by Robin Roseau
After dinner, we went for a walk, arm in arm. "You could serve Talmon from here."
I didn't say anything.
"You would be happy."
"I know," I said in a quiet voice. "Please don't do this to me, Luradinine."
"I'm sorry, but I can't help it, Chaladine. If I wasn't sure you would never forgive me, I'd tie you to the bed tonight and never let you leave."
I didn't say anything.
We walked down to the harbor. "It's lovely here in the summer," she said.
"I imagine."
"You do not need the education our Governor will give you. Beacon Hill has survived just fine for centuries without The Empire. Let someone else go, someone younger. Someone who isn't loved the way I love you."
I started to cry, but I turned to her. "Do you think I don't love you?"
"You haven't said it."
"You only said it now," I said, "and I was afraid."
"Of what?"
"Losing my resolve. I know I'd be happy here. I can't imagine I'll be remotely as happy."
"Then stay! The Governor can take someone else. Your father said she'd understand. Stay with me."
"I wish you had won. Why didn't you cheat, just a little?" I asked. "You almost won, and you played more than fair. You didn't use any help at all. You could have won so easily."
"I-" she looked away. "I wanted you to agree. And Tisarine was right when she pleaded with me. I couldn't take all your prisoners back. I couldn't do that to you. And I couldn't do that to Sudden, either."
"You could have won, and then graciously let all of them go when I agreed to stay willingly. You didn't do it."
"No," she said.
"Why not?"
"Why won't you agree to stay now? It's not the promise. You know the Governor would release you. Why don't you agree to stay?"
"Because Talmon needs people like us."
"Yes. Talmon needs me as Vendart of Beacon Hill."
"Yes," I said. "And Talmon needs me to learn what I am going to learn."
"I know," she said. "That's why I didn't cheat. But that doesn't mean I like it."
We sat quietly, and then, slowly, I took her hand. "Luradinine, I love you."
She rotated to face me, then pulled my face to hers. "I want promises."
"What promises?" I asked.
"If the Governor cannot arrange this, you will come back to me."
I lowered my eyes. "You mustn't wait for me. If you find someone else-"
"I wasn't exactly looking," she replied. "I take dalliances, but nothing like this, not since Wenelopid's father left. I haven't wanted anyone since, until you."
"I'm sorry."
"Promise."
"If she won't give me what I asked her to give me, I will come to you," I said.
"If she does take you, then you must try to fall in love again. Promise."
"How can I promise that?"
"Promise!"
"I promise. I'll try."
"You will give this woman who claims you everything you are. She deserves that, and so do you."
"I promise," I repeated.
"If you leave Talmon, I do not promise to wait for you to return," she said. "But if this woman does not love you, or you do not love her, you will find a way to send me a message, and I will find a way to reply."
"I will."
"You said the people of The Empire do not believe in forever, and it may be that some day you will return, even after having loved. And maybe we cannot begin again, but maybe we can. I will not wait. I will not pine. And neither will you. But you will come to me, and we will see."
"If that day comes," I said. "We will see."
And then, both of us crying, she kissed me, and then we held each other fiercely.
Then, slowly, without any further words, we stood and walked slowly back to her house. And then I begged her to tie me, and she did, and she was very creative.
Neither of us slept that night.
I cried most of the return flight to Sudden.
Part Three
Maddalyn
When Cecilia returned, she met with Father and Mother, but they excluded me. But later, Mother found me and told me the Governor wished to speak with me. I found her in one of the sitting rooms, staring into a fire. I stepped in.
"Close the door," she ordered. She hadn't turned around.
I approached slowly, then came to a stop, waiting.
"Did I do something wrong, Cecilia?"
"You're an idiot," she said. She turned around, and she looked angry. Oh, I had seen her looking far angrier than this, but she was angry. "What is the matter with you? Love like that is rare. Amongst the entire galaxy, it is rare, and you walk away from it? What is wrong with you?"
I didn't know how to answer her.
"At least tell me your promise to me isn't what has you here in Sudden and not in Beacon Hill."
"Talmon needs me, Governor," I said. "Talmon doesn't need me in Beacon Hill. Talmon needs me to learn what I can learn, and then you need me here. And Governor, you need to still be Governor when I get back here."
"No!" she said. "You promised two decades, and I am not taking this job forever."
"Talmon needs you."
"Do not lay that shit on me," she said.
"So you're going to do all the hard work, and when things are finally working okay, you're going to leave it to someone else to mess everything up?"
She sighed. "We're not discussing that." She shook her head. "Go to her, Chaladine. She's what you need."
"Do you have someone for me?"
"We're not discussing that, either."
"Do you?"
"I planted seeds, but you are not the only person who has asked this of me, and no one would know if I present someone else."
"Who is it?"
"Go pack your things. I'm taking you to Beacon Hill tonight."
"Cecilia..."
She turned away. "I could refuse to do this."
"You could," I admitted.
"And then you would go to her."
"You need me."
She didn't say anything.
"Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you have someone better than I would be, and I'll beg for a ride to Beacon Hill. Can you tell me that?"
She was quiet for a while, then she said quietly, "No." She turned around. "Why a galatzi trade? It doesn't have to be that way. You can learn what you need much faster. She could go with you."
"She is needed in Beacon Hill. She is... she is a very good vendart. You would see it instantly. Did Father tell you what she did for Sudden?"
Cecilia nodded. "I'll be stopping by Malaratine's Cove." She smiled, and it was not a pleasant smile. "I will tell the vendart there that he will allow me to question the advisor in question. I believe I can be quite convincing."
"What good will that do. He'll lie to you."
"Oh please. You know there will be imperial magic involved. He might lie, but when he does, I have a little machine that will make the most horrible noise for each lie."
"Do you really?"
"Is that so hard to believe, too?"
"No."
She took a breath. "Go to her, Chaladine."
"Will this woman treat me the way I want to be treated, Cecilia?"
She made a noise of disgust.
"Will she?" I pressed.
"Yes."
"Who is it?"
"I'm not telling you. I planted seeds with her. Well, with several people, actually. I have more than you to consider, after all. I have someone in mind, but I could give someone else to her."
"When?"
"I don't know. Not this year. Perhaps the next. Go to Beacon Hill, Chaladine. Be happy. This is what makes Talmon so special, the people. Talmon needs you, but more importantly, Talmon needs you to be happy."
"And I should walk away from my responsibilities?" I asked. "Is that what you do? How many people will die if I go to Beacon Hill, Governor? How many will die when I am not back here wh
en you need me?"
She made a disgusted sound. "You are not the only person who can help me."
"Tell me who you have who is better, and I will ask for that ride."
We were going in circles now, and I would have been the first to admit, I would have been quite pleased if she told me she had no one for me.
But it was not Cecilia's way to deceive, and it was not mine to shirk my responsibilities.
Then she smiled. "We're going to Beacon Hill tomorrow."
"No, we are not."
"Yes. Maybe the two of us together can talk some sense into you."
"Please, Cecilia, it was hard enough leaving the first time."
"Then go back!"
I didn't say anything.
"Then she can go with you. I will trade you to her, and then you will both go and learn what you can. Beacon Hill can find another vendart."
In my heart, hope surged, but then it crashed against the rocks of despair. "If you go to see her, then you must stay long enough to see what sort of vendart she is. Then tell me Beacon Hill doesn't need her during these times of turmoil you bring us."
"You will accept my decision?"
"To be with her, and still to do what we both know I must do? Yes, Cecilia."
"Fine. So when I come back in a few days and tell you to pack, you will pack."
"You must do what is best for Talmon," I said. "I will accept your decision, if you promise me it is what is best for Talmon."
She shook her head. "You're an idiot."
"We both are, then, because you would do the same thing."
She growled at me, but I smiled. "It is good to see you, Cecilia. I have missed you."
"Come here, you," she said, opening her arms. I practically ran into them, and we hugged for a long time. "But you're an idiot," she whispered to me. "You should take love when you find it."
"Talmon needs me."
"I know."
She didn't release me, but we moved to a sofa. "Was it good?"
"The best," I said. "And I learned from her, too."
"How to moan?"
I pulled away from her and lightly slapped her arm with the back of my hand. "No. Well, yes, but that's not what I meant."
She laughed.
"Tell me."
"I learned a little more about what type of woman I like."
"That's a good lesson."
"She's a lot like you," I added. Cecilia didn't say anything to that. "She taught me I could love."
"You already knew you could love."
"I thought there was only one for me, and she's in another woman's arms." I paused. "Well, not right now she's not, she's in mine."
"Oh, Chadaline."
"Cecilia, I was so amazingly jealous, I hate admitting it."
"You seem a lot happier, even though you should be miserable."
"I'm both. It's been long enough that I'm moving forward."
We talked for a while. Finally I eyed her up and down. "I thought you and Sartine were getting rejuvenation therapy."
"We did, but I only took a couple of years off. You can hardly tell, especially in this light. It's more obvious in sunlight, especially if you have a photo to compare."
"But... I thought you always change something. You look the same."
She grinned. "I did. Sartine and I talked; we both like how I look right now. I'm sure I'll make changes a few times from now, but we like this look."
"So what did you change?"
"I let Sartine pick," she said. "But she had to convince Mother it was in good taste."
"Oh, oh."
"I am now insanely ticklish."
I laughed.
"If you try it, you will suffer," she added. "It's not just ticklish though. It's all my nerve endings. Everything is so intense; I almost can't stand it. I don't know how I'm going to take this until my next therapy, but it amuses Sartine to no end."
"Was that her first choice?"
"She wanted to do something that would make me absolutely obedient to her, but that's not something they can do."
I laughed again. "Did Sartine change anything?"
"She took off a few more years than I did," Cecilia said. "And she's two centimeters taller. She's a little, well, healthier. Her bones are just a little bit stronger, her muscles a tiny bit stronger. She looks the same, almost the exact same figure, but she weighs three kilos more from the changes. But her biggest change you can't see."
"Oh, is it private?"
"No. She's still struggling to use it. I bought her a beginner's implant."
"Oh wow," I said.
"It just has the basics," Cecilia went on. "She has to learn how to use it comfortably. That can take a long time."
"Years?"
"Yeah, sometimes. I think for her, years, but you know how stubborn she is. Maybe it won't be that long."
"What did your parents think of her?"
"Oh, they love her! Well, after they got over how I'd come to them the last time. But they saw how she treats me, and so they forgave her." She shook her head. "They couldn't believe it the first time they saw Sartine order me to do something, and I did it. They wouldn't have realized it, because it was in Talmonese, but then Dad told Mother, 'That's the same tone you use with me'. Mother looked at me then said, without taking her eyes from me, 'Only when you're being a butthead'."
"I laughed. "Your mother called your father that?"
"Oh, she calls him a lot worse all the time. Then Dad said, 'I'm fairly certain our daughter wouldn't know how to be a butthead, as you so delicately call it'."
Cecilia groaned. "By now, Sartine knew they were talking about me, and while she didn't understand one word in ten, Mother's body language was pretty obvious. So she demanded I catch her up on the conversation."
"Did you?"
"I refused. But then Mother wanted to know what Sartine had just said, and Sartine flat out ordered me to translate every word, and insisted she would know if I left any out because I'm a horrible liar. Then Mom wanted to know what Sartine was saying. I told Mom Sartine wanted a translation. And Mom said, 'And you said no'."
"That, Sartine understood. She said, 'Yes, Cecilia say no. I say yes. Cecilia talk now.' Only in English, so Mom could understand. Then she gave me the look that I know means business, so I dutifully began translating the conversation. Mom's jaw dropped. 'I can't get her to do anything she doesn't want to.' Sartine knew I stopped translating early, and so I got the look again, and I translated that as well." She shook her head. "Sartine asked me to translate the English word 'butthead', and so I told her. Then she turned to Dad. 'Cecilia Papa wrong. Cecilia number one butthead'. Then she turned to Mom and said, 'Cecilia galatzi wife' and ordered me to explain what that meant. Everything that meant."
"They didn't know?"
"Well, I might have mentioned an unusual wedding custom without offering too many details."
I began laughing.
"Mother was shocked. She ordered me to do nothing but translate, with none of my editorializing. And then she told me to tell Sartine what she had just ordered. As soon as Sartine heard that, she reinforced the order."
"You didn't have a choice at that point."
"Not with both of them after me." She sighed. "They talked for two hours. Father kept his mouth shut the entire time, and he pretended to be busy, but he was listening to every word. Mom asked questions. Sartine answered. I translated. Finally Mom asked, 'How can you do this to my daughter, not once, but twice, and what hold do you have over her now that she doesn't run from you?' Sartine grew still then turned to me. 'You didn't tell her everything'. I admitted I may have skipped a few details, but how could I possibly explain the entire tradition in just a few sentences?"
"Did she punish you?"
"Yes, but at least that was in private. But she turned to Mother and spoke English. 'I not do this. Cecilia do this. Cecilia ask galatzi trade. I give Belain. Cecilia give Cecilia. Cecilia idea.' That's when Mom began to smile. 'I always told you to find a
woman who was strong enough to handle you. You finally took my advice.' She made me translate that, and then she and Sartine were best of friends."
"That's funny, but sweet."
"It didn't hurt when we began talking about rejuvenation. Sartine thanked Mom over and over for how I look, and then she asked Mom what she should do. Mom talked her into doing almost nothing. Mom loves when people accept her advice."
"Doesn't everyone?"
"Mom takes it to new levels. But her advice is always very good, and so it is easy to accept, most of the time, anyway."
"It sounds like a good visit."
"It was."
"Did you take Sartine flying?"
"No. That's too far, and we didn't have time. We would have been gone nearly a year, unless I could convince Colonel Blue to take us, and that would have been inappropriate."
* * * *
Cecilia spent the next few days at Beacon Hill. I can only imagine what happened. But she returned to Sudden, and I was summoned after she'd spent an hour talking to Father and Mother. I sat down quietly, facing the three of them, and waited to see what they were going to say now.
"Chaladine," Cecilia said. "Do you have any outstanding duties required for Sudden?"
"Nothing that Rordano can't handle," I said. "Father has been giving me special assignments, but nothing for a few days."
"I've asked your Vendart to loan you to me. This would be temporary but long term. If you are needed by Sudden, you would be available. If, the stars forbid, something happens to your father, then I would release you to assume his duties as Vendart."
I interrupted. "Rordano will be the next Vendart."
"No," said Father. "Rordano is good at the duties he is taking from you, but I wouldn't have sent him to handle a galatzi trade mission. He may be ready for that when he is your age, but he isn't ready now."
"Sudden is too important to the future of Talmon," Cecilia said. "Sudden must be lead by a strong Vendart. If your father steps down for any reason, you are the next Vendart, Chaladine. He and I agree. However, your father is not a foolish man, and he does not engage in the sort of foolish behavior that could end his life early. He is a healthy man as well, and so I do not expect you to become Vendart in this fashion. But if the unexpected happens, I would free you to assume your duties here."