by Kim Stokely
My father sits back in his chair. “Braedon, of course.”
“No.” I push my plate away. “The Portal told me it wasn’t him. It doesn’t make sense that he’d want to kill me now.”
“Why not?” Maris asks.
“Because if he kills me now the Commoners won’t accept his rule willingly. He needs me mentally broken, or else married to him, before he can take over. Otherwise he’ll forever be at war.”
Kyran nods. “She is right.”
Geran leans forward, placing his elbows on the table. “Who else wants her dead?”
An uneasy silence settles over the group. Nobody wants to admit I have any other enemies but the Mystics.
It’s Devnet who finally answers his brother’s question. “There are many on the Assembly who want to keep their power.”
My father’s blue eyes turn cold. “The Assembly? Surely you do not think they would call a demon?”
“I cannot prove it.” Devnet’s voice has a new authority. “Still, I know Javan was involved in the attempt on her life in the Sanctuary.”
My throat tightens. Javan’s lackey, Zaccur, tried to smother me while I slept back in the Sanctuary. I shiver at the thought of Javan controlling the demon in the forest.
“She is not safe.” Devnet shakes his head. “Until she declares an heir.”
“But that cannot be done officially without the Assembly’s approval,” Geran insists. “I fear bringing them so close to her now, when war is almost upon us.”
I snort softly. “Proximity doesn’t seem to matter to these guys. Whoever they are. They sent that thing into the passage to kill me. Without the Elderstone, it would have succeeded.”
For once, my father looks at me with something other than disapproval or anger. The concern I see, the love, startles me. “Then you must not travel the passages until we have found the culprit. We can discuss your heir with the Elder Council when they arrive.”
“You forget,” Maris says, “Javan is also a member of the Elder Council.” She glances over at Devnet. “Are there any you would trust?”
“Few have the power to bind one of the Fallen to their service. The head of my order, Goram is one who could. I believe he is loyal to Alystrine.” His shrug conveys his apology. “But we can no longer trust anyone.”
Kennis and Quinn accompany me up to my room after dinner. The day has unnerved me. I wish I had somewhere I could go to be alone.
Instead, I sit down heavily and let Tamra brush my hair for the night. Kennis and Quinn sit on the couch opposite me.
Quinn puts his hand on my mother’s knee as she asks, “Are you going to be all right?”
Tamra’s fingers work to loosen my braids. I close my eyes, trying to relax. “You mean with the thought of someone wanting to kill me? I’ve been dealing with that since I got here.”
“Yes,” she says, “but it didn’t seem as immediate as it does now.”
“Maybe not to you.” I keep my eyes shut.
There is something else troubling you.
My eyelids fly open. “You told me once that reading the minds of people close to you was a bad idea.”
Quinn holds my stare. “I do not need to intrude on your thoughts. Your demeanor throughout dinner suggests you are preoccupied.”
Tamra drops her brush as I stand quickly. “Preoccupied?” I bark out a sarcastic laugh. “You think? After everything that’s happened?”
My angry strides take me around the room. “With everything I know is going to happen soon? Do you think I want to face another demon like that again? Never mind a whole horde of them?” I stop in front of the fireplace and stare at the flames. My thoughts slip out quietly. “I wish I wasn’t so afraid.” I remember the voice back in the chapel telling me to let go of my fear. I lean against the mantle and bow my head. Help me, please. Help me to let it go again.
I get a faint whiff of roses, so I know Kennis has moved closer to me. She gently rubs my back. “You’re tired. You’re still not sleeping, are you?”
My silence is my answer. I’ve been trying hard not to sleep so I won’t see the visions of Kyran and the Demon. And Tegan. Always Tegan.
“Let me give you something to help.”
I nod. Maybe if I’m drugged, I won’t have the dreams.
She and Quinn leave. Tamra helps me get ready for bed. I’m back standing by the fireplace when Kennis returns.
She hands me a little white pill. “It’s only an antihistamine. Nothing addictive.”
“Thanks.” I swallow it down with a mouthful of tea. “Did you bring many of these?”
“Enough. I’ll hold on to most until I see how your allergies react to the pollen in spring.” Her eyes narrow. “You want me to stay with you?”
I shake my head. “I’m a big girl. I’m not afraid of the dark.”
She kisses my cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too. Now go back to your husband.”
She blushes. It makes her look ten years younger. “I’m still not used to the sound of that.”
“Well, go have fun getting used to it.”
Her mouth drops open in shock. “Alystrine!”
Behind us, Tamra muffles a giggle.
“Go.” I turn Kennis toward the door. “I’ll be fine.”
I down the last of my tea as Tamra puts out the torches in my bedroom. The young woman unties the curtains from my bed posts. “It’s going to be cold tonight. There’s a wind coming down from the mountains.”
I crawl under my covers. “Thanks.”
She draws the curtains closed, cocooning me underneath the blue canopy. “Goodnight, my lady.”
The wind she warned me about moans outside. Shut behind the curtains, I’m encased in darkness. The shutters rattle.
Alystrine.
I hold my breath, sure someone called my name, but it’s not clear whether it was in my head or from somewhere outside.
Ally. I love you. I will always love you.
It’s Tegan. Somehow he’s able to Mind Speak. Or maybe I’m dreaming?
It must be a dream. I know he isn’t a Portal but I can feel him. His breath on my cheek. His fingers caressing my skin. And again, wherever he touches, I burn. The sensation is wonderful, like flying. I revel in it.
No. I force myself out of this dream. No more.
I can’t quite wake up. Instead, a vision starts. Siobhan sits on a wooden chair. Her blonde hair pulled back in a severe bun. Her fingers fly over the linen at her lap, stabbing, pulling the thread so fast they become a blur.
A door creaks open behind me. Tegan enters the room. He pushes my hand away when I reach for him. He raises Siobhan up and kisses her. She tosses her needlework at my feet as Tegan leads her to the bed that’s appeared like magic. He unties the back of her dress so it slips off her body. Her skin is creamy white. Flawless. He moans as his hands stroke her shoulders, her arms. As much as I want to run away, I’m frozen. Siobhan laughs as she spins around to face Tegan. She points to the floor before falling back on the bed. Tegan lowers himself to her side. I look to where she pointed. It’s her embroidery. He never loved you is stitched in bold red letters. I stifle a cry and try once again to wake up.
Only I find myself face to face with Kyran. We stand in a crowded pub. Mugs clink together and men cheer. A girl laughs. Kyran scowls down at me. “The boy never loved you. Neither do I.”
“But you said—”
“It is power we love, Alystrine. Not you.” He pulls a woman to his chest. Her red hair flows down her back. Her blouse falls open, exposing her ample cleavage. He gropes her, kisses her roughly before pushing her away. His fingers close around my wrist. “Once we are wed, I will use you for whatever I desire.” I try to pry off his hand but he is too strong. “You may be queen, but remember, only men have power here in Ayden. You will be mine.”
No. No. No. No. This is a dream. This is only a dream.
I am finally able to pull myself back into consciousness. I lie with my eyes open, but unseei
ng, on my bed. Outside the wind still howls, and in it, I can still hear Tegan calling my name.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I Have to Go
I bury myself in my studies the following day, trying to forget my dreams by translating the Latin words of a treaty. Attempting to decipher every word on the page. Thankfully, Siobhan still stubbornly refuses to learn to read and hasn’t joined the rest of my ladies-in-waiting in the library. I don’t think I can look at her after last night.
The girls’ constant chatter, however, quickly unnerves me. I whisk the treaty from the table as I stand. “It’s too noisy in here.”
Taking a blank sheet of parchment, as well as a stylus and ink, I seek out the small study and settle myself on the bench. Straddling one end and using the other half as a table, I stare at the words I’ve written, realizing it’s been months since I’ve seen anything but my own handwriting written in English. The familiar letters remind me of my former life. I trace them, as if touching them might open a passage and bring me back to Connecticut. The ink, still wet, leaves small smudges behind.
I try and shake off my melancholy and wish, not for the first time, I’d thought to bring some books to Ayden with me. To curl up and lose myself in someone else’s story would be heaven right now.
“Working hard?”
Startled, my hand knocks the ink bottle. Fortunately, I manage to catch it before it tips off the bench.
“Sorry.” Kyran leans against the threshold. “I did not mean to frighten you.”
“No. I mean, you didn’t.” I swing my leg around so I’m sitting properly, then smooth out my dress. “What do you need?”
Kyran blinks. “I wanted to see how you fared this morning.”
I know the things in my dreams last night aren’t true, but can’t stop the bile rising from my stomach. “I’m fine.”
He studies me. “Are you sure? You seem . . . upset.”
“Do I?” Taking a deep breath, I gesture to the parchment. “Latin is frustrating. I should be better than this by now.”
“I could help you. Donagh taught all his sons to read.”
“How many of you are there?”
Kyran scratches his chin. “There were six of us. One died in battle. One died as a babe.”
“Is the other one younger or older than Caradoc?”
“Younger.” He leans against an arm chair. “He’s thirteen now, I believe. I’ve never met him.”
“Do you have any sisters?”
Kyran watches me for a moment before answering. “When I left, he had three daughters. There may be more.”
“And did they learn to read?”
“No.” He straightens up. “What is this about?”
“What happened to them?”
“Happened?”
I stalk over to the window seat. “Yes. What kind of lives do they have?”
“Donagh had married my two older sisters to other clansman before I left for the Sanctuary. I’m sure the others have been married off as well.”
I let out a derisive laugh. “Married off.”
“Alystrine, what is wrong?”
I try and shake off my growing anxiety. Or is it anger? Whatever it is, I know it isn’t Kyran’s fault. It’s the dreams. The stupid dreams. And Siobhan. “Just something one of the ladies said yesterday. That it doesn’t matter that I’m queen. Ayden is still run by men. It’s your laws. Your rules that dictate what I can and can’t do.”
He approaches me cautiously. “I have made no rules.”
“You know what I mean.” My tone is bitter. “I’m sorry. I’m still not sleeping well after . . .” I wave my hand through the air. “Everything.”
“It is understandable. Which reminds me.” He pauses. I nod to indicate he should continue. “May I have your permission to visit Caradoc?”
“Of course. Why do you think you’d have to ask about something like that?”
He lifts his eyebrows. “I was not sure if you considered him an enemy or a friend.”
I sit down in the corner of the window seat, then draw my knees to my chin. “I’m not sure what he is, but I know he’s your brother. You trust him. Maybe he knows who sent the demon.”
“He may. I’ll leave this morning, then?”
“Sure.” I rest my cheek against my knee. “Will you be back tonight?”
“I should be.”
Unease buzzes around the back of my mind like an annoying fly. “Good.”
Questions race behind Kyran’s eyes, but he doesn’t ask them. I focus my thoughts on my Latin in case he’s trying to read my mind. He snorts softly. “If you do not want my help, I should let you return to your studies.”
“I’ll see you tonight.”
Several hours later, as I walk to the small dining hall, I spy Lady Siobhan running in the other direction. As she’s not facing me, I can’t see whether she’s excited or unhappy. I ask the others about it when I reach the hall.
“A servant said a messenger had arrived from her family.” Ivah tells me.
I take a sip of the watered wine a servant hands me. “I hope it’s not bad news.”
Lady Moira gives me a knowing glance. “It did not appear to be.”
When Siobhan returns a short time later, she seems as cool as ever. I can’t get the image of her and Tegan making love out of my head.
She asks permission to join the table, even though we are almost finished. I want to spit at her. Instead I nod and ask, “Everything all right at home?”
Her stone veneer cracks ever so slightly. She avoids my gaze as she takes a slice of bread and cheese from one of the plates. “Yes, my lady.”
“Good news, then?” I can’t help but press her. Wanting her to admit her upcoming betrothal to Tegan.
Again, she won’t look at me. “Not really. My family only want to know how I fare.”
Why won’t she say anything?
I push the dream down, trying not to leap across the table and throttle the alabaster bitch.
Hanna watches me from where she sits on the other side of Siobhan. “Are you feeling well, my lady? Your face is flushed.”
“Actually, no, I’m not.” I stand up. “I think I’ll rest for the afternoon.”
“Should we send for Lady Kennis?” Hanna asks.
“No. I’ll be fine.”
But as soon as my head hits the pillow, the visions start again. Even more vivid than last night. Please, I need some sleep. Please, help me rest.
My prayers are ignored and I must watch Siobhan make love to Tegan. As painful as that is, having both Kyran and Tegan repeat they never loved me hurts more. I wake up crying into my pillow.
By the time Tamra comes to dress me for dinner, my nerves are a frazzled mess. I send for a glass of wine as she brushes my hair. When it arrives, I have to force myself not to gulp it down. Instead, I take several large sips before setting it on the table next to me. My hand trembles.
“Is something wrong, my lady?”
I don’t even have the energy to lie and tell her no. Instead I ignore her. What’s happening to me? If there were Black Guards here, I’d say this was some kind of Breaking. But there aren’t any Guards. Just my wild imagination. I sip the wine, trying to relax under Tamra’s rhythmic brushing. Neither does much to soothe my stress. Tamra styles my hair in various braids then pins them to my head with elaborate twists and knots. Once she’s done, I swallow down the last of the wine.
I pray as I walk through the halls to the dining hall. Help me keep it together. Please. Help me.
Simon hurries up to me as I turn down the last corridor. “Ah, Your Majesty, I was just coming to seek you.”
“Is everything okay?”
The soft roundness of his cheeks seems harder tonight than usual. He frowns before speaking. “An emissary from the Mystics seeks an audience with you. Geran and your grandmother are waiting for you in the small study to discuss the matter.”
I bypass the dining hall and meet Geran and Maris in the study. T
hey stand by the fireplace with their heads lowered together in muted conversation.
My grandmother sees me first. “The Mystic waits in the Joint Assembly room. He won’t state his business to anyone but you.”
If this is about Tegan, if he’s done anything to hurt him, I’ll kill Braedon.
My father’s wrinkles deepen with concern. “You look unwell, Alystrine. Perhaps we should delay this meeting until the morning?”
“I’m fine.”
He turns to Maris. “The Elder Council should be here within the next few days. We could hold him off until then.”
“I said I’m fine. Let’s just get this over with.”
Maris puts her hand on my shoulder. “I’m inclined to agree with Geran. You do not appear well.”
I steady myself before speaking, making a conscious effort to keep my tone calm. “I apologize. I haven’t been feeling good since the whole thing with the demon happened, but I’d like to hear what this messenger has to say.”
My father surveys me. “Will you allow me to advise you in this matter?”
Too tired to put up any kind of argument, I nod.
“If you insist on giving this emissary an audience tonight, so be it. But agree to nothing. Whatever he may ask, tell him you will take his request under consideration. Once we have heard what he has to say, and you have eaten something, I would like to have Devnet examine you.”
I’m thrown by his request. “Why?”
“You say you have not felt well since you were wounded by a demon.”
“Devnet said it didn’t poison me.”
He wrings his hands. “Perhaps it is manifesting now.”
Maris steps to his side. “He’s right, Alystrine. We need to make sure you have not been poisoned. I am sensing something.” Her head is tilted and her eyes are narrowed. “A shadow of some kind.”
“Fine. Whatever.” I wave my arm in exasperation. “Can we go now?”
They flank me as we make our way to the Assembly Hall. I’m thinking it’s stupid to hold such an intimate meeting in such a huge room. I realize the psychology behind the choice as soon as we open the door.