by Lexie Miers
“I’ve missed this,” he breathed against my skin, almost inaudibly, but I heard him loud and clear.
I have, too.
His breath against my neck made me shiver and I grabbed his shoulders, moaning as he thrust inside me, going faster and deeper.
“I’ve missed this too,” I breathed in return.
He raised his face, looking directly at me, our noses touching lightly.
Did I have the courage to say what had to be said? What else did I have to lose at this point? We could only grow from here.
“I’m yours, Liam. I always have been.”
The corners of his lips curled up before he kissed me, urgently and passionately, his tongue snaking out and tasting mine.
Our breathing became quick and ragged, the atmosphere around us thick and heavy.
My belly was quickening, tightening. I glanced up at him, wanting to share everything I could with him.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and grabbed on to his bulging biceps.
Our eyes locked and in that moment, we were the only two people in the world.
The only two who mattered.
The only two who had ever mattered.
We pulled one another over the edge, our bodies jolting and contracting together as we shared the perfect moment of sheer pleasure.
My heart sang with happiness as Liam stopping shaking and collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily.
I brought my hands up and caressed his sweaty skin, running a hand through his hair. This was just like our first time, in the back of Liam’s dad’s truck. We’d been under the stars and wrapped up comfortable blankets, which smelled like Liam’s cologne.
Back then we’d talked about our future together, making promises that would never be kept, and vowing we would never let anything tear us apart.
That night, I’d hoped that feeling of bliss and happiness would never end.
But it did.
And so did this one.
Liam rolled off me and lay on his back beside me. There was a strange expression on his face and I turned towards him, worry shooting through my heart.
“Is everything okay?”
Liam glanced at me intently for a few seconds before he moved away and sat upright. Without a word, he slid off the bed and pulled on a pair of comfortable shorts, which he’d retrieved from a nearby dresser.
“I can’t see you anymore, Cass,” he said with a solemn sigh.
I sat bolt upright, holding the blankets to my chest. “What?” He had to be joking.
“I can’t see until everything blows over with this lawsuit,” he replied as he turned to me.
I swallowed hard, my heart pounding in my chest like a bongo drum. I could barely think straight.
I forced myself to think, to be smart about this.
“Did your lawyer advise you to do that?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yes, and I think he’s right. I can’t have anything complicating this case. Especially with you working there as well.”
Oh. I hadn’t realized my new employers would be Liam’s lawyers... but it kinda made sense, now that I thought about it.
“Um... okay, I get it... I suppose.” Well, I was struggling to, actually. “I get that you’re concerned that if people see us together, they’ll think we’re discussing the case. I suppose.”
“That’s exactly the problem. I don’t want you to get mixed up with all my mess. Any of it.”
That sounded a bit... weak.
“But I’m here to support you. You have to know I’d stand by you through this,” I said, then I realized something. “But you don’t want me to, do you?”
Liam sighed heavily. “I just don’t want to get hurt in the process, Cass.”
“Why would I get hurt?” I asked as I slowly stood from the bed, wrapped in a sheet.
Liam put his hands on his hips, but didn’t say a word.
My jaw dropped as my brain registered the only conclusion I could come up with. He was guilty.
“You did it, didn’t you?”
“Did what?”
I bit my lip, almost too afraid to say the words out loud. “You sexually harassed her, didn’t you?”
I’d never thought Liam was capable of that, but then again, I didn’t know him anymore.
He wasn’t the same man I fell in love with all those years ago. He was a different person with a completely different life, and there was no room in that life for me.
My heart broke in one all mighty, powerful crack.
Tears welled and fell down my cheeks, and I swiped angrily at them with my hands.
Liam was staring at me with wide eyes and eyebrows that had climbed high on his forehead. “You honestly think I would do that? You should know me better than that.”
I took a few steps towards him, not sure what to believe anymore.
“I thought I did... I thought I knew you, but the eighteen-year-old version of you, the one I loved, is still that same person who hurt me. The one who left me, without telling me why. Even now, ten years later, you still can’t tell me. I loved you with everything inside me, and I believed you loved me the same way, but you can’t even spare me the decency of telling me what happened. Why did you leave me, Liam?”
I had waited over ten years to say this to him, but his expression was more underwhelming than I thought it would be.
He lowered his gaze, which lowered my chances of getting an answer, and I reached down where my clothes lay in a pile.
“I’m sick of this, Liam,” I said and started to get dressed. “Don’t I deserve to hear the truth?”
“Of course, you do. I just can’t tell you.”
“You can’t or you won’t?” I asked and pulled my pants up.
Fucking asshole. What did it matter now? Ten years on and he still had no accountability! No courage to admit that he did the wrong thing.
What a coward.
“It’s not that simple, Cass,” he continued to argue with me.
“Nothing is ever simple with you, is it?” I muttered as I slipped my t-shirt over my head.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” I insisted.
He began to turn away and I yelled at him. I was sick of all this lying. “Liam just tell me! No matter what it is! Just tell me!”
He whirled around his eyes blazing with anger. “Because your mom told me to leave!”
I froze, my vision blurred by impending tears which rushed to the surface faster than I could stop them. “Don’t you dare pin this on her.”
She was dead! Couldn’t he just leave her in peace?
“It’s the truth, Cass. That was why I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you to hate her after she died,” he explained.
Could it be possible? Would my mom have really sent him away?
“What did she say to you?” I asked quietly.
“She told me that she wanted you to have everything you deserved in life and that I was going to hold you back. Not literally... but because you loved me so much and you were willing to give everything up for me. She wanted you to fulfill all your dreams, not sacrifice them for anyone.”
Hot tears stung the back of my throat and made my eyes water. I could hear those words in her voice now... she would have done that.
“It wasn’t for just ‘anyone.’ It was for you,” I corrected, and back then I would have literally done anything for him.
Given up school, relocated, had babies the moment he wanted them. Anything for Liam.
He stepped closer, his voice dropping. “You shouldn’t do that for anyone, Cass.”
“But I would have,” I said quietly as I heard the truth in his words. “And I would do it again if I was given the chance. My life fell apart after you left. My mom watched me cry myself to sleep for months and she didn’t say anything.”
“She wanted the best for you.”
I wiped away the tears, a sob rising in my throat.
What a waste!
All because other p
eople had decided what was best for me.
“So, you think the life I led without you, the emptiness I felt every day, the rejection, and the constant feeling of never being good enough was the best life for me?” I yelled. “Because that’s bullshit, Liam.”
“You went to UC Denver, just like you wanted. You were first your class.”
I walked away from him and threw my hands up in the air. “Yes, that was part of my plan, sure, but all I ever wanted was you, Liam. Don’t you get that? I understand you wanted me to be happy and have the best possible life, but only I get to decide that! Not you, or my mom. Me, and only me,” I said, fighting back the tears that thickened my throat.
“You don’t understand how back it was for me after you left without telling me why. I had a constant ache in my chest. Every sad song I listened to seemed to be about loneliness and heartache, and every happy song reminded me of how we used to be, and how close we once were.”
“Cass—”
“You know what hurt me the most, Liam? It wasn’t because you left—for my benefit, as it turns out. It was the trauma that followed. It was waking up and checking my phone for the messages that weren’t there. It was going to sleep, wanting to hear your voice, knowing I’d never hear it again. It was like starting my life over without any idea where to begin. That was how lost I felt.”
When he stood there like an idiot I couldn’t take it anymore. I was pouring my heart out and he was just... standing there.
I whirled around, stomped out of his bedroom, and down the hallway.
“Cass, wait!” he called out after me as I ran down the steps.
“You have no right to fuck with my feelings. Not again!” I yelled at him.
“Cass, please...”
I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t.
When we reached the bottom of the stairs, he grabbed my hand and spun me around. “I’m sorry, Cass.”
“Yeah,” I said bitterly as I wiped the tears from my cheek. “I’m sorry too. I wish I could go back to the day I met you and walk the other way. Pretend I didn’t see you, because honestly, it would have saved me so much hurt and pain.”
His face fell, hurt rippling across his eyes. “You don’t mean that.”
“Like hell I do,” I snapped, as I broke free from his grasp and left.
Tears of anger ran down my cheeks as I climbed into my car and drove away. I wasn’t sure exactly where I was going, but I drove anyway. Maybe it would give me the clarity I desperately needed.
Chapter Ten
Liam
It was my calls that were being ignored now, and frankly, I knew I deserved it.
I deserved every bit of anger and resentment Cass wanted to throw at me. I’d been wrong to assume I knew what was best for her.
We all had the right to choose our own path and only Cass could decide what that was. Unfortunately, at barely eighteen years old, I hadn’t given her the chance.
I couldn’t help but pace around the house, trying to call her every hour. She’d been avoiding me since she stormed out of my house last night. It was Saturday, so she wasn’t at work.
She was probably at home, on the couch, covered in her favorite blanket, watching a movie that would only made her cry more. She’d done the same thing when she heard her dad was having an affair with one of the women in town, and again when one of her best friends walked away from her after a misunderstanding.
I wanted to go over to her house, but I didn't want to make things worse. I was as clueless as ever when it came to Cass.
My father had found my teenage years amusing. When I came home and told him the stories of how I’d failed with girls, saying all the wrong things, or simply not saying anything at all.
With Cass, it was the same way. Even though I was part of the high school football team, and started to hang out with the more popular kids, I still had a hard time talking to her at the start. But she’d made me better.
That was the reason I did what I did back then. I loved her too much to stand in the way of her future, her success. I wanted her to go to school as she had dreamed of doing, to become an even more amazing woman than she already was.
I still couldn’t quite believe how badly I’d screwed everything up again. Even after I’d told her what she wanted to know... I’d still driven her away.
I shook my head and collapsed into a chair. The way she’d stormed out of here last night meant she’d probably never speak to me again.
I had to fix it.
I couldn’t leave it like this.
I’d already wasted a decade without her, I couldn’t continue on to make the same mistakes.
I had to tell her everything.
Admit that even after all these years, I still loved her. I had to promise that I would never make the mistake of letting her go again. I hadn’t stopped thinking about her since the day I’d left her, but I’d been too much of a coward to contact her.
I couldn’t be that guy anymore. Cass deserved so much more. She deserved better, and that was exactly what I was going to give her.
I was a better man now than the scared boy who’d left the moment Cass’s mom had told me to.
I’d never leave her again.
I grabbed my keys and jumped in the car, determined to get to Cass as fast as possible. I glanced at the digital clock on the dash and a thought occurred to me. I wasn’t going to find her at home, it was after three. She was at the hospital visiting Nathan, her little brother.
I’d kept tabs on Cass and her brother ever since I left home. My dad phoned me regularly, telling me how Cass’s mom and Nathan were doing, and when Cass went to visit them, which wasn’t very often.
He’d called me the minute he found out that Cass’s mother passed away, and when Cass returned to Crested Butte. He even spoke to Cass a few times when she decided to relocate to Denver after college. I wasn’t sure whether he was solely responsible for making her decide to come to start over here, but I sure was grateful.
I drove in the direction of the hospital Nathan was admitted to, and when I noticed Cass’s car, I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d made the right choice.
I parked my car a few spots away from hers and hurried to the entrance, not wanting to wait another minute before I saw her again.
As I stepped inside, I glanced around, looking for someone to ask for directions.
I approached the reception desk and a middle-aged, red-haired woman smiled warmly at me.
“Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you with something?” she asked.
“I’m looking for Nathan Moore’s room.”
“Are you a friend or a family member?” she asked.
“A friend. We used to live in the same town. I know his sister, Cassidy,” I answered.
“Can I just see some identification, sir? You’re going to have to check in.”
“Of course,” I said and handed her my driver’s license.
She took one look at it, pursing her lips. “You really are from Crested Butte.”
“I am.”
She handed my license back to me and tapped her finger on the sign-in sheet in front of me. “He’s in room two-one-five, second floor.”
“Thank you.” I quickly filled in the sheet and signed.
She smiled and pointed to her left. “The elevators are that way.”
“Thanks.”
I made my way to the elevator as per the woman’s instructions and waited for the elevator doors to open. I stepped inside and pressed the button for the second floor. It only took a couple of seconds until I was hurrying down the hallway towards room 215. I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face, nor the flutter of anticipation that wove through my belly.
When I reached the door, I found it slightly ajar, and I heard voices coming from inside. Cassidy’s. And Nathan’s.
I stepped back, pressing my back against the wall and stood quietly. It wasn’t my intention to eavesdrop on their conversation, but as soon as I heard my name being mentioned,
I couldn’t walk in there.
“Liam’s here, in Denver,” Cassidy told her brother.
“Liam who broke your heart after high school?” Nathan asked.
“The one and only.”
I sighed. Would I always be that guy?
“What’s he doing here? Is he stalking you or something?”
“No, he lives here, actually.”
“Did you see him?” Nathan asked and there was a long pause. “Oh, no, Cassie. Don’t tell me you and Liam—”
“Yes, it happened, okay. Twice.”
“Ew, that’s way too much information.”
“You asked.”
I couldn’t stop my lips from lifting a little. Cass was nothing, if not honest. And straight forward. Two of the things I loved most about her.
“In all fairness, Cassie, I didn’t actually ask, but that’s beside the point. You saw him.”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “But nothing about us is easy any more. We talk, then we end up fighting all the time.”
“Well, considering what happened, that’s only natural, in my opinion. Plus, it’s been what... ten years? You’ve both probably changed a lot.”
Out of the mouth of babes
“Some things stay the same, however. Once a scumbag, always a scumbag.”
I cringed at Cass’s words and rested my head against the wall. Was that really what she thought of me?
“Did you know Mom told him to leave? That she wanted me to achieve everything I wanted without being held back. By Liam, by love, by my feelings for him. She wanted me to have no regrets.”
“And do you? Have no regrets?”
“Oh, I have a lot of regrets. Most of them are about not being with Liam. When I was with him, I never doubted the way he made me feel. Like I was important to him. I really haven’t felt that way since he left.”
You were important to me, Cass.
You still are.
“Do you still love him?”
Another long pause.
“I never stopped, really. Even though he hurt me... he says that only wanted me to be happy. I just... don’t understand, Nathan. He did that for me, he let me go. Even though I was miserable, and even though I hated him for it. It’s such a big sacrifice to make. I don’t know what to do.”