‘We may,’ the leader continued, ‘allow ourselves a brief period of rejoicing.’
‘Brief?’ a man yelled. ‘You’ve got to be kidding, old son. It’s been five years of blue murder and we ain’t gonna stop celebrating till the cows come home.’
‘Too right,’ agreed a woman next to him, ‘come on, we’re missing the fun.’
Pearl stood back as everyone hurried out to the parties that were just beginning to get into their stride. They had been going on since yesterday when crowds had filled the city centre, waiting for the official proclamation of peace in Europe. The houses were strung with flags and bunting, and women wore Union Jack aprons. The men sported waistcoats and caps in patriotic colours. Since early that morning Pearl had been helping to prepare the tables in the street for the children. Now the plates of jam tarts, cakes, Spam sandwiches, bread and butter, buns, and bowls of jellies and blancmanges were being uncovered for the youngsters, who for so long had been deprived of such luxuries.
A little girl with dark brown hair and dressed in a red, white and blue striped tunic came running in. Dillys lived across the road and was friends with Cynthia. Now that the nights were lighter, Pearl allowed Cynthia to play in the street, provided she was accompanied by seven-year-old Dillys and her older brother, Robbie.
Cynthia slid down from the sack and ran to meet Dillys. ‘I’ll be out soon,’ Pearl called after them as they ran to the festive tables placed end to end along the length of Pride Place. Each child had been given a flag to wave and most children were already singing the national anthem as loud as they could before eating.
‘Well, that’s it then,’ said Gwen, turning off the wireless, which was being drowned out by the noise outside. ‘Peace is official.’
‘It’s hard to believe we ain’t at war.’
‘Yes, but thousands of our boys are still on active duty,’ Fitz pointed out.
‘I wonder what peace is like for the German people,’ Pearl hesitated. ‘They’re like us, bombed out from their homes and hungry. The women have to feed their kids somehow. Many of them are widows too, their men lost in action. It wasn’t them who caused all the trouble; it was Hitler and his Nazis.’
‘And good riddance to him,’ said Gwen fiercely. ‘Though it would have been better for the world if he hadn’t hid like a coward under the Chancellery in Berlin and blown his brains out. We could have brought him to book and he knew it.’
‘He had too much to answer for,’ agreed Fitz. ‘Suicide was the easy way out. All those concentration camps, for instance. The Nazis trying to destroy a whole race – by God, he would have had had no escape from that.’
Pearl wound a stray lock of silky blonde into the pins that kept her hair in place. She didn’t want to talk about the atrocities reported in the papers. Or the starving and deprived and war-torn nations that had suffered in the six years of conflict, which was still going on in the Far East. Like everyone, she wanted to celebrate, to forget all the unhappiness, even if it was only for a few days.
‘Think we should go out to the kids now.’ Pearl straightened the belt on her one good frock, a utility dress of dark blue decorated on the skirt with tiny Union Jacks that had been given away free for VE day. The warmer, more thundery weather had caused most people to leave off their coats. Pearl had dressed Cynthia in the plum-coloured dress that Hope had made for Em’s wedding. It was too small now, but she’d turned down the hem and pinned red, blue and white rosettes to the bodice.
‘Your Jim coming to the party?’ Gwen asked as she lifted the tray of sliced carrots and apples on sticks.
‘Depends on what Percy wants done.’ She tried not to let Gwen see how upset she was that Jim was absent again. She knew that if he wasn’t at the yard, he’d be at the Nelson.
‘Well, at least it’s work, ducks.’ Gwen narrowed her eyes at her husband. ‘And talking of work, I’ll leave you to get the storeroom sorted, Fitzy. Don’t want it smelling like a dosshouse.’
‘It’s all right for some,’ he grumbled with a wink at Pearl. ‘Leave all the hard graft to the old man and go off and enjoy yourself.’
‘Too bloody right I will,’ chuckled Gwen as they left the shop. ‘With a couple of days partying ahead of us and no trade, the veg will go rotten and stink.’ She laughed, nudging Pearl’s arm as they mingled with the noisy crowd. ‘Remember when Jim’s mum first saw this place and wanted to know if the smell would drift upstairs to your place?’
Pearl managed to smile, but she felt sad that Jim had never asked her to go with him and Cynthia to Vale Road. Not that they stayed long, and Cynthia always came back subdued. But she had always hoped they could visit as a family.
Pearl knew that Gwen must have noticed that Jim stayed away from home. Once he had been eager to talk, now he did his best to avoid them. Fitz had seen him when he was worse for wear and Pearl had always made light of it. But now she was running out of excuses.
As the day wore on, news came in of thousands of revellers outside Buckingham Palace. They were all waiting excitedly to cheer the King and Queen. The feeling of freedom was everywhere. No more V2s, and the men and boys were coming home. The requisitioned factories, like Mr Brewer’s, could now return to their former trades. But what would happen to the women who had filled the men’s shoes, Pearl wondered. They had worked as hard and as long as men, and had defended the country with their lives.
As Pearl watched all the merrymaking, she thought about Jim. If only they could be as they were. VE day could be one of the happiest of their lives. Instead, she was coping alone once again. Like many other women she had learned to be independent. She had always paid the rent and kept the wolf from the door. When Cynthia went to school she could find a job. She wouldn’t be needed at home if there were no more babies to care for.
Pearl sighed. Jim hadn’t made love to her in weeks. Even when he had, he’d turned away afterwards and left her feeling more lonely than ever. It had brought back all the old memories of Ricky and her feelings of shame.
Pearl scooped one more spoonful of jelly onto Cynthia’s plate. Britain was victorious, just as Churchill had assured the people they would be. The bombing was over, the Home Guard had been disbanded and the French President, De Gaulle, and Stalin had agreed a treaty of alliance. But in the hearts and homes of many East Enders after all the excitement was over, it was back to the day-today running of their lives. The food at this party would be a distant memory. Rationing was still in place and showed no sign of ending. As Cynthia ate all she could, along with the other children, Pearl wondered if Ruby was happy. She hadn’t had a letter since January, when Ruby had said that the doctor had told her the baby was fine. Had they celebrated VE day?
Pearl found out sooner than expected. The letter from Abingley came three days later. A letter that made Pearl’s heart sink as she read it. Ruby had been taken into hospital. Amy suggested that Pearl came down as soon as possible as the situation was critical. Syd would meet her at the depot, where they could take a bus straight to the hospital. Jim was also welcome, but Amy said they understood it might be difficult to take time off work.
It was as Jim was finishing his breakfast that Pearl joined him at the table. Cynthia was playing with her toys and the May sunshine was spilling through the window. The Morrison was covered by a red and white cloth from VE day.
‘Jim, this came this morning.’ She placed the letter in front of him.
‘Who’s it from?’
‘Mum.’
He looked at her, his hand shaking slightly as he held the spoon. She was worried about him. He had lost weight and never regained it. The dark shadows had never left his eyes. Though his hair had grown longer, it had lost its rich colour. He was wearing overalls for his work at the yard, and though she tried her best to clean and sew them, they were old and frayed. Even when he had worked as an engineer, he’d managed to look half decent. But he had let himself go and she wanted to put her arms round him and tell him she loved him. But she knew he wouldn’t welcom
e that.
He picked up the letter, the frown on his forehead deepening as he read the first few lines.
‘Jim, Ruby might lose this baby,’ she said quietly.
He was silent as he put the letter down. ‘I’m sorry to hear that, but there’s nothing we can do. She’s in hospital and they’ll take care of her.’
‘But we’re family, Jim. I’m her sister.’
‘You’re also my wife and I can tell you this: I will never be family to him.’
Pearl sat down wearily. ‘Jim, how can you hold such a grudge?’
He turned on her angrily. ‘Listen, Pearl, haven’t you learned your lesson yet? I’m not holding a grudge against Ruby, as daft as she may be for marrying like she did. And I’m sorry she’s got herself in trouble with the kid. But I won’t have you anywhere near that bastard. So you can put going down there, as your mum said, right out of your mind.’
Pearl took the letter and folded it. Her heart was thumping as she came to a decision. ‘Jim, she’s my sister. I have to see her.’
She jumped as he banged his spoon on the table. ‘No you don’t, Pearl. She has your mum and dad and him. For God’s sake, isn’t that enough?’
‘You don’t understand,’ she insisted. Why wouldn’t he listen to her?
In silence he rose to his feet. ‘As a matter of fact, I do understand, Pearl. It’s you that don’t. I asked you once if he’d ever touched you and I never had a reply. I’ve waited and hoped that I’d get the truth, because not knowing has done me head in. Don’t you see how I’ve needed you to tell me, to be up front about the one thing that’s driven us apart? But no, you carry on as normal – as if we was normal. And as soon as your family crooks a finger, that’s it, you’re off to be with them – and him. How do you think that makes me feel?’
Pearl shook her head. ‘I’m sorry . . .’
‘No, it’s not enough to say sorry. It’s either him or me. I want to know that my wife is my wife.’
‘I am your wife, Jim.’
‘Then prove it.’
Pearl fought back the tears. ‘Jim, please . . .’ she whispered, reaching out in desperation. ‘Ricky meant nothing to me. I swear to you that whatever happened in the past—’
Before she could finish a loud sound filled the kitchen. It came from Jim, as his eyes seemed to bulge from their dark sockets. ‘This is the last time you’ll ever make a fool of Jim Nesbitt,’ he rasped. ‘If you go, you won’t find me here when you get back.’
She ran after him as he snatched open the back door and went down the stairs.
The sobs caught in her throat. She hadn’t meant it to come out like that.
‘Mummy?’ Cynthia stood behind her.
Pearl hugged her close.
‘Mummy cryin’?’
‘No, love, I’m blowing me nose.’ She took her hanky from her sleeve. ‘See, Mummy’s all right now.’
They went back in and Pearl sat Cynthia at the table. Would Jim carry out his threat to leave if she went? But her mum had said the situation was critical. What if the baby’s life was in danger, or worse, Ruby’s? Her mind was in turmoil. If only she knew what to do.
On the bus the next day, Pearl felt very low. Jim hadn’t come home last night. She knew he would have been to the pub and slept the drink off at the yard. On VE day there had seemed to be hope for the future, but all that had changed. Jim had threatened to leave her if she came away. Yet, she didn’t have any choice. If Ruby fell very ill, she had to be by her side. She would never forgive herself if she wasn’t. And would Jim really consider leaving Cynthia? They were so close. She was certain that no matter how angry he was with her, he would put Cynthia’s welfare first.
Pearl looked down at their daughter as she gazed from the window. She was growing more and more like Jim, with her sandy hair and quick smile. Even the way she laughed was the same.
Pearl sighed, dragging her mind back to the moment. She had telephoned Patty yesterday from the public call box to say they were coming. This morning she had waited for Jim, but when he’d not come, she had written a note. Again she told him that she loved him and hoped he would understand that she had to see Ruby. She also wrote that there were things she wanted to tell him on her return. Now, as the bus sped through the countryside, she wondered if he would give her the chance to do so.
When the journey came to an end and the bus pulled into the depot, Pearl’s heart sank. It wasn’t her father who waited to meet them, it was Ricky.
‘Hello, Pearl.’ He took her bag as she stepped down.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘Your parents have gone to the hospital. I offered to meet you as I thought they deserved time alone with Ruby. We’ll catch the bus there straight away.’
‘How is Ruby?’ she asked anxiously as she took Cynthia’s hand in hers.
‘She’s been very unwell. The baby is in distress.’ His hand gripped her arm and steered her forward. ‘I’ll tell you as we wait across there.’
Pearl was frightened. Why had he come to meet her? He looked as though he was back to the same old Ricky, dressed immaculately in a navy-blue belted mackintosh, white collar and tie and brogue shoes. Pearl thought that his job at the aerodrome must be paying well, although she’d never seen her father dressed as well as this.
‘Here we are. Let’s all sit down on the bench over there, away from the crowds.’
‘I’d rather stand.’ She wanted to be with other people waiting in the queue. But Ricky insisted. ‘Sit down, Pearl.’
She did as she was told, keeping Cynthia close beside her.
He settled himself beside her. Sliding his gloved hand along the top of the bench, he murmured, ‘Relax, Pearl. You seem very nervous.’
‘I’m worried about Ruby.’
‘She’s being attended to.’
‘Aren’t you concerned that she might lose the baby?’ she asked in dismay.
‘I never wanted it in the first place.’ He took off one of his gloves. ‘As you can see, my hands are healing.’
Pearl looked quickly away. The badly scarred and deformed hand looked horrible.
‘And you’ll be pleased to hear the burns on my chest have healed. It won’t be long before I’m back to the way I used to look. The way you used to like me, Pearl.’ He took hold of her wrist. ‘Don’t move away. You’ve your daughter to think of. We don’t want her upset. Now listen carefully. The doctors think Ruby is going to have a dead baby.’
‘Dead!’ Pearl gasped.
‘Yes, it’s probably dead already.’
She saw the cold expression in his eyes and heard his emotionless voice. Was there something wrong with him? ‘When it’s over, I’m going to leave her,’ he said calmly.
Pearl felt her head spin. She clutched Cynthia tighter as he smiled a strange smile. ‘I despise it here,’ he said bitterly. ‘I hate the aerodrome and being confined to an office. I yearn for the sea, the adventure, the thrill of battle. And you are the only one who understands me.’
Pearl closed her eyes as he gripped her. ‘Ruby will find someone else. A man who can offer her what she wants. An upstanding member of the Church perhaps? She seems to like going there enough. But you and me, Pearl, we’re two of a kind. We’ve always had something special, the love of excitement, of the unknown. I’m never going to let anyone take that away from us again.’
‘R-Ricky,’ she stammered, ‘don’t say those things.’
‘Why not? You and I now have the chance to be together.’
‘Ricky, I’m married.’
His eyes flickered as though he barely remembered. ‘Your husband is a fool, always has been. He doesn’t deserve you.’
‘Ricky—’
‘I’ve thought about leaving Ruby for a long time,’ he continued in a composed voice. ‘When your mother told me she’d written to you, I realized the time had arrived.’ He glanced at Cynthia. ‘I do understand, however, that you have a daughter and I know you wouldn’t be happy to leave her.’ He smiled. �
�You see how considerate I can be?’
Pearl didn’t know what he was talking about. What plans did he mean?
‘We are going to start a new life, Pearl. The war is over and I’ve got plenty of money. All we need are papers to get out of the country. The black market trade is flourishing, if you know the right people to approach. With cash you can buy anything. That’s what the war has done for Britain. It’s opened doors that were previously closed to people like us.’
Pearl swallowed nervously. ‘Ricky, you’re frightening me.’
He looked slowly back at her. Passing his hand across his forehead, he nodded. ‘I’m sorry. But it has to be done like this. Now here is the bus. And when we arrive at the hospital, I want you to behave as normal for everyone’s sake, especially Ruby, who has to be kept calm. Cynthia will be left at the sister’s office as children aren’t allowed in.’ He held her arm tightly as they boarded.
He tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away. Why hadn’t she listened to Jim? If only she could put back time.
Syd walked away from the nurse, who had broken the news they had all been dreading. The long, half-tiled corridor with its Victorian embellishments reminded him of the gaslight era. He braced himself for telling his family. It wouldn’t be easy, as Amy had convinced herself that she was about to be a grandmother for the second time. Rounding the corner, he saw Pearl and his son-in-law sitting on the hard wooden chairs next to Amy. They all stood up when they saw him coming. Even before he got there, he could tell they guessed what he had to say.
‘I’m sorry, son,’ he said to Ricky. ‘She lost the baby.’
His son-in-law frowned. ‘And Ruby?’
‘She’ll be all right.’ Syd looked into the dark eyes that in all these months had never really regarded him with warmth. He didn’t know what to make of the lad. He was a closed book, no doubt about that. But he was Ruby’s choice of husband and that was the end of the matter.
He opened his arms to his daughter and wife.
‘Can we see her?’ asked a tearful Amy.
‘In a minute. They’re giving her something to calm her down.’
East End Angel Page 30