by Rhonda Shaw
~ Danny ~
Her eyes flicked up to mine, and something flashed in them before she buried it away again. “Choices. Just like you said, Danny. I had to make a choice, and I made it.”
She brushed past me to head back toward the field and I didn’t stop her. I sighed before I grabbed my sunglasses and shoved them on, swallowing against the guilt surging through me. Yet again, something else to add to the list of how I’d fucked up Gabrielle’s life. I wondered if there would ever be an end to that list, or if it was my destiny to screw things up for her forever. I leaned on the railing, trying to figure out how I could fix things—if they could even be fixed—before pushing off from the wood beam.
I attempted to ignore the people standing around watching and overlook the fact some of them were taking pictures with their cell phones. This was my life, whether I liked my celebrity status or not, and I couldn’t change it. One thing I didn’t have to accept, however, was not having Gabrielle in my life anymore.
The more I was around her and Dani, the more I realized this was what I’d been missing and what I’d been searching for, but looking in all the wrong places. I wanted the love of my life back, my soul mate, and I wanted my family. I may not have known about Dani, but once I’d found out, my focus and priorities shifted, and it was all I wanted now. That, and Gabrielle. I wanted her more than anything I could remember. Time hadn’t changed my feelings for her, instead only strengthening them, and I’d been stupid to believe I could have ever lived without her and still be happy. I was getting my shit together and getting her back was now my number one priority. This was what mattered, what everybody wanted in life; the stuff money couldn’t buy, and I wasn’t going to let it slip away.
I glanced once more at our bench and made a vow to get her back. I would have my family and my girl, no matter what it took. We only had to get through the ugliness of what I did before we could have forever, as I always promised we would.
But first, I had to deal with Dollar. Just like before, he wasn’t on the same page as me when it came to Gabrielle, and now Dani, but unlike before, this time I didn’t give a fuck what he thought. I was only doing what I wanted, and he could go fuck himself if he didn’t like it.
Chapter 16
~ Danny ~
Six Years Earlier
The music cut, and I pulled off my headphones. I took a deep breath before grabbing the bottle of water sitting on the counter. We’d been working for four hours straight and my throat was raw, but I needed to keep going to make up for time otherwise spent with Gabrielle rather than recording. I glanced at where she sat on the other side of the room, her schoolbooks spread out on the table in front of her, but she ignored her studies as she watched me. She caught my eye and broke into a big grin, which I returned.
“That wasn’t it, man.” Dollar rewound the tape, prepared to start over. “You need to do it again.”
I slumped in the chair behind me. “Come on, man. Give me a break.”
“No breaks, dawg. We’ve got a lot to do.”
I closed my eyes and hissed a breath through my nose. Exhaustion pulled at me, but I had to finish this. If I didn’t, Dollar would never get off my back and I might never cut a decent demo if he bailed.
I stood and grabbed my jacket. “All right, but let me take G home so she doesn’t have to sit here all night.”
I ignored the narrow look Dollar gave me at the mention of her. He had practically fallen out of his chair when we walked in earlier, but one glance at me and he’d kept his opinions to himself. I didn’t understand what his issue was, and I didn’t care. I was going to be with her, regardless of what anyone else thought, but why one of my supposed best friends was an outright dick to her, didn’t make sense. She and Big T got along, which didn’t surprise me since Big T loved everyone and everyone loved him, but Dollar hadn’t even tried, which bugged the hell out of me. So far, I had mentioned nothing, resorting to keeping him and Gabrielle apart or ignoring the snide remarks from him, but my breaking point was hovering and ready to crack. The tension hadn’t escaped her either, and she’d asked if she was coming between Dollar and me. I couldn’t keep denying it when the strain was fucking obvious.
“Come on, baby. Let’s get you home.” I approached where she sat and gathered her books.
She gave me a playful pout. “But I don’t want to go. I want to stay here. I love watching you.”
“I know, I know, but we’re going to be here late.” I peered over my shoulder at Dollar, who busied himself with the equipment, muttering, and dropped my voice. “Besides, it’s about to get real in here.”
“I told you he hated me,” she said under her breath.
“He’s pissed at me, not you. Come on, let’s go.”
She shrugged into her jacket before grabbing her bag. She smiled at Big T, who sat minding his own business. “Bye, Teddy. I’ll see you later.”
“See ya, Gabrielle. It was nice seeing you.”
She glanced toward Dollar as we strode by. “Bye, Dollar.”
“Yeah, we’ll see you around, girl.” His lips twitched into a grimace. “Take it easy.”
I shot him a cold glare behind her back as I steered her out of the room and to the street. After loading her in the car, we rode in strained silence before she sighed.
“I’m sorry to cause problems between you and your friend.”
“It’s not you, baby.” I reached over to grab her hand in mine, trying my best to reassure her. She had no reason to feel guilty because Dollar was being an ass. “He thinks I should record every second, and so he doesn’t like how you take up some of my time.”
“Well, maybe he’s right. Maybe you should be recording all the time. Maybe I keep you from it.”
“No, it’s cool. I have a lot of stuff already down, and now we’re only putting on the finishing touches. I don’t need to be there as much as he thinks I do, and besides, I’d rather spend the time with you.”
She returned my smile, but then ducked her head. “Good, because I don’t want to lose any time with you.”
“I don’t either.”
I pulled up in front of her apartment building and put the car in park before sliding across the seat to tuck her against my side. “I love you, baby. Dream about me tonight.”
“I always do,” she promised before my lips settled on hers. The kiss started sweet before heating and deepening, until we were panting, but refusing to break apart.
When we drew away, she rested her head on my shoulder. “I can’t wait for the day when I don’t have to leave you.”
“That’s what I’m working for. I’m doing this for you.”
“No, you’re doing it for you. I’m just along for the ride.”
“You’ll be by my side the whole way.”
“I can’t wait.” She gave me another kiss. Pulling away, she reached for the door handle. “I better let you go before Dollar gets even madder at me.”
“He can kiss my ass.”
Gabrielle smiled and climbed out. “I love you.”
“I love you too, and don’t you forget it. I’ll see you later, all right?”
After she disappeared inside her building, I yanked the car into gear and drove away. I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation with Dollar, but I had to do something. I couldn’t turn my back on my friend because he had a beef with my girl, and I refused to end things with her.
There had never been issues with any of the girls I’d tangled with in the past, but Dollar had known I hadn’t been serious about any of them. My relationship with Gabrielle was very serious and my feelings very real. Maybe that truth scared Dollar—worried I would suddenly have new goals; ones which included an office job, along with the house in the suburbs complete with the white picket fence, and two and a half kids. That wasn’t going to happen. I still wanted success as a rapper, and if I could get the house and kids because of it, so be it, but there would not be any white-collar jobs in my future. I would never forget who I was; reaching my
dreams would not change me, and neither would Gabrielle. She accepted me for who I was, and didn’t ask or want me to be anything else. She was proud of me and what I strove to become. Why Dollar couldn’t see the positive influences she had on my life, I didn’t get, but I was going to get to the bottom of it.
Arriving back at the studio, I studied the sorry excuse of the surrounding neighborhood, everything tired and beaten down, and hoped one day to help rebuild the city. The area could be a destination for people to visit or live, without worrying about safety. I wanted to bring my kids back here and point out where I grew up with pride, and honor my roots, an integral part of me and my music; the roughness and rawness providing the hard edge in my lyrics, which would forever define me.
I stepped into the room, interrupting Big T and Dollar wrapped in a heated discussion. They fell silent when they spotted me.
I quirked a brow at them. “What’s going on?”
Big T shook his head at Dollar. “Don’t do it, man.”
“No, it has to be said.” Dollar turned to face me. “She’s got to go, man.”
“Aw, shit.” Big T dropped his large frame into a chair, which groaned in protest.
“And why’s that?” I kept my stance loose, but my shoulders tightened and my fists balled, and Dollar took note.
He raised his hands, trying to calm me down. “Now, before you get yourself worked up, since I know you’re going to, hear me out. You always get worked into a fit if anyone says a thing about your girl so that no one can talk to you.”
“I didn’t realize anyone wanted to say anything about her.”
“Man, she’s messing with this.” He waved his arms around the room. “We here all hours of the night, trying to get this shit together because you too busy running with her all the damn time. You ain’t serious about this anymore.”
“I’m here, aren’t I? You know, Dollar, I think you’re jealous of her or something.”
“Jealous? That don’t even make sense.”
“Then what is it? You haven’t liked her since day one, and I don’t understand what she did to you. She’s been nothing but nice to you.”
“That’s just it, man. She nice. She all uppity and better than all of us. No one’s that nice who’s real.”
I took a step toward him, but then stopped myself, clenching and unclenching my hands at my side, trying to keep in control. “She’s never acted like that. Ever. She’s not like that and you know it. She’s more real than anyone I’ve ever met.”
“She don’t, man,” Big T agreed. “What?” he said when Dollar narrowed his eyes at him. “She ain’t like that at all.”
“You think anyone will take you seriously with Mrs. Goody Two-shoes by your side?” he said, attempting a different angle. “Come on, man. Think about it. You’ll be laughed at with a rep like that.”
“My music is about me, not her. Two separate things.”
He gave a dark chuckle. “Right. You think it will stay that way? Just wait, dawg. They’ll bring her up, and it ain’t going to be pretty.”
“Then I’ll deal with it.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before I went at my friend. When I had control back, I stared hard at him. “You’re going to have to figure out a way to deal with this because I’m telling you, she isn’t going anywhere. One of us would have to die for us to be apart.”
He nodded as he studied me, considering. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“What is with you?” I launched myself toward him, only to stop short with mere inches separating us. I heaved in shallow breaths. “Why can’t I be happy, you motherfucker?”
“Oh, D, my boy. You can be happy. You can have it all, the whole motherfucking world,” he drawled, unfazed by my outburst. “But you choosing not to. You choosing her over everything.” He straightened and stared down his nose at me. “I need time to think this over.”
I stepped back and frowned, not expecting him to relent so easy, and his retreat, not his usual behavior, confused me. But I would let him take all the time he wanted. I wasn’t stupid; I needed Dollar and I would give him whatever he needed, if it meant an agreement.
“Sure, man. Take the time you need.”
He nodded at me and tipped his head in Big T’s direction before sauntering out of the room.
When it was just Big T and me, I dropped into a chair and covered my face with my hands. If I couldn’t get Dollar to work with me on this, I was fucked. There was no question about it, I was in a lose-lose situation. If I wanted success, I needed Dollar. If I wanted happiness, I needed Gabrielle. And, for some reason, I couldn’t have both.
Chapter 17
~ Gabrielle ~
Present Day
“I’m sorry, Dani. You can’t go to ballet today.” I grabbed the hair falling into my face in frustration, brushed it back, and tied it into a ponytail, ignoring the daggers shooting out of her eyes.
“Why not?” she whined.
“Because, like I explained to you before, until I get a full-time job, I can’t afford to pay for your classes. We paid only up to this month. So, you’ll have to be patient. I’m sorry, honey, I really am.”
She glared at me again, before stomping down the hallway and slamming the door to our shared bedroom. I slumped back on the couch, letting out a blustery breath, and closed my eyes. We’d been at Kat’s for a few weeks, and so far, I hadn’t been able to find a job close to Dani’s school, or allowing flexibility in my schedule so I could drop off and pick her up when the school year started.
I took another deep breath and tried to muster the energy to go through the websites again, but my motivation waned. I had no idea what I was going to do. I needed more than the part-time transcription job I’d been doing, but finding a company that would take someone with only a GED and a lackluster work history was proving to be difficult, especially one with the pay I needed so I could afford my own place along with benefits, but I had to do something quick. Kat would never say anything, but I wanted to get an apartment soon before we overstayed our welcome.
I lifted my head when the bedroom door opened and Dani came walking back into the room. “Can I call Daddy?”
I frowned, but sat up as I patted the papers scattered over the coffee table, looking for my cell phone. “Uh, sure. I’m not sure if he’ll be available, but you can try.”
I scrolled through my contact list and selected Danny’s number, before placing the phone in her waiting hand. She listened for him to answer, her eyes brightening when he did.
“Hi, Daddy!” I couldn’t hear what he was saying, and Dani turned back into the bedroom, her giggles trailing behind her.
I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. I was so happy she had her father in her life, but it was still a knife to my heart to be in contact with him again. It took everything I had to keep things on a neutral level, even though a part of me burned to scream at him, demanding to know what had changed, and then cry for all we’d missed from the years apart. But since he’d made it clear he’d moved on, never mentioning anything about our past, I followed suit.
Soon, everything would be different, after we came to a custody agreement and I wouldn’t have to see him as much. Dani would spend a few weekends with him, and I needn’t be there. Once that happened, my life could go back to the way it was before Danny had re-entered it—out of sight, somewhat out of mind.
“Mommy.” Dani returned and handed me the phone. “Daddy wants to talk to you.”
I took a calming breath. “Hello?”
“What the hell is going on? Why are you at Kat’s?” he said, dismissing the preliminaries.
“Uh…what?”
“What the hell is going on, G? Why is Dani calling me, asking me to pay for her ballet classes and telling me you’re now living at Kat’s?”
“She what?” I stared in shock at her smug expression before narrowing my eyes. “Oh my God. I’m sorry, Danny. I had no idea that was why she wanted to call you.”
> “I don’t care about that, just tell me where to mail the fucking check, but I want to know why you’re at Kat’s, and why she’s saying you can’t afford her classes.”
My face flushed in embarrassment. “Uh, things are a little tight, that’s all. It will work itself out.”
“Stop beating around the fucking bush, G. I’ll be right there,” he yelled to someone in the background before coming back on the line. “I’m in the middle of recording right now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I won’t keep you any longer.” I was more than anxious to get off the phone with him.
“Fuck them, they can wait. What’s going on? Where’s Brad?” His voice tightened at Brad’s name.
“I, uh…I left him.”
“You left him, huh?” He sounded happy at the news. “So now you’re at Kat’s?”
“Yes, but only until I can find a job and get us a place to live…” I trailed off. When he said nothing for a few seconds, I thought I’d lost him. “Hello?”
“I’m still here.” He paused and then cleared his throat. “Look, this is BS. You’re not going to stay with Kat. You and Dani, pack up your things and go to my place.”
“What?” There was no way I could live in the same house as him. “We can’t do that, Danny. That’s ridiculous.”
“What’s ridiculous about it? My house is big enough, plus it will give me more time to spend with Dani. That’s what we want, right?”
“Well, I guess…”
“It’s only for a while, right? Until you find something. Believe me, I have more than enough room for you two. This way, you guys have your own space to do what you want, I can spend more time with Dani, and we’ll see what we can do about these ballet classes she wants to go to.”
“I don’t know, Danny…”
The last thing I could do was live with him. What was he trying to do, torture me? But what he said was true. This arrangement would give him more time with Dani, and I wouldn’t have to lose any. In addition, I wouldn’t feel pressured to find a job as soon as possible in order to get out of Kat’s small apartment.