I felt Trevor’s eyes on me as I walked briskly away. Just as I was almost out of his range, he reached into my basket and grabbed a packet of cookies.
I did not turn around, even though I felt the weight of his gaze as I forced James to get in the car.
In the safety of Lucy’s car, I could still feel those magnetic eyes of his calling me. Finally, I turned and looked out of the window. He was still watching me and as he held my eyes, he licked his lip, raised my cookie to his mouth, and took a bite.
I shuddered then broke eye contact, feeling disappointed in myself.
He has a girlfriend, Daisy. Get a grip.
Lucy climbed in the vehicle a few seconds later and brought me back to reality swiftly.
“Why the hell are you three always into something? And why on earth does my car smell like chocolate chip cookies?”
Chapter Seventeen
Trevor
It was nearly four in the morning and I was weary to the bone, turned on, and unable to get the taste of Daisy’s delicious cookie out of my mouth.
There had to be more than flour and eggs in the batter. It seemed Daisy was destined to bewitch all she touched; food was no exception. It was the best cookie I’d ever tasted, so much so that I wanted to savor it.
That’s not all you want to savor.
We’re in Julian’s car headed home finally, after having dealt with our knuckleheaded frat brothers. I downshifted, stopping at the light. Jules had been drinking, which meant I was driving. Julian wasn’t drunk, thank goodness. Liquor made him chatty and silly, and I was too tired to deal with either.
I hadn’t been able to get Daisy out of my mind.
Daisy in that outfit, wearing that shirt . . . Daisy with those long legs on full display, with that hair wild and . . . sexed up.
Yes, Daisy had that just-rolled-out-of-bed thing going on with her hair and it was . . . I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
Daisy haunted and taunted me.
And I hated what thoughts of her did to me. I hated the way she hijacked my thoughts. Except . . .
I also loved it. Because no one had ever captured my attention so completely. The way she’d looked at me defiantly, letting me know she was uncowed by my presence. In addition to being gorgeous, she was strong . . . and stubborn.
“You’ve got the light,” Jules said tiredly.
I accelerated and then glanced over at my friend who was unusually quiet. Julian didn’t just look tired, he looked out of sorts and I figured I knew why.
“So, James?” I said. I was going for light but it came out sounding incredulous.
James and Julian would’ve made a lot of sense. She might be the only girl I’d ever seen that could handle that combination of ego and charm without being overshadowed by it. And by Julian’s reaction tonight, he was all too aware of it. So I was puzzled on why he would elect to insult her instead of turning on the charm the first time he’d seen her.
And it would have seemed to me that if you liked Daisy, you should have made sure you were completely free to pursue her before you started to woo her. I told my inner monologue to stop being judge and jury and to shut up.
He dropped his head low, bracketing the sides of his face with his hands. I could imagine why.
Julian had just shown his whole hand to James. If she hadn’t known that he liked her before, she sure as hell knew it now.
To top it off, he wasn’t really given to public displays of any kind. Tonight was completely out of character for him.
Then again lov—I wouldn’t think that word.
Attraction made you do strange things.
Julian was still silent but had shifted slightly and was slumped against the window looking totally dejected.
“Since when did she leave her mark on you?” I prompted.
He laughed without any mirth whatsoever. “That’s a very accurate way to put it. Since the first time I saw her. I thought James was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen since day one. And I’ve wanted her since then. I’ve seen her this entire semester, she’s in my—”
“Wait, back up, the day you insulted her?”
“No,” he said firmly. “That was a few days later. I’d already spotted her before then. I saw her the morning of freshman move-in. She saw me too, but she pretended she didn’t. She has a way of making a person feel invisible if she wants to.”
I did vaguely remember Jules mentioning something about a pretty girl that morning but I’d had my own pretty girl on my mind.
“And that was no small part of my anger with you the day I saw you with her and Daisy, if you want to know the truth.”
“I didn’t make you insult her, Julian! You could’ve chosen another way to get me alone, you know.”
“I know that.” His voice was quiet, introspective. “She makes me trip over my tongue like you wouldn’t believe.”
This confession from him was a shock and judging by the grimace on his face, it cost him to admit it. Jules was a born orator. There was a reason he was the one that wanted to go into law, the reason that he was the one at the top of the ticket. Julian was persuasive. He didn’t get tongue-tied.
“It wasn’t logical, but it was easier to blame you for what I said than to take responsibility for it myself.” He paused and sighed heavily.
“The other part of it was self-sabotage. I know that I can’t have James. I always knew that I couldn’t have her, even if she were interested in me. So it would be better to remove any temptation of her ever liking me. It’s better that she hates me, I couldn’t—”
Jules was blind.
“That girl does not hate you.” I laughed because it was patently obvious to anyone that was watching tonight that Jules and James wanted to maul one another.
“I have news for you, Trevor, she absolutely does. I’ve seen her, what? Twice a week this entire semester, and she makes that hatred abundantly clear.”
I glanced at my friend, registering the bleak expression on his face while switching lanes to turn into our apartment complex.
Then I really heard what he said. “What do you mean you know you can’t have her? If she likes you and you like her—”
He shook his head. “First off, she doesn’t like me. But second, what you said about my family was true. My mother and father are very old-school. You and I know that. I’m expected to date a certain type of girl. I’m supposed to marry a certain type of woman. Trev, I may not agree with it but . . .”
He shrugged helplessly.
What type of craziness?
I couldn’t even find words.
“Trevor, I am not like you. I’ve never had an illusion that I would marry for love. I will marry Romona or whoever and maybe one day we will grow to love one another, maybe we won’t. It doesn’t really matter; it is what it is. My ex’s family is the same way. Her parents went to school with mine. You know, all of their friends are kind of like that. That’s why we broke up. We both realized we were wasting our free years. She and I always felt more like friends than like lovers anyway. We both wanted to experience . . . I don’t know, something more. Passion, maybe.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to. Most people would think that Jules was choosing money over love, but the money was only part of it. I knew Julian was faced with a terrible choice. May and Marcus Marshall would never accept a girl they believed to be beneath him.
Never.
And they would actively work to make sure her life and his by extension was a living hell. The only thing worse than watching someone you love be tormented was watching someone you loved be tormented by someone else that you also loved.
There was no way he could have both.
Because having a relationship based on love would mean defying his parents. And I knew deep down Julian still wanted their approval.
Who wouldn’t want that?
I felt an uncomfortable pang at that thought. A swift tide of sadness rose within me from nowhere.
Having the approv
al of my parents, wanting it . . . was a feeling I could only remember. I wracked my brain trying to recall the last time I’d sought to sacrifice something, anything, to make my parents proud. I couldn’t even recall the last time I’d spoken to them voluntarily.
I redirected my thoughts from that unpleasantness to the issue at hand. Just because James and Julian wouldn’t be skipping down the aisle didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy one another’s company for the time being.
James likely wasn’t interested in marrying Julian anyway.
“Well, if you are so worried about wasting your youth, isn’t that all the more reason for you to run full speed after James? You two have chemistry for sure.”
“No. That’s not chemistry, and it’s not passion. It’s madness. It doesn’t know reason. It’s never seen logic. It’s volatile. And it makes me stupid. There is nothing, nothing, I need more than to stay as far away from James as possible.
“I mean, you saw what I just did back then. I just spent one hundred and forty dollars on cookies and I don’t even like sweets! If that’s not proof enough that I lose my mind around James, then I don’t know what is.”
“Technically you only spent one twenty on the cookies, and to be fair, Daisy’s cookies are really good,” I added, feeling an unnecessary desire to defend Daisy’s baking.
He sat up straight as if jolted. “I didn’t take the damned cookies!”
I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me.
Then Julian was laughing at himself and he rolled his eyes and said, “I was jealous and I was stupid. And I deserved to be overcharged. All in all, one hundred and forty bucks is a steal if it means that I never have to watch a bunch of men ogling James in a midriff and barely-there shorts.”
I laughed. “Just be glad they didn’t ask for four hundred.”
He winced. “I probably would’ve paid a thousand and it still would’ve been a steal. A thousand dollars is cheaper than lawyers and bail, and I was so jealous”—he tapped his head against the window lightly—“I was liable to do something stupid enough to need lawyers and bail.”
“Thanks, by the way,” he said changing the topic so quickly that I didn’t follow.
“For?”
“Having my back. I know things haven’t been easy between us and I know Daisy was there. And I didn’t know if you would just avoid the whole situation. I was, uhh . . . relieved to have you beside me.”
He had the decency to sound ashamed and I knew it wasn’t about fighting. Julian could’ve taken the two of them without me if it had come to that. This was about loyalty.
I swallowed the distaste in my mouth.
Julian had never trusted easily. I hated that he had a valid reason to question my loyalties now. I followed his reasoning. If I had been unfaithful in my promises to Elodie, who’s to say I wouldn’t do the same to him?
“Always, cousin. Always,” I replied simply.
He rubbed his forehead tiredly as we pulled into a parking space then inquired absently, “Hey, I’ve been trying to get up with my cousin for a few days, but every evening I’ve swung by her dorm she’s not been there.”
Unsurprising. Elodie spent a few nights a week in her girlfriend’s room.
“Uhh, I haven’t spoken with her but she’s probably with Gracie. I have her dorm number if you need it.”
“She’s a RA in Jubilee this year, right? I’ll call her.”
Jules bade me goodnight at the door and headed to his room. I headed to mine and pulled from my pocket the last two cookies still wrapped in their paper bag.
I’d only intended to take a bite, my curiosity having crested to an unbearable degree, but once I’d bitten into it as Daisy had driven away I hadn’t been able to help myself from devouring the entire thing.
The still-warm cookie had been perfect—just a little soft and chewy but not mushy, sweet and buttery with a hint of salt to boost the savory taste. I let out a little groan just thinking about it.
I placed the packet reverently on my nightstand. I’d treat myself to a little piece each night, hold on to a bit of Daisy for as long as I could.
When I closed my eyes and gave myself over to sleep still lying atop my covers, I dreamed an impossible dream. One that was filled with Daisy’s laughter, and us building a life together that was sweet, replete, and full of cookies.
The next morning when I awoke Jules and El were already sitting at the small dining table in our kitchen. Someone had made eggs, bacon, and orange juice. I had no idea who that someone could’ve been, because neither Elodie nor Julian could cook.
I wandered in, gave Elodie a hug and then stumbled to the cabinet to grab a plate because the food not only smelled edible, it smelled delicious.
“Who cooked? Did you hire a chef?” I joked to Jules.
“Prepared with my own two hands.”
I looked at him like he was speaking French. “Jules, when did you learn to cook?”
I loaded up on bacon and added some scrambled eggs to my plate.
“It’s really good, too.” El smiled around a mouthful of crispy bacon.
“You don’t know everything about me.” Julian’s voice carried a smile. “I have my secrets.”
El and I caught each other’s eye. Jules doesn’t know about secrets.
Breakfast was great. It was the first time all three of us had been together all semester where the conversation had been easy and languid, just like old times.
Julian talked about grad school applications; he had finished his for Columbia Law School and would be mailing it the coming week. He reminded me to drop my application for their MBA program in the mail. Elodie mentioned that her “best friend” Gracie had spent the week applying for CUNY Law; she’d already been accepted to NYU.
After that Julian had turned the conversation to our plans for break. Elodie informed us that she planned to spend the holiday in New York with her Gracie and her family.
“Trevor and I are contemplating spending time in Green Valley, but I’m sure you already knew that.” Julian said lifting his glass to take a sip of water.
Elodie schooled her surprise admirably fast because of course I hadn’t gotten around to telling her that. I’d seen her less this semester than I had ever before, and that was my fault.
“Yeah, he told me when we spoke yesterday.”
Julian raised his eyebrows at me questioningly. “I thought you told me in the car last night you hadn’t talked to Elodie this week.”
“Oh well, maybe it was last week,” Elodie said quickly with a shrug.
“So if we go, you’ll be coming with us to Green Valley, right? I’m sure Gracie’s parents would understand how important it is for you to be there for Trevor given that this will be the first time he’s gone home to spend time with his folks in years. Matter of fact, I’m sure my car could fit both you and Gracie if she wanted to tag along.”
“Uhh . . .” El looked to me for help and I opened up my mouth to smooth things over, but before I could speak Julian held up his hand.
“Don’t—just stop.”
I closed my mouth.
He looked at us, accusation in his eyes. “Y’all never spend time together unless you have to. Y’all never touch unless it’s in public. You couldn’t care less about one another’s whereabouts. You spend all summer apart and don’t talk.” Julian ticked off each point of our fake relationship on his fingers.
Then he looked up, eyes clear and calm and full of simmering fury. “The amount of lies y’all are asking me to swallow is too much for even me to bear. If you’re not going to tell me the truth, then at least stop with the lies. I can’t take it anymore.”
He shoved off from the table and went to his room.
Elodie and I looked at each other for only a second before moving at the same time to go after him.
We needed to fix this mess.
Elodie went to sit on the bed next to him and said, “Julian, I’m—”
Jules looked at her and I saw the fatigu
e written clear as day on his face when he stopped her. “El, there’s no one I love more than you.”
He nodded in my direction and said, “That goes for you too, Trevor. I love you both more than anyone in the world. You two are my closest friends, my closest family.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head.
“We’re so close that I already know what you’re about to say. I already know what both of you are about to do. Don’t apologize to me unless you’re ready to stop lying to me. And don’t waste your time trying to convince me that I’m crazy because I’ve already caught you in a lie, and I know for a fact that I’m not. I may have been blind, maybe even willfully so, but I am not stupid. So stop treating me like an idiot.”
I sat down in the chair because, finally, this was going to end. There was no way forward that didn’t involve lying to him and I didn’t have it in me to lie to Jules anymore.
Not now that I knew the secrets were poisoning him too.
“Trev, you got nothing to say?” he asked me wearily.
“I’ve got a lot to say but most of it isn’t my place, Julian.”
Elodie was growing paler by the second, I could see her leg bouncing under her long flowing dress.
“El, you’ve got nothing to say?” he asked.
She opened her mouth, closed it, and then repeated the motion twice more. Elodie bit her nails, then finally shook her head no.
Julian exhaled. “All right, I guess we’re done here. You two can stay and try to get your story straight. I’ll leave.”
Julian exited and a second later I heard the apartment door slam.
Elodie wiped tears from the corners of her eyes.
I was gentle in my approach because one wrong word would have her fleeing.
“El, Jules is not your father. There is no one I know with more zeal for life. There is no one I know who—”
“Don’t you think I know that!” she screamed, making me sit back in the seat. Elodie rarely raised her voice, least of all to me. For the first time, I heard the frustration and exhaustion in it.
She continued, red faced and glassy eyed. “You think that I didn’t wanted to tell him? You think I haven’t practice in my head a hundred—a thousand times—just looking at my cousin and saying, “Ju-Ju, Trevor and I are just friends. We’ve always been nothing but friends. He’s a good and kind and noble guy, but I will never love him because I cannot love him. I am in love with Gracie Freeman and she loves me.”
Upsy Daisy: A First Love College Romance Page 24