by Debra Cowan
Who knew better than she how deceptive such feelings were? Matt hadn’t been there for her when she needed him seven years ago. He wouldn’t be there at any other time either and she would do well to remember it.
His kisses had made her ache, not just physically but with memories. With regret.
She didn’t want to feel regret. She didn’t want to feel anything.
Relief swamped her as they drove past the sprawling ranch house that had previously belonged to a cattleman who had moved north to Montana. Matt drew the buggy to a stop in front of the barn. Theodore Julius held a lantern, kneeling next to someone who lay unmoving in the dirt. In the circle of amber light, Annalise could tell it was a lanky, fair-haired boy who looked about the same age as Andrew Donnelly.
As she accepted Cosgrove’s hand and stepped out of the buggy, she noted at least a dozen cowboys gathered around the young man just out of the circle of light.
“Thanks for coming, Doc.” Julius’s voice boomed as he straightened. “Stand back, men. Let her through.”
The cluster of cowboys who smelled of sweat and cattle fell back to make a wide path for Annalise, their shadows weaving and separating. Matt was at her back, his massive body protecting her like a wall. She didn’t need his protection. Or want it.
Glad to put her focus elsewhere, she knelt next to the boy. His ruddy face was twisted in pain.
Mr. Julius stood over her with the lantern. “Edward’s family and mine have been friends for years. He’s here to learn the ranch business from the ground up and was assigned chores in the barn.”
“I fell out of the loft,” the boy moaned.
“I didn’t think we should move him,” the ranch owner said.
“You thought right.” Careful not to jostle her patient’s neck, she slipped her hands beneath his head, finding a big bump. “Is this how you landed?” she asked. “Yes.”
“Have you moved since the fall?”
“No, ma’am.” In the hazy amber light, he was pale, his skin sheened with sweat.
“Where is your pain exactly?”
“Low on my back,” he said in a labored voice. “About as far down as you can go.”
Annalise lightly patted his shoulder as she glanced up at Mr. Julius. “We need to get him into the house. Do you have a wide piece of lumber or a plank sturdy enough to hold him?”
“How about a door?”
“Yes, that would work.”
With a wave of his hand, the man sent two men to remove the door to the bunkhouse. “What do you need the piece of wood for?”
“To keep him immobile while carrying him into the house.” She had first learned that from her father then at medical college. “It should help prevent further injury to his back.”
Annalise held Edward’s head in a fixed position then asked two men to support the boy’s back and ease him up enough to slide the door beneath him.
Cosgrove and another cowboy followed Annalise’s instructions and Matt worked the plank into place. Mr. Julius watched, his brow furrowed in concern.
A few minutes later, Edward was in one of the spacious upstairs bedrooms. The mattress was firm, stuffed with Spanish moss like those at the Fontaine.
Once the patient was settled, she moved to the head of the bed, placing her satchel on a chair near the window.
Matt and the ranch hands who had brought the boy in moved into the hall. Cosgrove went downstairs. Mr. Julius remained in the room and thankfully out of the way.
Annalise could feel Matt’s gaze following her every move. Dismissing a ripple of awareness, she turned her attention to Edward. “Do you have any tingling or numbness low in your back?”
“No, just pain.”
“Any tingling or numbness in your arms, legs or feet?”
“No.” Fear darkened his eyes.
“That’s a good sign,” she reassured.
After gently skimming her fingers around the painful area and feeling a slight bump on his spine, she stepped back a couple of feet so he wouldn’t have to strain to see her. “You could have fractured a vertebrae or sustained a worse break.”
“Does that mean his back is broken?” Mr. Julius asked tersely.
“It’s too soon for me to tell how serious the injury is. Since he’s feeling pain and has no numbness or tingling, I’m hopeful it’s a fracture. Those kinds of breaks usually heal on their own.” Her gaze went to the patient. “You’ll need to stay in bed for a while, flat on your back. I want to check you again in a few days.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His voice was thin, labored.
“So, he’s just supposed to lay here, hurting?” Julius asked in a frustrated voice.
“I can give him some laudanum for the pain.” She opened her bag and pulled out a small brown bottle.
The ranch owner sent someone down to the kitchen for a spoon and Annalise poured out a small amount of the medicine. The boy swallowed, grimacing at the bitter taste.
She handed the bottle to Mr. Julius, who frowned at the label. “Is it all right for the boy to have this? I’ve heard some people start taking it then can’t stop.”
“It does affect some people that way. Just be careful. You administer it. That way, you’ll be able to control the amount and know exactly how much he’s had.”
Mr. Julius nodded. As she retrieved another bottle of the liquid from her satchel, she glanced out the window.
In the distance, a fire burned, causing a jump in her heart rate until she realized it was a camp fire, not a wildfire.
She closed her bag, glancing at Mr. Julius. “Does anyone else need a doctor?”
“Everyone’s checked in and they’re fine at the moment. All the hands are here at the house because they wanted to see if Eddie was going to be all right.”
She nodded, smiling at the young man. After repeating her instructions to the patient, she followed Mr. Julius out of the room.
Matt was waiting quietly in the hallway, one shoulder braced against the wall. He straightened and fell into line behind her as they went downstairs.
After the ranch owner paid her, Matt helped her into the buggy and they headed for Whirlwind. Sitting so close to him again had Annalise’s nerves twitching. A wave of fatigue rolled over her as she pulled her shawl tighter around her.
He glanced over. “You cold?”
“No, I’m fine.”
His big hands controlled the reins easily. Hands that could be gentle, as they had been on her earlier. A quick flash of heat under her skin had her looking away. She didn’t have the energy to deal with him.
Wrapped in her shawl, she wished she had been able to change out of her evening gown, but there had been no time. At least Edward’s accident hadn’t involved blood.
The thought of blood reminded her of the attack on Matt. “How is your back healing?”
“It’s comin’ along.”
“Good,” she murmured, her stomach fluttering at the hard, hot feel of him all the way down her left side.
Every breath brought his soap-and-leather scent into her lungs. He adjusted his hat, drawing her gaze to the strong planes of his face. He’d been clean-shaven when the wedding began, but now whiskers shadowed his jaw. It softened his features, had her remembering the rough velvet feel of him from long ago.
As though he knew what she was thinking, he looked at her again. She shifted her gaze. In the shadows of night, his eyes were dark, heated, putting her in mind of those moments in her clinic earlier.
It seemed like days ago rather than hours, yet she still felt off balance. The night surrounded them, cool air rippling through the wheel-high grass. All was quiet except for the chirp of crickets and grasshoppers, the occasional squeak of the buggy. She felt his attention on her again, his gaze stripping through the layers to the heart of her, putting a quiver in her stomach and making her feel uncomfortably exposed. What was he doing? Determined to ignore him, she stared across the rolling hills of the prairie.
“You just beat all. What you did back there
was amazing.”
At the admiration in his deep voice, her gaze jerked to him.
“You kept everyone calm, explained everything clearly. You were born to do that. Your pa would’ve been proud. I was.”
Since when? Irritation shot through her. “What happened to the man who was furious when I left for medical college?”
“I was wrong about that.” His voice softened as his gaze met hers. “I’d like to think I’ve learned something in the time you’ve been gone, and that I’m man enough to admit a mistake.”
Annalise barely kept her jaw from dropping. Had he ever apologized to her for anything? And now twice in one night.
Anticipation coiled through her then a sudden jarring instinct to protect herself. From what, she didn’t know. “Thank you.”
After a long moment, he slid her a look. “When you said I thought you chose medicine over me, over us, you were right.”
The words put a pang in her chest. “I didn’t choose medicine over you. I thought I could have everything I wanted, but such a thing wasn’t possible. It was silly to think so.”
“No, it wasn’t. Your father was a doctor and you wanted to carry on his work. You had big ideas. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
His gentle smile had her stomach tightening. Why was he being so nice?
“The miscarriage,” he said hoarsely. “I should’ve supported you in that, too.”
Remembering all the years she’d been alone, that he had believed the worst of her, she set her jaw. She wanted to keep her guard up against him, but the memory of that day at the cemetery flashed through her mind. The hurt in his eyes had been genuine, just as his words were now.
Before she realized what she intended to say, she spoke. “I should’ve told you about the baby’s marker. Now I understand that it hurt you. At the time, I really didn’t think you would care or even take notice.”
“I cared.” There was no denying the ragged edge of pain in his voice.
“I know that now and I’m sorry,” she said softly.
“You had cause to think it,” he admitted gruffly. “Back then, I only cared about what I wanted. And I wanted you.”
The fierce hunger in his eyes put a flutter in her stomach. And a quick flare of panic. She wanted him to stop talking about the past. “Maybe we were both selfish.”
In the distance, she saw a few lights burning in Whirlwind. “Oh, look, we’re nearly there.”
“Do you ever wonder what things would’ve been like if we had stayed together? We had something.” Something physical. She blinked back tears. Infuriating man.
What had happened earlier tonight proved they still had the physical. That was how things had started years ago and it hadn’t been enough to hold them together. Their problem had been—was—trust.
“I used to wonder how things would be for us.” She tried to sound firm, but her voice cracked. “I don’t anymore. And you shouldn’t either.”
“I can’t seem to help it. I still want you,” he said quietly.
She wanted him, too, and she didn’t like it. “You still believe I’m a liar.”
He pulled the buggy to a sudden stop, which had her heart kicking hard in her chest.
“No.” His gaze burned into hers. “I should’ve made that clear earlier, but you turn me inside out. There were things that didn’t get said. I believe you told the truth about not knowing you were expecting.”
Feeling off balance again, she curled one hand around the seat. “No, you don’t.”
“I do, Angel.” He put his big, callused hand over hers, holding on when she tried to pull away.
He was sincere, as earnest as he had been at her clinic earlier tonight and his words, the stark emotion in his eyes reached a place deep inside her that she had thought closed off forever, the part of her she had believed she would be able to keep locked against him.
She tried to look away, but she couldn’t. The regret in his face was too raw. Too real.
“I’m more sorry about that than I can say. It tears my guts out that I brought more hurt on you at a time when you needed me.”
All those years when she had hated him, needed him, circled viciously in her mind. The anger and hurt that had hardened inside her broke apart. Slightly panicked, she tugged her hand from his. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
His gaze softened on her face. “I just wanted you to know. It needed to be said.”
He snapped the reins against the horse’s rump and the buggy lurched into motion.
They covered the short distance to town in silence. Annalise’s mind whirled, her emotions swinging wildly from one to another—first sadness, then bitterness then a bone-deep longing for him and what they used to share. Which unsettled her to no end. Ruthlessly, she reminded herself that she hadn’t been able to count on him before. Why would now be any different?
She had never expected his remorse or apologies. Or this sweet, sharp longing for what they used to be. She had no idea how to handle it. How to handle him. All she knew was she needed to get away from him because she wanted to be around him. And that terrified her.
Neither of them spoke for the remainder of the journey. Or when they unhitched her buggy at the livery. Or as they walked down the street toward her clinic. Matt offered to carry her bag, but she declined. She didn’t tell him to leave her be, which he took as a good sign. Of course, she didn’t talk to him either.
His gut said stay quiet so he did. Tension vibrated in every line of her body.
When she’d apologized for not telling him about the baby’s marker, he’d thought they’d made some headway in getting beyond their past, especially when he expressed his remorse over believing she lied about knowing she was expecting. But she had withdrawn into herself.
Matt was glad he’d apologized, but it didn’t appear to have made much difference.
He’d felt her surprise, her shock. Maybe she didn’t believe him. She sure as hell didn’t trust him and Matt didn’t know if she ever would again.
“Who is that?” Her quiet voice broke through his thoughts and his gaze followed hers down the moonlit street to the clinic. Two tall men draped in shadow stood at the front door. They turned as Matt and Annalise drew near, and in a patch of pale light, he could see it was Davis Lee and Jericho.
Annalise recognized them at the same moment and hurried toward them. “Has something happened? Josie?”
Davis Lee shook his head. “Josie’s fine and no one’s been hurt that I know of.”
Beside him, Matt felt her exhale in relief.
“But Jericho and I do need to talk to you.”
“You, too, Matt,” the former Ranger added.
Concern etched Annalise’s features as she hurried up the steps and unlocked the door. All three men followed her inside and Matt closed the door as Annalise set her bag on the floor and lit the lantern on the table near the window.
Jericho began in his calm voice. “A man I used to ranger with stopped at my house a while ago. He’s been on the trail of the Landis brothers.”
Matt removed his hat, his muscles going tight.
“Dale tracked them through Indian Territory and lost their trail about five miles west of Whirlwind.”
Dread knotting his gut, Matt shared a look with Davis Lee. “So the bastards are in this area?”
“That’s what Dale thinks,” Jericho answered. “Just after they crossed the Red River, he shot and injured one of them. He followed their blood trail for a couple of miles. Some time later, he came upon a bundle of bloody rags. He recognized the nearby hoof prints as belonging to their horses.”
“So one of them needs medical attention.” Biting off a curse, Matt shoved a hand through his hair.
Annalise looked from him to Jericho. “What’s going on? Do you think they might come here to the clinic?”
“Or to Catherine,” Jericho answered tersely.
“Like the McDougals did,” Matt said. A pulsing abrupt silence came over all three me
n at the mention of the murderous gang.
Two years ago, Jericho had arrived at Catherine’s house, shot and near dead. He’d been chasing Andrew Donnelly, who he believed had killed his partner after getting involved with those same outlaws.
Annalise frowned. “I don’t understand.”
Davis Lee shifted his gaze to her. “About two years ago, there was an outlaw gang wreaking havoc all through the state.”
“They killed Ollie Wilkes, Cora’s husband, among others,” Matt added. “The leader took Catherine hostage because they knew she’s a nurse and his brother needed to be treated for consumption.”
“He roughed her up.” A muscle flexed in Jericho’s jaw, his words cold and controlled. “And almost got her killed.”
Annalise frowned, concern in her green eyes.
Davis Lee pinched the bridge of his nose. “Riley, Jake, Jericho and I cornered them and killed three of them. The fourth escaped, but was later captured.”
Matt’s chest burned as though it was being crushed. What if one or both of the Landis brothers came to Annalise for aid? What if they took her forcibly the way the McDougals had done with Catherine? The possibility raised the hair on the back of his neck.
He sent a look to the other two men. “Do y’all plan to join Dale in tracking the Landis brothers?”
“Yes,” Davis Lee said. “As soon as we leave here. Lydia and Catherine have agreed to look after Josie.”
Matt took a step toward Annalise. “You need to move to the Fontaine. Tonight.”
“What? Why?”
“Did you hear what we just said?” he snapped.
“Yes, but there’s no need for me to stay somewhere else. Do you really think these men would show themselves in town?”
“Don’t be stubborn, Annalise. Just because I’m the one who suggested you go to Russ’s hotel doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea.”
She raised a questioning brow, her gaze encompassing Davis Lee and Jericho, not Matt.
“It might be smart,” Davis Lee agreed.
Jericho’s eyes flashed. “At least until we get back from scouting the area.”
Matt opened his mouth to argue again for the hotel, but Annalise leveled a look at him. “Moving to the hotel would only put other people at risk as well.”