by Zane
“Swing as in fuck around, participate in orgies, get your freak on,” Momma chastised.
“That’s it!” I stood up, threw my napkin on the table, walked around to the other side and pulled Momma up by the elbow. “You’re coming with me.”
“But the party’s just getting started, baby!”
I pushed Momma down into the basement and blessed her out with every word I could think of. She sat there, on the arm of a recliner, pretending like she was bored and picking specks of dirt out of her nails.
“Now you’re going to take your ass back up there and apologize to Yardley’s parents or else,” I stated vehemently, ending my lecture.
“Or else what, Rayne? You gonna spank me?” Momma asked sarcastically.
“No, I’m not going to spank you, Momma; no more than you’re ever going to spank me again.” I got close enough to her to smell the wine on her breath. “If you don’t make amends for your actions here tonight, I’m putting you on the first thing smoking back to Alabama and I’m never going to speak to you again.”
Momma was shook. I had her. “Rayne, I was only having a little fun; trying to lighten the mood.”
“You haven’t lightened a damn thing, Momma. You’ve disrespected me, you’ve disrespected Yardley and his parents, and most importantly, you’ve disrespected yourself here tonight. I’m trying to build something real with this man, Momma. Something that will last. You will not ruin it for me.”
Momma rolled her eyes and sat there in silence for a few minutes.
Yardley opened the door and peeked down at us. “Is everything all right, Rayne?”
“No,” I said. “But you knew that already.”
He came down the steps and put his arms around my waist from behind. I allowed my head to rest against his shoulder. I was so sick of Momma’s antics. I’d left Alabama to get away from them and now she’d transported the shit across state lines.
Yardley kissed the top of my head. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve explained things to my folks and they’re cool. Let’s head on back into town so I can get you home.”
“How are your parents ever going to accept me, Yardley? Knowing where I come from, meeting Momma, how will they ever think I’m good enough for you?”
“Rayne,” Momma suddenly said. “You’re good enough for everybody. Don’t ever forget that. My mistakes have been my mistakes. You shouldn’t have to pay for them.”
I glared into her gray eyes. “Then why must you act out in front of everyone I care about?”
“You’re right, Rayne. I went too far tonight.” She headed up the steps. “I’m gonna handle this. I’m gonna make things right for you, baby.”
I was too humiliated to go back upstairs right away. I couldn’t imagine what Momma was up there saying to Yardley’s parents. As far as I was concerned, the damage had already been done.
Yardley embraced me and planted kisses on my fingertips, one at a time. “Rayne, I don’t expect you to say anything back after I say what I’m about to say. You don’t need to feel obligated.”
“Obligated about what?” I asked, my interest piqued.
“I’m in love with you, Rayne Waters.”
I exhaled. It was like a weight had been lifted off my heart.
“I love you, too, Yardley.”
“Shh.” He placed his index finger on my lips. “I told you that you don’t have to feel obligated to return the feelings.”
I took both of his hands into mine and gave him a peck on the lips. “I’m not returning the feelings out of obligation. I’m returning them because they’re real.”
Then our kiss began. Yardley pushed me back into the downstairs hall, out of range for someone to open the doors and see us from the stairs. We made out and got lost in time. I almost forgot we were in his parents’ home.
“Rayne, you down there!” Momma yelled, disturbing our flow.
“Yes, Momma,” I responded.
“Come on back up,” she said.
When Yardley and I got back upstairs, it was like being abducted by aliens. Everything had changed. The three of them were sitting at the table eating sweet-potato pie and laughing. No further mention was made about my nameless father, his nameless other children, or group sex, and we all managed to get along for a few more hours.
When it was time to leave, Mrs. Brown pulled me aside. “Rayne, I want you to know that Corbett and I both think you are lovely.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Brown. I appreciate that.”
“Please, call me Agnes.”
“Thanks, Agnes, for dinner and for making me feel comfortable in your home; despite what happened earlier.”
“Your mother loves you, Rayne. She’s a confused soul and she’s led a rough life but that doesn’t reflect on the love she feels for you.”
“Wow, what did Momma say to you and your husband?” I asked in astonishment.
“She was open and honest; that’s all. She’s extremely proud of you, in case you didn’t know that.”
I was blown away. “Thanks for being so understanding. For the record, I’m nothing like my mother, Agnes. I care about your son a great deal and I do believe in monogamous relationships.”
Agnes grinned. “No need to go there. I can see that you’re a woman of integrity. Yardley’s lucky to have you in his life. He’s been hurt in the past but this isn’t a dress rehearsal, so I’m glad he’s found something unique with you.”
“Unique!” I giggled. “That’s a good word for it.”
“I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of you soon.” She kissed me on the cheek. “Let me know when it’s time to plan the wedding. Even though it’s usually the bride’s family who handles all the details, Yardley’s my only child so I have to get in where I fit in.”
Was she serious about a wedding?
“You think he’ll marry me?” I asked, stunned.
“If you’ll have him, I know he will.” She let out a deep sigh and glanced at Yardley, who was helping Momma into the back seat of his car. “My son has never looked at a woman the way he looks at you. That’s the same way Corbett looked at me when we started dating in 1968. The way he still looks at me and the way Yardley will be looking at you thirty-something years from now.”
I was at a loss for words so I didn’t respond. I hugged her and went to get into the car.
Sitting there in the beauty parlor, I was mulling Agnes’s words over in my mind. Things were moving so swiftly. I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going. Yardley hadn’t mentioned the word “marriage” and I was hoping he wouldn’t any time soon. I had a ton of insecurities I needed to sort through before I could be mentally stable enough to trust like that.
“Rayne!” Momma pushed me on the arm. “Are you going to answer me or what?”
“Momma, do you have to be so loud?” I asked, trying to shush her.
“I ain’t loud, dammit!” she exclaimed. “I asked a simple fuckin’ question.”
I rolled my eyes and leaned in closer to her. “Baps are beautiful African princesses.”
“Oh, well, your ass wasn’t born in Africa and I sure as hell wasn’t. My parents made me in the back of your granddad’s 1957 Oldsmobile.”
“I don’t need to know all that, Momma.” I glared at her. “How do you know where you were conceived anyway?”
“Your grandparents told me as much, stupid, before they kicked the bucket.”
I couldn’t believe Momma would talk about her parents’ deaths so casually. I never got to know them before they were killed in a house fire. As for my father, Momma wasn’t exaggerating at the Browns’. My mother never mentioned him and since the sixth grade, I’d never asked. Momma never knew which one of her lovers fathered me. If they had been airing the Maury show back then, she would’ve been one of the women featured on his paternity episodes. One of the ones that had to test a dozen men and still be pressing her luck that one of them was actually the father.
“Momma, do you see a hairstyle you like?” I asked, changing the subject by
pointing to the hairstyle magazine she was holding in her lap. “I think that one would look good on you.”
“That would make me look old as shit,” she complained. “I need something that makes me look younger.”
“Momma, that style would look great on you,” I stated in disagreement. “But we can let Boom decide for you. She’s great with hair.”
“Boom?” she asked in disgust. “What kind of name is that?”
I spotted Boom eyeing us from across the room, pausing from finishing up the head of the sister in her chair. Her eyes narrowed and I thought, Oh, boy! I hope the two of them don’t rip each other’s throats out!
Suddenly, I was regretting bringing Momma. Certain personalities simply clash and I had the eerie feeling that Boom and Momma would end up exchanging words before the evening was over.
I was wrong. Boom and Momma were like twins; talking shit to one another and about practically everyone else in the shop, including me.
When Momma was sitting in Boom’s chair getting the finishing touches put on her hair, she said, “Boom, you know Rayne has this new man whose dick must be golden. Has she told you about him?”
Boom looked at me and laughed as I sat in the chair across from them waiting my turn. I’d finished under the dryer and still had curlers in my head.
“Rayne, what man is this?”
“His name’s Yardley, Boom,” I answered.
“He’s a chiropractor,” Momma added. “That means he cracks backs!”
They both enjoyed a laugh at my expense.
“Conquesto’s gonna be jealous as shit,” Boom said. “He’s still sweating you big time.”
“What the hell is a Conquesto?” Momma asked.
“He’s Boom’s brother,” I quickly replied, trying to key her in that she needed to chill on any negative remarks about Conquesto.
For once, Momma took the hint and switched up. “Yeah, that Yardley is a sexy motherfucker, too. So’s his daddy but he’s taken. Been married thirty-four years. Can you believe that shit?”
“No, hell no,” Boom said. “I like to spread my goodies around from time to time. I got a lot of old broads that come in here who’ve been married since they invented hourglasses but not moi. My coochie’s like a flower. It needs regular watering and fertilizing to keep it strong.”
Momma giggled. “You’re too much, Boom. I’m gonna have to get you down there to Alabama so you can hang out at the Eagle with me.”
“Oh, Lord,” I said. “Not the Eagle.”
“What’s the Eagle?” Boom asked.
“Trust me, Boom, it’s not your type of spot. It’s nothing more than a watering hole,” I assured her.
“That’s what I need,” she said. “I’ve got a hole and it needs watering, like I just said.”
“I know that’s right,” Momma agreed. “I’m telling you, that Alabama black snake is no joke. Some of the men down home will have you ready to move your ass and your shop down there.”
“Humph, funny how I never met any of them when I lived there.” I rolled my eyes and glanced at my watch. Yardley and I were going to catch a movie later that night and I didn’t want to be late. “Can you two hens cut down on the clucking and move it along a little faster?”
Momma held her hand up, trying to shield me from her comment but speaking loud enough for half the salon to hear. “Don’t mind her. She thinks she’s a diva or some shit, now that she’s all in love.”
“I never told you I was in love with Yardley, Momma.”
“You didn’t have to tell me, baby. It’s written all over your face. I don’t know what the hell happened on Valentine’s Day but it must’ve been all that and then some.”
“Ooh, what did you do for Valentine’s Day, Rayne?” Boom asked.
“We went out to dinner.”
“And?”
“And then they fucked!” Momma yelled out. “They did some serious fucking!”
“Were you in the room, Momma?” I asked sarcastically.
“No, you deserted my ass in your shithole and you damn well know it.”
“Damn, she called your place a shithole,” Boom said.
Yo-Yo and Tamu joined her in a round of laughter.
“I don’t live in anything remotely close to a shithole. Momma’s mad because she expected me to drop everything and cater to her the second she hit town. Unexpectedly, I might add. I had no idea she was coming to visit and my plans were already made.”
This new reality show was on the broken-down television. I decided to zone them out and see what it was all about. Boom, Momma, and the rest of the hens talked about the latest hoochie fashions, the latest players in the hip-hop arena, and of course about fucking while I watched the show. It was called Raoul’s Love Unions and it was about women who were trying to hook up with midgets. I seemed to recall the same little fella having another show a few years back. Raoul’s Midget Gladiators, I believed. It had done okay in ratings but left the air suddenly because one of the midgets got harmed during an obstacle course and sued the producers.
This blonde was on there talking about how she’d always had this secret fantasy about making love with a midget. She hinted at the fact that his face would be in the perfect spot for “certain delightful activities.” Some of the regular television stations might as well go ahead and go porno. Any person over the age of ten—possibly even eight—would know that she was referring to getting her pussy eaten.
I was shaking my head at the nonsense when my cell phone started chanting, “Incoming call!” I retrieved it from my purse, flipped it open and said, “This is Rayne.”
“Rayne, this is Yardley.”
“Hey, baby. We still going to the movies?”
“For sure. I was just calling to check on your progress.”
“Things are coming along. Boom’s finishing up with Momma and then it’ll take her about fifteen minutes to yank the curlers out my hair and get it situated.”
“Cool. I’ve missed you the last couple of days.”
Now I was going to have to go home and change my panties yet again. He made me wet when he said things like that.
“I’ve missed you, too, Yardley.”
Boom and Momma started snickering and I turned my back to them. I could see them in the reflection of the mirror, eyeing me and trying to read my lips once I lowered my voice.
I also turned the volume of the television up before I continued, “How was your day?”
“Long but prosperous. And yours at the bank?”
“Long and boring. Chance called in sick today so I was lonely.”
“Is she okay?” Yardley asked.
“She’s fine. She and Ricky went to go look at apartments and they didn’t want to wait until the weekend. Most of the rental offices close by the time we get off from work.”
“I see. Why do they want to move?”
“They’re finally sick of living in an efficiency. Chance and Ricky should’ve made that move a long time ago. They aren’t too good with managing their finances though.”
“Chance works in a bank and mismanages money?”
“I know. Mind-boggling, isn’t it?”
He chuckled. “And then some. Well, I’ll see you in a few, baby. I wanted to hear your voice—get my little fix—until later.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet.”
“Not as sweet as you are to me, Rayne.”
“By the way,” I said, “that pain I was having before, it’s back.”
“Oh my, then we have to put you on a regular treatment schedule. I need to treat you at least three times a week before you can achieve any long-term improvement.”
“Um, you want to crack my back three times a week?”
“Ooh, I heard that!” Boom yelled out. She looked down at Momma. “Arjay, you were right. Rayne’s got it bad.”
“I’ll see you in a bit, Yardley,” I said and hung up the phone quickly. “Do you think the two of you could be any nosier?”
Momma started cha
nting, “Crack that back! Crack that back!” Boom joined in and before you knew it, the entire salon was chanting and teasing me.
I concentrated back on the television. The blonde was on a dance floor at some club with miniature furniture and decorations, shaking her flat booty to Nelly’s “It’s Getting Hot in Herre” and bending down so she could swing her hair in the midget’s face.
I grinned, not because the show was funny. I couldn’t wait to get my back cracked!
There’s nothing in this world so sweet as love,
And next to love the sweetest thing is hate.
—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Twenty-seven
Yardley
The Warner Theater was packed—orchestra section, balconies, box seats, and all—for the premiere of Curveballs. Dwayne had an entire row on lockdown. His lady friend, Opal, was on the conservative side but was pretty and rather quiet. I think she may have felt uncomfortable being put on display in front of so many of his family members at one time. He wasn’t lying when he said he was representing for Mike. It had been ages since I’d seen Dwayne’s parents and grandparents but they were all present. Mike’s mother, a widow, was beaming with delight in her front row seat. Rayne and I were in the seats directly behind her. My parents were going to come the following week before the show left to tour in New York, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Detroit, Chicago, and numerous other venues. I’d attempted to get Arjay a ticket to come with us—against all of my common sense—but fortunately they were sold out. I’d made an attempt and that saved me from being an asshole in her eyes. She asked Rayne to bring her a program back so she could read about it.
The evening also marked the first time the fellas met Rayne. Dwayne and I managed to steal a few moments in the lobby before the play started.
“That Rayne is gorgeous, man. I can see why you were sweating her all that time,” Dwayne said.
I’d filled him in on a little history on the phone a few days earlier. He was amazed that I’d had the patience to restrain myself from asking her out while I was pining for her. It was silly, reflecting back on the entire thing. If I’d asked Rayne out in the beginning and she’d shot me down, it would’ve been the way the cookie crumbled. Thank goodness I’d finally found the nerve to approach her.