Helena Goes to Hollywood: A Helena Morris Mystery

by CC Dragon

  “So how does it feel to be a real life Hollywood heroine?” he asked.

  Keith fawned over me at one of the best tables. It felt like everyone in the place could see us yet we were a bit back in an alcove area.

  I was pretty sure I couldn’t afford this place but that was okay. His treat! I needed to focus on something other than the pap swarm.

  “I’m not a heroine. Those photographers are crazy. I did what I came here to do. Went a little off track from stalking but desperate criminals tend to do that.” I surveyed the menu for something edible and recognizable.

  “You’re right there. Jealousy and greed are dangerous things. Hollywood eats them up with a spoon. That couple will have two TV movies about them out before sweeps. What if your sister actually portrayed herself?” Keith smiled and nodded to people at other tables.

  “Not going to happen. We’ll put an injunction to stop Myra and Norm from making any money off the story.” Todd and Sonia’s lawyers were all over that.

  “Party pooper, you really don’t get Hollywood. Sonia is a hot ticket now. She’s got the sympathy and the hot new show.”

  “And she wants it to be about the new show, not her husband’s cheating and death. It’s my sister’s reputation I care about,” I insisted.

  I took a long drink of the Mojito Keith ordered for me and wasn’t sure I liked it better than a nice rum and Diet Coke.

  “She could always do her own version. Or you. You’re the next Lara Croft.”

  I rolled my eyes. “She’s fiction.”

  “I know, you’re even better because you’re real. The kicks, the rack, and all of it.”

  Sometimes I wondered if he really was gay since he liked me so much.

  “Not my area. My sister wants to act. She’s got talent so she doesn’t need the real life drama factor to capitalize on.”

  “And you?” Keith leaned in, his elbow on the table with his chin on his hand. “What do you want?’

  I shrugged. “A normal life, Norm confessed so I really don’t need to come back and testify or anything.”

  “Back to Vegas? It’s so normal and drab. You’re here, why not stay? It’s so pretty here and everyone just loves you.”

  I studied his eyes. Why did my eyeliner never look that good?

  “Yeah, well normal is what most of us have,” I added.

  “But you don’t have to settle for it. This is your break.” He reached into a shopping bag and handed me a box. “Here.”

  I sat back slightly. “What’s this?”

  “A present—you got me some big ratings. You’re the biggest thing on my site. Thank God that reporter heard it on the police radio and was there for when they dragged that lunatic out of Danny‘s house.”

  I groaned. “I haven’t seen the latest. Please don’t compromise the police’s case. Public opinion matters. Seems like it factors even more around here.”

  “Money and fame can get you out of a lot of things. Lucky for us Norm has neither. Plus, he looked like a maniac. No one will dispute them using two hunky uniformed officers to cuff him. Not like they had to Taser him or anything. You were just defending yourself. Open the box,” Keith nudged.

  I did and found a nice leather bag looking thing. “A new purse?”

  “It’s next season’s Hermes.”

  Picking it up, the leather felt lush. I pulled the zipper along the outside and it opened. “Lovely. Thank you.”

  My ancient world history class from high school clicked in. “Hermes. The messenger of the Greek gods?”

  “The name of the designer. Dear God, you need my help! You’re like Ugly Betty with good hair and straight teeth.” Keith buried his face in his hands.

  “My clothes match,” I shot back.

  I sympathized with the old TV character, not being a size two and not able to afford the fancy designers. Clashing patterns, however, was unacceptable at any budget level.

  Keith lifted his head, looking slightly relieved. “That’s true. You do. Your mother did well for what you could afford. But it’s my duty to give you a touch of class in the accessory department.”

  I examined the bag further. This accessory didn’t seem at all useful or classy. I had no clue where or how I’d ever use it. “It’s nice. Thanks.”

  “Don’t worry. I get all sorts of goodies for my influence and brilliant commentary. I’m an institution now. I thought you could use a trendy splash of color. You’re doing a lot of the Ascot Ball theme.”

  I caught the My Fair Lady reference and knew he meant my black and white attire.

  “Well, it’s what was available. Not a big deal since I’m headed home.”

  “You can’t go home. That’s just silly. This is your home. This is where you, Miss Helena Morris, belong.” He tapped his index finger on the table.

  I had to give him credit. He wasn’t what I expected a gossip queen to be yet was just as pushy and bossy as my mother and sister combined.

  “Why?” I asked.

  The waiter arrived and we placed our order. I went with something that sounded like chicken and pasta. French was not my language.

  Keith leaned in. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to go so far away with your sister so frail?”

  I wasn’t convinced. “She’s a big girl. She can handle Hollywood. The show will keep her very busy. Plus she has great friends.”

  “Sure. But her husband is dead. Divorcing or not, she is the grieving widow. She made Jackie O look stiff.”

  He’d laid it on thick. “Really?” I feigned interest. But in the back of my mind, the tire slashing and the black Cadillac issues replayed. There might be a copycat or another stalker hanging around.

  “Absolutely. People are already after her for interviews and tell-alls. She and Danny are going to be an E! True Hollywood story. It’s all set up.”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t heard any of this and Sonia wouldn’t keep it from me.”

  “Of course not, they’re all waiting for you to go back to Vegas before they pounce on her and her friends. They’re pounding Harriet now. The only reason your sister is alive is because you were the proverbial guard dog.”

  I shrugged. “It worked.”

  “Exactly, so why risk pissing you off by intruding on Sonia? The networks and gossip columns would love your side but know you’d refuse and it’d only tip you off they’re after Sonia. They’ll wait until you leave and swarm her like killer bees. Do you really think a good big sister would run home the first chance she gets? With her sister in such pain? Put her at the mercy of those wolves?” Keith sipped his Shirley Temple. The guy was an original throwback.

  “Are you putting me on? She has a killer agent and manager. They can handle the normal Hollywood stuff.” I glared at him. Bees and wolves. What was next—locusts?

  His lowered his voice. “I wish. Agents and managers make money off of this stuff. They won’t flat out say no to everyone. Three actresses are bulking up muscle-wise to portray you. I’m sure your sister’s agent is fielding the requests and holding them off to see what you do and what Sonia can handle. I’m not blowing smoke.”

  “See, her agent is protecting her from that stuff. It’ll happen whether I’m here or not. She’ll get through it.” I couldn’t babysit her forever but that wouldn’t help her. “Sonia chose this life, this place, and this career. I didn’t and I don’t want it.”

  Keith laughed. “Honey, no one is saying you’d make it as an actress. No way. I’m just saying move here. Look, I could’ve lied to you and I could say move for the great weather.”

  “Vegas is plenty warm.”

  Keith grinned and wagged an eyebrow. “I could make ten different arguments why you should stay. If you don’t want it, you don’t.”

  I nodded. “I could make as many arguments for going back. I know everyone.”

  “Right, what good are new hot L.A. men?”

  “Vegas is more affordable than living here.”

  “Who wants an ocean view?” He m
ocked me.

  “Earthquakes.”

  “You’d miss the scorching heat? The snakes and lizards?”

  “It’s drier, plus I’ve got classes lined up. I own half of a martial arts studio.”

  “You wouldn’t want to just make big money as a tech consultant. Make your own hours. Tell actors what to do. Who wants that?”

  “I have a business,” I repeated.

  “You couldn’t start one here?” Keith grinned bigger.

  Damn, he had some good points.

  I sighed. “It’s all so fake and artificial here.”

  “Parts of it are, and parts of it are very real like stalkers and murderers. At the funeral, that friend of yours Emmy told me what you did for her with the ex-husband. I texted you about that rumor the second I heard about the book and confirmed it.” Keith looked me in the eye.

  “You texted me that? There was no name or number I knew.” I wondered who’d given me the tip.

  “I have a few phones. I thought you’d stop the book but it went in a totally different direction.” He smiled.

  “That was a huge clue. Emmy’s ex was nothing. I almost forgot—I need to check up on the payment status.”

  “Nothing? It was pure diva and very helpful. It meant the world to Emmy. A lot of people could use that sort of help. And that creep Brian is all over my site. He’s got a thing for you. I don’t like him.”

  I’d pushed too hard. Brian was not normal but he’d seen what happened when someone messed with my family. I doubted he’d go after my sister knowing I’d come after him.

  “All the more reason for me to leave. Don’t start with that Hollywood PI again. I don’t need that crap. It only instigates things,” I shrugged.

  “Okay, fine, your choice. Jordan told me something about you having a martial arts studio and then something about a friend of yours losing a nail salon. Must be hard to leave your friends and sister in the lurch and go back to your successful life.”

  “My friends are chatty, aren’t they?” I paused as our food arrived.

  Keith shrugged and dug into his vegan whatever. “They want you to stay. You’re a breath of fresh air in this town. That’s hard to accomplish. We’ve seen everything.”

  “Trends die and a martial arts studio is expensive to set up. Location, equipment, insurance, instructors, and there is no guarantee of a clientele. The competition can be fierce. People don’t always stick with it—long term students are rare.”

  “You already have one and then it’s a franchise. Plus here you have an edge. You’re a minor celebrity.”

  “Oh please.” I dug into my lunch.

  “You are. You’re out there and people know your name and your face. Those pictures of you with a gun and elbowing a rock star won’t hurt. Hang out a shingle and some trendy workout mats and watch them come beating down your door. Start small, but you have to do it right.”

  “Right?” I surveyed Keith. Chubby and middle aged by any standards. “You’re going to tell me about martial arts?”

  My phone beeped with a text from John, the rock star whose nose I’d rearranged.

  Before you leave town, I want a real date.

  Grinning, I replied. Now I had dinner plans.

  “Something good?” Keith asked.

  “No, nothing.” I set the phone aside but another text popped up and it wasn’t John. This time it was Sam, the director.

  Let me take you to lunch before you leave town.

  I was on a roll! I texted back and had lunch plans for tomorrow.

  “What would we do without phones?” Keith asked.

  “Sorry. Seems like some of the men don’t want me to leave either. So you were going to tell me about martial arts?” I flipped my phone to silent. Text requests for dates might seem impersonal but I hadn’t returned John’s phone calls. With all the other stuff going on, the last thing I needed was a fun distraction. Sam didn’t seem the type to ask out someone on his set and he was a bit shy. A couple dates wouldn’t hurt.

  “No silly, I’m going to tell you what the Hollywood clientele would want from you. For the stay-at-mansion moms and spoiled wives, a few basic self-defense classes to keep them fit and safe. A few classes for actors on how to look authentic in whatever they do. And then sure, you can do real classes with all the belts and stuff. Diversify, but keep it light.”

  “Classes for actors?” It didn’t sound as crazy as I’d expected.

  “Why not? You’ll have every wanna-be extra, budding new actress, and off the bus dreamer in your class in the hopes of being the next Lara Croft or Jackie Chan.” Keith stabbed some of his salad and munched with a slight smile.

  It had potential. “I’d have to do some research. Rent and overhead. Good instructors are hard to find.”

  The sparks were there—damn it! I had ideas flowing.

  “I’m the idea person. I love creating buzz and trends. And I promise you—if you move here and open a place it’ll be all over my website. You, your clients, and your place every day.” He punctuated that sentence with his fork.

  “That’s very generous, Keith. But why?”

  “Why what?” He took a sip of his drink and nodded to the waiter for another.

  “Why do you want to help me so much? I’m not a real celebrity that’d bring in tons of cash or interest. I’m an anomaly in my sister’s drama.”

  He smiled. “Believe it or not, I used to be a leading man in the seventies. I did soaps and TV movies. I was hunky, let me tell you.”

  “So it’s for Danny and Sonia? Soap nostalgia?” I could accept that.

  I saw it in his eyes. He felt a kinship to my sister and was helping me to help her. Sonia didn’t need a boost.

  “Well, yes and no. Back in the seventies you didn’t come out. I couldn’t date men publicly. I hid it all and cashed the checks. I went on dates with women to cover my real love.” He sighed. “Now they have gay storylines on some soaps. Times change and I’m grateful. Back then, I made a lot of money off my soap but I got caught in the early eighties. Caught in a real relationship I wouldn’t give up.”

  I was intrigued. “What happened?”

  He shrugged. “I got on the bad list—no one would hire me. Hell, the black list still exists today. But I wasn’t going down without a fight. I turned it around on them. I moved in with my Frankie and let them talk. I started a little gossip column in a paper, and showed what I knew. Everyone has secrets, habits, obsessions, and addictions.”

  “You got them back? Outed people?” I smiled.

  “I told the truth. That’s the thing, if it’s lies it’s lies. You can’t disprove the truth. They’ll look like crap. Retractions don’t mean much but people can honestly and loudly deny a lie. The fans and real players in this town know when it’s a lie. It happens all the time. The truth is what freaks people out. Cheating on a gorgeous wife. An underage girlfriend. Kicking a puppy. Believe me, I dished out the truth in spades on those who trashed me. Including the reporters who outed me.”

  “Did that get you back to work in acting?” I asked.

  “No, you can’t expect miracles. I taught them all a lesson and made my own career in the truth business. Everyone has secrets and private things that might not play too well on a public stage. Exposing people doesn’t help anyone because two can play that game. The Internet has made it so easy.”

  Sweet and deep but I still had no clue. “What’s that got to do with me?”

  “You’re genuine. You understood all this before you even met me. You didn’t judge. You used me for help like I used you for the trendy part.”

  “I don’t understand any of that. How the hell am I trendy?” I shrugged.

  He laughed. “You? You took one look at Hollywood and saw through it. You treat everyone the same, star or cop.”

  “I was pretty rough on the car dealer.”

  “Emmy’s ex is greedy scum and he deserved it. That’s the beauty of you—you dole out justice blindly. Norm had everyone fooled but you put it
together. You’re like Robin Hood in heels or boots.”

  “I’m not stealing anything.” I stabbed a piece of chicken and enjoyed the soft dill sauce.

  “No, but you’re hacking through all the red tape and getting people to sit up and take notice. You care about people. Not just your sister.”

  “So now I’m a tech consultant, run the martial arts academy, and do pro bono stuff. Are you crazy?”

  “Probably, but Frankie is a lot like you. He can’t sit still and do nothing, ever. He’s always into a hobby or a new project. If you go back to Vegas and a normal life you’ll be bored. We both know it. You stay here and have a multi-dimensional career and you’ll never get bored. L.A. has it all and it never ends.”

  “Too bad I couldn’t save Danny.”

  “Don’t get down on yourself for that. You can’t save the world all at once, it’s not possible. So you’ll think about staying and giving California a try? I promise, it’s not all stalkers, murderers, and egomaniacs.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I said.

  California had never been on my list of places to live or even see. I’d enjoyed Vegas. The Strip was over the top and everyone knew it was crazy. It was for the tourists but still didn’t have the ego Hollywood did. The rest of Nevada was normal enough. However the idea of leaving Sonia here, with friends sure, but under so much pressure and grief bothered me.

  That thought alone gave me a case of the guilts immediately. Sonia was a grown up but she needed a support system. Mom and Lou could move up but they deserved their retirement and would make Sonia even more nervous.

  “Sonia might need me short term but I don’t want to cramp her style. I don’t fit in.” It didn’t feel as true anymore, at least not all of the time.

  “You don’t want to fit in. That’s the best part. But you don’t have to travel in her circles, except for the show where she needs your expertise. I know I said she needs you and it’s true, but don’t do it for her. You don’t want to resent each other when you’re old ladies. Do this for you.”

  That was an entirely different angle. Keith was a master.