Promise Me Always

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Promise Me Always Page 22

by Rhonda Shaw


  Not long after Danny’s destruction of me in front of what seemed like the entire universe, I’d kept going, determined to move past the heartache and avoid the precarious edge I was toeing, but the following week, the final shove arrived in the form of a simple white envelope. A simple white envelope containing only a few slaying words. An integral part of the application process at Juilliard, the letter informed me, was the audition. If I couldn’t perform, then I couldn’t apply, and if I couldn’t apply, then I couldn’t request financial aid. They welcomed me to re-apply later on, allowing sufficient time for my injuries to heal, but perhaps next year. Next year. Not next week, next month, or as soon as you can. Next year…what a joke. I wouldn’t be around next year, if I had anything to say about it.

  I’d lost the two loves of my life in two short weeks, for reasons unknown. I’d even lied about Terrell and his group assaulting me, hoping to preserve a future for Danny and me. But that had all been for naught. I had nothing…no hope, no dreams, no wants, and therefore, nothing to live for.

  I now understood what my father must have felt in those final days before deciding to take his own life. The despair, the anguish, the hopelessness. The darkness…the utter complete darkness. There was no light in anything anymore, no reason to face the day. Nothing to put a smile on my face, a song in my heart, or a spring in my step. There was…nothing.

  Rolling over to my back, I gazed through bleary eyes at the ceiling. My head pounded from lack of food and water, but I didn’t care and tried to ignore the growing headache. The throbbing became unyielding, however, demanding attention, and I pushed up and plodded into the bathroom. My body ached from head to toe, and I refused to look at my reflection in the mirror, knowing what would face me—unwashed, tangled hair falling over red, splotchy skin surrounding sunken and dull eyes too big for my long, thin face.

  I opened the medicine cabinet in search of painkillers, and finding none, moved to the drawers, opening all of them. As I searched through each one, I pulled items out, tossing them on the sink, desperate to find relief from the incessant pounding and allowing me to retreat into my dark, silent world. Grabbing a tampon, I stared at the pretty, purple satin wrapper as my brain struggled to push a coherent thought past the pain. When it registered, I jerked upright. I counted back in my head, trying to remember my last cycle. Unable to recall even the last time I’d eaten, I turned and stumbled, before heading into the kitchen where a calendar hung on the wall.

  I yanked it off the nail, not caring when it ripped, and sat at the table staring at the small squares outlining the days of the week. When I recollected nothing, I went back a month and then another. Nothing came, and I leaned back in the chair, puzzling it out. Perhaps I’d screwed up my cycle because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I’d heard losing too much weight caused irregularity or stoppage altogether. Or, maybe it was…

  The answer hit me in a flash. Like a burst of lightning, I remembered the day in Danny’s apartment, our last time together without protection, and words of regret afterward.

  “Omigod.”

  Jumping up from my chair, my body protesting the rapid movements, I rushed into the shower. After drying off, I threw on whatever clothes I found lying about, unconcerned if they were clean or not, and pulled my wet hair into a ponytail. I grabbed my purse and hurried to the drug store down the street, ignoring my aching legs.

  I returned and ran into the bathroom with the two purchased pregnancy tests. I followed the directions and then sat on the tiled floor, leaning against the bathtub with the test in my hand, waiting for the results. Either way, my life was going to change. If positive, I was going to have a baby; negative, I was succeeding in destroying myself.

  Opening my eyes, I took a deep breath and turned over the plastic stick. The word “pregnant” glowed at me, bright and blue. I stared, unsure of how to react, before breaking into a wide smile. I laughed and then cried.

  I could envision it; a life with Danny’s child, giving me love and happiness, and keeping his spirit in my life. Having the baby would remind me of the love we’d shared, and not the ugly way we’d ended. We’d had something beautiful, and from that, created a new life.

  Even though he’d destroyed my life, without knowing it, he’d given me a reason to live.

  * * *

  “I can’t believe you’re up and out of bed, and even showered,” Kat commented as she walked into the apartment. “When you called, asking me to come over, I wasn’t sure what I would find.”

  I bounced on my feet, unable to contain my excitement. “You will never believe what’s happened.”

  “Did you hear from Juilliard again?”

  “No, it’s better than that.”

  I sprinted out of the room to grab the test, holding it behind my back.

  Kat frowned. “Better?”

  I smiled as I held up the pregnancy test.

  “Pregnant? Girl, who’s pregnant?”

  “I am.”

  Her eyes widened. “You are? What?”

  I nodded and sat on the couch. “Yeah, I realized today I hadn’t had my period in a while, and when I thought about it, I remembered it was right before one of the last times with Danny.”

  Kat collapsed down next to me in shock. “It’s D’s?”

  “Of course, it’s his. Who else’s would it be?”

  “No, I know.” She waved her hand. “I’m sorry, girl. You caught me off guard. Pregnant? Wow. So, what are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to have it.”

  “Gabby, how are you going to do that? A single mother and all that...”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out, but I’m not giving up this baby. No way.”

  “Gabby—”

  “No!” I jumped off the couch, interrupting the lecture sure to come. “I don’t care what you think or what you say. I want this baby. I need this baby.”

  “Okay, honey.” She stood and put her hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay. I understand. I only want what’s best for you. If this is what you want, then okay. Let’s do it. I’ll help with whatever you need.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course. You’re my girl!” She pulled me into a hug.

  “Thanks.”

  Kat gave my shoulders another squeeze, before releasing me. “So, what do you want me to do?”

  “I could use help telling Danny.”

  Her smile fell, and she sighed. “Honey, this isn’t going to bring D back, you need to realize that. He’s gone.”

  “I know.”

  She raised one brow. “Do you?”

  “Of course, but he still deserves to know. It is his child.”

  “All right.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll help you put something out on Facebook, or we can try to text people who can get in touch with him, but only if you promise not to break down if you don’t hear from him.”

  “I promise.”

  “Okay, let’s do it. So, have you thought about names yet?”

  “Oh, I already know what the name will be, regardless if it’s a boy or a girl.”

  “Really? What?”

  I beamed. “Danny.”

  Chapter 29

  ~ Gabrielle ~

  Present Day

  Even weeks after my reconciliation with Danny, I was still in a state of disbelief mixed with cautious optimism. Never in a million years would I have ever guessed we would be in the same room again, especially with his newfound fame, let alone back together. I never would have believed he still loved me, as I him, and that he wanted me in his life. After learning the truth, I was leery and a little reluctant to admit everything was perfect, but it was hard not to since, for once, all felt right in the world. After moving my belongings from the guestroom, we’d sat down with Dani and explained what we could to her, and the final piece to us becoming a family unit fell into place. Everything was coming together as I’d dreamed, but never dared to wish for, fearing the pain of holding out hope for something so hopeless
.

  Now I had to get my head around the sheer size of Danny’s wealth and stardom. Sure, I’d known he was successful, but I never understood what that amounted to. When he revealed the staggering dollar amounts in all his accounts, I could only gape. He seemed so much the same guy as in the past, with nothing more than worn jeans and threadbare t-shirts, that it was crazy to think how much his life had changed. Overnight, I went from having to count my pennies to not having to give them a second thought. It was a little overwhelming.

  Another thing I was uncomfortable with was the attention. Everywhere he went, people stared, or approached asking for autographs, wanting to talk to him or touch him. He took everything in stride—even though the hype sometimes drove him crazy—but he appreciated his fan base and tolerated it. Relieved Dani and I weren’t the ones they all wanted to be around, I kept us out of the spotlight and away from the crowds, and thankfully, his fans didn’t care. If the focus continued to avoid us, then it wouldn’t be so bad.

  Walking into the kitchen with Dani in tow, I turned on the small television hanging on the wall by the refrigerator, as I tried to decide what to make for lunch. I dug in the fridge, the newscasters’ voices just noise in the background until Dani squealed.

  “That’s you, Mommy!”

  I popped my head around the door and frowned. “What’s me?”

  She pointed at the show. “You were on the TV.”

  My frown deepened as I turned my attention to the news. A reporter was finishing a story on Danny, showing a video of him performing, followed by footage of him walking through the airport with swarms of cameras surrounding him.

  “There is little known about this new lady in DOA’s life, but we have reports indicating she has in fact moved in with him, and they have a daughter together. Many believe the woman may be the love of his life, Gabrielle Wells, whom DOA has mentioned in the past, saying she’s in every one of his songs, which is interesting when you consider some of his lyrics. We’ll stay on top of this story and report what we find out. For Your Entertainment News, this is Amanda Geddings. Back to you, Carol.”

  I stood stock-still in the middle of the kitchen, unable to believe my ears. Stay on top of this story? Report back? Why? How was I news? I stared at Dani.

  “They showed a picture of me?”

  “Yeah, of you and Daddy.”

  I couldn’t remember any time being out with him and having our picture taken. Unease settled over me when I realized how easy it was to take a photo of me and plaster it all over the place without me being aware. He’d warned me, but I never believed it would come to this, that our relationship would be a story on the news. Dani hadn’t been with us, thank God. The last thing I wanted was to have her photo splashed everywhere, but that was probably only a matter of time.

  I tried not to let the unwanted attention bother me, even though it made me feel tense and uneasy, hoping the misplaced fascination with me would blow over. Maybe if I didn’t make a big deal about things, we would become old news and blend into the background once again.

  That didn’t happen, as only a few days later, while reading the paper in the morning with my coffee, I came across another story about us, and this one gave me pause.

  The piece confirmed I lived with Danny and we had a daughter of the same name. It highlighted our past, recounting our time together in high school before separating and now reconciling six years later. There were specific details about my dancing for Ms. Greiger’s in the city, proclaiming me an accomplished ballet dancer with dreams of going to Juilliard, only for my plans to change drastically; most likely due to my unplanned pregnancy, they ventured.

  Quotes from unnamed sources discussed how many had wondered how someone like me, a woman pure and wholesome, could be with a man like Danny. Continuing in the same tone, the article speculated how a mother of a young girl could allow her child to be around the negative influence of Danny, his music, and his known drug abuse, even if he was the father. The author speculated that perhaps my intentions were less than innocent, only looking to cash in because someone of my conservative nature would never be attracted to Danny’s harsh and vulgar interpretation of life. Many opined that money and fame stood behind this sudden reconciliation.

  My mouth dropped open from shock, and the more I read, the angrier I got. Who were they to comment on what I thought or how I felt? How did they know why I was with Danny, when I had never said two words to any of these people? Who were these unnamed sources who thought they knew us so well?

  The constant projection of Danny into such a dark light made me sick, everyone assuming that whatever he talked about in his songs must reflect his personal life. If he sang about being a maniacal murderer, it didn’t mean he was one, or would be one day; similar to an actor playing a murderer in a movie didn’t mean he would actually kill somebody in real life. The whole “angel lured in by the devil” storyline was getting annoying.

  I sat stewing over the article, not hearing when Danny walked into the kitchen.

  “Morning, baby.”

  I jerked up and shut the paper, shoving it to the side. “Good morning.”

  Reaching into the cabinet for a mug, he frowned at my reaction. “You okay?”

  “What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Great.” I cringed at my overly cheerful tone. “Uh, what do you have planned for the day?”

  He placed the cup on the counter and stood on the opposite side of the island. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing’s going on.”

  “Then why are you all jumpy?” He glanced down at the newspaper. “What was in there?”

  “Nothing.”

  He reached for it and watched as my eyes widened. “Then you won’t mind if I take it with me to read?”

  I slouched with a groan. “Fine. There was an article I didn’t appreciate.”

  “About?” He opened the paper, searching for the story in question.

  “You and me.”

  His gaze flicked up and passed over my face before he lowered his elbows to the countertop, the sleeves of his black shirt straining against the bulge of his biceps. I watched him, waiting for any signs of anger or disgust as he read to himself.

  He finished and refolded the paper, going back to his coffee with no reaction.

  “You have nothing to say?”

  He shrugged. “Nothing that hasn’t been said before.”

  I walked around to his side. “Danny, how can the things they say about you not bother you?”

  “It doesn’t.” When I continued to stare at him like he was crazy, he leaned against the counter. “Look, there’s nothing I can say or do to get everyone to like me or say nice things. So, I don’t try, and I don’t let it bother me. They’re paid to write their opinions, and that’s what they do, regardless of whether they’re right or not.”

  “But they’re saying I’m with you because of your money! Or that you’re a bad influence for Dani.”

  “And they’ll continue to say those things.”

  “I don’t…how can you…you’re not going to…” I broke off, not knowing what to say, not understanding how he wasn’t as upset about this as I was.

  “Look.” He put his mug down and reached out, wrapping a hand around my nape to tug me closer. “People are always going to say something, and the majority of the time, it isn’t going to be positive. We’re in the limelight now, whether we want to be or not, and you can’t let it get to you. You and I, we know what the real story is, and that’s all that matters. Now, if you agree with whatever it is they’re saying, then we have a different problem, but as long as you and I are on the same page, then that’s all that counts.”

  “But you could say something and maybe change—”

  “You can’t change people’s opinions about me or us, baby,” he said.

  “But…” I sighed. He was right. Even if I corrected one person’s misconceptions, there would be another in line right behind them. “It makes me mad, the things they say, especially about you.�


  He smiled. “And that’s one of the things I love about you. You’re my strongest defender. Nobody wants to mess with you once you’re riled up.”

  I smirked and swatted at him. “Stop it, I’m serious.”

  He tightened his arms and pulled me against his chest, touching his lips to my forehead. “I’m serious too. I love that you want to defend me, but there’s nothing we can do. It’s just the way it is.”

  “Well, it sucks. And I don’t like when they bring Dani or me into the picture. It’s none of their business.”

  “It sucks, and it’s not right, but we can’t stop it.” He leaned back and his eyes softened. “This is the way it’s going to be, baby. If you don’t want to be a part of this, then you need to walk away now. That’s the only way to separate yourself from this. Even then, it will never be one-hundred-percent because of Dani.”

  I hesitated. I didn’t like it, and I really didn’t like exposing Dani to it. Would it always be this way? Or would the fuss die down? I’d just gotten Danny back in my life, and now had the family I’d wished for. Was I going to walk away from everything because of something out of our control? It had to subside at some point. We weren’t that exciting.

  I took a deep breath. “I don’t want to leave. I’ll figure out a way to deal with it.”

  He heard my uncertainty and raised a brow. “You sure?”

  I forced a smile. “Yes.”

  He gave a dramatic swipe at his brow. “Phew! I was going to have to write a letter to the editor if you said you were leaving me.” He hooked his arm around my neck and pulled me in for a quick kiss. “Don’t let it get to you, G. We’re bigger than that.”

  “I know, I know.”

  ~ Danny ~

 

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