by Rowan, Cate
“A Source has a great deal of kyrra, but no innate skill to weave magic.” His voice sounded distant, as if he were absorbed in the philosophy of it all. “A mage has both skill and kyrra, though far less kyrra than a Source. Hypothetically, a mage might coerce the Source into giving too much and risking her life. Perhaps there were other reasons, though. I don’t know.” He trailed off thoughtfully as he lay back, hands behind his head.
I should have known there would be a catch. Men are liars. How could I have trusted him? She stood, clutching her cloak to her chest to cover her nakedness. “What’s your excuse for breaking these rules?”
His mouth fell half-open as he glanced up at her. “You don’t think I would coerce you, do you? You know me better than that. Listen, the Old Letters aren’t law…they’re a guideline. A tradition. Some traditions should be breached as the world changes.”
“Then why don’t you want to tell anyone? If you’re so certain, why keep it secret?”
He rose to his feet as well, and the moonlight gleamed off his shoulders. “Some of my Council approach the Old Letters far more strictly than I do. Thoren, for one, would be troubled that the Prince of Teganne broke that directive. Findar, too.”
“And Varene? Rokad?”
“It’s possible they’d understand,” he admitted. “They’re rather practical in most matters. Anyway, the Old Letters are a guide to wisdom, but I don’t think they’re always right. Besides…” He stepped closer. “Would we feel this way about each other if what’s between us wasn’t meant to be?”
He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “It’s still so early. Let’s just enjoy this without sharing it. Our secret, to keep and cherish.”
Secrets, or lies? Haven’t I had enough of both? Matt’s sly face came to mind. A hot wave of rage plunged through her as she stared at Alvarr. She pulled back from his hand. “So it’s over when we reach Ysanne?”
“Of course not,” he said, baffled. “Why would you think that? I love you. We’re fated to be together.”
“In secret?” She glared at him. “How can that possibly work?”
“It won’t be easy, especially at first.” His fingers found her again and brushed her cheek. “In time, we’ll win them over.”
She stepped away from him and threw her cloak over her shoulders.
“Where are you going?”
“To sleep alone. I’d better get used to it.”
He caught her hand. “Wait, Jilian.”
She drew herself up. “That’s exactly what you expect me to do.”
“Look,” he said, and blew out a breath. “Perhaps this doesn’t seem fair. But please, trust me. It will work out.”
Trust a man who wants to sleep with me but keep it on the sly? How exactly like a man to sex a woman up and then not step up.
Matt was full of bullshit and charm. Now Alvarr wants to use me and these powers I have—and of course that part, he’s happy to tell everyone. Does that sound like love?
But she knew her fury was bluster and froth; below it all was the dread that she’d set herself up for another crushed heart.
“Jilian, please,” he wheedled. “It won’t be forever, and I’ll change their minds. They’ll see nothing terrible happens from us being together. The world won’t explode.”
“That’s what the Old Letters say?”
“I was kidding.” He grinned, teeth flashing in the moonlight and a teasing sparkle in his eyes.
Her shoulders slumped. Charming, indeed. It wouldn’t be easy to stay mad at him. “You didn’t tell me any of this before. Before we…”
Alvarr stilled, then spoke in a cool tone. “Would that have made a difference to you?”
Damn. She wanted to make sense of all of it—the secrets and dishonesty, on both their parts. After all, she’d been planning to flee home and leave him in the lurch—and had not told him of it, either. Her head whirled. “I don’t know.”
The stillness on his face was worse than shouted words. He pivoted on his heel and stalked away.
Jilian blinked. “Alvarr, stop!”
He spun halfway toward her, fury rising to his eyes. “Our lovemaking means that little to you?”
“What?” Her teeth snapped together. “You’re the one who wants to keep us a secret—”
“But I still want us. Despite the old warnings. Your touch, your love was worth defying them. I wouldn’t have stopped myself in the cavern, Jilian. But you would.” He marched toward the woods.
Her jaw loosened on its hinge as she watched him go. She sank down with the cloak and laid her head in her hands.
So many lies! She’d been telling them since she got there—in self-preservation, true, but still, so many. She’d thought her decision in the cave meant she was finally done with them.
Was he right—would she have changed her mind if she’d known he would keep their relationship hidden? She bit her lip.
No. She’d tried her damnedest not to get involved, and look how that had turned out. It’s far too late. I love the damn fool.
Groaning, she shook her head. He’s a prince trying to keep his realm safe. His people count on him, trust him. He doesn’t want to worry anyone.
She stretched out on the ground and tugged the cloak over her, hiding as much from her fears as the cold air.
This was all silly. She’d blown things way out of proportion. Their first lover’s quarrel. It had to happen sometime.
She could at least try to be patient. This was a different culture, different beliefs…
Yeah, but it wasn’t those beliefs that hurt. It was the dishonesty.
Hah, it’s not that, either, is it, Ms. Hypocrite? She curled into a ball. If it’s secret, it’ll be even easier for him to dump you when he finds out you aren’t enough for him.
Matt dumped you. So did your father. You’re afraid something’s wrong with you.
A tear slipped past her defenses and over her cheek, but she fought the others welling up. It wasn’t enough to be abandoned in my own world—I had to go find another one to get dumped in. She sniffled and rolled onto her back. The moonlight flared in her eyes, sparkling in the tears caught in her lashes.
Even so, it was hardly fair to blame Alvarr for Matt’s sins, or her father’s. She should give him a chance. That was what love meant.
The stars shone luminously above her. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. We could have secret trysts. Spend all day looking forward to them, exchanging glances, hidden touches…
Oh hell, maybe I can just convince him to tell the truth sooner. People will probably figure it out anyway, no matter how we try to hide it…
She sighed, fidgeted, and eventually slid into restless slumber.
In the shadows of the forest, Alvarr leaned back against a tree and watched Jilian go to sleep. His anger shamed him. This situation wasn’t her fault. He was the one asking her to lie.
Was she right? Could he face his Council with the truth?
His great-uncle Thoren, the son and brother of ruling princes, had more than an eye on proprieties—he had a bloodline stake in the honor and sanctity of the Throne of Teganne. To disappoint him would be almost as terrible as failing his parents.
Thoren already didn’t trust Jilian, and part of that was Alvarr’s own fault. On top of that, Alvarr had asked Rokad to test her honesty, so there were two in his Council aware that he’d borne suspicions about her—none of which Jilian knew. What would Thoren and Rokad think now?
Findar was a certainty—he’d be mortified. The Old Letters had always been his center, his foundation.
Alvarr had been steeped in tradition, too, but he was willing to buck it. It made sense that there would be times and places to try new things; after all, it was only by going against orders that he’d learned to fight, and thus earned the respect of his soldiers. It was only by delving into an old, closed mystery that he’d been able to find Jilian, his greatest hope for the survival of his realm.
The crown and its responsibilities were hi
s. He might be unconventional at times, but certain risks could yield great success. Not everyone in his Council agreed with that, though.
He sighed. His primary duty was to see that Bhruic was defeated and that Teganne’s people remained free. Why worry others about a supposed breach of conduct? There were more crucial things to deal with.
He and Jilian would simply keep their relationship quiet for a while. Until after they’d defeated Bhruic, Fate willing. After that, they could do as they saw fit.
Jilian turned, snuggling deeper in her cloak, and his heart turned over with her.
I need to be more patient, understanding. She’s new to my world and its constraints.
And she’s right. I should have told her earlier. But I didn’t know how deep my feelings would grow—or that I’d be willing to cross the warnings of the Old Letters to have her.
Jilian tossed again and threw a hand wide in her sleep.
Mother Fate, would she accept the secrecy? It bothered her so much that she might not have been with him had she known.
The thought ripped through his heart.
She loves me. She told me so.
But did she trust him enough to stay, even knowing they couldn’t be honest about that love?
He imagined Jilian leaving for Earth with the starlace, never to return. If she did, he’d never again feel his heart quicken at her smile. He’d never feel her hands stroking him, never look into the depths of her eyes and feel his loneliness slide away…
No, that wouldn’t happen. She’ll be true to her word. She’ll return to me.
Even though I’ve doubted her word before?
She’ll come back. She loves me.
Even though I’m asking her to lie, and can only offer her a love I don’t want others to know about? What woman wants that?
In the new silence, he strode toward her.
“Jilian,” he whispered, lowering to his knees at her side. He lifted the hand she’d flung wide and caressed her palm.
She opened her eyes and gave him a tentative smile. The tension in his chest melted.
“My love,” he said, “I’m so sorry. Your anger was just.” He brushed his thumb across her cheek, slid his fingers through the silken hair at her temple. “I know it’s much for me to ask. You deserve better. But will you please keep what we have a secret until I can change the minds of those who’d fear it?”
She was silent for a few moments, twining her hand with his. “I can’t be happy about this. I don’t want to be a secret. But…I’ll do as you ask. You know your friends and your court better than I do. And I love you. I’ll do what you feel is right.”
He leaned down and kissed her softly…and then his caress warmed and deepened, until the night and their fears faded away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“There, at last,” Alvarr said, pulling up his fydd on the crest of a hill.
Jilian halted beside him and looked across the cultivated plain below them. The red-roofed houses of Ysanne clustered together, pops of color amid the emerald fields. Above them stood the castle, its white turrets gleaming. A breeze fluttered the far-distant flags and carried the bucolic scents of sun-warmed grass and green, growing things. A fairy tale come to life.
Alvarr, too, seemed to lose himself in the sight for a moment. “Ysanne is the heart of my realm, and my home. It’s never easy to leave it.”
His eyes shone with pride upon his city, but something much deeper filled them as he turned to face her; his expression stole the breath from her body. “I left my home for you, Jilian. Now I return to it with a gift far greater than I’d dreamed: your love.”
Through stubborn force of will, she refrained from melting in bliss. Instead, she leaned across the space between their beasts to give him a lingering kiss. The skill of his lips made her want to climb onto his saddle and ride the rest of the way with him, skin-to-skin.
The urge was so strong she forced herself to draw back and tease him with a grin. “You certainly have that gift of mine, but if you want more of it, you’d better catch me.” With a squeeze of her calves she urged her mount into a six-legged run.
She heard his surprised “What—?” but was already several lengths in front of him before he laughed and hastened Blerra after her.
The road swung steeply around the hillside. She spent a few anxious moments wondering if she’d been hasty in her challenge, but Halbeth seemed as surefooted as usual. Blerra’s hooves thumped along the trail behind them, but her fydd clung to his lead.
At the base of the hill, the path straightened toward the city walls. “Yah, boy—here’s the homestretch!”
Halbeth snorted and lengthened his stride. For her bottom’s sake, Jilian gave thanks his gallop was smoother than his pseudo-trot. She ducked into the lee of his neck to avoid the hard-blowing wind.
She peered behind her. Alvarr, with a gleam in his eye, pulled his feet from his stirrups and swung them up behind him. Jilian’s mouth dropped open as he knelt, then stood tall on his fydd’s long back.
“Come on, Blerra girl!” he shouted. His mount, who didn’t even look winded, surged forward. They pulled alongside Jilian and Halbeth. “My dearest Jilian, you’ll never beat Blerra. She’s been Race Queen three years in a row.”
Jilian realized her mouth was still open and snapped it closed. She glanced down at Halbeth, who seemed to be enjoying himself tremendously, but was beginning to wheeze. Her gaze flew back to Alvarr as he flipped in the air to perform a handstand on the saddle.
Jilian gawked, eyes streaming from the breeze. She was an excellent rider, but even if she’d had vaulting training, she’d never have tried anything like that, especially at top speed and without handles.
“Why aren’t you falling?” she shouted. “Isn’t it windy?”
“Still as a pond. Want to try?”
“Of course!”
Still crazily upside down, he lifted a hand off his horse’s back and skimmed it toward her. Instantly the wind was gone. She sensed it parting in front of her galloping mount like water from the prow of a ship. Halbeth’s hoofbeats and pants echoed in the new silence, though he was able to go a little faster now without the headwind. In the stillness Jilian had to blow a stray lock of hair from her eyes.
“Would you like help up?” Balancing easily on one hand, he moved his other in a curve.
A chest-high, shimmering arch formed in front of her as if it were attached to Halbeth’s saddle. Although she could see through it and it appeared to waver, it seemed solid enough.
“My magic helps me balance, but that should work nicely for you.” He dropped his feet and stood upright on the saddle.
Beneath her Halbeth snorted and tossed his head playfully, even though he was wheezing harder. “Just a bit longer, my friend,” Jilian said. “You’ll have a whole bag of parren-nuts!”
Hanging onto the arch, she dropped her stirrups and pulled herself up on Halbeth’s bouncing back. She’d never stood so high before on horse or fydd. Laughing, she raised one hand in the air as if it were a wing.
She turned to Alvarr. “How do you do the handstand?”
“Years of practice far from Thoren’s sight! And on solid ground long before on fyddback. I told myself that this would help my balance as a warrior and my skills as a mage, but in truth, it was simply fun.” He grinned again. “If you train, soon our races will be very interesting.”
Beyond them the towers of Ysanne rose higher in the sky as they neared. “We should stop now, unfortunately,” Alvarr said. “It’s time for decorum and prudence. At least in public.” His eyes sparkled.
They slowed to a walk and proceeded to sit their fydds the normal way. He reached into his pack and pulled out his floppy hat, and she did the same. Seeing the beat-up thing again on the prince of Teganne made Jilian want to laugh, but she sobered up and rode with appropriate colorlessness through the tall white gates of Ysanne.
Once inside, she fought to keep from gaping at the sights of the city she was finally able to v
iew. Houses the color of tea with cream topped with crimson roofs proudly flanked the streets. As they passed a farmer’s market, the aroma of exotic fruits and hot basted meats teased Jilian’s nose.
Street-hawkers and tradesmen shouted enticements to the bustling passersby. “Best lirrah in the city!” “Shoes with a mend-spell—they’ll never wear out!” People in garments of every quality from rough and fraying to richly adorned rubbed shoulders with each other, their woven shopping bags and baskets tucked under arms.
The hooves of their fydds clopped on the cobblestones as she and Alvarr rode in their disguise of sorts to the castle gates. The yardmaster raised his brow at them and silently nodded in the direction of the stables.
“Master Quibb’s known me all my life,” Alvarr whispered, “not to mention these fydds’ grandsires and granddams.” They cooled out the fydds and made them comfortable, and the prince leaned against the stable door as Jilian fed Halbeth a generous helping of the promised parren-nuts.
Behind them came a polite cough. Thoren moved toward them with a slight smile. “I’m glad you’ve returned. If you’re ready, shall we?”
The atmosphere changed and Jilian sensed the new wall of secrecy rising between her and Alvarr, thick and tall and unscalable. And so it begins, she thought.
They gathered their packs and the precious silk bag. Thoren escorted them past the guards and then, via back ways, up to Thoren’s chambers. Alvarr didn’t look at her as they strode through the tapestry-hung halls.
As Thoren’s door shut behind the three of them, Alvarr spoke at last. “We’ll both need a wash before resuming business, Thoren. Cold streams work, but hot baths are better.”
“No doubt, though I wouldn’t know, since I prefer to avoid situations that require bathing in streams. All went well?”
“We retrieved the starlace. Had a run-in with a goroth but survived,” Alvarr said, studiously avoiding Jilian’s sidelong gaze.
Thoren whistled at the news. “Fortunately, the normal affairs of state have been quiet in your absence. Some feuds attended to, the annual census is nearly complete, the negotiations about Chellen goods continue, and so on—but nothing overtaxing for the Images to handle under my direction. However…” He grimaced before continuing. “The wardweavings are still thinning dangerously. I’ve done what I can, but closing the wardholes is nearing the limits of my strength, and the Council’s. I must say I’m very glad you two are home again and safe. Teganne will need you both in the coming days.”