by Rowan, Cate
Damn! Alvarr slammed his hand against the stone wall of his Council chamber. The ward patch wasn’t holding. It was as if the holes were eating away the patch as soon as it was spelled into place.
We’ll be at Bhruic’s mercy. What is he plotting?
And Jilian…had something gone wrong for her mother, or had she bolted from her promises?
Alvarr paced the hard floor. That couldn’t be it. He couldn’t live with it.
He could risk the Crossing now and hope she would be ready this time. He had enough power for one more trip, but if she wasn’t there…he’d have to return home. They’d be stuck worlds apart and he’d be powerless against Bhruic.
He glanced at the other two people in the room. Nenth rested on the settee, lanky and quiet, watching him with dark eyes that moved while her head didn’t. Thoren stood at the window, though what his great-uncle could see in the darkness of this hour, Alvarr had no idea.
Alvarr leaned his forehead against a wall and stared down at its joint with the stone floor.
“Do you think she ran away?” Thoren asked quietly.
“No.” Alvarr’s voice held a note of desperation, and he knew it. He bit his tongue.
“Why not?”
“She wouldn’t,” he ground out.
“Because she took the oath? Unfortunately, there have been oathbreakers before.”
Fury roiled through Alvarr at the secret mess he’d made. She wouldn’t run. She loves me.
Doesn’t she?
“It’s not just that,” he said at last.
“Then what?” Thoren rounded on him. “Why do you say you’re sure about her, but your voice betrays doubt?”
Alvarr lifted his head from the wall to glare at his great-uncle.
Thoren walked toward him slowly. “Alvarr?”
Damn it all.
“Fate protect us,” Thoren breathed. “You two didn’t…”
Alvarr squeezed his eyelids shut. He heard Nenth’s garments rustle as she rose to her feet.
“I warned you!” Thoren bellowed.
When he opened his eyes, Nenth came into view, her mouth drooping open, eyebrows in high flight.
“It’s forbidden!” Thoren’s voice shook. “A mage and a Source should not be to each other as a man is to a woman. The Old Letters disapprove!”
Frustration scorched Alvarr’s throat. “Old Letters, old ways!”
His great-uncle flinched as if struck. “They’re the root of all we do. You should know that better than anyone, mage and Prince of Teganne.”
Alvarr winced.
Nenth spoke in a queer voice. “You and…Jilian?”
A livid response shot to his mouth, but her expression stopped it cold. Her features were frozen in shock.
He gritted his teeth. By Fate, why couldn’t two people share happiness where they found it?
Nenth backed away from him and Thoren, her face a brittle mask. Even Thoren turned to watch her, surprised. When she reached the door, she flung it open and bolted out, slim fingers clutching her throat.
Alvarr’s jaw dropped. She thought him that vile?
Thoren watched her go, then spun back toward him. “You’re a fool, Alvarr.”
He closed his eyes. A fool indeed—who’d fallen for a woman who might be betraying them all, and thus dooming all of Teganne.
Nenth sat on her bed in the darkness, hands clenched in the folds of her shadowy garments. Before her swam a vision of Jilian, with her dark hair and quiet eyes. The woman who’d taken Alvarr’s heart.
And was even now betraying him.
Her breath rose in panic, pounding for an escape from the frozen walls of her chest. If she let it, her grief would blast her dwelling to the ground, flattening everything and everyone around her.
Why? Why did he choose her, when I have loved him for so long?
The cold voice of despair rose up in her mind. He never saw your love.
Why not?
He doesn’t love you. He never has and never will.
NO! She rose from the bed and spread her hands, pleading to the voice. He will, he must!
Why would he? After all, none in the Council ever acknowledged your full power.
She breathed in, then out, searching for what was wrong with that statement.
Listen, they never acknowledged it! Not Alvarr, nor Rokad, nor Findar, nor Thoren. You’re accepted, yes, but barely. A woman mage—rare, and thus unsettling to them.
Blinking, she sat back on the edge of the bed. No, that wasn’t right. Perhaps it had been harder to rise to her position, but she’d done it. And though there’d been some skepticism at first, she’d long felt a full part of the Council.
Have you truly? You’ve lost your power. Do you still feel a part of it?
Reluctantly, she admitted she didn’t.
And Alvarr—he’s never seen you as a woman. Your value to him is as a mage. And now even that is gone.
No. He said…he said that he needed me in the Council. That Teganne needs me!
Teganne, perhaps. But not Alvarr himself.
Her mind bent. How can that be? I’ve been here, loving him, helping him…
The voice paused, as if waiting for her to catch her breath before skewering her. Alvarr found another woman.
Nenth’s heart crumpled, and her limbs began to shake.
Alvarr loves her. And he’s loved her body, as well. He as much as admitted it.
Her eyes flared wide. She slid to the floor, flailing, rolling back and forth to erase the image of Alvarr and Jilian together, skin to skin.
Tears spilled down her cheeks and deep sobs racked her.
Jilian changed everything, didn’t she?
When her sobs quieted, she found herself staring up at the ceiling, dim now in her nest of cradling darkness.
Yes, she agreed, Jilian changed everything.
Then you must change it back.
She puzzled at this. How? How can I alter what’s happened?
Reshape what’s yet to be. Remove Jilian from Alvarr’s life.
But how?
There are… many ways…
No! I couldn’t murder.
Then simply remove her.
Remove… Perhaps she’s gone already. If Jilian doesn’t come back, then Alvarr will be free, and I’ll be here to comfort him. I’d give my life for him.
And if Jilian does return?
She swallowed. But how…
There will be a way.
Nenth stared up through the darkness and nodded.
Seated on his throne of cold metal, Bhruic withdrew from her mind in utter satisfaction. Oh yes, Nenth, you will see the way.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Alvarr stared down at the portal’s silvery circle, fists clenched at his sides. Worry battled fury for control of his thoughts.
At the sound of familiar footsteps, he twisted around in surprise. “You’ve heard?”
Rokad walked slowly toward him, no judgment on his face, blue eyes as unruffled as ever. “Thoren told me.”
Alvarr glared at the floor, then his shoulders slumped. “And do you detest me, too?”
“Never.”
He locked gazes with his friend. “But you disapprove.”
Rokad shrugged. “You’ve made crucial choices before. I doubt you would make this one lightly.”
Relaxing a degree, Alvarr shot him a wry smile. “Thoren may have been my first master, but you’ve had much to teach me, also.”
“And often you didn’t listen.” Rokad grinned. “Though your instincts are generally good.”
Alvarr stepped back from the portal and sat cross-legged on the floor. “I believed they were. Now I don’t know.”
Rokad settled next to him, waiting, and yet the calm that he habitually emanated barely eased the edge of Alvarr’s tension.
Alvarr picked at a paving stone and began. “My attraction to her was just an annoyance at first—a distraction from what needed to be done. Yet I couldn’t shake it. I…dreamed
of her, when we were traveling. I thought she wanted to escape, so I kept a sharp eye on her—but the more I watched her, and talked with her, the deeper I fell.”
He turned to his friend. “When we found the herb, she cried. She was so frightened for her mother. I tried to offer comfort, but I didn’t know the right words. Instead, I just…held her. And then the goroth found us—”
“A goroth? You saw one?”
“Far more than saw the damn thing. We killed it. Though to be fair, it nearly burnt me to cinders.”
“They’ve developed fire now?” Rokad whistled and leaned back on his palms. “I’m glad they keep to the mountains far from my peaceful locale. But you seem to have escaped unscathed.”
“I wouldn’t have if Jilian hadn’t been with me. Her kyrra let me take the beast’s fire, then freeze the heads. And she gave me the power to heal my burned feet.” Alvarr wiggled his toes in his boots.
“And the rest of you, too.”
Alvarr frowned. “My feet were all that were injured.”
“Not so. You never fell for the other women who’ve thrown themselves at you over the years, no matter their temptation. Or skills.”
Alvarr blinked. “You always were astute.” Suddenly restless, he rose to his feet to pace. “I told Jilian I loved her.”
Rokad broke into a grin.
Alvarr tossed up his hands. “It’s hardly amusing. She may have run away—from me, and from her duty to Teganne!”
“Which one of those is more important to you?”
Alvarr spun back with an affronted look.
Unfazed, Rokad continued. “I’m less concerned about her duty to Teganne than her feelings for you.”
“But…” Alvarr spluttered. “We need her to defeat Bhruic!”
“Agreed. But perhaps you need her, too.” His oldest friend looked him squarely in the eye. “What did she say when you first told her you loved her?”
“Actually, she said it—”
Rokad sighed and shook his head.
“What?” Alvarr growled. “It was a busy moment—I thought she was going to die from the goroth’s poison.”
“A woman likes to be told ‘I love you’ first.”
Alvarr thinned his lips. “I did, in a way. And as I said, we were a bit preoccupied.”
“You’re certain she knows how you feel?”
“Yes, yes.” Then he grew still. Except for the deception I forced on her by keeping our relationship a secret…
She’d been so hurt by that. Had she thought he was ashamed of her? “Perhaps I wasn’t…clear enough. But if she’s deceived me, and deserted Teganne—” If she has abandoned me as my parents did, as my FriendMother did…
Rokad spread his palms. “If so, then that’s another matter.”
Silence fell between them.
Jilian, I do love you. But if you’ve betrayed me…that blow would be the worst of all.
He raised his gaze to Rokad. “It’s time to make the Crossing.”
“Thank you, Officer Macauley, for driving me home. That was kind of you.” Jilian smiled at him. And thanks for getting me out of that jail cell. That’s definitely worth a smile or two.
“You’re verra welcome. It helped that yer father’s solicitor vouched for you. And…if ye like, ye can call me Dougal.” He looked at her shyly.
“Well, thank you, Dougal.” What a sweet man, and attractive, too. It was just too bad he wasn’t Alvarr.
“I’m sorry to have ruined yer day,” he added.
“You were doing your job, as you should. No harm done.” Well that was a lie, since she’d missed her sunset meeting with Alvarr—but it was too late to change it. Anyway, what she really wanted now was to go inside and see her prince. She reached for the handle of the car door.
“It’s funny that yer father was Professor Stewart. I’d no idea. He was very well liked in Ballalaroch.”
She stilled so as not to seem rude. “I’m glad to hear it. I hadn’t seen him since I was a little girl and my mother and I moved to San Francisco.”
“And now you’ve come back to yer roots. Full circle.”
“Yes,” she said. Except that only half of my roots are here. Half are from a place very far away…
Dougal cleared his throat. “I’ll just escort ye to the door then, shall I?”
“Thank you,” she murmured. Oh boy. How could she get rid of him nicely?
It was a short walk up the side path from the driveway to the kitchen steps. The house was dark, but a quarter moon hung overhead, stirring an uncomfortably romantic atmosphere.
Then Jilian sucked in her breath as she realized she didn’t have her keys.
Dougal turned to her, waiting like a gentleman for her to pass him the key so he could unlock the door. As he gazed into her eyes, she did the only thing she could.
She reached out and twisted the doorknob, praying she’d forgotten to lock it in her haste. She nearly fainted in relief when it opened. Thank God for my own stupidity!
“Ye don’t lock yer door?” Dougal looked concerned.
She shrugged. “Well, it seemed safe here.”
The door swung farther under its own momentum, revealing a light in the kitchen after all. The refrigerator. The door had been left open.
Alvarr! She hadn’t touched the fridge today. He must have been here! Was he still in the house?
Oh Lord, that would be hard to explain to Dougal, whom she’d been allowing to think…
But worse, how would she explain Dougal to Alvarr?
Dougal’s eyes narrowed and he took a half-step into the room, his body language clearly telling her to stay behind him. “Did ye leave the refrigerator door open?” His eyes swept the space, delving into the dark corners.
Uh-oh. “Well, I suppose I must have. Silly me…” The smell of rancid apple juice swam weakly to her nose.
Just then the CB in the police car squawked. Dougal tilted his ear toward the car, but kept his gaze on the kitchen.
Jilian heard the words “Fort Nevis” from the speaker and flinched. Not now, for heaven’s sake! She clutched Dougal’s arm. “Maybe you could come in with me, just to check it out…”
Dougal nodded. He motioned her to stay where she was, put a hand to his nightstick, and stepped farther into the room.
Where are you, Alvarr?
She entered the kitchen behind Dougal and closed the door to muffle the CB speaker.
With an urgent shake of his head, he motioned Jilian back outside, but she refused. He then pointed firmly at the floor where she stood and mouthed that she must stay.
Feeling helpless, she nodded and watched him move away. How could she let this man run into Alvarr? Biting her lip, she crept after him.
Dougal turned back with a scowl. She shook her head and pantomimed that she was afraid to be left alone. Well, she was scared—just not for her own sake!
Apparently realizing there was nothing he could do to stop her without making noise, Dougal stepped into the dark hall. She followed a few feet behind him, every nerve on edge.
He looked toward her father’s bedroom. Advancing cautiously to the threshold, his head tilted as he inspected the empty shadows. Jilian breathed her thanks that Alvarr wasn’t there.
Her father’s study was next. The knots in her gut tightened as Dougal moved to the threshold ahead of her.
He scanned the room, but must have seen only the bookshelves because he relaxed a notch.
She had to get him to stop now. Surely the CB’s Fort Nevis announcement was long over! But just as she reached for his shoulder, she spied a curl of mist from the doorway of her mother’s study.
Panicked, she grabbed Dougal’s arm—just as a muffled thump resounded from that room.
Dougal shook off her hand and moved down the hall. When he spotted the mist, he stopped short and stared. Jilian’s heart banged in her chest and she hurried after him. If she could just keep Dougal there…
But he stepped into her mother’s study.
O
h God, Alvarr…
Alvarr’s power drained rapidly during the Crossing. Muscles shaking, he fought for breath and nearly fell to his knees when he landed.
Only the dim light of the moon filtering in through the window lit the room. No sounds of joy welcomed him, and when his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw that Jilian wasn’t there.
He swung his head to the cot—where his note lay untouched.
She’s gone. I’ve lost her. His soul curled inward like burnt bark.
A movement in the doorway caught his gaze and his heart leapt with hope—but instead of Jilian, a powerfully built man stood there. The man’s white collar bulged above a short, dark tunic and trousers, and a strange, peaked black cap with a checkered band shadowed his eyes.
Alvarr knew the look of a soldier, even one from another world. He crouched into a fighting stance.
“Who are ye?” the stranger barked. “How’d ye get in here?”
“Who are you?” Alvarr growled.
“Wait!” Jilian stepped through the doorway.
The soldier put his hand protectively across her stomach, preventing her from entering the room.
Alvarr’s lip curled.
The man reached for the wall with one hand and made a quick upward movement. Alvarr’s eyes and hands followed the movement, prepared to counterspell, but instead of an assault, light flooded the chamber.
“I’ll ask the questions,” the soldier said, scowling.
“Dougal, wait…” Jilian put her hand on his shoulder. Alvarr’s teeth clenched.
“I’ll ask ye again,” the man in black said, moving slowly forward, “who are ye, and how did ye get in?”
Alvarr studied the soldier, who had no sword at his waist, no quarterstaff in his hands, only an oddly shaped belt with short, squat items attached—nothing that appeared dangerous. His body movements showed he’d be no match for Alvarr’s skills, even without magic.
“Cat got yer tongue?” the man said.
Alvarr wiggled his tongue in his mouth. There must be strange cats on this world.
Jilian shot him a panicked look and touched the man again. “Dougal, please, I know him…”
Her hand on this stranger set Alvarr’s teeth on edge. “Who are you to her?” he snarled.