Something Like Happy

by Sasha Greene

  They set off. Stevie walked with a slight limp, Nick noticed. Maybe that was why he hadn’t been out for a while.

  It took them about two hours to get to the top. They took plenty of rest stops, but Stevie was still visibly tired by the time they reached the summit. He sat down heavily on a clump of heather.

  ‘Shit. I can’t believe I made it.’ He looked up happily at the three of them.

  ‘Whoop!’ Sean gave him a high five.

  The rest of them sat down next to him and lunch was doled out. Nick ate his ravenously. The wind was slightly stronger now that they were exposed, but the weather was still pretty decent, and he was snug and warm in his waterproofs.

  ‘Sorry gents, I’m just going to have to take this thing off.’ Stevie put his sandwich aside. He pulled up his trouser leg and before Nick could really work out what he was doing then he had unclipped the lower part of his leg – knee, boot and all – and put it to one side. He heaved a sigh of relief. ‘Ah, that’s better.’

  Nick stared. He knew it was rude, but he just couldn’t help it. So that was where the limp came from. And, he now saw, his nickname.

  ‘Cycling accident.’ Sean saw where he was looking. ‘Stevie – before he became Stumpy Stevie here – was knocked down by a car.’

  ‘Isn’t it a bit harsh, calling him that?’ Was Nick’s first reaction.

  Stevie laughed. ‘Actually, I started calling myself that. Right after the accident actually. It started out as a way to bash myself at first, but after a while it kind of stuck and I’m proud of it now.’

  As they ate the rest of their lunch, the three of them filled Nick in on what had happened. Nick found himself telling them about how much he hated his job.

  ‘Yeah, I hear you.’ Stevie spoke again. ‘I’m not that keen on my new job either. I mean, it’s OK. But not what I really want to do.’

  ‘What did you do before the accident?’

  ‘Outdoor activity coach for kids. Mountain biking, canoeing, camping, whatever.’

  ‘Hm.’ Nick could see how that could be challenging. ‘Surely you can do all those things with a prosthetic though?’

  ‘Oh yeah. It’s just I don’t have the stamina these days. Everything is just so much more tiring. I might go back at some point, but as you can see I’m still trying to build up my fitness levels.’

  ‘Talking about fitness levels, it’s probably time we started back.’ Sean heaved himself up. ‘I’m glad we’re going downhill after the size of that lunch we’ve had.’

  He pulled Stevie to his feet, and Pete and Nick scrambled to pack everything away. On the walk back down they talked about lighter topics. The music they liked. Films they’d seen. Nick joined in, just happy to be part of the close-knit group.

  ‘We’re going out again in a couple of weeks,’ Sean said, as they drew up in front of Nick’s building and he let him out of the back. ‘If you’d like to come with us then it would be great to have you.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Nick couldn’t help a grin escaping him. ‘Great. Just let me know where and when.’

  ‘It’ll depend on the weather as usual,’ Sean got back in the car. ‘But we were thinking about something a bit bigger next time. Give this guy a bit of a challenge.’

  Stevie made a rude gesture. The four of them were all laughing as the car sped off.

  As Nick dumped his bag in the hallway he was still smiling. Maybe life wasn’t so bad after all. But he would relive the good memories later. First, he had to take a shower, and then, he had to do some research for the next thing on the list. He already had some good ideas floating around in his head.

  When Jade got home from work she just felt restless. She would have thought after standing on her feet all day she would have been tired, but she just couldn’t stay put. Her mum was in the kitchen cooking, didn’t need her help, and didn’t want the distraction of her presence while she tried a new recipe. She needed to do something with herself. Something outside, but not walking. She was tired of walking. She was tired of —

  She cut off the negative thoughts and batted them away. Exercise. She had the sudden urge to go for a run. Well, a jog was all it would probably be, but still. She went out into the hallway to grab her phone.

  She heard an audible sigh of relief from her father as soon as the living room door closed, which made her smile.

  The run was just enough to keep her mind busy, but not so much of a challenge that she got disheartened. Just like last time, it took her through the same sort of routine that she had done with Nick; run a bit, walk a bit. And repeat. It made her wonder how he was getting on. How his walk had been. She would text him when she got back.

  She returned home feeling much more settled, and she hummed as she took a quick shower. Maybe she should keep up with this running thing, if it put her in such a good mood. The house smelled amazing. She was just putting on her fluffy cotton pyjamas when she heard her mum calling dinnertime. She ran lightly downstairs and settled herself at the table, now totally ravenous.

  It wasn’t until after dinner was finished that she thought to check her phone. There was a message from Nick waiting.

  Had a great day. Will tell you all about it when I see you next. Lots of stuff we could do for the next thing on the list. How about brunch on Saturday to talk about it? There was a sunglasses emoji and one with a kiss.

  It made sense to plan it out, Jade reflected.

  Sure. Yoga beforehand? She added a couple of prayer hands and a winking face.

  A thumbs up emoji came straight back. See you there.

  Chapter 13

  It felt good, going through the motions of the yoga class, knowing that Nick was there with her too. Somehow just his presence made everything so much better. As they headed up to the café she held onto his hand tightly. Seeing him only once a week was starting to get slightly frustrating. Still, she would make the most of the time they had together.

  ‘I found loads of scary things to do,’ Nick said as they settled themselves at a table. ‘But then, I realised that first of all, I don’t know what you find scary, and secondly, there’s so many things to do I thought that it’d be better to decide together.’

  ‘Sometimes just getting up in the morning scares me.’ Jade was surprised by her own honesty.

  Nick nodded. ‘I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like that.’

  ‘I think everyone probably feels like that some days, don’t you think?’

  Nick looked at her in surprise. ‘You really think that?’

  ‘Yeah. I just think we don’t really talk about it. You know, stiff upper lip, mustn’t grumble, keep calm and carry on, all that.’ She put on a posh accent and was rewarded by seeing him laugh.

  ‘I hadn’t really thought about it. That’s the danger of getting too involved in my own problems and not thinking about anyone else’s. Oh!’ he continued, ‘I did start giving hugs to my colleagues. That was pretty scary. But it’s become quite a thing. Man-hugs all round every morning.’

  ‘What, even the Tosser himself?’ Jade wanted to know.

  Nick knew exactly who she meant. ‘Well, not him. Not yet anyway. But you never know.’ He winked at her.

  Nick digressed from scary stuff to tell her about his Sunday outing, and Jade just listened, happy to see that he had met some people who would probably end up as firm friends. It took the pressure off her somewhat. If he had other people who were looking out for him – and people who had been through some crazy stuff in their lives too – then maybe she could relax a bit and stop worrying about him so much.

  ‘Anyway. Enough about that. Let’s talk about what we’re going to do next Saturday.’ Nick got out his phone. ‘I had a look at loads of things. Jumping out of a plane sounds pretty cool, but it’s pretty expensive really.’

  ‘Yeah. Too expensive. Plus you’d never get me going near a plane. What else?’

  Their food came, and Jade dug in. She had opted for the cooked breakfast this morning. She was starving. Maybe it was all th
e running she had been doing this week. Three times already. She was pretty proud of herself.

  ‘Well, there’s lots of stuff like white water rafting, but then I came across this.’ Nick held out his phone across the table.

  Jade took it, looking at the webpage he had open. ‘Abseil off the Titan.’ She read aloud. She looked up at Nick. ‘You have got to be kidding me. No way. Abseil off a crane? Not gonna happen.’ She found her palms sweating just at the thought of it.

  Nick shook his head. ‘Not kidding. And, if you’re up for it, we can do it next Saturday. At the moment it’s normally only open for corporate and charity events, but apparently a mate of Sean’s is the one who runs it, and he’s said he could squeeze us in over lunchtime as a favour.’

  ‘Oh, well, we definitely can’t do it then.’ Jade was relieved. ‘We’re taking the oldies out next Saturday.’

  Nick shook his head. ‘I went to see Archie on Wednesday evening and they’re not doing a trip next week. Something’s happened to the minibus and it’s had to go in for some serious repairs.’

  ‘Damn.’ Looked like that excuse was gone. ‘It’s alright for you, you’re used to abseiling off tall things.’

  Another shake of the head. ‘Not that tall. It’s pretty scary for me too.’

  Jade ate for a bit while she considered the idea. ‘OK. But you’re not to tell anyone about it until we’ve done it, in case I wimp out in a panic. Deal?’

  ‘Deal.’

  ‘How is Archie doing, anyway?’ Finding her plate empty, Jade pushed it away.

  ‘Pretty good. They’re going to swap him to a flexible support next week, I think. He says he’ll be glad to get the thing off. There were a lot of swear words in what he said though that I’ve edited out.’ Nick laughed.

  ‘Yeah, that sounds like him.’ Jade laughed too. ‘I’ll have to pop in to see Lily sometime this week then, if I’m not going to see her on the weekend.’

  They went to the park after that, anxious to soak up as much as much of the sunshine as they could. Propped up on her elbows, looking down at Nick as he lay on the grass, Jade realised that there was no better time to tackle a difficult topic. She gathered her courage together and opened her mouth. ‘I really need to tell you exactly what happened the night Ruby jumped off the bridge.’

  Nick looked up at her, the pain in his eyes clearly evident, although whether it was pain for himself or what she’d gone through she couldn’t tell. He took a deep breath. ‘Look, I’m really sorry to put you off, but could we leave it for another time? I don’t know if I have the mental strength to get into that kind of thing right now, and I really want to listen to you carefully when you tell me all about it, because it’s obviously so important to you. Could we do it next weekend? You could come back to mine after we’ve done the abseil and we could talk about it all then.’

  Jade wasn’t sure quite how she felt – perhaps a mixture of relief and irritation? The adrenaline that had been pumping through her veins as she steeled herself to tell him everything suddenly had nowhere to go, and she jumped up restlessly. ‘In that case, I’m going to go and get us some ice cream. Do you want a flake in yours?’

  They spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the grass in the park, not saying very much. Jade was half-wondering if Nick would invite her back to his flat again, but he didn’t, and she didn’t ask. The idea of sex was a little bit scary too. She was sure it would be great with Nick when the time came, because he was such a great guy, but she was happy with the hugging and kissing for now. Ah … the kissing … now that was something special. Nick made her feel special, she realised, just by the way he touched her.

  Eventually she sat up regretfully. ‘I really need to go. I’m going to a wedding celebration tonight with my parents.’ She turned to look at him where he lay on the grass, one arm behind his head. ‘I would have invited you, but it’s not my party.’

  Nick squeezed her where his arm was still wrapped around her waist. ‘It’s fine. I’m meeting Sean and the others for a drink tonight. I was kind of hoping you’d come along, but if you’ve got other plans then I’ll just have to see you next weekend.’

  ‘Yeah. For the abseil.’ Jade looked at him sternly. ‘I’m still not sure this is a good idea.’

  ‘Just think how you’ll feel when you’ve done it, though.’ Nick sat up and hugged her tightly, then kissed her again.

  Jade just leaned her head on his chest, luxuriating in the feeling of the moment. Then she withdrew reluctantly. ‘I have to go. I need to get my posh togs on and my mum has threatened to style my hair.’

  ‘Ooh – that is scary.’ Nick jumped up and pulled her to her feet. ‘I’ll walk you to the station.’

  ‘I’m going to get the bus from the edge of the park. There’s one that’ll take me almost all the way home.’

  ‘Well, I’ll wait for you at the bus stop then until the bus comes.’ He looped his fingers through hers. Strange how the warmth of a hand could reach as far as her heart.

  In the end they didn’t even get a kiss goodbye. She saw the bus coming up the street and ran for it, waving over her shoulder as she took long strides towards the bus stop. He waved back as she sped past him on the bus, and blew her some theatrical kisses. She hugged herself half the way home.

  Chapter 14

  Jade could feel the butterflies in her stomach when she woke up on Saturday morning. Although to be honest, they felt more like a box of frogs jumping around. She texted Nick.

  Are we really doing this?

  The reply came back almost immediately. Yep. Terrifying, isn’t it?

  She stuck her head out of the window to try and gauge the weather. Overcast, but not raining. And definitely not windy. She had almost been hoping for wind, so that it would be cancelled, but it seemed as if the weather was not going to help her today.

  A cup of tea helped to calm her nerves. She hadn’t told her parents what she was going to do. Firstly, she didn’t want them to worry, and second, she knew they would want to come and watch. And she didn’t want anyone watching. In fact, the only person she had told was Bill from work, who had just smiled and wished her luck. Jade hoped luck didn’t come into any part of what she was going to do. She didn’t want luck to be the deciding factor in whether she got down to the ground in one piece. She sincerely hoped that safety was the determining factor in the ultimate outcome.

  Her mum was suspiciously absent from the kitchen this morning. Normally she was up and about by now. Still, she was an adult. If she wanted to have a lie in then that was up to her. She had heard laughter coming from her parents’ room when her dad had got back in the early hours of the morning, and was glad that her parents had started to laugh again. Some of that weird grey tautness had disappeared from around their eyes these last few weeks.

  Besides, if her mum wasn’t up that meant that Jade didn’t have to be evasive when the inevitable question would come about what she was going to do that day.

  Hunger finally broke through her nerves, and she managed a whole bowl of cereal without feeling like she was going to throw up. At least it wouldn’t take long to get down the rope. A few minutes, tops. She had watched people come off the crane a couple of times, completely unaware that she would one day be doing the same. She shuddered. At least it wasn’t bungee jumping. The thought of being suspended high in the air by her feet was just too awful to contemplate.

  There’s always something worse than what you have, she thought. With that in mind, she went upstairs to get dressed. But what to wear? What was the appropriate clothing for a death-defying descent from a crane? Something comfy, she guessed, going for a pair of black jeans. No hoodie – in case it got caught in the rope – but she took her dark green fleece in case it was cold up top. When she heard her mum go into the bathroom she fled, leaving a note on the kitchen table.

  With time to kill, and not wanting to be alone with her own thoughts, she went to the library, and disappeared into the book stacks for a couple of hours. She purposely pick
ed a book with a kickass heroine who always got the job done. When she finally surfaced she was ready.

  Nick waved to her as she made her way through the glass doors to the tiny office at the foot of the crane. He wrapped an arm around her in welcome, and gave her a very quick kiss.

  ‘This is Ruaridh, Sean’s mate.’ He motioned to a heavily built man who was standing beside him. Ruaridh was someone who looked like he spent a lot of time outside. He had a stubble of grey hair on his balding head, and muscles which looked like he either spent a lot of time in the gym, or had some kind of job in construction. The latter, Jade suspected, given the sun-weathered face.

  Ruaridh stuck out his hand. ‘Great to meet you.’

  Jade grasped the big rough hand firmly, proud of the fact that there wasn’t any tremor in her own.

  Ruaridh took them through a quick safety briefing and fitted their harnesses on. Unlike the standard climbing ones these were full body harnesses that went up and over the shoulders as well. It made sense. Much safer. They had a test rig in the office, and both she and Nick got clipped up to the rope and had a turn at feeding the rope through the ring that would bring them down to the ground. There seemingly wasn’t any way things could go wrong really. There was also going to be a second safety rope attached to her, in case the first one broke. It all seemed very simple, and very safe.

  Jade suddenly had a thought. ‘What happens if something gets stuck?’

  ‘Oh, then I’ll abseil down to rescue you. Like an overweight version of Spiderman.’ Ruaridh winked at her. ‘And there’ll be someone waiting for you at the bottom, just to make sure you touch the ground OK.’

  Jade took a deep breath and let it out again. ‘OK. Let’s do this.’

  She turned to Nick, who was looking remarkably cool about the whole thing. Her mouth was open to make a jibe about it when she noticed his hands were trembling. It was a relief to know that he was as scared about it as she was.

  She was fine in the lift as they rode up to the top, but as soon as they stepped out onto the iron walkway then the frogs in her stomach were back. Down at the bottom it had seemed relatively calm, but up here the wind whipped through her hair and made her very glad for the warmth of her fleece. Still, the view was pretty amazing. Even better than the one from the Necropolis. The river stretched out below them. She followed the road up from the river until she found her parents’ house.