“Hey, gorgeous,” he said, which brought a stab of pain along with a smile. “How are things going? Have you seen your mother yet?”
Oh, Brody, I wish you were here with me. You would make everything so much better. I love you so much and I don’t think I’ll ever get over you. Tears filled her eyes, but she blinked them away. “Yes.” Her voice came out scratchy, so she cleared her throat.
“How’d it go?”
Believe it or not, it was almost as bad as talking to your mother. Holding back a derisive laugh at the thought, she frowned. “Okay, I guess.” She recounted the conversation she had had with her mother, ending with, “I’m going to visit her doctor and see if I’m a match.”
“What? You’re actually thinking of donating a part of your liver?”
“She’s my mother, Brody.”
“Not much of one,” he murmured.
Yeah, like your mother is so great. “Still, I want to at least know.”
“Are you going to tell her that you’re doing that?”
Reese didn’t hesitate. “No. I don’t want to get her hopes up.” Plus if I change my mind, I don’t want her to know I was thinking about it.
“Okay.” Brody paused. “I want to come out there and be with you.”
I’d love that. So much. But I can’t do it. I can’t say good-bye again. “Thanks, but I probably won’t even be here that long.”
“So you’ll be headed back here soon?” Hope was clear in his voice.
“Uh, yeah.” Liar! Coward! You need to tell him it’s over.
“I know you’ve only been gone a few days,” he said, “but I already miss you so much.”
“I miss you too.” Not a lie that time, but you’re just making it harder on both of you by dragging this out.
They talked for a while longer, and though the knowledge that she had to tell him it was over was ever-present in her mind, Reese couldn’t bring herself to broach the subject. After they disconnected, Reese checked her email and was pleased to see a reply from Seth.
He told her that he had thought she might want to talk to their mother’s doctor, so he had already gotten the man’s contact information. He gave it to her, then thanked her for letting him know how their mother was doing. Reese hadn’t told him her real reason for wanting to talk to Diane’s doctor—to see if she would be a match. And if it turned out she was, she would have to think long and hard about whether she was willing to donate a piece of her organ after all.
First thing the next morning, Reese drove to the office of her mother’s doctor. Knowing they were probably booked up completely, she hoped if she showed up there in person, the doctor would have a few minutes to talk to her.
“My mother’s a patient here,” she said to the woman who sat behind the tall counter. “I know you can’t talk to me about her specifically, but I wanted to see how I could find out if I would possibly be a match to donate part of my liver to her.”
The woman smiled warmly at Reese. “I’m sorry to hear that your mother is sick. Let me just check something here.” She clicked around on her computer for a moment, then looked at Reese. “We actually had a cancellation this morning, so if you can wait for about an hour, I’ll see if Dr. Bingham can meet with you.”
“That would be great. Thank you so much.” Reese gave the woman her name, then took a seat in the waiting room.
Three hours later, Reese finished getting her blood drawn. She had met with her mother’s doctor, and though he hadn’t been able to reveal anything about her mother’s case, he had told her he could order a blood test to at least determine if she had the right blood type. She had explained to him that she wasn’t planning on telling her mother that she had come in, and he had agreed not to say anything to her either.
“I’m not sure if I’d even be able to go through with it,” Reese had told him. “But I at least want to know if it’s a possibility.”
“If your blood test indicates a match,” he had said, “you’ll need to decide your intentions before we proceed any further. The rest of the testing is more involved and there’s no point in going through all that if you’re not going to follow through.”
Reese had told him she understood, and he said he would let her know the results of her blood test in a day or two.
Now, as she walked out of the clinic, the idea of donating a piece of her liver didn’t seem so crazy, and she hoped she would be a match. With renewed optimism, she decided to go see her mother, hopeful they would have a better visit than they had had the day before.
Four
Striding with confidence, Reese found it easier to approach her mother’s trailer since she had broken the ice the day before. And even though her mother had been rude at moments, she had said that Reese could come back.
On her way over she had bought some fresh soup, hopeful that her mother would appreciate the gesture.
After a strong knock on the door, Reese waited for her mother to answer. And waited, and waited. Worried that something was wrong, Reese peered through a tiny gap in the curtains, but couldn’t really see anything.
She knocked a second time, and when she finally heard footsteps approaching on the other side of the door, she steeled herself for what condition her mother would be in. Fearful that her mother had fallen off the wagon, her gaze was riveted to the door, and when her mother yanked it open with a shouted, “Who the hell is it?” Reese couldn’t help but smile. No alcohol odors emanated from her.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Oh,” her mother said as her voice softened the tiniest bit. “You came back.”
“Of course I did. I wanted to see how you’re feeling today.” She lifted the container of soup. “And I brought you something to eat.”
Diane’s gaze dipped to the container in Reese’s hands before looking at Reese. “Oh.”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” Her mother stepped out of the way, and Reese walked inside.
Wondering what had taken her mother so long to answer the door, Reese asked, “Were you asleep?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Just wondering.” She glanced toward the kitchen. “Are you hungry? You can eat some of this now, if you want.”
A small smile turned up the corners of Diane’s mouth. “Yeah, I am.” Then she turned and went into the tiny kitchen, which was just off of the living room.
Following her, Reese glanced around the space where she had spent so much time as a child, and was beyond relieved that she was no longer dependent on her mother. And even though her own home was quite humble, it was hers.
Reese set the soup on the counter. “Do you have a bowl?”
A slight scowl replaced the smile. “You know where everything is. You lived here long enough.”
Feeling foolish, Reese smiled. “Right.” Then she went to the cupboard where the bowls had always been kept and took one out.
Her mother frowned. “Aren’t you going to eat too?”
She hadn’t eaten in hours and her stomach rumbled in response. “If you don’t mind me joining you.”
“Some company would be nice for a change.” Her mother’s voice was gruff, but her answer belied her tone.
Making no comment, Reese parceled out the soup into two bowls, then set them, along with spoons, on the table. A moment later they sat across from each other and began eating.
“Where are you living nowadays?” her mother asked after a few moments.
Reese knew Seth had broken the news that she and Josh had divorced, but she didn’t know what else he had told their mother about her life.
“I’m trying to decide where to settle,” Reese said, then she blew on the soup she had scooped up with her spoon. Wanting to get a conversation going, Reese told her mother how she had visited Malibu and then gone to Yellowstone. She didn’t mention Brody. What was the point when her mother would never meet him?
“Sounds like you’ve become quite the traveler.”
Not according to Grace Ford. Trying not to t
hink about Brody’s mother and her low opinion of her, Reese nodded. “It’s been nice to go places I haven’t been before.”
“I never got to do much of that,” her mother said. “Not once I got mixed up with your father and had you and Seth.”
This is the first real conversation I’ve had with her in years. Maybe ever. Thrilled by the prospect of actually building a relationship with her mother, Reese couldn’t hold back a smile. “Maybe you can do some traveling now.”
“Don’t be an idiot, Reese.”
Her good feelings towards her mother dimmed, but she didn’t let her mother’s rudeness extinguish them.
Her mother frowned. “I’m dying, remember?”
Not if I can give you part of my liver. Keeping that information to herself was important—no reason to get her hopes up. But she could still offer encouragement. “You never know, Mom. You might be able to beat this.”
“You always did have your head in the clouds,” her mother murmured as she lifted her spoon to her mouth.
“Sometimes dreaming is what keeps us going.”
Setting her spoon down with a clang, her mother’s scowl returned. “And just where have your dreams gotten you? Divorced at twenty-four, aimlessly skating through life. Come on, Reese. You’re no better than the rest of us.”
Hurt and discouraged, Reese stared at her bowl of soup. I never said I was.
“I’m tired,” her mother said.
Taking the hint, and ready to not be around the negativity her mother radiated, Reese stood. “I’ll let you sleep.”
“Thanks for the soup,” her mother said, but she didn’t move from the table.
Reese let herself out of the mobile home and trudged back to her RV, feeling worse than when she had arrived.
Five
When Brody called that afternoon, Reese needed the pick-me-up of hearing his voice. After she had driven back to the RV park where she was staying, she had turned her attention to her photography business, but had found it hard to focus.
When she saw Brody’s image on the screen of her phone, she pushed aside thoughts of breaking it off with him and eagerly answered.
“I had a blood test this morning,” she told him after his greeting. “And if we match, I’m going to do it. I’m going to give her part of my liver.”
“Oh, wow. Really? Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I think so.
“You’re amazing, Reese. Do you know that?”
After the harsh words her mother had spoken, Brody’s reassurance meant everything. “Thank you.”
“Hey, I have something I want to send you. Can you tell me where you’re staying?”
Not seeing the harm in that, and knowing it would be awkward to refuse, she told him the name of the RV park where she was staying.
“Great. I’ll get that sent off before you leave.” He paused a beat. “Now that you’ve taken the blood test, have your plans changed? On coming back to Malibu, I mean.”
She didn’t want to promise something she couldn’t deliver, so she hedged. “Let me see what the test results are first, and then I’ll know more.”
“Fair enough.”
They spoke for a while longer, and then he said he had some things to take care of. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Reese?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I…I love you too.” How can I not say that? But how will I convince him to let me go if I keep telling him I love him? Confused and upset, Reese finished the call, then she lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling as her thoughts spun and collided.
An hour and a half later, as she worked on her laptop, a knock sounded on the door of her RV. Assuming it was the camp host, although she didn’t know why they would be stopping by, she set her laptop on the couch beside her and went to the door. But when she swung the door outward, it wasn’t the camp host. It was Brody.
Reese’s mouth fell open, but her heart leapt with joy, and without thinking it through, she rushed down the steps of her RV and flung herself into his embrace. His arms closed around her and she buried her face in his neck. Breathing in his masculine scent and savoring the security of being in the circle of his arms, she snuggled closer.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he said next to her ear.
Emotions barreling through her, she couldn’t help herself as she said, “I’ve missed you too. I can’t believe you’re here.” Then she realized what this meant. How could she break if off with him if he was here? In front of her? It would make it so much harder.
I’m not going to think about that right now.
She pulled back and looked at him, a wide smile on her face. “You weren’t really going to send me anything, were you?”
He laughed. “Technically, I sent myself.”
She took his hand and led him into her RV where they sat side by side on her small couch. Pushing aside thoughts of ending their relationship, Reese held Brody’s hand with both of hers. “I can’t believe you’re here.” Smiling brightly, she laughed. “Yes, actually, I can. Especially after you followed me hundreds of miles to Yellowstone. I shouldn’t be at all surprised that you came here.” Which means it’s going to be that much harder to convince you to let me go. Holding back the frown that tried to push its way onto her mouth, Reese said, “When did you decide to come?”
Brody lifted one of her hands to his lips and kissed it. “Last night after I talked to you.” He smiled warmly. “I could tell you were feeling down, so it wasn’t hard to decide to come out and be with you.” He pointed in the general direction of where he had parked his rental car. “I brought my laptop, so I can work when you’re busy with your mom.”
He makes it sound like he’s going to be here a while. Not sure if she should be glad or dismayed, Reese said, “Sounds like you have it all planned.”
He stroked her face. “I just want to support you in whatever you decide to do. That’s all.”
He’s the sweetest man alive. As she thought about ending things with him, her heart lurched. Either I’m crazy for even considering ending things, or I’m the most selfless person on earth. Regardless, she knew it would be the most painful thing she would ever have to do.
“So,” Brody said, “when do I get to meet this mother of yours?”
Six
Brody could see right away that his suggestion to meet Reese’s mother had been unexpected.
“Uh,” she stammered. “I don’t know if she’s up to meeting you just yet.”
Her obvious reluctance to have him meet her mother bothered him, but he was relieved that at least she had been happy to see him. He had been worried that she would be angry that he had shown up uninvited after she had turned down his offer to come and be with her.
“You don’t think she’d want to meet the man you’re crazy in love with?” He had meant it as a joke, but the look on Reese’s face made him wonder if she had even mentioned him to her mother. “You haven’t told her about me, have you?”
Reese bit her lip, which was all the confirmation he needed. Not sure why that troubled him so much, Brody tried not to take it personally. Then a new question came to mind. His eyebrows bunched as he asked, “Have you told Seth about me?” He knew she adored her brother, and he had assumed she had told him about him.
“I just,” she began, “I haven’t had the chance to really talk to him yet. We’ve mostly talked about our mother.”
I guess that makes sense. Still, it disturbed him to know he wasn’t important enough to her for her to tell the very few people in her life about him. “You know,” he said, wanting to get his feelings out so they could move past this. “After I introduced you to my family, I think it’s only right that you do the same.”
A look of derision briefly showed on her face, but a smile quickly replaced it.
What was that all about?
“I’ll think about it,” she said, which didn’t satisfy Brody at all.
Reese hoped Brody would let it go at that. What would be the point in introducing him to her mother—or telling Seth about him—when she was going to end things soon? And him telling her that it was only fair because he had introduced her to his family didn’t fly at all. She had had no desire to meet his family. In fact, if she had never met his family, she would be blissfully unaware of the way his mother felt about her.
“You’re not hiding anything, are you?” Brody asked, his forehead creased.
Immediately defensive, Reese asked, “Why would you say that?” But she knew why, and she was ashamed to know that he had every reason to doubt her. Then she catalogued the secrets she was keeping from him. My father killed a man—at least according to Grace. I had a conversation with your mother about us, and she convinced me that I’m a liability to you. Therefore, I’m planning on ending things between us.
Guilt at her deception slid through her, making her want to fidget, but she held herself still.
Brody’s head tilted to one side. “Are you?” His tone made it clear that her evasive answer had only made him more suspicious.
She put a tone of incredulity into her voice. “Of course not.”
He gazed at her, his blue-green eyes shining with love. “Good. Because I can’t stand the idea that you don’t trust me enough to tell me the truth.”
Shame, hot and sharp, pierced her to the core. Tell him. Tell him what his mother did. That’s the only way through this.
Imagining his reaction to the news made Reese’s stomach churn. What if he confronts his mother? And of course he will. What will happen then? Will she cut him off from the family? I can’t be the cause of destroying his relationship with his family. I already know what it’s like to not have the support of your family. It’s not something I would wish on anyone, especially on the man I love.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, obviously sensing her turmoil. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”
Searching for Love: The Complete Story Page 29