “I’m all in,” he said.
Blah, blah, I cheated, etcetera, ad infinitum. I won't bore you with all this again. Now that I realized I was stuck in some kinda weird time loop, I had to figure out why and then figure out how to get unstuck.
I was a bit calmer this time and cast Commune again. Knowing my luck the bastard Lords of Order would claim that since I was technically reliving the same day, I wouldn’t be able to can the spell again. But happy day, the world went hazy and up floated a quadrata. I had no clue if this was the same one that I’d spoken to before, but I still felt that he, she, it, should have a name. I named it after the world’s most famous cube.
“Hey Rubik, how’s it hangin’?” The quadrata just stared at me with an unnerving, unblinking eye. “Right, my question? Can you tell me where Gryph is?”
NO, it thought said and floated away.
“Dammit,” I mumbled as the world returned.
Okay, I still needed to fight my way out of this. My mind ran through the possibilities and I decided the crossbow was still my best option. But this time, I’d hide behind the bar, until I heard the Agent and her crony enter. Then using the mirror behind the bar that Master Grimslee never seemed to clean, I’d wait until she was facing away from me. Then I’d spring up and fire. No chance she’d avoid that.
Well, guess what, she avoided it. But at least I got my first Critical Hit, with a brutally lucky shot to her minion’s eye.
You have earned 1,523 XP for slaying an Agent’s Thrall.
Thrall? Were these guys slaves? Under some kinda mind control? Who was this chick?
She turned and grinned at me. I dropped the crossbow and ran to the back door again. I knew where the other thralls were hiding, so I was sure I could avoid them. I was lucky with the first one. He was hidden well back from the alley, so he couldn’t see me until I was almost on top of him. I slunk along the far wall, hidden in shadows.
You have learned the skill STEALTH
Level: - Tier: Base - Skill Type: Active
You have shown that you can be sneaky and stealthy. This ability will allow you to hide from enemies, sneak up on them to use the Pickpocket skill or to perform a sneak attack. Base Stealth success percentage is determined by Dexterity +1% per level of Stealth.
Right as I was sneaking by thrall #2 the back door to the inn opened and the Agent looked right at me. Apparently, my Stealth skill still sucked. I jumped up and sprinted past thrall #3. He made a grab for me, but I slipped under his grasp. Guess being short for an Ordonian had some benefits. I ran towards the end of the alley.
Damn these stumpy legs.
I did some quick calculations in my mind. I’m great with calculations. Remember, I was an artificial intelligence in a past life. If I was right, then this plan would work. My lungs burned with the effort and I promised myself that regardless what happened next, some good old-fashioned cardio was in my future.
I could hear the thrall right behind me and I put on a last, desperate burst of speed. As I crossed the road, I heard a surprised whiny and a “Whoa.” My calculations had been correct.
To my left I saw the flaring nostrils of the horse that had trampled me the last time. It whinnied again, and the driver tried to pull up. But, stopping several tons of horse and cart proved impossible, again, and the thrall behind me was crushed to a pulp. I nearly threw up at the sight. The once man looked like a sack full of organs and bone dropped from an incredible height. And the blood, there was a lot of blood.
Is that what I had looked like? Damn.
I pulled my eyes away from the carnage and ran again. But my Stamina was crap, and it wasn’t long before the Agent and her last thrall had me again. They tied me up, the Agent blathered and at the bridge I jumped.
This time I wanted to make it quick. I exhaled violently, forcing all the air from my lungs with a terrible underwater laugh. Trust me that is harder to do than one thinks. The subconscious mind tends to defeat the conscious when survival is at stake, but my subconscious mind had never faced such intense and obvious stupidity as purposely drowning myself. I think I caught it by surprise.
I drowned and died, again.
☠☠☠☠☠
5
I was back where I’d started, again.
I got a YES from Rubik when I asked if I was stuck in a time loop. So, I’m not insane. Yay me.
I took careful aim with the crossbow and fired. The Agent dodged again. The thrall did not.
You have earned 1,523 XP for slaying the Agent’s Thrall.
I ran. They caught me. It was the same old, same old. This time I added some flair to my dive from the bridge. I’m sure it would have at least won me the bronze.
☠☠☠☠☠
And, then I was back again. I moved to a different spot and took careful aim. The bolt zipped at the Agent and she stepped aside. This time I hit the barmaid, and I got a Critical Hit.
You have earned 2,153 XP for slaying Seraphine.
I felt bad about that one.
You have reached Level 4.
You have 15 unused Attribute Points. (5 New and 10 Previously Earned)