‘Frey, what’ve you done?’ Robyn asked.
‘I haven’t. I thought it’d be best if we didn’t have any fatalities tonight, which is the likely outcome of me attempting to cook. This is courtesy of Ben – a Spanish paella, to go with his Flamenco dancer costume.’
‘So what’ve you made, Rob?’ Eliot asked.
‘Ah. Yes. Well, there might’ve been a bit of a cock-up in that department,’ Robyn said, grimacing.
Freya frowned. ‘You didn’t forget?’
‘No, Frey, I didn’t forget.’ Robyn pointed them in the direction of the kitchen.
‘Whoa,’ Eliot said when he clocked the food laid out in there. ‘Robyn, there’s enough here for ten Eurovision parties.’
‘Yeah, I went a bit overboard.’
‘A bit?’ Freya went to examine the food. There was moussaka, and meatballs, and bite-size croque-monsieurs. There were mini pizzas, and pork pies, and Danish pastries. There were…
‘What’re these, oysters?’ she asked.
‘No, moules-frites. Mussels,’ Robyn explained. ‘Big in Belgium.’
‘You must’ve been cooking for days.’
‘Not far off, yeah.’
Eliot squeezed her arm. ‘Trying to take your mind off things?’
She sighed. ‘Good guess, El. Didn’t work though.’
‘Aww, honey.’ Freya pulled her into a hug. ‘Have you seen either of them since you told Ash how you felt about Will?’
‘No. Well, I’ve been trying not to. It’s for the best if we stay out of each other’s way for a while.’
‘You’ll see them today though,’ Eliot said. ‘Are you going to be okay?’
‘I’ll have to be, won’t I?’ Robyn summoned a smile. ‘It’s Fliss’s night so I’ll grin and bear it. I just hope the boys don’t find it too painful.’
‘We’ve sold plenty of tickets anyway. It ought to be packed to the rafters. Hopefully that’ll make it easy for you three to avoid each other.’
‘Except the lads are hosting. That means they’ll be right in my eyeline wherever I hide.’
‘True.’ He patted her shoulder. ‘We’ll be there for you anyway.’
‘Thanks, you guys.’
‘All right, come on,’ Freya said. ‘Let’s get this stuff over to the pub.’
*
When they got to the Boon Companions, Ash and Will were putting up decorations in the function room.
Robyn fixed her face into a smile. She’d been steeling herself for this all morning. But she still felt her stomach lurch, and the inconvenient prickle of a tear, when she saw Will. He looked so tired…
‘Hiya,’ she said with false brightness. ‘Um, our contributions for the buffet are out in Frey’s car. Where do you guys want them?’
Ash turned from putting up bunting to flash the three of them a warm smile. ‘Hi, Rob. Millers. Nice day for a party.’
Robyn blinked. She hadn’t expected him to be quite so buoyant. She couldn’t imagine it was genuine, but he was certainly a better actor than she’d given him credit for.
Ash turned to Will. ‘Can you fetch the food in, bruv? It needs putting in the cool room with the other bits.’
‘Right,’ Will said.
He was avoiding her eye, Robyn noticed. For a moment she was tempted to put her hand on his arm, to smile at him or something. Anything that might make him look at her with the old warmth in his eyes. But she didn’t.
‘Do you need help with anything?’ she asked Ash.
‘No, we’re fine. You get off.’ He looked at Freya and Eliot. ‘Can you two stay a minute though? Something I need to arrange with you.’
‘Um, okay,’ Eliot said, giving his sister a puzzled look.
When Robyn had gone, Ash cast a quick glance in the direction of the cool room, where Will was arranging the food, then grabbed Freya and Eliot’s arms and guided them out into the empty main bar.
Eliot frowned. ‘What’s going on, Ash?’
‘Guys, I need your help. I’ve got a plan.’
‘Okay,’ Freya said slowly. ‘What sort of a plan?’
‘The sort I need to keep secret from my brother. A nice plan though. Are you in?’
‘I suppose. What is it?’
‘I want you each to do me a favour. Time’s of the essence, all right?’
‘Go on,’ Eliot said.
‘Right. Freya, I want you to get hold of Donald Sykes and arrange something with him. I’ll give you all the details. El, I’m going to give you some phone numbers so you can get a couple of names changed for me. Then when I’ve finished with the decorations, I’m going home to get dressed and pick something up.’
‘What’s going on, Ash? What’re you planning?’
Ash cast a determined look in his brother’s direction. ‘To tick something off my bucket list.’
*
The party started at 7.30pm, ready for the final at eight. Robyn would’ve liked to arrive fashionably late, so there was less chance she’d have to make painful chitchat with Will and Ash, but as she was escorting the guest of honour that wasn’t really an option.
‘Here we are,’ she said to Felicity as she helped her out of the Brigadier’s car. ‘I hope you two have got your dancing clogs on.’
Her aunt and uncle had decided on a German theme for their costumes, and Robyn couldn’t help smiling at the Brig in his lederhosen and feathered cap. Felicity was in her element in a Bavarian tavern wench dress with lace-up corset.
Robyn, on the other hand, felt bloody ridiculous in what she was wearing. Elbow-deep in self-pity and self-raising for the last three weeks, she’d made the catastrophic mistake of letting Freya sort out costumes for the pair of them. Which meant that tonight, she and her friend would be flying the flag for the UK – literally flying the flag, in a pair of matching Ginger Spice-esque Union Jack mini-dresses. Sequinned mini-dresses. Not only did they leave very little to the imagination, they also made them look like the strippergrams at a Britain First rally.
Felicity took her arm as they headed into the pub.
‘Are you okay, my duck?’ she asked. ‘You look peaky.’
‘I’m all right.’ Robyn summoned a smile. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll feel guilty forever if I ruin your party.’
‘Is it Will?’
‘It’s… lots of things. We’ll talk about it another time.’
Robyn was relieved to find the function room already packed with Kettlewickians, in a range of costumes even more ridiculous than hers. There were wigs, flares and platform heels as the Cockburns paired with Molly and Arty to form an ABBA tribute. Another foursome were Bucks Fizz, in skirts Robyn knew would be tossed over the bar later in the night. There were stripy jumpers and berets for France, bedsheets doubling as togas for Greece, Viking helmets for the Scandinavian countries – Darya Kaur was even representing Iceland in a dress made of carrier bags from the eponymous supermarket. Conchita Wurst-esque pencilled-on beards abounded, while others paid tribute to Verka Serduchka in silver stars, sequins and sunglasses. A group of lads from the rugby league team Will and Ash played for had gone to a lot of effort with face masks and studded leather to come as Lordi, while Albert and Carolyn Jeffries had gone vintage as Cliff Richard and Sandie Shaw.
A projector and screen had been set up at the front of the room, ready to show the event live as it happened. A playlist of Eurovision classics boomed from the speakers, and bunting made of world flags decked the walls.
‘Hey, this is all right, isn’t it?’ Robyn waved to Eliot and Freya, who were sitting at a large table with Ben and Winnie. ‘Looks like those guys have saved us seats. You two sit down and I’ll get us all a drink.’
She left Felicity and the Brig and made her way to the bar.
‘Oh,’ she said when she spotted who was serving. ‘Um.’
‘Hi, Bloom,’ Will said, looking bashful. ‘So, er… what can I get you?’
‘Will, I… I hope you’re not…’ Robyn gave up. She could only make things more
awkward. ‘Sauvignon for me, brandy for Fliss, orange juice for the designated driver.’
‘Could I tempt you to one of our themed cocktails?’ he asked. ‘How about a Dana International? Prosecco, elderflower and pomegranate seeds – very nice. Or there’s a Hard Rock Hallelujah – that’s a Snakebite and Black, if you fancy bringing back some memories of schooldays. Or a Bucks Fizz. I won’t insult your intelligence by explaining that one. Or there’s a Brotherhood of Man-hattan, a Waterloo Sunset, a Wallbanger Bang—’
She laughed. ‘All right, I get the idea. Make mine a Bucks Fizz then.’
‘Coming up.’
‘I didn’t realise you were working the bar,’ she said as he mixed her drink, trying to force some ordinary small talk.
‘I’m not, I’m just filling in while the real bar staff grab themselves a bit of food from the buffet.’
‘Ah, okay.’ Her mouth twitched as she took in his shiny blue jacket, clerical shirt and dog collar. ‘Liking the costume. “My Lovely Horse”, right?’
Will smiled. ‘Yep. The best Eurovision entry Ireland never had.’
‘Where’s Ash? I’m guessing he’s the Dougal to your Ted.’
‘Heh. You’re right, it is that way round.’ He scanned the room. ‘He said he had something to sort out. Probably faffing about with the projector.’
Robyn looked around too. ‘No he isn’t, he’s over there talking to Eliot.’
‘Well I wish he’d get his arse in gear. We’ve got sweepstake tickets to sell.’ He looked at her costume. ‘Nice dress, by the way. Who are you, Gina G?’
She scoffed. ‘Please. As if I’d come as a mere eighth-placer.’
‘I preferred The Wurzels’ version anyway.’
Robyn laughed, then an awkward silence followed.
‘Right,’ she said at last. ‘Well, er… I’ll leave you to it.’
‘See you, Bloom.’
Will sighed as he watched her walk away.
40
Robyn had to admit Ash had done a great job. The decorations, the buffet, the screen – it was all spot on. She glowed with pride to think that her feckless, selfish ex-boyfriend was now the sort of man who’d do all this just to make someone else happy.
But the pride she felt was very much that of a friend. She felt happy when she thought about Ash, and proud, but she didn’t feel love. That feeling was reserved for Will. Will who she could never be with.
What a mess it all was.
‘Who’d you get in the sweepstake, Rob?’ Freya asked.
She held up her slip of paper. ‘Israel. Fat lot of good that is. The hosts never win.’
‘Sometimes they do. Ireland won it for something like a hundred years straight.’
‘Look at Winnie, all smug,’ Eliot said. ‘He’s got The Netherlands.’
‘Yep,’ Winnie said. ‘They’re the bookies’ favourite so I’m hoping for great things. What do we win anyway?’
‘The Cockburns have donated a hamper from their shop,’ Robyn said. ‘Chocolates and wine.’
‘Are you going to split your chocs with us then, Winnie?’ Ben asked.
‘Nope. Get your own winning country.’
Felicity drew one of the scoresheets that had been placed on the table towards her. There was a space to write the country name, then columns for rating the song, performance and outfits out of ten.
‘Well, Robyn, this makes our little Eurovision parties for two look quite pathetic, doesn’t it?’
‘I know. We’re going to have to up our game next year.’
Felicity smiled and looked away, and Robyn flinched. She kept forgetting. There might not be any next year, not for her Aunty Fliss.
‘I believe it’s about to start,’ the Brigadier said, nodding to Ash firing up the projector.
The Song Contest was flamboyant, cheesy fun as always, with Graham Norton admirably filling the late Sir Terry’s shoes with just the right blend of warmth and snark. Some entries were camp and outlandish, others simple and melodic. Some were pure pop, heavy on the synth and scantily clad dancers. Others had more of a folk vibe, while some were hard rock. Robyn picked her two favourites – Serbia because she quite liked the song, and Australia because it was classic Eurovision daftness, with the tiara-clad singer rocking back and forth on a giant skewer like a Disney princess kebab. When voting opened, she texted in her selections.
‘A good batch this year,’ she observed to Felicity.
‘Not bad. I do miss the days before they brought in the semis though. All the wackiest acts get weeded out before the final now.’
‘Have you had a nice time, Aunty?’ Robyn asked, putting an arm around her.
‘Wonderful, sweetheart.’ Ash was fading the sound as the interval acts came on, and Fliss smiled in his direction. ‘You know, after the way that boy behaved last year, I’d all but written him off as a waste of space. But he’s really grown into a fine young man since he came home.’
‘He has, hasn’t he?’ Robyn said, smiling too. ‘He’s a good lad.’
‘But not the one for you, I think,’ Felicity said quietly.
Robyn didn’t answer. Ash had produced a microphone and was tapping it for silence.
‘Um. Hi,’ he said when he had everyone’s attention. ‘I just had a few things to say before the scoring. First of all, thanks to everyone for coming. It’s been a great night and I think we’ve made a tidy amount to donate to Macmillan.’
A raucous cheer echoed around the room, which suggested that the bar, at least, had made a killing.
‘I also wanted to thank Felicity Heath for being our guest of honour. As you know, this event is dedicated to her, as Kettlewick’s foremost Eurovision fan.’ He raised his glass in Felicity’s direction. ‘So, I’d like to propose a toast. To love, happiness and seizing the day. To Felicity.’
Everyone echoed the toast and raised their glasses to salute the old lady. Robyn smiled when she noticed her aunt, for possibly the first time in her life, actually blushing.
‘Here,’ she whispered to Fliss, pushing something into her hand.
Felicity frowned. ‘What is it, Robyn?’
‘Something I made for you.’
She looked at the little felt badge Robyn had pressed into her palm.
‘I wasn’t sure what to do as the picture,’ Robyn said. ‘Er, it’s supposed to be a flaming meteorite, not a meatball. It’s your Survivor badge.’
‘For me?’
‘Yes.’ Robyn squeezed her shoulder. ‘You’ve earned it.’
They fell silent as Ash started speaking again.
‘Now before we get our hard-earned nul pois, I hope you don’t mind if I tell you a story,’ he said. ‘It’s about me and my brother.’
Will, who was at the buffet with some of his Lordi-disguised rugby buddies, frowned. Whatever Ash was about to say, he obviously hadn’t shared it in advance.
‘He’s ace, my brother,’ Ash said. ‘A handsome devil too, but I think that goes without saying. You know what he once did for me when we were at school? Broke a rib. Seriously, he broke an actual bloody rib for me, trying to get between me and this lad I was having a fight with. A fight I’d started, by the way.’
All eyes had turned to look at Will, who was doing his best impersonation of a startled rabbit with a mini croque-monsieur suspended halfway to his mouth.
‘What’s going on?’ Robyn whispered to her friends.
Freya smiled. ‘You’ll see.’
‘That’s Will Barnes all over,’ Ash said. ‘All his life, he’s put me first. Got me out of trouble I don’t know how many times; been a brother and a best mate and even a parent after we lost our mum. And recently he gave up the thing he loved most in the world, wrote off his own happiness, just to stop me getting hurt.’ He beckoned to Robyn. ‘Rob, can you come up here?’
‘Me? Why?’
‘I’ll tell you in a minute. And Will, you too, please.’
Dazedly, Robyn went to stand at the front.
‘What’s he up t
o?’ she whispered to Will when he joined her.
He shrugged. ‘Beats me.’
Ash moved the mike away from his mouth.
‘Will, I know you lied to me,’ he said in a low voice. ‘And I know you don’t approve of my gestures, but this one’s not from any film, it’s all mine. Anyway, you’re not stopping me so don’t even try to talk me out of it. I’ve been thinking this over for weeks and it’s happening whether you like it or not.’
‘Ash, what’re you doing?’
‘Wait and see.’ He brought the mike back to his mouth. ‘As I said, all his life Will’s put me first, his pillock of a little brother. Like this beautiful girl in the patriotic sequins here.’ He nodded to Robyn. ‘See, he loves her, and she loves him, but because he’s worried I’ll be hurt he thinks he can’t ever be with her. Very Romeo and Juliet, right? That’s just the sort of noble soul he is, my brother.’
Excited whispers rippled through the crowd. There was nothing Kettlewick enjoyed more than a fresh bit of gossip, and the news that the doctor and his twin had fallen for the same girl was a doozy.
‘I made a commitment earlier this year, to be a better, less selfish man,’ Ash went on. ‘I thought that meant doing things like this charity event. But I’ve finally realised what my selfless act has to be.’ He took Robyn’s hand and pressed it into Will’s. ‘For once in my life, to put my brother ahead of myself.’
Robyn looked down at Will’s hand around hers. ‘Ash, what’s happening?’
He took an envelope from his pocket.
‘There’s two tickets to New York in here,’ he told everyone in the room. ‘One in my name, one in Robyn’s. Only I can’t make it.’
He handed them to Will, who stared at them in confusion. ‘Ash…’
‘Don’t worry, Will, I’ve got it all sorted out – well, with a little help from some friends. Eliot’s notified the airport and hotel to expect Will and not Ash Barnes. Freya’s arranged with Dr Sykes for cover at the surgery. You fly out next week.’ He smiled. ‘Don’t forget the Empire State Building, eh?’
‘You’re giving these to me?’
Ash glanced at Robyn. ‘That’s not all I’m giving to you.’
The Never Have I Ever Club Page 32