by Shen Hart
He finally raised his eyes to look at me, and I believed him. The hard expression on his face had been replaced with that of a lost puppy. He wasn’t a cold-hearted warrior, he was my other half.
I nodded. “I understand.”
It wasn’t entirely true. I only grasped the broad concept, the raw emotions, but I knew he meant no harm. I couldn’t forgive him, or them. I wanted to hold him, to have him hold me, but I couldn’t. He turned his back to me as he settled down to sleep. I wanted to rush to his bed and comfort him, but he had to live with what he had done. It felt like the ultimate betrayal, to take Lee and claim him, to enjoy him. I knew there was no malice there, but the images that bubbled up in my mind were unbearable. I could feel that they shared genuine emotions, and that somehow made it worse. There was some risk that I could lose the two men I loved most, to each other. I cursed the Sisters for such a twisted sense of humour.
I placed more blame on Alex; I had to. He’d betrayed me once and I had no doubt that he made the first move and initiated the transition. I knew in time I’d forgive him. He was a part of me. I was incomplete without him. I needed time, and space. He understood that.
I settled down into my nest and slept feeling the security of my position and our plan. The angels would die. I didn’t know what would come after that. The delicate hope of freedom fluttered in my chest, but that would be extinguished at that ritual. And that was all that mattered.
My dreams were full of distorted images of Lee and Alex in various states of romantic entanglement. They soon morphed into shattered visages of beautiful angels, blood-stained and crumpled at my feet. The shadows dancing around me as I stood victorious and free. I awoke feeling determined and refreshed. The Alex-Lee mess fluttered around in the back of my mind. The sensation of empowerment and victory washed it away and overshadowed it.
The boys were apparently in a similar state as I left Alex to continue sleeping. He was usually up before me, but I assumed he was exhausted from the previous day. The boys’ voices all carried the growl of the wolf as they were discussing how twisted and broken the angels were, before detailing various methods for dismemberment. The electric charge in the air was palpable and addictive. I reminded myself that I was the alpha and I couldn’t lose myself to it. I needed to be calm and in control.
The jaguar laughed at me, and the wolf yipped its own amusement. The raven stepped up to stop me from losing myself, with the shadows tugging at my mind and trying to draw forward the predator they loved me as.
“T, what happened to your eyes?”
I looked away for a moment while I quashed the shadows and soothed them with promises of future dances and freedom.
I smiled at him and said as innocently as I could manage, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they’re usually somewhere on the blue spectrum, but they were really dark a second ago. Must have been the light. What’re the plans for today?”
Alex yawned and said, “Nik’s training with a rifle with me. We’re taking up a sniping position over the group. Lee’s helping refine Ryan’s gun and blade work, while Dan helps Thalia set up any sigils we may need for the ritual.”
I raised an eyebrow at him and wondered where I’d been in the formation of that little plan. He ignored me and went about finding some food.
“Dan, looks like you’re with me.”
He was already heading off into the quiet room. I followed him with a pastry in one hand and an apple in the other. Sigils were hard work. I needed some fuel. I squeezed my eyes together as I tried to form the ritual in my mind and how exactly the matrix of energies would have to work. Dan sat too close to me and fidgeted as he waited for me to say something.
I smacked him around the back of the head gently and scowled at him. “I’m trying to focus, would you settle down and relax?”
He muttered something, but relaxed, leaving me to form the mental image of the network of energy threads that would need to be formed. With that in my mind’s eye, I scribbled down some sigil designs and set about describing it all to Dan. We needed to keep it simple and make it self-sustaining so that we’d be free to fight. It was going to be a long couple of days.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Dan was a little too overeager about just about everything, and his patience was less than was required for the job at hand. When he didn’t grasp something quickly or it required two attempts, he grew frustrated and snappy.
I stood up and growled at him, “This is fucking important. We do not have the time for you have your little shit fit. Settle down and work with me, not against me.”
He squared up to me. “Sort your shit out before you snarl at me.”
I desperately wanted to bite him, but I restrained myself. I held his eye contact and dared him to continue.
“We should have killed those fucking angels weeks ago, but you protected and coddled Ryan, fucked Lee, got your head screwed by Alex, and now here we fucking are with them running rampant and innocent blood on your hands.”
I grabbed him by throat. “And?”
“And why the hell are you chasing them when you could have a proper man rather than the nancy-boy fae abomination Lee or fuck only knows what Alex is supposed to be?”
I threw him down onto the sofa. I’d had enough of his insolence.
He stood and squared up to me again. “We should be doing what Alistair was, only better. The gods need to be taken down. This world is corrupt.”
I moved forward and stood nose to nose with him, or as close as I could get with the height difference. He dug his hand into my hair and did his best to kiss me. I twisted his arm around and bit him. Hard.
“What will it take to make you understand that you are pack? I do not fuck pack.”
He tried to fight against me, but I held him firm. He relaxed and relented.
“You’re the only woman who’s ever understood me.”
“And you will respect me as such. If you meet another one, then you will have to leave this pack to be with her. Subordinates do not have romantic relationships.”
He went limp beneath me. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you?”
He met my eyes with more softness than I’d seen from him before. “I need to do something. We’re in this perpetual state of chasing and hunting, where’s my prize?”
I gave him a small smile. “Such is the life of the Wyrd Bound.”
He ground his teeth and looked at me with his usual sharp fierceness. “What did I fuck up this time?”
We sat back down on the sofa, and I picked up the paper with his sigil on it. I pointed at the broad heavy line down the centre. “This line is too heavy. That means that the power will pulse through here,” I pointed to the delicate web construction, “and distract the focus from here.” I pointed to the heart of the sigil. “That’ll weaken this part of the web here, which is where the fire will slip in.”
He nodded and actually seemed to understand that time. The sun had long since set by the time we finished, but we had the start of the sigils designed. We needed to finish them, then teach the others how to push the required energies into them to activate them. It was a long and tiring process, but a necessary one.
We somehow managed to be left out of the food process. Everyone else had been too wrapped up in their things to worry about us. I was grateful that someone had at least done the dishes. I wandered around the kitchen trying to convince myself that I needed to eat properly and I couldn’t call Nik away from his training to cook me something good. Dan remained quiet as he made me something when I sat at the breakfast bar and bit into an apple.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did earlier.”
“And what did you do earlier?”
Lee’s voice had a snarl to it that was unexpected from him.
Dan smirked. “I kissed Thalia.”
I went to throttle him but pulled myself back at the last second. “He did not kiss me. He tried, and I restrained him.”
Lee groun
d his teeth together, his green eyes shining. “I’ve enough of your shit, Dan. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s a place for you in this pack.”
I snarled at Lee, “Do not think you’re in a position to make those sort of decisions.”
He took a deep breath and calmed himself. “My apologies, Suriel. What I had meant was, he is constantly pushing and twisting things for his own amusement. He causes trouble and doesn’t seem to want what’s best for the pack as a whole.”
Dan’s eyes had gone wide and his mouth hung slightly open. He looked at me with shock.
“Thalia…”
I glared at him. “Lee makes a fair point.”
He took a step towards me, his hands extended. “Please. I’m trying, I just… you know my past. Understand.”
I ground my teeth together. Tensions were running high with the angels looming over us.
“Do you hold the pack’s wellbeing above your own? Do you want to be here?”
“Yes, you know I do! I’m sorry, I know I’ve been an idiot, but I never meant it to come to this.”
I looked to Lee who smiled and opened his hands to me. I nodded.
“Behave yourself, then.”
He bowed his head low and breathed a sigh of relief.
“How’re things going with the training?” I asked Lee.
“Ryan has quite a skill for blades. When we’re not so pressed for time, I’d like to try him with throwing knives. If you wouldn’t mind; he is your shadow, after all.”
I simply nodded. I was in no mood for petty politics.
“Nik and Alex?”
“I’ve heard Alex praising Nik, but didn’t get involved myself. I’ve never had any interest in training people with guns.”
I nodded again before I bit into my food. “Dan, sit down and eat. You need your strength.”
“And the sigils?” Lee asked.
“Dan’s progressing. We have the basic designs down.”
He smiled. “We will not fail this time, Suriel.”
I ground my teeth at the “this time.” I knew he meant well, but it was a bitter reminder.
Chapter Forty-Eight
I shouted at Dan, “Again! You’re too slow, an angel would have slit your throat and gutted you by now.”
He growled and launched himself at me, spinning, ducking, and lunging. He was growing more desperate and reckless, exactly what I was trying to stop. I knocked him on his ass.
“No! Stop being so fucking reckless and think.”
He remained on the ground, panting for breath. “I’m trying.”
“Clearly not hard enough! These are angels, not geriatric fucking elves. These are ancient beings that were made to be warriors. Do not fuck around. Calm. Focus. Again!”
“Baby Girl, he needs a break.”
I snarled at Alex, but said nothing. Dan stood slowly and kept his eyes low.
“I will not lose another to those fucking angels.”
“I know, but if you break him now, he won’t have a chance against them.”
I growled and accepted his words. I patted Dan on the back.
“You’ve done well. Don’t take my shouting badly, you’ve made improvements.”
Everyone was tense and frustrated. Everything was focused on the angels and the upcoming ritual. We pushed the cubs to their limits and went over every single movement until they could do them in their sleep. They had the sigils down to an art, and their gun work was quite good, given the experience levels of them. They wouldn’t stand up to military forces or those with decades of experience, but they could hold their own. I was impressed with Ryan’s dedication. He threw himself into everything and accepted every snippet of advice anyone gave him. I was proud of my little shadow.
It was the night before the ritual, and we all stood beneath the stars in the garden. We were exhausted, but united. I looked to Alex as the wolf stepped up. It was quickly matched by his, and it rippled around the pack. My pack. Each of us stood close together, our eyes yellowed by our wolves. I threw my head back and howled, a deep, growling howl of defiance and unity. We stood together, and we could destroy any and all who stood in our way. After a couple of seconds, Alex joined me, before Lee, and then the boys. It was the unspoken hierarchy, but our song stretched out into the night sky carrying our message. We would not be defeated.
While we remained in human form, our wolves took over. We closed the gaps between us and wrapped our arms around each other’s shoulders and waists, taking pleasure in the sanctity of the bonds. Reinforcing them with the physical touch, we were united. I hadn’t felt the security and thrill of being in a pack for longer than I wanted to remember, but I was happy to embrace it. They weren’t the cubs I would have chosen, but they were my cubs and they were working hard to make me proud. I looked up at Alex—to make us proud.
As much as the wolf wanted to curl up in a puppy pile for the night, I wasn’t comfortable with it. The bonds were strengthening, but I needed more time.
Alex caught me off guard when he kissed my cheek. “Good night, Baby Girl.”
I wanted to growl at him for pushing, but he was almost glowing with happiness and contentment. I didn’t have the cruelty in me to shatter that for him. I had no intentions of letting it become a normal thing, though. It was too much. There was too much between us.
~*~ ~*~
The boys were yipping and growling over breakfast, and the atmosphere in the room as we prepared ourselves to face the energies was intense. The electricity and tension filled every inch. Even Ark was grinning and slightly on edge when he joined us.
“Today is the day we destroy the angels and put an end to their twisted ways!”
Nik pumped the air and looked at the other two with a big grin. I did my best to calm myself as the shadows writhed around me, desperate to be released and join in the fun. It took a lot of effort to keep the darkness from my eyes as I balanced between my aspects and the shadows. Lee ran his finger down my spine, soothing the shadows with his touch and making me feel far more settled. I brushed my hand over his in thanks. Alex looked away when I caught him watching. Alex had never managed to connect with the shadows and felt cut off when I embraced them. Lee wasn’t a shadow dancer himself, but he was at home in the darkness and they, the shadows, enjoyed his caresses.
The boys were difficult to get to calm down and focus. I was growing more and more frustrated as I tried to pull them together. We needed focus. I understood their bloodlust, I desired nothing more than the sweet tang of angel blood, but it wouldn’t happen unless everything went perfectly.
I filled my lungs, ready to shout over them. “Quiet! We’re heading out as soon as everything’s ready. Shut up and listen! Make sure that you have everything ready. Your guns and blades must be in the best possible condition. Triple-check your ammo. Secure your holsters and sheaths. Prepare your energies.”
They growled and grinned at me in response. The predatory need to hunt rippled through the air, and I was struggling to fight off my desire to join in. I was the alpha. I needed to remain distanced and in control. I needed to slaughter those angels. Alex helped me down from the chair, his eyes shining. I wasn’t the alpha, I was one of the alphas. Alex went through and made sure that they all had their guns and ammo as required. I put on both of my thigh holsters for the pair of Glocks and had my hip sheaths for my blades. I looked over to see Lee putting his kunai in their places, his guns on his hips. Alex had frowned when he saw us both dual wielding, but it was necessary.
I was driving forward ahead of the boys. I was going to cause chaos and break through the barriers quickly; I didn’t need to be perfect and have clean shots. There was going to be collateral damage, and given I’d been using guns since they were invented, the drop in accuracy wouldn’t be that much. Alex had grudgingly accepted my reasoning. He was coming around and relaxing and, in turn, so was I.
Chapter Forty-Nine
The boys had calmed themselves by the time we reached the site. Nik remained with Alex as
they went over the rifle stuff one last time. I was a little concerned about him being the weak link. We would need his earth energy work to complete the sigil, and he was the weakest with his energy work. He was on the slope hidden in the scraggly grass and brown bushes at the south end of the shallow bowl where the ritual would take place.
Alex had been calm in guiding him, which I think we were all grateful for. He was conscious of the weight he had to carry. He had to form the anchor to hold the angels in place and ground the construct. I had Ryan near me, with his air to aid my fire. Dan was over in the copse not far from Lee to the west. I had to trust Ryan, knowing that he would feel my shadows if he didn’t see them. He was my shadow, my apprentice. I hadn’t allowed anyone to know that I was a shadow dancer in many centuries. It was too dangerous. I reminded myself that I’d chosen him for a reason.
With that in mind, I extended my energies outwards, allowing them to run along the short winter grass. Lee and Alex were ready. It was time. I placed my hands flat onto the ground and closed my eyes, feeling the pulse of the earth beneath me and the whisper of the air around me. The shadows sprang forward, giggling in quiet voices only I could hear. They surrounded and engulfed me, dancing, swirling, and enjoying the freedom I gave them. I took a long deep breath and called upon the surrounding shadows. They swept along the ground to me, a beautiful oil slick in my mind’s eye that whispered sweet nothings in a cold voice, drawing out my own cold, predatory shadow dancer. The side of me that I kept hidden.
All emotion fled my mind. There was nothing but the focus and intent of the work. To trap the angels and strip them of all life. It was freeing, to shed the skin of guilt and concern. To experience nothing but the pure understanding of what I was to accomplish and the predatory thrill at doing so. I couldn’t keep the smile from my face as the shadows gathered around me and I danced with them in my energy form. I kept my physical form still and flat to the ground, but with them, as a shadow, my feet skimmed the earth while we danced to the beat only we could hear.