Return to Love

by Lynn Hubbard

  Stop it. She chastised herself as another followed. She cursed herself for being weak as more tears fell. Consumed by despair she soon lost track of the number as her small frame shook with sobs. She knew that the situation was out of her control, and it scared the hell out of her. ‘Oh why oh why didn’t you tell Eric or Brad?’ She badgered herself. Taking a shuddering breath, she forced herself to stop crying. She climbed to her feet and went over and looked in the mirror.

  Her mouth had some blood on it from when she had bitten Chris and her lips were slightly swollen from the force. Her eyes were red, and a few stray strands of hair clung to her wet face. “You look like shit Caldwell.” She whispered to herself her voice breaking. She smiled, in spite of herself, as she pushed up her sleeves, so they wouldn’t get wet, as she doused her face. The cold water did wonders. It shocked her awake and rejuvenated her spirit. She quickly swirled some inside of her mouth to wash out Chris’s vile taste. She grabbed a towel and wiped her face dry. She again looked at herself. She looked a little better. Her eyes were a little red, but she doubted anyone besides Kate would be able to tell. She quickly put her hair up into a pony tail and changed into her gym clothes.

  She had missed half the class, but she needed to release all of her pent up energy. She slipped on the short sleeve uniform and for the first time noticed her still red wrist. They actually had a tinge of blue on them where Chris had held her tightly. Her smile faded how was she going to hide that? She sighed. She doubted anyone would notice in gym class, and her sweater would cover most of it, taking a deep breath she headed out the other door and into the gym.

  Her classmates were playing basketball. Or at least they were trying to play basketball she grinned as one girl accidentally kicked the ball as she was trying to dribble and had to chase it out of bounds. She looked over at the coach, and he nodded to her. She smiled, recovered the ball and sent it swiftly through the air and into the net. Putting all her energy into the game she quickly got the rebound again and repeated the process three more times. The exercise really helped improve her state of mind. She had always loved sports.

  She thought back to all the times she and Chad had played basketball when they were younger. Thinking of Chad made her think of Eric, and she felt warm all over. She was lost in her thoughts as Coach blew the whistle. She looked up surprised time had flown by. She quickly put the ball away and headed for the shower. She turned the water on as hot as it would go and tried to cleanse herself of Chris’s vile touch. After scrubbing herself, she hurriedly towel dried her hair, and went to dress so she could leave with the other girls. She didn’t want to be alone right now though she wouldn’t admit it to herself. She quickly got dressed and threw her still wet hair into a ponytail and headed out the door. She nervously went to her locker and quickly got her books for the next class.

  Kate was in her class, and she had a lot to talk about. Seeing Kate wave to her as she entered the room gave her second thoughts about telling her. Then she chastised herself ‘What are you thinking? This is Kate your best friend. You have to tell her. You have to tell somebody.’ She forced a smile and sat down in her seat next to her. They sat in the last row which gave them some privacy. Joanie made sure that no one was listening to them before she whispered to Kate what had happened earlier. Kate’s eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed with anger.

  “Well he sure as hell isn’t going to get away with that!” Kate said loudly. Joanie groaned inwardly as several people looked over at them. She gave Kate a ‘be quite look’ and Kate looked guilty. She mouth the words “sorry” before she continued whispering. “Are you alright?” Kate asked noticing for the first time her friend’s appearance.

  Joanie forced a smile “I’m fine.” She said cheerfully. In fact, she almost convinced herself.

  Kate looked at her accusingly “Liar.” She whispered, and Joanie sighed. She knew she could never fool Kate. The teacher was late, so they had longer than usual to talk.

  “What are you going to do?” Kate whispered. Joanie shrugged in despair. Well you have to tell someone. You’ve gotta tell Eric. He’d beat the hell out of his little wimpy…”

  “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Joanie whispered back a little too harshly. She regretted it when she saw the hurt look briefly cross Kate’s face.

  “Am I interrupting you girls?” A snide voice asked breaking into their conversation. The girls looked up quickly, and Joanie practically groaned. It was Miss Dune. “No? Then pay attention.” She ordered answering her own question. Everyone in the room had been talking yet she had singled them out. Joanie silently fumed as she turned frontward in her seat. “Your teacher is absent today, so I’ll be your substitute.” Moans went up throughout the room as she turned her back to the class to scrawl her name on the blackboard, like they didn’t know who she was. This was going to be a long day.

  The day wore on. Joanie was relieved that she didn’t see Chris the rest of the day. Finally, the last bell rang, and she met Kate at her locker. The two girls left the building together.

  Chapter 15

  On the way home, Joanie walked slowly, her mind was reeling with what to do. She didn’t hear Kate ask her a question.

  “Well?” Kate demanded.

  Joanie looked up startled realizing that they were half way to Kate’s house already. She shook her head to clear it and forced a smile. “I’m sorry Kate I wasn’t paying attention what did you say?”

  “I asked if you wanted to go to the library with me after dinner tonight. If I don’t get at least a “B” on this report, I’m sunk.” Kate said holding her nose and puffing out her cheeks as if she were drowning.

  Joanie giggled. Good ‘ole Kate she thought she can always make me feel better no matter how low I get. “Alright Kate, I guess I might as well work on mine too. Meet me at my house at six. I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier today, I’ve just been kind of tense lately.”

  Kate nodded knowingly. “No sweat. But if you do change your mind and want to talk you know where I am. My dad can probably drop us off on his way to work, but we’ll have to walk home.”

  “Why don’t you see if you can spend the night again? My mom’s not gonna be home tonight, so you can sleep in her bed.” Joanie chattered as a strong gust of wind tore through her coat as if she wasn’t wearing one. She shivered and pulled the collar up as high to her face as she could get it. They reached Kate’s house and reluctantly said goodbye. Kate hesitated halfway up her walk. “You sure you’re gonna be okay walking the rest of the way by yourself?”

  “I’ll be fine.” Joanie assured her with more confidence than she felt. She ducked her head down to avoid some of the wind and plodded on alone. Joanie quickened her pace. She had hoped that Eric would show up and give her a ride, but she knew he was at work. Still her heart fluttered as she heard a nearby car slow down behind her. She turned around anxiously, and she felt her stomach tighten, as she recognized Chris’s car. She was only a block from her house, and her options flew through her mind. Wait and see what he wants, ignore him, or run. She decided on the latter one and cut across the street in front of his now parked car.

  She heard Chris curse as he slammed the door shut that he had just opened. He hurriedly restarted his engine and tried to follow her, but he was stopped by traffic. Joanie smiled in spite of herself as she went through a neighbor’s fence and made her escape. She quickly reached her apartment and took the steps two at a time. She was breathless as she waited for Chris to jump out of the dark shadows of the stairwell at any second. Finally, she made it to the top and flung open the door. She quickly closed it behind her and locked it. Relived to be home she leaned back against it breathlessly. Her mother looked up from the kitchen where she was sitting at the table going over their bills. “Are you all right honey?” She asked coming over to check on her.

  Joanie hesitated; she usually told her mother everything. Well almost everything. Not wanting to add to her mother’s concerns she replied “I’m fine just a little wi
nded. I guess I’m still not used to all those stairs yet.” Joanie said not quite meeting her mother’s eyes.

  Carol looked at her skeptically “Well you know you can always come to me if you need to talk.” Joanie nodded and hugged her neck tightly.

  “Thanks mom but really I’m okay. Kate and I are going to go to the library after dinner tonight, and I was hoping she could spend the night, if that‘s ok with you.” Joanie asked hopefully since she had already told Kate that it was fine.

  Carol frowned slightly the lines creasing her forehead hinting at her age. “You know I don’t like you being out late on a school night especially when I’m at work.” She said walking back to the kitchen.

  Joanie followed her still hopeful. “I won’t be alone Kate will be with me, besides her dad’s driving us.” She decided not to mention the fact that he was only driving them to the library as she plopped down in a chair next to her mom. “Besides it’s the library for Pete’s sake!”

  Her mom looked up at her daughter and smiled reluctantly. “OK. You just be careful.” Joanie smiled happily, and Carol sighed. She had never been able to refuse her children anything.

  Joanie quickly finished the rest of her homework and started dinner while her mother got dressed for work. Joanie put some water on to boil and busied herself with making meatballs and salad to go with her spaghetti. Half an hour later she sat down to eat with her mother.

  “Where’s Brad?” she asked between bites.

  “He’s staying over at his friend’s house tonight. They’re going to ride into work together until he can get his car fixed. Apparently it needs something more than just gas.”

  Joanie shook her head “That car breaks down more often than it runs.”

  They finished their meal and sat back. “That was the best meal yet! You go get ready, and I’ll clean up.”

  “Thanks Mom!” Joanie said wiping her mouth with a napkin.

  There was a knock at the door interrupting them, and Joanie jumped up to answer it. Her mother eyed her oddly when she checked the peep hole before flinging the door open. Kate was standing there with her overnight bag. “Hey Ms. Caldwell,” she said as she threw down her overnight bag and waited for Joanie to grab her notebook. Joanie gave her mom a quick kiss goodbye and headed out the door. Joanie and Kate hopped into the backseat of the warm car. She greeted Kate’s dad and shut the door against the cold. The drive to the library was relatively short; it was only four blocks from Joanie’s home. The girls waved bye as they got out of the car. They headed up the steps leading to the ancient building. The librarian, who looked just as old as the library, eyed the girls suspiciously. They quickly found an empty table in a corner of the room and deposited their coats and belongings on top. Looking around Joanie spied the card catalog file and headed towards it, Kate was close behind her. They started shuffling thru the cards and wrote down several on their subject. They soon parted to hunt for their own books and would meet back at the table when they were done.

  Joanie was cursing the dewy decimal system as she hunted in vain ‘I hope Kate‘s having better luck than I am’ she thought to herself sighing as she yet again went down the wrong aisle. The old wooden bookshelves stretched high above her head like the old oak trees they once were. Joanie felt the hair on her neck prickle as she thought of how frightening it would be to be stuck there all night. Hurrying up she finally found the right section and was dismayed by the number of books on Benjamin Franklin. Groaning she grabbed several and turned around quickly colliding with someone behind her. Books and papers went everywhere.

  “Watch where you’re going dweeb.” April growled chasing the white sheets.

  “Sorry.” Joanie murmured biting back her anger. She swiftly picked up the books and headed to the table leaving April to gather up her own jumble of things. She avoided the librarian’s eyes as she passed her desk and sat down at the table across from Kate. Kate was smirking at her, and she glared back in return. Kate smiled even wider and returned to her assignment. She had a book open and was staring at it perplexed. Joanie gave her a remorseful grin and delved into her own books.

  “Kate did you know that Benjamin Franklin’s kite never got struck by lightning?” Joanie asked as she quickly made notes.

  “Nope, did you know the library closes in ten minutes?” Kate replied as she lay down her pencil and massaged her cramping hand.

  “Really?!” Joanie asked remembering her previous nervousness. She looked up surprised to see that she and Kate were the last ones there. She quickly marked her page and decided which books she wanted to check out. They gathered their things and headed to the checkout counter. The old lady sniffed at them as she signed them out. They bundled up to start the long walk back to Joanie’s house.

  They left the warmth of the old building and stepped out into the freezing night. They were surprised to see April standing on the sidewalk. She looked over at them as if noticing them for the first time.

  “You guys have a ride?” She asked hopefully.

  Kate and Joanie glanced at each other Joanie shrugged, and Kate replied, “Nope but your welcome to walk with us.”

  April hesitated for a moment, before she fell into step with the two friends. They walked for a block or so not talking much when they were suddenly blinded by a bright light as a car turned the corner and slowed down in front of them. Joanie’s eyes narrowed, and she stood a little straighter as Chris rolled down the window.

  “You chicks want a ride?” He asked leering at them.

  “I’d rather freeze to death.” Joanie retorted as she again started walking, Kate hurried to follow her.

  “Come on sugar. I‘ll keep you warm.” Chris said hoping out of the car and blocking her path. Joanie could smell the liquor on his breath and turned away in disgust as he leaned toward her.

  April stepped up to Chris slyly grabbing his bicep. “Come on now, why would you wanna waste your time on her when you could have me?” She asked whispering in his ear.

  “Why indeed?” Chris asked himself wrapping his arm around her and quickly ushering her into the front seat between him and his pal. “I’ll definitely see you later.” He said winking at Joanie as he peeled out and headed back down the road.

  “You think they’ll come back?” Joanie asked watching them squeal around the corner.

  Kate shrugged, “I hope not, but I’ve got an idea.” She smiled deviously over at Joanie. Joanie groaned, somehow Kate’s ideas always landed her in hot water. Kate started walking briskly to warm up, Joanie followed her wearily.

  “Where are we going?” Joanie demanded as Kate turned right at the next corner instead of left towards Joanie’s home. Kate ignored her as she headed up the walkway to an apartment complex that Joanie didn’t recognize. When they entered the foyer, Joanie looked around uneasily. “Alright enough is enough where are we?” She asked losing her patience with her friend. Kate smiled broadly at her little trick “Marc and Eric’s apartment.”

  “No!” Joanie practically yelled then realizing she was much too loud for their surroundings she quickly covered her mouth with her hands to stop the tirade that was about to come forth upon Kate.

  There was an angry drunken voice that yelled through a nearby door. “Shut up out there!”

  Joanie pulled Kate close and whispered “We can’t stay here.”

  Kate feigned surprise “Of course we can’t.” She whispered back “It’d be stupid to wait around an empty hallway. We’ll be more comfortable upstairs in their apartment.”

  Joanie closed her eyes wishing she was home as Kate grabbed her by her coat sleeve and drug her up the stairs to the second floor. “Have you been here before?” she asked uncertainly.

  “Of course not! I got the address from the operator. But, if you’d rather wait outside until Chris drives by again I’m sure he’d love to keep you warm.” Joanie was about to retort; however, Kate had already found the right apartment number and knocked on the door.

  She held her breath half of her ho
ping he wasn’t home, and the other half hoping he was. They heard footsteps crossing the floor and soon the door knob was turning. Joanie was frozen to the spot as the door cracked open, and Eric peeked his head out. He looked surprised to see Kate standing outside, then he broke into his lopsided grin, that Joanie loved so much, when his eyes rested on her. Joanie could feel her face turning red and was able to choke “Um hi.”

  April giggled as she took her turn at the bottle. Chris’s friend had swiped a bottle of vodka from his dad’s liquor cabinet in hopes of a fun evening. They were currently parked in a playground. April watched the swings moving gently in the cool night air. The playground was next to a small patch of trees separating them from the main road. April looked over at Chris and giggled. “I am the luckiest girl in the world.”

  “Yes you are.” Chris agreed sliding the driver seat back. He took a swig from the bottle and handed it back to his friend Al. April snuggled up to him laying her head on his shoulder. She was semi conscious of Al’s hands lifting her feet and sliding her shoes off. She stretched like a kitten as Chris chuckled and turned to her kiss her roughly. April kissed him back her body tingling from the alcohol. Her mind was fuzzy, and all she could do was concentrate on Chris’s hands on her back and chest. She broke her mouth away trying to think, to understand. Chris’s hands where on her torso so whose hands were on her legs? She tried to sit up but was pushed back down none too gently by Chris.

  April’s eye flew open, Al! Chris’s football buddy was with them. What was she thinking? She tried putting her hands up and pushing Al off of her, but they just laughed. “Come on doll, I thought you were friendly?” Chris told her trying to keep her befuddled mind off of their actions.